Hash Trash 1676

The Hash was hosted by Eveready and Karaoke at their home in Lotopa, and as always the theme was PINK. Almost all who turned out on a cool afternoon had obeyed instructions, more on that later. The run had been set on paper and followed familiar tracks, except that there were some serious false trails to contend with. Your Scribe had to push a little munchkin around in the pram, so only got to see the true part of the trail, of which the ford crossing back to Lotopa was memorable. Amalia was carried over the raging ford by four young boys, the closest she’ll get to boys ever again, and Lewinsky did an absolute thunderous pratfall worthy of a Monty Python sketch. On back was a sedate affair and the glistening sweet nuts of Godfather were waiting. 

SOTB was late to appear, and quickly found a pink hairstay to abide by the theme. Calling the circle to order we were introduced to the newbies, Allen a med student from Adelaide, and local chap Sua. They had been well instructed by their introductors Cockblocker and Fireman Sam, but were given a down down anyway. The rethreads were BB, Slim Shady, Weathercock, Desperate Housewife, Naval Base, Cougar, Sexpot, Hippy, Fireman Sam and Tooth Fairy. Lame excuses all around, except Slim Shady who had been “doing Europe”.

Snake the Shoe Inspector had a hard time at first, until he spotted a guest brought by Naval Base (need to check for the name, forgot), but he insisted on doing the down down from his shoe through the instrument of a well placed cup, thus it was given twice. Cockblocker felt that this was the mistake of the Mugmaster, so Transporter was also awarded.

Celebrity Awards went to SOTB (suspiciously familiar photo in barber shop ad), Naval Base (Enforcer was in paper), Swinger (his Dad’s pontificating on morality in the paper), Dawn Raid and Overstayer (editorial on dawn raids and overstayers), and Fireman Sam (paddling team recurrent appearances in paper). Weathercock got a Special Self-promotion Award for including a weathercock as the symbol for the Pacific Meteorological Council.

This Day in History Awards went to Dawn Raid (455 – Emperor Petronius Maximus is stoned to death by an angry mob while fleeing Rome – anybody been that stoned), Snatched (1862 – A 3000-strong riot occurred at Wardsend Cemetery in the Sheffield, England, against rumours of bodysnatching from the grounds), POD (1996 – The first flight of Ariane 5 explodes after roughly 37 seconds) Lewinsky (2005 – Vanity Fair reveals that Mark Felt was Deep Throat), Alcatraz (International Day of Innocent Children Victims of Aggression – not sure why) and Transporter (for Prince as its Feast Day of St Kevin).

The GM presented his special awards, starting with a Slip Sliding Away Award to Lewinsky for his services to pratfallism. Then of course we had just celebrated Samoa’s 51^st Independence Day which coincides with that of Snake, birthday that is.

The GM was very anxious to divert attention from his own lateness, so handed the Get Out of Jail Award to Transporter for messing up on bringing the Hash Mugs, sending his transport back to get them (that should have been doubled, me now thinks). At the Car Show some Hashers had come 2^nd, so a congratulatory award was given to Crash Bandicoot (Cougar took it) and Hot Rod (hey, really was slow on the uptake that day).

Finally, the GM turned on those not wearing pink, Tooth Fairy, Allen, Dawn Raid, Naval Base and Stick.

The Rooters Award was brought forward, and was rather unrecognizable as any other than a blob of shit, as this is what happens when Wahoo washes things. For some reason Poumuli was implicated in this, though completely innocent having been banned from using the new machine after washing his shoes. There then followed a long complicated debate as to whence it came and where it should go. Snake was sure that it was awarded to Godfather by Loch Ness. Godfather most flattered was of the view that there must have been some more intense expressions in the past few days, and hence passed it on to Swinger, but he got BB’s name wrong thus joined in.

Quick off the mark with her nomination, Sassygirl BJ was amazed at how the chef Vailua had neglected his family to cook for us, and then had it doubled just to see if it would meet Eveready’s approval. Snake nominated Desperated Housewife and Alcatraz for talking non-stop all night, and Sexpot for not talking. Sassy also nominated Darren and Ali for helping with the kegs, and closest living relative to Titty Galore, Transporter, for the missing softies.

Overstayer nominated Sexpot for the Westpac Stingy Award, and Sassy got Eveready and Fireman Sam for not instructing their visitors. Can’t remember what Godfather got the Hero Award for, nor why Desperate Housewife gave Sassy the Frankenstein Award.

Dawn Raid had been itching to give the Angry Chicken to BB, seeing her holding Amalia and recalling the ancient Norwegian saying that “she was holding her like a nun holding a sailor’s cock”. Afterwards, she handed the hat to Swinger for keeping. Fireman Sam nominated Dave and Shelly for the 994 Award, which they had not called when requiring rescue from a locked door.

The Hare and Hosts, Hot Rod, Ring Ring, Eveready, Karaoke and Cougar were saluted and we fell quickly upon the vast spread that they had put on. Yum yum good.

Check blog for next week. The week after that will be with Weathercock and Slim Shady in lower Vailima area.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit