Thursday, May 09, 2013

Hash Trash 1672

This week’s Hash was hosted by Josh and SOTB at Josh’s place in Letava.  The run started like any other...a slow meandering of hashers reluctantly making their way up a drive way and contemplating the slog ahead, while disguising their trepidation under the guise of nervous laughter and chit chat. It was all warranted....The run would take us down the mighty hill of Vaoala, towards mynas supermarket and onto the SPREP road. Those of us experienced in these runs up the hill knew with a sinking certainty in our guts as sure as gravity itself, that what goes down, must surely come up, and up, and up ....Visualising the off road trek ahead and gut buster hills that would bring us back up to the hash house, the feeling was well founded. Even those new to the run, like the hordes of young fit medical holiday makers here under the guise of study, were not naive in knowing that the more you run down hill, the more up you will need to climb back home. Game on!
We were not disappointed....well played our hares SOTB and Overstayer (Megan)!...The run went down through the back river of Vaoala, Down past SPREP compound, down past forestry division, ....down down down, down.....and then the upward slog started...As a warm up we were given an evilly laid false trail, then back down, evil. Then the real up started...up a long dirt trek, across a river, up a steep embankment, up a sealed steep road, and up onto Bank st...ahhh Bank St was a wonderful sight, the levelling off of the terrain, the chance for our burning legs to get some slight respite, and the knowledge that it was all down hill from here. Thank you gravity for that last push home.  Great tough run. The highlight, as on any other hash run, was arriving back and enjoying God Fathers sweet sweet nuts, moving onto the well deserved nectar of life, Vailima.
After consuming nuts and Vailima, the Hashmen and Meres were called into the Hash Circle.  First up the newcummers were called up.  It was a bevvy of med students.  Word must have gone round about the great deal Hash is - $15 for booze, food and good company.  All were from the UK and included Charlotte, Daniel, Annabel, Matt, Mike, Matthew, Ryan, Amy and Cath.  Tallyho was thrilled to have such a pommy invasion.
The Retreads were then called up.  They included Shelley, Robin, Dave and Naval Base.  GM doesn’t seem to ask their excuse as to why they have missed Hash anymore.  Usually this paragraph is much longer. 
This Day In History was the next item on the agenda.  Tallyho was the first victim for in 1940 the Norway Debate in the British House of Commons begins, and leads to the replacement of Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain with Winston Churchill three days later.  In 1946 in San Francisco Bay, U.S. Marines from the nearby Treasure Island Naval Base stop a two-day riot at Alcatraz federal prison. Five people are killed in the riot – Alcatraz.  In 1994 former Arkansas state worker Paula Jones files a lawsuit against President Bill Clinton, alleging that he had sexually harassed her in 1991. – Lewinsky. It was also International No Diet Day.  GM was hoping that Weathercock would have been at Hash to take the honours, but Tallyho piped up and said that GM due to his robust shape should take it.
Celebrity awards went to Sexpot, Sassy and Dave.  As Sexpot was sick in bed, Desperate Housewife had to take the down down for him. 
GM awards were next and the first two were related to the recent fishing tournament that was held in Samoa. Firstly Transporter got a down down for hooking the Skipper of his vessel rather than hooking the fish.  Lewinsky got the other down down for not catching anything which we’ve heard it typical Lewinsky.
Dave was awarded the Heroes Award for saving Kayak 4 Youth’s Andy Warton’s cameraman.  Lowrider was given a farewell down down as it was her last Hash for 3 months whilst she is in Japan.  Tallyho is hoping that she is there to learn the arts of the Geisha girl. 
Then nominations were open to the rest of the Hash circle.  Tallyho was quick to let everyone know that Swinger and Tallyho are upset with CB as he never calls a Hash halt for everyone to catch their breath EXCEPT when there are pretty medical students around.  CB argued that he’d stop for them too if they were pretty enough but obviously they don’t feature in CB’s top ten list.  In the end that argument wasn’t good enough and CB had to have a down down.
Josh had a nomination on behalf of Carnal Knowledge who is now in the Cook Islands with Jailbait.  Carnal Knowledge called up Lewinsky on the phone to see how his good mate was, and all Lewinsky could talk about was his new Rolex watch.
Latecummer Xavier gave the Fangio Award to Dawn Raid and Witchdoctor for driving like maniacs in the quiet streets of Samoa and almost knocking Xavier and his children down at a crossing.
POD nominated Russell for The Manwhore award for soliciting clients whilst he was supposed to be working at the SIFA opening ceremony.  His sister Megan also copped a down down for teaching him everything he knows.
Brent awarded The Village Frustration award to Jordan, Pierre and Scott.  For instead of playing rugby in a Savaiian village like they were supposed to, they were off chasing 3 palagi Peace Corp girls instead.  Maybe this should be the Manwhore award too?
All of a sudden all nominations were put to a halt as the Hash Monk made her presence known.  She told us she had just flown in from Abu Dabi and was here to name three Hashers.  These Hashers got names as they were generous enough to host a hash run.  The three Hashers were Megan, Brent and Jesse.  Firstly Megan was up.  The monk described Megan to us.  She liked to run in thongs (not the underwear type), she stays out late, she’s a fast runner and a fast woman, and is always the last to leave a party or club so she was baptised Overstayer. 
Then Brent was called up, again a little of his background was revealed.  Apparently when he visits other countries, he likes to chew and chew on anything and because he’s hairy, the Hash Monk named him Chewbacca.
Then the Hash monk started talking about her travels in Chinatown LA where she came across a Chinaman named Jesse.  In between his cooking and partying, he likes to drop his pants and party in his boxers.  As he only wears MacPherson Men Boxers, the Hash Monk’s new name for him was Elle MacJnr.  After all three were baptised with beer, flour and vegetable oil and had received their new names, it was time for the Hash Monk to depart but not before having her own down down.  Naming people is thirsty work!
The GM’s award went to Lewinsky the Turtle Slayer.  For during this fishing tournament, Lewinsky thought it would be more interesting if he caught turtles instead.
The passing of the Angry Bird hat was the next order of business.  Irini had it from the previous week and after telling us she washed it and making everyone smell it, she passed it onto one very angry Hashman in the form of Swinger who was standing next to her and complaining about CB.  But who doesn’t complain about CB. 
Sassy then nominated the three new medical student lasses, who she specifically instructed them not to walk on the road and watch out for cars.  They almost got hit three times.  So she gave them all a down down for not listening to Sassy’s instructions.
Meg and Kate nominated POD for leaving the Hash circle at last week’s run at On The Rocks sitting at the bar having a drink and waiting for the Hash circle to finish.  Kate ended up having the down down with POD as she was not using Hash names whilst in the circle.
Transporter awarded the Parenting Award to CB for when Transporter, being a good friend, tried to feed Jax milk, Jax pushed the milk away and reached out for Transporter’s Vailima.  CB says he does it all the time.
POD nominated med student Mike as when she was calling “On On”, he says “What?  Hard On.”
GM gave ACDC a down down for all his tireless work on the bbq.
Tallyho then presented the circle with the Hash Shrine.  He said he couldn’t find any treasure on the run, but he saw something that was a miracle – GM actually had genuine sweat on his t-shirt from the run.  So GM had to donate his top to the Shrine and go topless for the rest of the night.  GM had a down down for his donation to the Hash Shrine and Tallyho had to have one as he did not come up with any loot from the run.  Tallyho tried to blame CB for not calling any Hash Halts on the run, so it went to a vote of the circle and Tallyho had to take the down down.
The Hare and Host were called up.  Overstayer as the Hare, and Josh and GM as the host.  And finally there was one down down left for Godfather who was working hard strumming his ukulele.
The food was ready and the hash circle was brought to a close. 
Next week’s Hash is the Mother’s Day Hash and is to be hosted by Godfather and TTG at a location yet to be advised.  Keep an eye on the website for more information.
On On.

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