Friday, May 31, 2013

Hash Trash 1675

Since Hashers seem to be becoming a bunch of dozy slackers, and no one offered to host this week, so we ended up down at On the Rocks. Lewinsky – publican extraordinaire – hosted us with his usual disdain for the regular punters. Or grumpy sods as Tallyho refers to them. It had been drizzling a bit so the weather was good for a stomp around Apia. Tallyho agreed to be the live hare on condition that rule 18(b) be held in abeyance. This is the one about allowing you to de-bag (shorts removal) the Hare if you catch him. Off he yomped, running through the parking lot and out the back into Mulivai, taking in a few hash halts to gather the throng. Making our way onto the airport road, we headed up towards the four corners, but instead turned in towards Apoula Heights. The Hare became hesitant and first went one way, turned back and took the other fork, hesitated again, until Godfather negotiated passage through a garden and we arrived up below the hospital. This was a tremendous climb, apparently the shortcut for pregnant Samoan women expecting to have them. Further up we went swinging left by the hospital and hitting Cross-Island Road. The Hare decided to take the FRBs on a longer run through to Vaisigano, but more sensible persons followed Godfather on-home. It was a run that could best be described by the Swedish term lagom. 

The circle was formed and the non-running GM SOTB took charge, and first ascertained that there were no newbies, and instead got the lame excuses of the rethreads – Hot Nuts, Nutcracker, Da Head, Karaoke, Cockblocker and Anthony. They all got down-downs although Karaoke said something about trading in for a younger model when Eveready was reticent about assisting. 

The Shoe Inspector, Snake, sniffed around and to the surprise of no one decided that Darren’s work boots had to be new to Hash. Darren bravely quaffed the rapidly vomit-inducing mixture from his boots. Celebrity Awards went to Snatched for story in the Observer (given to Ally because she is approximately the same height) and Anthony for being on the front page.

This Day in History went to SOTB – a double – (363 – The Roman Emperor Julian defeats the Sassanid army in the Battle of Ctesiphon, under the walls of the Sassanid capital, but is unable to take the city. And 451 – Battle of Avarayr between Armenian rebels and the Sassanid Empire takes place. The Empire defeats the Armenians militarily but guarantees them freedom to openly practice Christianity.), Lewinsky – also double for his sister for Feast Day of St Bona (1997 – The U.S. Supreme Court rules that Paula Jones can pursue her sexual harassment lawsuit against President Bill Clinton while he is in office.), Robin (1998 – The first "National Sorry Day" was held in Australia, and reconciliation events were held nationally, and attended by over a million people.), and Poumuli (International Day of United Nations Peacekeepers).

Turning to the GM’s awards, he swiftly punished Poumuli for parking like a dick, and he was joined by Overstayer for a similar offence. Prince was rewarded for his successful participation in the paddling regatta to Savaii, just as Darren was given a Leaners Award.
Then after the run, the GM had beer spilled on him through his own bloody stupid fault, but he concocted evidence against Poumuli, whose cup it was, and further punishment was meted out in the usual gratuitous manner. Sharing the burden, he gave Alcatraz the surf life saver award for her heroic participation.

Opening up for nominations, Hot Nuts quickly opined that Hare had been too fast, and had left his slipper behind, which Hot Nuts produced. While we were all quite certain that this would not fit Tallyho’s left nut, let alone a peter heater as he called it, the slipper was obviously new to Hash and a down down was taken.

The Rooters Award went to Godfather, and was taken by Closest Living Relative, Wahoo. Tallyho was impressed by a Mere who did the whole run, but left him behind at the on-home. For Undue Athleticism POD was awarded, joined by CB and Robin.

Snake, for some reason considered a fish expert, had been cutting the sashimi in such varying sizes as slivers to doorstopper. While he struggled to prove this as a false accusation, he ended taking the Fishmongers Award. Xavier informed the circle that the kids had made some ulas, and a Hasher had asked to wear one, and was thus leid by another guy. Anthony took the Rule 2 Award – no poofters on the Hash.

Prince was then awarded for spilling beer on Poumuli, while Darren was astounded at the accoutrements being used for the BBQ, as we had never witnessed a champagne bucket being used to hold the sausages. What on earth On the Rocks would require a champagne bucket for was never explained and Lewinsky used his usual 20 minutes to quaff the beer.

The Chefs were saluted and the Hare and the Host, Tallyho and Lewinsky, joined by BBQ Supervisor Snake. Next week will be at Karaoke and Eveready as per the blog.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

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