Thursday, June 27, 2013

Hash Trash 1679

The  Hash was hosted by the Nafanua crew at YNot, and they wanted to introduce paddling to Hash, so the run was a gentle but good one. Out the gate over the bridge past Aggie’s, we turned left by the old court house and up the road to the four corners. The paper was sparse, so it took a while before the FRBs actually found the trail, but this was simply to ensure maximum running for some of us. The trail led down the closed road to the UN office, then across to Vaiala and round the wharf back home. There was then a break from normal while two sets of three teams were assembled for some paddling exercise and a quick race. There were no obvious winners, but fun was had by the paddlers and those watching. 

SOTB, the GM had not run nor paddled, but had been over-seeing the keg, and was in fine fettle. Calling the circle to order, he ordered the newbies to report. First there was Eric from the US, here for some Bentin family matters, and claimed he was brought by someone called Same – Wortless took a down down for that. Then there was Peta, freshly married to Ali bin Shaggin, and Naomi brought by Desperate Housewife. The rethreads were Worthless, Dogfood, Kibble, David, Horny Ho, Ali bin Shaggin, Desperate Housewife and Anita.

Snake was brought in as Shoe Inspector, and at first he found none, but Chewbacca confessed and took it with aplomb, accompanied by Snake for his failure to launch. Celebrity Awards went to Elle McJR for Anthony (in paper), SOTB for Sassygirl BJ (in paper), Godfather for Uncle Fred (in paper) and Lewinsky for Hooker Lua (also in the Uncle Fred story).

This Day in History Awards went to Ali bin Shaggin (1374 – A sudden outbreak of St. John's Dance causes people in the streets of Aachen, Germany, to experience hallucinations and begin to jump and twitch uncontrollably until they collapse from exhaustion. Which is how he dances), Dawn Raid (1633 – The Holy Office in Rome forces Galileo Galilei to recant his view that the Sun, not the Earth, is the center of the Universe in the form he presented it in, after heated controversy. HE thinks he is that centre), Transporter for Gayboy (1978 – The rainbow flag representing gay pride is flown for the first time in the San Francisco Gay Freedom Day Parade) and Lewinsky (Monica Lewinsky’s birthday).

The GM turned his attention to some special awards, the first going to the Hasher who yet again managed to turn up without running shorts. Godfather had to borrow from SOTB, hence a Loosie Award. Then there was the Hasher who had got drunk waiting for the game to start, to the point of trying to get a BJ from his wife, trying to breastfeed, then spooning on the floor – Mongrel of the Week Award to Darren.

The GM had been chatting to Karaoke about her planned romantic trip to Paris with a relative, but she had been so worried that she would be stolen away from Eveready by some noncing Froggie that she didn’t go. This lead to some discussion, but in the end the Moustachiophobia Award for both seemed appropriate.

At last week’s run the GM sprained his ankle, and had been hoping for some TLC as a result, but then Alcatraz goes and sprains her. No Sympathy Award, joined by Xavier and Jordan for the Cripples of the Week Award. Of course we also had the heart-wrenching Manu Samoa game on the weekend, and surely no blue-blooded fan would bet against the team. Bastard Prick of the Week Award to Lewinsky, who would not even share his ill-gotten gains.

Nominations flowed fast, with Chewbacca nominating Pierre and Scott for their medals in the triathlon. Poumuli commenced his nomination with a tale of an overly concerned Hasher prepping his guests before the circle, but was interrupted by Snake who knew what was coming – Pre-emptive Strike Award.

Pierre wanted to revenge on Chewbacca, for shaming his village by losing a 100 metre sprint with a teenage girl, but got his name wrong so joined him in the Pansy Award. POD had been startled on Sunday at seeing Da Head at her door, telling a concerning tale of going to bed with his clothes on and waking up to find them gone. Conferring with Tallyho on the exact wording of rule 2, we were all deafened by the roar of “no poofters on the Hash”. Darren tried to get Lewinsky implicated with a tale of a cellphone and some pills, but the floor voted against this, and Darren go the Da Head Rape Award.
Swinger informed us that it was Anita and Chewbacca’s birthday. Poumuli was hungry after the run, but observed Hash Etiquette by not touching the bbq until after the circle, only to observe Dogfood, Kibble, Dawn Raid and SOTB break the etiquette, which earned them a Greedy Award.

We had all observed the enormous moon the last days, and we were informed by that eminent scientist Transporter that this was the closest the moon got to the earth, thus it would be appropriate that the closest thing we have to a werewolf in Hash – Chewbacca – got the Lon Chaney Award.

Eveready stepped forward to rid himself of the Angry Bird Award, which after some details that were missed apparently awarded it to Dumas. The Rooter Award has somehow been lost, so Prince took a down down for that. A farewell down down was give to Scott and Pierre, and then the Hosts and Hare were saluted – Dumas, Titty Galore, Transporter, Xavier, Crime, SOTB and Prince.

Desperate Housewife will be scribing, at least next week, as I will be away three Hashes. Next week there may well be some naming, and there will be election of a new Mismanagement. The run will be hosted by Darren and Ali.

Swinger reminded that the Perimeter Relay will be 31 August and invited interested runners to contact him. We were also reminded to sign up for the Father’s Day Hash in Savaii.
And then the food, what was left after the Greedies, was devoured.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Monday, June 24, 2013

Hash Run 1679 - Ynot Bar with Nafanua Paddling Team

Good Morning All,

Hope you have all had a great weekend and are back to the Mon-Fri grind. Tonight's run is being hosted by the Nafanua Paddling team at Ynot Bar in Matautu (Next to Paddles). The run tonight will be a mix of running and paddling, so bring a change of clothes in the event you "take a dip".

The run/paddle will start at 5:30pm. We will have our usual Nectar of life, softies and sweet nuts from Godfather.
Should you wish to party on like a rockstar afterwards, the Bar will also be open so you can continue on your Monday routine.

See you all there!

On On

Friday, June 21, 2013

Hash Trash 1678

The run was hosted by Hot Nuts, Nutcracker, Slim Shady and Weathercock at the compound belonging to Wahoo’s Great-Aunt in Moototua. The run apparently went along the narrow ledge down into the valley below and was so slippery that prayers for salvation could be heard all the way up the hill. Then there was a sneaky false trail, before setting the pack loose into Vailima and beyond to the point that the Hashers mostly sad bugger this and went on-home. Apparently that should have been up through the valley again. 

SOTB had been amongst those injured on the run, and if it wasn’t for his grim expression of pain a huge dose of schadenfreude would have been appropriate. Eveready therefore stepped in as GM, and called those new to Apia Hash forward. They were Ed who said he was from Santa Cruz, but looked like he came from the North Pole. There was Joe from NZ visiting Godfather, Andy and Steve from UK, medicos brought by someone called Bend, and Throbbing Gristle from Oz brought by Tallyho. The GM was deemed to be closest living relative to Chewbacca so he took the down down.
The Rethreads were numerous – Offspring, Imelda, Da Head, Ladyfinger, Dried Nuts, Dumas and Witch Doctor. The Shoe Inspector found that Throbbing Gristle had new shoes, but being uninitiated he was forced to do a double instead.

Celebrity Awards went to Slim Shady (on TV), Josh, Dumas and SOTB, with Weathercock stepping in for Hippy – don’t ask me why.

This day in history awards went to SOTB (632 – Yazdegerd III ascends to the throne as king (shah) of the Persian Empire. He becomes the last ruler of the Sassanid Dynasty), Witch Doctor (1648 – Margaret Jones is hanged in Boston for witchcraft in the first such execution for the Massachusetts colony), Poumuli (1907 – Norway gives women the right to vote), and Tallyho (1982 – The Falklands War ends: Argentine forces in the capital Stanley conditionally surrender to British forces).

The GM Paddling Award was discussed, in particular the dedication of leaving a fundraiser early to stay in shape, and coming in 2nd in the race – Slim Shady and Prince. The Acting GM awarded the What Happened Award to the GM, as he obviously had run out of the luck provided by Tallyho’s found horseshoe.

On Saturday night there had of course been a glorious win by Manu Samoa over the pasta-eaters, so the closest thing to an Italian that the GM could find was Offspring. On the other side, the dress code was being adhered to (rugby attire) so the GM rewarded Swinger, Darren, Ali, Dawn Raid, Ashley and Da Head.

Opening up for nominations, Sassygirl BJ was right off the blocks with an award for over-performance on the run, Godfather and Dave. Slim Shady gave the Windbag Award to Weathercock for blowing up the balloons, that then blew up. Snake nominated Titty Galore and Dumas for advertising. Witch Doctor had taken one of the hotel guests to YNot, only to be confronted with a happily drunk patron peeing all over the floor. This one went to Dumas, the two poms and Lewinsky.
Sassy gave a Good Samaritan Award to Darren and one of the Poms for looking after the car keys while the GM gave some sort of dancing award to Lewinsky. Darren, having caught his breath, gave a Poor Sportsmanship Award (Golf) to Transporter and Elle McJr. There was a latecummer and birthday award for Overstayer and Josh, while SOTB gave Dawn Raid one for impersonating a doctor.

The Angry Bird Award went from Swinger to Eveready who apparently had been angrily spilling wine, while the Rooter Award went to Prince for In Root We Trust. The Hosts were saluted as the Hare had legged it. We enjoyed a great feast!

Next week's run is at Ynot with the paddlers

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Fathers Day Hash Run - Expression of Interest

Hi Apia Hashers, See message below from Overstayer if you have not yet received this by email. If you are interested, please let us know. 
 You can email Overstayer at
megan bradney as well as mismanagement so we have an idea of numbers and what to order for the run!

Calling for an expression of Interest!

FATHER DAYS HASH IN SAVAI’I at Stevensons!!!!!

When? 10-12th August. Saturday afternoon run.

How much?? Fales- $100/person/hash night inc dinner and breakfast (Dinner is covered by the hosts) and $120/night the following night inc dinner and breakfast…. We still have some suites available for any up market types.

Why spend your long weekend any other way!! Your hash family wants your support!!!

The hotel is filling up quickly already with regular guests, so if anyone interested can please let me know ASAP so that I can hold the rooms for us….

On On!

Friday, June 14, 2013

Hash Trash 1677

Kia Ora from Aotearoa. The Hash was yet again unable to find a host, so it was decided by Mismanagement that a run from the Apia Yacht Club was in order. It was a rather windy affair though when we arrived. SOTB had been dispatched as the Hare, and we had expected a leisurely stroll after the troll but were bitterly disappointed. The bugger had laid some very intricate false trails. As we started out from the Club, down the seawall towards the Met Office, we had the breeze in our back do fierce it pushed us along. Around the corner at the tip we thought we’d either go through the mudflats and mangroves (but no footprints!), or through to the legislative buildings (no sign of a bulky body making any moves through the reeds), so it was back to the road and down on the other side of Mulinuu. We got to the Sogi road where AC/DC had set a run, but it was another falsie. Then in was into town, up towards Farmer Joes, over to Lucky’s down to the Cop Shop, then on home.
At the Club, SOTB gathered the steaming throng for the Hash Circle. Those new to Apia Has included Robert from NZ (of car in trench fame) brought by Snake and Skunk, Papaga from Hawaii who is moving here, brought by Cockblocker, Marcus, Anthony and Megan. The rethreads required two rounds and included Ozzy Osbourne, Titty Galore, Skunk, Crime, Chewbacca and a heap others.
Ozzy was appointed Shoe Inspector, but as he hadn’t been running rather inspecting the keg, he found none, so was made to drink. Celebrity Awards went to Snatched (mum in paper, taken by closest living relative CB), Robert (story in paper on his car in the ditch), Sexpot (Westpac advertising) and Uncle Fred (in paper, taken by Godfather).

This Day in History Awards went to Poumuli (793 – Vikings raid the abbey at Lindisfarne in Northumbria, commonly accepted as the beginning of the Scandinavian invasion of England), Papaga (obviously Irish - 1832 – Asian cholera reaches Quebec, brought by Irish immigrants, and kills about 6,000 people in Lower Canada), Tallyho (1971 – The United States Supreme Court overturns the conviction of Paul Cohen for disturbing the peace, setting the precedent that vulgar writing is protected under the First Amendment), SOTB for Alcatraz (1971 – The U.S. Government forcibly removes the last holdouts to the Native American Occupation of Alcatraz, ending 19 months of control).
The GM Awards started out with a Humiliation Award to any with Scots ancestry for the weekend rugby thrashing – Lewinsky, Godfather, Poumuli and Scott. Then Anthony was brought on for a Celebration Award on behalf of Samoa. Turning to the run, a Mere had shortcutted and ran so fast back she caught the hare, and proceeded to steal the GM’s cup – why was the Hare wearing a cup? Award to Shelly.

Then there was the kids fishing tourney over the weekend where some bigger kids had joined in and had bullied the smallers into submission, wouldn’t share home turf info – so Lewinsky got the Fighting Out Of His League Award. 

Sassygirl BJ nominated Eveready for the Hero of the Day for bringing the BBQ, and after some debate as to whether CB could be implicated, Eveready took it. Elle McJr had been paddling in the tourney, so Anthony wanted to give him an award, forgetting that we have been over this ground, or water, for the last two weeks. Anyway, names being used wrongly resulted in a double – for Elle expressing the intent to chariot-ride.

Chewbacca got on a rant about his assistants quitting a rugby game to go and chase Peace Corps girls, getting lucky, then one of the girls eating all the food. This Jack Splat Award went to Scott, but Chewie joined him for the FBI-like lengths of the telling. Sexpot had been reading the papers, and the apparent crisis of the tourism industry, so the cheer up the situation he offered an award to all those involved in the sector, and these were POD, Overstayer, Wahoo and Sassy. Tallyho added that perhaps we should also cheer up the bankers who lend to the sector, so in went the Sexpot, muttering that he will never nominate again (fat chance of that).

The services were interrupted with a Happy Birthday to Scott.

Godfather launched into a recitation of the rules of Sinalei, and the large sign at the gate that says no children under 12, but lo and behold what does he espy on last Sunday, but Poumuli and Yahoo (yes he got his nieces name wrong) were there with their little munchkin. Well so much for the enforcement of aforementioned rule as most of the staff encountered on the way down were playing with the baby!
Sexpot, having forgotten his vow of 2 minutes ago, tried to get the GM for his mangled syntax in sending out the message about tonights run, (boy food) which backfired to the extent that he was joined by Tallyho for his fat fingers jibe. Sassy confessed that she had been dreaming about a certain hasher on two wheels and how he didn’t tell anyone about his accident. The GM, in a sort of McBeth/Oedipus moment, decreed that the woman trying to get the accident prone biker drunk and ready for another accident should be voted one award for herself.

CB launched into the telling of the big race between Zita’s crew and the US Navy, from no less than the USS Pearl Harbour, and lost even with a lengths lead – so Papaga from HI had to take the In The Navy Award. Tallyho, on that note, brought forth the Hash Shrine, to his usual piping. He explained that the old one has now fallen apart, but has been supplanted by a new shrine, remarkably similar in shape and colour to a Vailima crate. He added in a Do Not Dig Here plaque, that Poumuli had found on the run, but apparently there is a huge fine attached to removing these. Thus the ever law abiding Tallyho, except when no one is looking, called the number on the plaque to return it. So as no one answered, he turned in his usual effervescence and gleefully decreed that Poumuli needed the award for the addition to the shrine, illegal though it might be. Tallyho also obliged the ladies by showing off what he described as an erection device, tumescence and all.

Sassy, having had a brief nap, recalled that there had been a story in the paper about the Taumeasina resort development after 40 years of trying so got the Better Late than Ever Award to Darren and Lewinsky. Or since the latter had to be helped by POD, Respect the Mangina Award.

Poumuli attempted to give Transporter the Mechanic of the Year Award for being unable to fix his car, which turned to a Whingeing Norwegian Award for a while until further testimonies of automotive incompetence reared themselves. Eventually joined by Elle McJr all took the by now rather convoluted award.

The BBQ crew of Snake, Skunk and Robert were saluted, then the Hare and Host, Lord in One Person SOTB.
Next week’s run will be across from Scalinis, watch the blog, and after that by Darren and Ali.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit
PS, after the circle, a small child stole from the Hash Shrine – await the outcome next week.

Hash Run 1678 - Moto'otua with Hot Nuts, Nutcracker, Slim Shaddy and Weather Cock

Talofa All,

Next weeks run is being hosted by Hot Nuts, Nutcracker, Slim Shaddy and Weather Cock at the White Horse Flats/Compound in Moto'otua opposite Scalini's Restaurant. The hosts have kindly offered to put on the spread for the run, so all you will need to do is turn up with your running gear, hash cash and a change of clothes.

The Theme for the run is Rugby 7s, come dressed as your favorite team or Country.

The Run will start at 5:30pm on Monday and we will have our usual nectar of life, softies and sweet nuts.

If you cant find the compound, call Slim Shaddy on 7728527
Look out for the houses across the road from Scalini's. There is a tennis court there and that is where you will find the hash run.

On On

Monday, June 10, 2013

Hash Run 1677 - BYO BBQ Run @ Apia Yacht Club


Tonight's run will be held at the Apia Yacht Club in Mulinu'u. (Swashbucklers Restaurant)

As we couldnt arrange a host for tonight, we will have a BYO Run so please bring something to throw on the BBQ and contribute to the spread. We will have our Keg and softies, and hopefully the sweet nuts from Godfather.

The run will start at 5:30pm, please bring a change of clothes as you may want to go for a swim after the run...or during the run :)

See you all there!

On On

Thursday, June 06, 2013

Hash Trash 1676

The Hash was hosted by Eveready and Karaoke at their home in Lotopa, and as always the theme was PINK. Almost all who turned out on a cool afternoon had obeyed instructions, more on that later. The run had been set on paper and followed familiar tracks, except that there were some serious false trails to contend with. Your Scribe had to push a little munchkin around in the pram, so only got to see the true part of the trail, of which the ford crossing back to Lotopa was memorable. Amalia was carried over the raging ford by four young boys, the closest she’ll get to boys ever again, and Lewinsky did an absolute thunderous pratfall worthy of a Monty Python sketch. On back was a sedate affair and the glistening sweet nuts of Godfather were waiting. 

SOTB was late to appear, and quickly found a pink hairstay to abide by the theme. Calling the circle to order we were introduced to the newbies, Allen a med student from Adelaide, and local chap Sua. They had been well instructed by their introductors Cockblocker and Fireman Sam, but were given a down down anyway. The rethreads were BB, Slim Shady, Weathercock, Desperate Housewife, Naval Base, Cougar, Sexpot, Hippy, Fireman Sam and Tooth Fairy. Lame excuses all around, except Slim Shady who had been “doing Europe”.

Snake the Shoe Inspector had a hard time at first, until he spotted a guest brought by Naval Base (need to check for the name, forgot), but he insisted on doing the down down from his shoe through the instrument of a well placed cup, thus it was given twice. Cockblocker felt that this was the mistake of the Mugmaster, so Transporter was also awarded.

Celebrity Awards went to SOTB (suspiciously familiar photo in barber shop ad), Naval Base (Enforcer was in paper), Swinger (his Dad’s pontificating on morality in the paper), Dawn Raid and Overstayer (editorial on dawn raids and overstayers), and Fireman Sam (paddling team recurrent appearances in paper). Weathercock got a Special Self-promotion Award for including a weathercock as the symbol for the Pacific Meteorological Council.

This Day in History Awards went to Dawn Raid (455 – Emperor Petronius Maximus is stoned to death by an angry mob while fleeing Rome – anybody been that stoned), Snatched (1862 – A 3000-strong riot occurred at Wardsend Cemetery in the Sheffield, England, against rumours of bodysnatching from the grounds), POD (1996 – The first flight of Ariane 5 explodes after roughly 37 seconds) Lewinsky (2005 – Vanity Fair reveals that Mark Felt was Deep Throat), Alcatraz (International Day of Innocent Children Victims of Aggression – not sure why) and Transporter (for Prince as its Feast Day of St Kevin).

The GM presented his special awards, starting with a Slip Sliding Away Award to Lewinsky for his services to pratfallism. Then of course we had just celebrated Samoa’s 51st Independence Day which coincides with that of Snake, birthday that is.

The GM was very anxious to divert attention from his own lateness, so handed the Get Out of Jail Award to Transporter for messing up on bringing the Hash Mugs, sending his transport back to get them (that should have been doubled, me now thinks). At the Car Show some Hashers had come 2nd, so a congratulatory award was given to Crash Bandicoot (Cougar took it) and Hot Rod (hey, really was slow on the uptake that day).

Finally, the GM turned on those not wearing pink, Tooth Fairy, Allen, Dawn Raid, Naval Base and Stick.

The Rooters Award was brought forward, and was rather unrecognizable as any other than a blob of shit, as this is what happens when Wahoo washes things. For some reason Poumuli was implicated in this, though completely innocent having been banned from using the new machine after washing his shoes. There then followed a long complicated debate as to whence it came and where it should go. Snake was sure that it was awarded to Godfather by Loch Ness. Godfather most flattered was of the view that there must have been some more intense expressions in the past few days, and hence passed it on to Swinger, but he got BB’s name wrong thus joined in.

Quick off the mark with her nomination, Sassygirl BJ was amazed at how the chef Vailua had neglected his family to cook for us, and then had it doubled just to see if it would meet Eveready’s approval. Snake nominated Desperated Housewife and Alcatraz for talking non-stop all night, and Sexpot for not talking. Sassy also nominated Darren and Ali for helping with the kegs, and closest living relative to Titty Galore, Transporter, for the missing softies.

Overstayer nominated Sexpot for the Westpac Stingy Award, and Sassy got Eveready and Fireman Sam for not instructing their visitors. Can’t remember what Godfather got the Hero Award for, nor why Desperate Housewife gave Sassy the Frankenstein Award.

Dawn Raid had been itching to give the Angry Chicken to BB, seeing her holding Amalia and recalling the ancient Norwegian saying that “she was holding her like a nun holding a sailor’s cock”. Afterwards, she handed the hat to Swinger for keeping. Fireman Sam nominated Dave and Shelly for the 994 Award, which they had not called when requiring rescue from a locked door.

The Hare and Hosts, Hot Rod, Ring Ring, Eveready, Karaoke and Cougar were saluted and we fell quickly upon the vast spread that they had put on. Yum yum good.

Check blog for next week. The week after that will be with Weathercock and Slim Shady in lower Vailima area.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit