Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Hash Trash 1544

(Ed note – Hola Hashers from Cancun - one assumes from the late arrival of the Hash Trash that the Assistant Trainee Scribe is either too busy or has been influenced by Do Me Twice and is also in need of Ms Spanky’s remedial English course. Anyway, here it is with a few edits.)

Hash 1544 was hosted by Brynne and Susan at Susan’s place in Vaoala. Quite a pack of hashers turned up in assorted red dress and Assistant Trainee Scribe wonders if the larger turnout might be partially due to the word on the grapevine that sushi was to be served along with other delightful morsels prepared by birthday girl Brynne.

The run took the pack up the hill to Le Spa’s turnoff, through a grassy patch onto Bank Street and then through a familiar trail down the river bank and up along a rocky path and then back up to Susan’s on the main road. The tireless Hare Ring Ring had managed to install some good false trails that kept the more fit on their toes.

Back at Susan’s it had started to rain by the time the last of the pack trailed in. Luckily, the big house offered ample space for all to move in and the circle was held inside the house with Eveready as GM.

There was only one new to hash - Karl from NZ brought by Rebecca.

New to Apia hash was Kath, who had a hash name that Assistant Trainee Scribe couldn’t hear (the house was noisy).

There were several rethreads too numerous to bother with but among them were Pro Boner, Snatch, David, Spanky, Swinger, Zsa Zsa, AJ, Marion, Snake and Skunk. Other than Spanky who claimed to have been busy entertaining the US Coast Guard, no one had any interesting excuse. They all drank.

There were no new boots although Wahoo’s shiny shoes again raised interest. (She drank from them two weeks ago!)

Screamer had failed to print out Poumuli’s carefully constructed list of celebrities and such but she did recall that Poumuli and David Sheppard had been in the paper for something on climate change. Wahoo and Screamer (who wanted everyone to note her sporting behaviour) drank on their respective behalves.

A long story then ensued as GM tried to convince everyone that Snatch was pregnant after a week in New York (how could that be sans Pussysnatcher?). No-one fully understood this but Snatch drank anyway.

Angela was then brought up by GM for apparently wearing a “german” dress that was made in China. She impressed with her German drinking skills.

The floor was opened for nominations and Lewinsky immediately nominated SOTB for catching the biggest fish of the season. Screamer was concerned it was endangered but this was soundly ignored.

Brynne drank for choosing a RED dress run when hosting at a SamoaTel home.

Pussysnatcher, Slippery and Captain Marc received best dress awards in that order - PS sported a “nothing-is-secret” slip dress, Slippery flitted in the perfect missionary dress and Marc floated in an elegant wrap complete with gardenia behind the ear.

Slippery then handed appropriately messaged T-shirts to assorted people “chief gardener”, “Samurai Spirit”, “Gemini Sass” and a “Hawaii” shirt. No prizes for guessing who got what. (Sorry, can only guess a few of them – will await the photos)

Slippery then drank for advertising Big Bear’s half price sale.

Birthday Girl Brynne was then given a Kamikaze Chef Award for rolling sushi in 35 foot waves on a boat (why would you, one might ask…but that’s our Brynne).

Tasha and Jade had been holding up the house for quite some time so GM invited them into the circle.

This was Psychadelic’s last hash before she departs for Perth so she drank and also thanked hash for making her stay in Samoa special.

Cockblocker had missed an appointment with the bone specialist but Lyndal had to join him for breaking doctor-patient confidentiality.

A discussion on avocados resulted in GM having to take a drink. Assistant Trainee Scribe really couldn’t hear very well but it seems he’s been hanging around Ring Ring’s avocados.

Snatch nominated Brazilian Wax and Angela for the High School Sweetheart award.

Lewinsky had been driving drunk again – to the point that he couldn’t remember doing it (he did safely deliver SOTB home though). Assistant Trainee Scribe again wonders at the positive reinforcement impacts here but knows she should simply hold her tongue.

Ring Ring, the most amazing hare, was thanked along with Hosts Susan and Brynne.

The birthday song was sung for Brynne and Pussysnatcher and the farewell song for Psychadelic.

The beautiful food was then consumed by the shovel-full.

On On

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Thanks Giving Hash Run 1545

Hi All,
Apologies for the late posting. Next weeks run will be hosted by Slippery at his home in Toomatagi/NUS. It will be a thanksgiving run and there will be 2 Turkeys on Monday :)

Seeing as we have 2 Turkeys, maybe the other hashers can bring a salad or something to go along with the food. There is no theme, but seeing as its our thanks giving run, you can dress up as a turkey if you want.

On another note, we need to discuss our Xmas hash run so if Miss-Management can get together at hash to discuss this.

Directions to Slipperys: Head up to Toomatagi/NUS Main gate, and go past the gate, Slipery's is the last house on the left hand side in the compound. Check the map for more details

On On

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Hash Run 1544

Morning All,
Hash Run 1544 will be hosted by Brynne and Susan from Susan's home in Vaoala. This will also be Brynne's Birthday Run and the theme is RED DRESS! So get your frocks ready and be prepared for a good run.

As per the norm, the Keg will be there and the run starts at 1730Hrs

Directions. Head up to Vaoala, just past poumuli's home and look out for Bernard Ave, after this turn off, there is a concrete driveway on the right hand side of the road, head up here to the orange house. Map is below too in case you dont know where to go

On On

Friday, November 19, 2010

Special Announcement - Pussysnatcher and Handyman B'day Party

Greetings Hashers

Pussysnatcher and Handyman are celebrating their Birthday's tonight in Vailima. If coming from town go past Manumea, the Carmelites, and then take the 1st right (see attached map). The party will be from 6PM til midnight. There will be lots of food and a keg, but bring some more drinks if you like. All of Hash is invited to this family event.

Of course Pussysnatcher will get an Advertisement Award for this, GM please take note.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Hash Trash 1543

The Hash was hosted by Wahoo and Poumuli at Wahoo’s Dad Norman’s property in Malololelei. Dawn Raid was the Hare, and much cooking assistance was provided by AC/DC. The run was set on paper and took the hashers through the unsealed tracks of the area, with some serious hills and several false trails. A major part of the trail, the Jungle Boogie as Dawn Raid put it, went down the cow path that we had utilized last year, but taking a different route through the thigh-high grass, resulting in much yelping as cuts were administered to bare legs by the unforgiving foliage. The walkers had been spared the ordeal and were sent down a short cut. While this was a fairly long and hard run, the milder temperatures at those heights helped and there were no heat strokes this time. Your Scribe was mopping up the rear of the pack so didn’t see who was leading or who was taking the false trails, but we will have some photos from Slippery posted.

Screamer stepped in as GM, and started by getting those new to Apia Hash to introduce themselves, and there was Patrick, brought by Tasha. There were many rethreads – Dizzy (back for a quick visit and Jazz), Slim Shady (slacker), Ninja (overseas), Vulture (has been away for 6 years in Solomons, Tonga and NZ), Blank Cheque, Dana, Pirate Princess and Slippery (seeing doctors in Oz).

The new shoes were so blindingly bright and obvious that Slim Shady couldn’t escape, and gargled the shoes clean. Celebrity Awards went to Sassygirl BJ (3 stories in the Observer, accepted on her behalf by SOTB), Snatch (Mum in Observer, article, accepted by Pussysnatcher), David (repeat of SPREP anniversary story), Psychadelic (photo in paper) and Brynne for doing the Samoa national anthem at an event.
This Day in History Awards went to all the UN employees in recognition of UNESCO being founded – Carin, Ophelie and Ninja. The GM invoked rule number 8(b) relating to soiling or peeing on the trail as a sign of disrespect to the Hare, which went to Ben and Mad Hatter (she was absent at that point). The GM also nominated a Hash Mere for her friendly cleaning skills in mopping up her flatmate’s puke after the last Hash – this went to Carin and Ophelie, who was showing some reminiscent discomfort at this point. Then the GM returned a bunch of Hashit (stuff left behind at previous Hash) to Do Me Twice and SOTB.

A special Georgie Porgy Pudding Award went to Cockblocker for making the girls cry. This reminded the GM that she had a further award for being a Whiny Bitch, after several hashers had commented on how much whining SOTB had made on his Facebook page about conditions in India, missing his Mum etc. Poumuli was then nominated for Stuntman of the Week Award for his numerous pratfalls during SPREP Sports Day, but primarily a slow motion fall with a Frisbee. Numerous invitations for a repeat demonstration were declined.

The GM spotted Marcus for leaning but also dobbed him in for leaving Samoa. Opening up for nominations, the GM recognized Ophelie who nominated CB for Reckless Behaviour in bringing tequila to Hash, which in fact had been purloined from the Host (one Screamer). CB tried the “I didn’t force you to drink it” defence, but lost. Pirate Princess nominated Dawn Raid for Reckless Endangerment of Children Award (mosquito coil section) for his placement of coils within burning distance of little people. Carin nominated Poumuli for messing up her name on the blog (its all been corrected now!).

SOTB tried to get an Imposter Award to Dana for wearing the same shirt as him, but the GM ruled that this must be tested. SOTB downed the award pronto, so imposter charge stuck (that’s a bit like testing witches by throwing them in a lake).
DMT wanted to award the Chicken Award to someone called Mortard (definition, hovering dangerously on the border between being a moron and a retard), and joined Dawn Raid in the award, with CB getting dobbed for swearing (it’s a Family Hash, CB). The reasoning provided by DMT was the Joker Face that Dawn Raid had painted on at the Jazz festival, making him too scary for the girls to dance with (wait a second, then the award should have gone to those too chicken to dance with him!).

The GM, in trying to regain control of the circle nominated Slim Shady for the Verbal Diarrhoea Award as background noise levels always get enhanced when she is at Hash. She tried a rebuttal about being snubbed by Screamer that failed. CB nominated his mate Joe for Worst Security Guard after progressively losing all of CB’s stuff on the beach. SOTB nominated the GM for a job well done, before the Hosts (Wahoo, Poumuli, Norman) and Hare (Dawn Raid) were saluted.

A feast of special pork and chicken BBQ, salads from Manumea and some other stuff was dished up on banana leaves. Unfortunately your Scribe tasted not an iota of this so let’s just hope it was edible.

Next week’s run will be hosted by Brynne and Susan at Susan’s place in Vaoala. It’s going to be a Red Dress Run, so check the blog for details. Screamer will be scribing next week, but may need assistance for the next three hashes, so volunteers please. Your Scribe is off to Mexico for three weeks.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Hash Trash 1542

Kia orana Hashers and thanks to all for the best wishes for the wedding, which turned out to be a memorable event. Your Scribe is now back from the honeymoon well rested and restored.

The Hash was hosted by Screamer at her place in Siusega. Ring Ring was the Hare which promised a tough run as usual, particularly since she was quite sweaty after setting the trail. It was on out the gate and down towards Tafaigata, turning off the main road, off some false trails, meandering through the back roads, through several people’s gardens and yards (did you all say thank you?), before returning us back via the main road to Tafaigata. It was a very hot day and due to the shimmering brilliance of the decision to introduce daylight savings time we were all over perspiring and desiring of Godfather’s sweet nuts. No one commented on the fact that we crossed our trail at one short point, but never mind.

Princess of Darkness was GM for this run, and she called on those new to Apia Hash to step forward. They had all been well-coached by their friends. They were Joe from NZ, on holiday with Cockblocker (recipe for disaster), Will from Oz, guest of Godfather, Wendy from Canada with Fang, Stacy from Bulaland with Screamer, and Lucy from British Columbia (that’s in Canada) here with Godfather as well. The Rethreads were SOTB (back from Bollywood sans 10 kg), Screamer and Just David (been to Japan), and they were joined by the non-confessing Alan and Mana.

No shoe inspector was needed to see the gleaming from Wahoo’s new shoes. Unfortunately they were so new the beer didn’t even drip out so it was a bit of hard struggle. Celebrity Awards went to Sassygirl BJ (front page Observer, taken by SOTB) and Snatch (TV and Observer, taken by closest living relative, or closest relatively living, CB).

The GM had a doozy of a nugget from this day in history. 8 Nov 1959 was the date of birth of infamous US pornographic film director Chi Chi Larue, whose credits included one called Do Me Twice – DMT front and centre! As she was wearing her sunglasses she came back for another one.

The returning honeymooning Hashers Wahoo and Poumuli looked too well rested according to the GM, who felt they should have looked more shagged out like her and Lewinsky, so a Gentle Enjoyment Award perhaps. The moment was shattered when Wahoo nominated Poumuli for a Injuring the Wife Award, for his careless manoeuvring of an airport trolley. A Leaning award went to Karaoke, Mana, Ring Ring, Fang and Tasha.
Poumuli noted that DMT had kindly offered her services as Assistant Trainee Scribe v.2 for last week’s run, however the Trash had arrived late. Being of a forgiving sort, this was not what the nomination was for, rather that this should be the Best Excuse Ever Award in that her reason for the delay was that her boat sank.
The GM spotted Will and Lucy smooching in the circle, which became a double for Will for starting too soon! The GM also had it in for the swimmers who had jumped in the pool before the circle (this is one of those rules that emanate from rule number 1 – the GM is always right). She called in a representative group of Angela, David, Dawn Raid, Wayne and then there is a beer stain on the notes.

CB nominated SOTB for the Extreme Weight Loss Award for shedding 10 kgs in India (actually with the amount of tummy bugs you can contract there its a miracle there was anything left of him). SOTB responded by getting a Slacker Award for Poumuli and Dawn Raid as he had beaten them back for the first time. The attempt to get this overturned on the technicality that we are not a sporting club was overruled by the GM.

Brazilian Wax was then nominated for Hammering His Own Finger Award (well he is a carpenter), which he had managed to do three successive times and turning his thumb a lovely putrescent shade of purple. DMT had forgotten to bring the Chicken Hat Award, but claimed she had been distracted by CB in order to bring the BBQ, which he vigorously countered, and to which DMT exclaimed in exasperation “Oh thanks Meow”, so it became a double. She will have to remember to bring it next week so it can be properly passed on.

The Host and Hare, Screamer and Ring Ring, were saluted before we descended on the BYO feast. Apparently loads of Hashers stayed on at Screamer’s past 2 AM, so this would need to be investigated for suitable awards next week.

Next week’s run will be up at Malololelei, hosted by Wahoo and Poumuli, with Dawn Raid as the Hare. Hopefully we will have cooler temperatures for the run up there!

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Hash Trash 1541

(Ed note - many thanks - I think - to Do Me Twice for attempting to scribe last week, given the state of despair over the boat and subsequent inebriation! What follows has been edited with a more sober brush, but many thanks again to our Assistant Trainee Scribe v.2, who should enroll in Spanky's remedial English class for 4th Grade.)

The Hash was hosted by Jay and Tasi at Why Not Bar in the new area they have just finished to the side of the bar which is awesome!

Eveready was the GM for the occasion. He first asked who was the scribe and of course that was Do Me Twice who went to give Ben the paper and a pen but of course was not prepared and had neither, so first down down went to DMT for not having pen and paper. At the same time Brynne was trying to stick up for her fellow Hash Mere, but as she was equally inebriated as DMT and called her something like Meow, Brynne also had to join.

The newbies where Peter from Italy who is working for the UN here for 6 months, and Marcus from NZ here for 2 weeks on holiday and was here 40 years ago and said a lot has changed...(Ed note – should have been a down down for stating the blindingly obvious!)

The retreads where Sassygirl BJ who had been overseas and working, and Jay (sorry no reason was written DMT sure as hell can’t remember what he said).
Susan was then spotted by the GM sitting and she said she was keeping Lynda company as she was unable to walk due to a scooter accident she had last week. A vote was taken and Susan took the Seated Hasher Award whilst looking at DMT with a death stare. Brynne was then caught leaning, and Jay was spotted earlier in new shoes but he went and changed them. Cockblocker was the observant informant and Jay had to take the down down.

Brynne, Titty Galore, Susan and DMT all got a down down for not doing the run and choosing the Melbourne cup lunch over Hash, but took it like champs, but by this time DMT and Brynne where almost falling over. Then Brynne gets another for being the best dressed, by this needing help from DMT to finish it. Dawn Raid was caught leaning. Hot Nuts got Halloween Festivities Absentee Award, for missing the party at the Yacht club and doing something lame... stayed home and watched a dvd? BORING!
Titty G launched into a long winded FBI-like story that had its inevitable ending in a self-inflicted down down, again assisted by DMT.

Snatch and Godfather got the Celebrity Award, but Snatch was not present so the closest relative was deemed to be Swinger. Natasha was given props for the weight loss she has accomplished, looking mighty fine, and a down down to congratulate her. The GM was very upset that at Poumuli and Wahoo’s wedding there was no diet coke, but as they were currently on your honeymoon Dawn Raid took it on their behalf.

(Ed note – at this stage the narration suffers from severe booze overdose, but it was possible to make out from the rambling that Rebecca and Angela got a Spud Manipulation Award, Ben’s attempt at giving Lynda a Clumsy Award for falling off the scooter backfired as he was the cause of the fall, Rebecca missed picking up her family at the airport, Lewinsky and Hot Nuts for having a private circle to discuss fishing, CB got Susan the Missing Husband Award – apparently lost him during the Halloween Party, then something about the Italians for bringing a Tight Ass to Hash. There was further confusion over the Chicken Award, but it apparently went to DMT. Finally Brynne did a Self-inflicted Backfire Award, and Carin for being too good a runner.)

CB and Jay where given down downs for Host and Hare.

On On

Do Me Twice

Monday, November 08, 2010

Hash run 1542

Kia orana to all. Monday 8th November Hash Run will be hosted by Screamer at her place in Siusega. See map for directions. This will be a BYO run so please bring some food for the table or the BBQ.

UPDATE: Please note that Screamer has also asked that you bring your own drinking vessel, so bring some plastic cups so you may enjoy the nectar of life. There may also be a need for a volunteer Hare!

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit