Friday, September 30, 2011

Hash Run 1590 - Ynot Bar

Morning All,
Next weeks run is going to be down at Y-Not Bar in Matautu. Dumass AC/DC and the Nafanua Club will be hosting the run on Monday. Run will start at 1730 Hrs as normal and there will also be a keg there on the day.

There is no theme at the moment, but check back on Monday in case we update the blog...See you all then!

Other things happening this week:

Friday (5:30pm onwards) Tiafau Fale, Millenia, AC/DC's semi engagement Party
Saturday (1pm onwards) - Nafanua Paddling Regatta (Ynot Bar, Matautu)
Saturday (7:30pm onwards) - Zha Zha and Slim Shaddy's Birthday party at Zha Zha's place (Vaoala) Theme: G or M

On On

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Hash Trash 1589

Buenos Dias from Panama, and thanks to Spanky for the Hash Trash
On On
Poumuli, IKA Slt

Even with daylight savings giving us some extra sunlight, it was still chilly up in Afiamalu where Ben and Sondra hosted their first HASH last night. As it was their first time hosting, there was some confusion and nobody set a run. Pussy snatcher stepped up to lead the few hashers who managed to find the house on the top of the mountain.

New to Apia HASH were Trevor from Houston brought by Pussy Snatcher and Joey from Hawaii who is ACDC’s fiancĂ©! ACDC joined them in their welcome down down because apparently in the few weeks he has known Joey he forgot to tell her to call him ACDC. Also, his belt buckle said ACDC.

Retreads were Yuki who has been scubadiving, Ninja and wife who went to Tokelau and ACDC who was busy looking after Ninja in Tokelau. And getting engaged!
With no Poumuli to bring evidence, Celebrity awards were considerably less reliable than usual. Godfather’s sister was seen on TV at Eden Park so closest living relative was deemed Captain Mortein. World Peace Day was Last Wednesday and there were beautiful pictures of Snatch’s mom (CLR Pussy Snatcher) and Slim Shady.
SOTB is such a technologically advanced GM that he has been storing his awards on his phone and reading them off, which is great unless Lewinsky calls the GM in the middle of the circle! First GM award of the night was telephones Interuptus for SOTB. This was not the last telephones interuptus from cheeky Lewinsky who was home sick but still managed to give out downdowns to those who forgot to turn off their phones in the circle.

Continuing with GM awards, someone claimed to see Spanky eating at Pinatis with a group of boys on Saturday night and not sharing her food! I took the downdown but for the record I did share!!! In the theme of superhero masks, ZsaZsa spent hours working on his Troy-inspired broom on cardboard helmet instead of doing important work at UN! DMT said this was a false accusation because she had seen GM wearing that helmet at a previous costume party, but GM didn’t care and sent them both to the middle. Earlier in the night Chilindrina kicked GM’s beer over on his feet and then refilled it with a cup of foam – how rude! Final GM award was for the closest living relative to Eliota Fuimaono-Sapolu, who recently made comments about how unfair world cup scheduling was. Unfortunately for Pirate Princess, she is somehow related. Some in the circle thought this was an unfair downdown and GM was acting a bit Hitler.

A couple of birthdays in the group – ZsaZsa who took his downdown after inviting us all to his fantasy themed birthday party he is cohosting with Slim Shady (Dress as your fantasy starting with an M or a G– I’m thinking of dressing as our GM!). Sadly, it is Kareoke’s birthday too but she is home sick! Everready was sad that they couldn’t go out to Kokobanana for her birthday…so he left her at home to be sick and came to Hash alone!

On to awards from the floor- some burning plastic smells from the BBQ got Ben, Captain and Snake in the middle, CB’s marine life inspired tattoo got him one, ZsaZsa asked Slim Shady to buy him lubricant while she was in NZ and this inspired a round of downdowns as well. ACDC, who has been in Tokelau for a while, nominated the GM for “look good and do good GM. Better now.” This comment on GM’s improvement was graciously accepted, but the rebuttal was that ACDC left Samoa speaking English and came back having lost it! Double downdown because ACDC was also leaning… on his fiancĂ©. They were, like, totally making out.

On to what we were all interested to hear – how did Joey and ACDC meet? She went on an archeological did in Tokelau and it was like two magnets drawn together in the night. And also, there’s not a lot of guys in Tokelau. We are all humbly invited to their engagement bbq at Milenia on Friday. In ACDC’s words, theme is “no fancy.”
Many nice costumes and masks were on display, but there were some who came with no mask and raided the garden. Jungle Raider award from Sassy to Dumass, Crime, Pussy Snatcher and Slim Shady for all the leaves on their heads. A double to Dumass who had two leaves pointing up and looked like a playboy bunny, err, bush bunny.
At least the jungle raiders had costumes though! Team Japan made the effort to come all the way up the mountain and yet made no effort to make a costume! This did not go unnoticed by Sassy.

Hookalua held up a white ie in the circle and nominated the one who had lost their skirt. ZsaZsa looked down to his shorts then up with a red face. He claimed the dogs grabbed it… but we think it might have had something to do with the excess of lube from NZ.

GM noticed however that Hookalua had only given one award but had been talking the whole time! And, he brought her a mask which she refused to wear. Downdown for Hookalua!

Slim Shady, in her lubrication obsessed state, shared a disturbing comment Pussy Snatcher made earlier about how he doesn’t like manufactured lube but prefers it natural…by using snails. She of course also got voted in because somehow all of Slim’s nominations seem to backfire on her as well.
ACDC had one more nomination, but to be honest I have no idea what he said. Something about “making chef” and all the bbq boys took their downdown (Captian Mortein and Snake).

At this point in the circle there was much chatter and neither GM nor Sassy appreciated the lack of respect for the circle! No Respect for Authority Double downdowns for DMT, Slim and Sondra. Sondra has gotten this a few weeks in a row but she hasn’t even been named yet so she better watch out or when she gets her name she’s not going to like it!

Last award was for Crime who stayed behind the front running bastards and did the whole run with Sassy, even encouraging her to complete the whole thing. Malo Crime!
Thanks to Hosts Ben and Sondra for putting on a great spread! Pussy Snatcher says it was the best oka he has ever tasted!

To recap, here is the schedule of upcoming events:
Friday – ACDC and Joey’s engagement party at Milenia. Theme is No Fancy.
Saturday day – Nafanua hosts a social paddling regatta. Anyone interested in rowing contact CB. Starts at noon.

Saturday night – Slim Shady and ZsaZsa’s birthday party at Zsazsa’s place. Theme is dress as your fantasy starting with an M or a G.
Monday Oct 3– Hash at Y Not Bar in Matautu – hosted by Dumass and ACDA. Also a farewell for ACDC (another one!) as he leaves Monday night for the Water Is Rising tour, dancing for climate change. ( THEME of run – WATER IS RISING.
Monday Oct 10 – Holiday run for White Sunday – still looking for hosts! Anyone interested can contact Spanky at 7262122 thanks!

On On

Friday, September 23, 2011

Hash Trash 1588

Kia Ora from Aotearoa. This is a bit rushed but hoping you all will have a good time next week. Look out for us in the Samoa Fiji game!

The Hash was hosted by Zsa Zaa, Chilindrina and Slim Shady up on Bank Street. It was a fine cool evening which was good as many runners were suffering since the Relay. The trail was a familiar one from Zsa Zsa, except he did it in reverse this time. It was really hard getting down the trail into the valley, and when there it was the usual straight back up the cow pastures and on home. Not too long but made us sweat.

SOTB was willing to be GM, probably as he had a bunch of revenge to mete out. He called forth the newbies and these were Yuko and Hide from Japan, Neil from Fiji guest of Horny Ho, and our famous singer Ben Vai and Rosabelle who claimed to be the hired help. The rethreads were Snake, Dumass and we warmly welcomed Mustang Sally. Celebrity Awards went to Zsa Zsa, Poumuli and Hot Nuts (SPREP meeting photo in Observer), Sassygirl BJ (full page story on leadership in Observer), Lewinsky (free advertising in Observer), Swinger (Mom’s letter to the Editor) and Lezzie (returning photo from SPG, which Captain Mortein took as closest living relative).

This Day in History Awards went to Zsa Zsa – Hungary admitted to League of Nations in 1922; POD for St Ariane of Phrygia Day which SOTB took; US Constitution Day to Spanky; International Talk Like A Pirate Day to Pirate Princess and Captain Mortein; and this was the day Monica Lewinsky started her psychology degree at Lewis and Clark College.

The GM started his awards, naming Swinger for excessive running today. He presented a Commitment Award to Mustang for coming to Hash straight from the airport instead of seeing her family. Apparently Dumass had blown away a bunch of kids during a school beach day run. Karaoke got the No Faith Award for thinking the teams wouldn’t finish the relay, while a Scandalous Rumour Award went to Hot Nuts and Cockblocker for being left alone in the house with Pauline playing doctors and nurses following her dramatic sprained ankle incident.

Poumuli then nominated Lewinsky for wanting a white stain on the blue running shirts, but was forced to join in for leaning towards an FBI award. Sassy nominated Ben for doing a good job keeping Sondra quiet this time – didn’t last. Captain Mortein noted that on October 5 a ruthless dictator in Italy was hung by his ankles and wondered if there was another ruthless dictator present whose birthday fell on the same day – SOTB accepted the Mussolini Honourable Mention Award.

CB wanted to recognize a hasher for all the help provided in support of the relay, and nominated Slippery for a Hero Award. Poumuli got this doubled with a Hiding Candle under the Bushel Award, as Francis’s photos were much better than Slippery’s and there were no boob-shots to edit out.

Hooker Lua nominated Neil and Crime for Knights in Shining Armour Award for rescuing her on the run. CB and Ben got an FRB Award for not calling On On, while Sassy nominated Slim Shady for the Poledancing Award for, well doing just that in the bushes on the run!

Poumuli nominated Sassy for the Good Parenting Award, because according to the blog she gave her offspring more than 4 down downs last hash. Damien stepped forward and nominated Ben for the Lost in Translation Award. He had asked whether the red hibiscus flowers were the flour we were supposed to follow. Lewinsky nominated Snake for the Services to Hash Award for sponsoring kegs to the after party, When it was pointed out that Godfather had sponsored the other one then Swinger was identified as closest living relative to his disdain.

We had some advertising awards that were lost to posterity before we thanked the hosts and hare, who had put on a great feast thanks to the Curry House plus hot dogs from Rosabelle and Ben. POD got in a Luckiest Hash Mere Award to Wahoo for her extensive travel schedule.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Wednesday, September 21, 2011


Next weeks run is going to be hosted by Ben and Sondra up at their home in Afiamalu (top of the Cross Island Road) They live 2 houses up from the infamous Taito Phillip Fields house on the top of the Cross Island Road.

Directions: Head up the Cross Is Rd and go past Kelsey Land and the Bahai Temple and look for the 2nd house after Taito's place. If you drive past the turn off to Lake Lanuto'o, then you have gone too far. Look out for the hash cars and paper on the Road...the house is opposite the Aggie Greys cattle farm

Hosts have offered to provide the spread and hash will also have a keg ready for Monday's run. There is a theme for the day...its MASKED SUPER HERO'S...prize for the most creative Masked Super Hero :)

Run starts at 1730HRS so be prompt and also bring your hash cash, and something warm to wear after the run as it will be quite cold up there.

Map is below for those that don't know where to go.
On On

Monday, September 19, 2011

Hash Trash 1587

Mismanagement had declared that since we had two Hash Teams running in the Samoa Perimeter Relay it would be counted as an official Hash Run. The teams – A Band of Angels and Cocktails on the Rocks – had been training hard, none more than SOTB and Lewinsky. Captain Mortein was convinced that they had lost over 50 kgs between them. Band of Angels consisted of SOTB, Lewinsky, Poumuli, Hot Nuts, Ben and Pauline, while Coctails had Captain Mortein, Pussysnatcher, Cockblocker, Zsa Zsa, young Mark and Mike. We had a wonderful support crew, amongst them Sassygirl BJ, Crash Bandicoot, POD, Wahoo, Damien, Swinger, Do Me Twice, Slim Shady, Pirate Princess and the two wonderful masseuses provided by Godfather. The Angels started its run at 5.15 AM and Cocktails at 5.50 AM. Can’t really say much about the actual run as it blurred into heat induced exhaustion after a while. The first two legs were alright but then the heat really began to make a difference. Cocktails passed the Angels at Le Mafa Pass and graciously encouraged the Angels, a big difference from the “we will take you down” taunting that Captain had engaged in when their team had first begun to catch up. Special mention should be made of the heroic efforts of SOTB and Lewinsky – especially the finish which SOTB actually sprinted. Damien was photographing the whole event and this should make for interesting viewing.

Most of us buggered off before the awards ceremony to shower and prepare for the Manu Samoa game, but apparently there was some confusion. Both teams won gift certificates for pizza, and of course there were the celebratory t-shirts. Angels had one error in that one, as we hadn’t notified that there was a size shift when Ben replaced POD on the team. No worries – the sponsor gave his up instead and gave the remaining small shirt to Wahoo.

POD was asked to be the GM as SOTB was too tired and emotional after the Manu Samoa loss. There were a few new to Hash, John and Toni from Oz brought by Strangler, and Bruce who couldn’t remember his own hash name (was in Divas or Dingo?) and took a down down. The rethreads were Spanky, Damien, Pauline, Sassy and Hornithologist. The GM then went through her awards for the run starting with Hot Nuts who had waited all this time for the opportunity to rub Pauline’s legs, or massaging as he called it. Before the start of the Hot Nuts had also strapped up SOTB’s knee, during which Poumuli enquired if he could also cover the mouth, to which Sassy replied that there wasn’t enough tape for that – Proud Mother Award for both of them. Then there was the incident with all and sundry searching for the paper marking the legs, and as it had been with Crash the whole time he got the Dumbass Award. Also, it had been noticed that while most of the runners had company on the massage truck, Lewinsky had managed to get himself a solo massage – Happy Ending Award.

Captain Mortein was dobbed in for his competitive taunting of the Band of Angels, while Zsa Zsa was given the Shit Goes Missing Award for leaving his sunglasses behind, and giving the instruction that they were next to the chicken. PS got the Unnecessary Exuberance Award for being way too chirpy and obviously on drugs or something. The GM then gave a Strangler Award to CB and Zsa Zsa – CB for singing awfully, and Zsa Zsa for running faster to get away from the caterwauling. DMT got a Special Merit Award for putting up with the sheer pong of the Cocktails team, and for the scratches received when surreptitiously peeing in the bushes.

Opening up for awards was going to be difficult as the circle was by now incredibly rowdy. She lamented that the Dome of Silence has gone missing and called forth Sondra to step forward with Ben in order to restore some order. Captain Mortein was given the Grumpy Award for sneering about Samoa’s chances and then sleeping through half the game. Further on the game we all agreed that the ref was a bastard, and being Irish a Leprechaun Award had to be handed to anyone resident in Eire – oh, yes Damien was given this one by Sassy. What a Mother to have, eh! A further rugby award went to anyone Australian for losing to Eire – Mike and Bruce the Diva Dingo.
Back on the run CB had been observed peeing in front of a family in a fale – Indecent Exposure Award. SOTB had obviously needed to dig deep for his motivation to run, and at a point of flagging spirits his mother gets off the truck to help him, but instead power walks him off the road. This earned Sassy a Poor Execution Award.

Spanky explained that she was late as there was no TV coverage at Cappuccino Vineyard, which earned Pro Boner and Pirate Princess a Poor Host Award.
Sassy demanded to do the down-down song solo as PS had been killing her ears softly during the circle. Poumuli and Lewinsky got one for sponsorship, while Poumuli got another for stretching his ass in front of Slim Shady. After a vote she joined him for being obsessed with asses.

Poumuli had been given the relay torch by the organizers, and decided that Pauline should have this as she was the only angel on the team. Pity she didn’t use it later that evening to find her way, as she fell into a ditch and seriously hurt herself. Pirate Princess then also got a Merit Award and for using coconuts in a suggestive manner to get the Captain to run faster, joined by Wahoo for downing two vodka & cranberry before 10 AM. Strangler got the Confused Award for doing the relay on a bicycle – he was the support for Slava who ran the whole damned 104 km by himself.
Eveready thanked the Hash on behalf of the US Vets who had organized the event, and then Hot Nuts said grace and we laid into the well prepared feast.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1588 - Vaoala, Bank St with Zsa Zsa, Chilli and Slim Shaddy

Morning All,
Following from Saturdays special Perimeter Run/Hash Run, tonights run is being hosted by Zsa Zsa, Chilli and Slim Shaddy up at Zsa Zsa's place in Vaoala on Bank Street, just down the road from where we had the On On on Saturday.

Congrats again to the two hash teams for completing the Perimeter Relay over the weekend...well done!

The hosts are providing a spread tonight so no need to bring anything for the BBQ. Run will start at 1730Hrs so be on time and dont forget your hash cash..there will also be a keg there tonight...

See you then.
On On.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Hash Trash 1586

The Hash was hosted by Slipppery at his house by NUS. The run was set on paper, and we were warned to closely follow the trail. Yes indeed, it had been trickily set by Buzzer. We went up left from the house, led off by Tallyho and Poumuli, who quickly missed the first turnoff. Tracking back we went through someone’s front yard, down the back into the gully, which saw a lot of slips and falls. Reaching the bottom the trail zigged and zagged through the bush, but this meant that the slower runners had an advantage in catching up to the front. Several incidents with barbed wire ensued, including Captain Mortein using Poumuli as a cushion. Out of the bush we raced up through a taro patch to reach the road. We then followed a country trail up and around to rejoin the parallel road to NUS. Thankfully we didn’t have to go all the way down and around as the trail had been arranged to go through someone else’s yard. Excellent effort by the Hare.

SOTB as GM called the circle to order, which was a tall one given the screaming offspring running around. He called on those new to Apia Hash, which were Nick and Janine from NZ, brought by Ladyfinger, and David and Alistair brought by Godfather – obviously the Hashers had given good instructions! Slight interruption from Do Me Twice who was caught for a cellphonus interruptus. The Rethreads were Strangler, DMT, Pussysnatcher, Cockblocker and Jeff. Reasons given were not heard by your Scribe over the screaming kids.

Celebrity Awards went to Swinger, Ben, Tallyho, Lewinsky and Slim Shady (large Observer free advertising for On the Rocks), Crime for the crime is not our culture headline, and Captain Mortein was deemed Lezzie’s closest living relative for the condemnation by SUNGO in the Observer.

For this year in history, in 1792 the French Crown Jewels and the Hope Diamond were stolen, so Ben being Swiss and closest neighbour got the Failure to Protect Family Jewels. In 1989 Hungary freed interned East German refugees, a major cause for the fall of the Iron Curtain – to Zsa Zsa. In the year 122 construction of Hadrian’s Wall begins in order to keep hairy-arsed Scots out of Roman England – Swinger should have got this one, but visitor Alistair was picked instead (your Scribe escaped detection, with a Scottish Great-great grandmother!). In 1899 the first person ever to be killed by an automobile, in the US – Lily and Rachel. In 1916 Mary the Elephant was hanged for stepping on her handler, cruelty by crane – this one went to Eveready.

The GM presented a Sabotaging the Hash Team Award to Lewinsky for knocking up the team’s fittest runner pregnant. When he took the award he said he hoped it was him, to which Eveready noted that if it was a girl then yes!
The GM awarded Ben the Changed Apparel Award for running in shoes rather than jandals, and Captain Mortein for getting a shiner from Pirate Princess that he had tried to hide with makeup. The GM had been chatting with Titty Galore, and noted something on her lip, looked like a bite mark, but she insisted it was a cold sore. The GM decreed that a Vampire Award go to the cause of the bite mark, namely Godfather. In terms of the Hash Cash he reminded Crime that it wasn’t enough to pay some cash!

A few months ago Hashers will recall that there was an act of selfless bravery at Lalomanu, and now that Strangler was back we could finally award this one. Turning to the run, Captain Mortein had bumped into the GM, then rolled in the dirt and used the GM to get up only to take off. Poumuli called for this to be made a double for the act of using Poumuli as a cushion against barbed wire.

Coming back to the screaming kids, a Mother’s Award went to Pirate Princess and Sondra. Opening up for nominations POD nominated DMT for her Vailima adverts. Swinger nominated PS for Wanting Ice in the Crotch Award, based on his comments on the relay. This prompted Captain Mortein to nominate the sponsors of the relay teams for the Generosity Award – Poumuli and Lewinsky.

Jeff and Buzzer were caught leaning, and then Tallyho had an absolute epi fit, roaring and ranting about lack of Hash t-shirts being worn in the circle, and generally berating the assembled miserable bastards, and Lewinsky hadn’t called an on-on, etc etc. The GM decided that this had gone on for long enough to bring Tallyho close to an aneurysm, and gave him an FBI Award.

Eveready spoke of creating a very special cake for the weekend party, which he had spent lots of time on only to hear the host telling the kids it was in the shape of a hammer! Susan step forward. Captain Mortein then nominated two hashers who had been training very hard for the relay and must surely collectively have lost 50 kilos – Relay Challenge Award to SOTB and Lewinsky. Poumuli tried to get this doubled as Lewinsky had stayed in front of him the whole way back, taking advantage of the zig zag and false trails, but this backfired. (I was not jealous of his fitness!)

The GM called forth Susan in the absence of the Apia Mad Hash Monk, or Mum as he calls her, and told the Hash that this former telecom worker was leaving us soon. She shall henceforth be known as Callgirl.
The Hares and the Hosts were thanked for an excellent run, with Ring Ring stepping in for Buzzer’s award together with Slippery.

The GM noted that the Perimeter Relay will be an official Hash Run and that those not in the teams should gather for the last leg and run along in support. He also noted that Hot Nuts has offered us his house for the post-relay BBQ, and that there would be a pig, a keg and possibly a lamb. Godfather who will not be with us, pledged two masseuses to slake the pain of the runners.

Watch the blog for next Monday’s run

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Friday, September 09, 2011

Hash Trash 1585

The Hash was hosted by Eveready, Karaoke, Delicious and Crash Bandicoot in honour of Baby Luana’s birthday. The run – well I have no idea. Wahoo and I arrived late, and the trucks had already set off for the A to B run. Your Scribe went for a trot around the neighbourhood instead, and came back to find the pack trickling in to sample the sweet nuts of Godfather.

Oh well, praises be, SOTB was running and remarkably lucid and non-snarling. He called for anyone new to Apia Hash, and we got Carl from NZ, brought by Godfather, Pippa brought by Ladyfinger, and Adam who said he had been invited by someone called Yoh. Godfather joined in the welcoming down-downs. The rethreads were Chilindrina (in Mexico), Zsa Zsa (off somewhere), Lily and Rachel (buggered off to Savaii), Tooth Fairy (extracting in Savaii), and Michael (doctors orders – apparently you shouldn’t run if you have a social disease). Joining them were Hot Nuts and Susan for being chatty catties during the explanations.

Celebrity Awards went to Lewinsky for winning the Rugby World Cup ticket and for going sans wife, Eveready and Karaoke were on TV, and Captain Mortein joined for leaning on the truck.
For this year in history all your Scribe could come up with was the fact that Monica was indeed working at the White House. However, Lewinsky again triumphed with a series of spurious Norwegian events, such as the restriction of women’s voting rights in 1907 (for retarded ones), 1194 death of King Magnus (I am not related) and 1992 the production of the world’s longest salami (well hung we are). Poumuli and Lewinsky accepted their mutually ridiculous accusations.

The GM had been busy at work looking at Facebook and had seen Poumuli complaining about being bankrupted by Wahoo in Singapore. Oh this was going to be a long night. The GM also had a case of a hasher avoiding phonecalls from all and sundry and hiding out in town, finally tracked down and hauled out by the ear – Crash got the Prodigal Husband Award.

A heinous crime had been observed by the GM – Ladyfinger had poured himself a beer and not turned off the tap! Double. On the run there was an incident of chariot riding by Snake, which was doubled for his confusing Poumuli with a left when he meant right. Pirate Princess had taken off before the run with the stroller, and not answering the phone. All agreed that Captain Mortein should take the Jealousy Award for this one.

The Good Samaritan Award went to a hasher who said he was off to work, but instead helped drive Manu Samoa to the airport – Crash. Tallyho was nominated for his erudite scribing, however he insisted that he was on a low beer diet because of antibiotics. Medical opinions were sought, and the consensus was that if he didn’t have a vagina then beer would not interfere with his prescriptions. After much grumbling, wailing and gnashing of teeth he took a double.
Opening up for nominations, POD had invited the inlaws over for a BBQ, lots of people came, and Lewinsky finished the keg at 1 AM. She found him in bed with an orange on his head insisting that he could consume it through osmosis. Arthropod Biology Award to Lewinsky.

Slim Shady nominated Wahoo and Poumuli for leaving her to care for their dog Murdoch, while POD had been on the Savaii ferry with Hot Nuts who was playing a game of shapes and couldn’t get anything to fit. Unable To Groove Award.
Poumuli had attended the Suva Hash and was regaled with complimentary stories about BB, but was also asked about that eurotrash budgie smuggler wearing former film star. The Failing To Make A Good Impression Award went to Zsa Zsa.
The GM noted that the theme was pink, but also that one hasher had taken the theme too far. Slippery got the Wearing Wife’s Clothes Award. Pirate Princess got a cellphonus interruptus award. She got the Captain back for his inability to tell his heroic rescue story in less than two weeks.

Slim Shady, who got the chicken hat two weeks ago, decided that it was a mark of bravery and that Ninja should get it! We also cheered for Crime’s birthday. Michael was nominated for going to the Rugby also sans wife – that should be known as the Lewinsky Sneaky Award.

Slim Shady spotted Horny Ho smoking in the circle and got her a Nicotine Award, while our two PC ladies Lily and Rachel were nominated for 2 years in a row running with the US team instead of Hash. Swinger got implicated for lack of communication, or mismanagement as its called. Lewinsky nominated Snake for the Malpractice Award for doing some electrical work that didn’t work, but it backfired.

On the theme of the run, Slim Shady nominated Swinger for the Shrek Award, wearing two flowers and bending both ways – well his name, duh! Pirate Princess was caught leaning, and then Lily nominated Rachel for singing like a Kiwi. We needed to hear this – so she sang, in a broken cockney-ish lilt. Probably a Tasmanian accent.
The Hosts and the Hare were saluted and dedicated the run to Baby Luana. We then had cake, pigs, lots of food and a never ending keg.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Thursday, September 08, 2011

Hash Run 1586 - Slippery @ To'omatagi

Morning All,
Next weeks run is being hosted by Slippery at his home in Toomatagi (next to NUS). The host has kindly offered to provide a spread for the night and as usual, there will be a keg, softies and Godfathers sweet nuts.

There is no theme yet for the run, but check back later on this week in case we decide to have a theme.

Run starts at 1730Hrs so be on time and bring your hash cash :)

On On

Saturday, September 03, 2011

Hash Trash 1584

Greetings Hashers from Singapore where I am enjoying a few moments of credit card peace! Tallyho has drafted his usually erudite, rude and browbeating Trash. Enjoy.
On On

AWOL: Absent without leave; not present when required; skiving when duty calls; afraid of a bit or rain; so where was the usual jostling throng of hashmen and meres all eager to join the weekly AHHH run and imbibing; what a complete bunch of fair-weather wussers you all are. There were no apologies, no lame excuses, no reports of having better offers for the evening, but what could there be that would be better than the hash on a Monday night – yes I know what you are thinking but there’s plenty of time for that after. Your stand-in scribe is ashamed of the lot of you.
But enough about those who failed to show; what about the small but hardy bunch of real hashmen and meres who were there, who braved the lowering clouds and gusting winds, who stood shoulder-to-shoulder blocking the pavement outside HQ1, annoying the regular imbibers who sit on the pavement-tables perving the meres wandering past.
The GM seemed very disappointed at the low turn-out and then he must have realised there would be staka fluid-of-sustenance after so he perked up a bit; the pack of about a dozen or so was called to order and Godfather led the way past the AHC on a guided-hare (as oppose to live-hare) run. A left by JICA found the pack face-to-face with a locked gate, so back to Beach Road and down through the Methodist Bookshop and then past Sunshine Restaurant, hang a few rights and lefts and eventually past Lucky’s down to the Tokelau Office to check on AC/DC but no sign of him. Another hang-left, which in the old days would have taken the pack through some of the shiggier bits of Sogi blocked-off, so back to the road, down the flea market and on home.
Not having to keep a watchful eye for the trail this week gave your scribe some time to let his thoughts do the wandering up false trails. It occurred to your scribe that there had been a lot of “letters to the editor” in the Observer about sodomy and adultery, and effectively this week the pack had been turned back as we tried to enter two back-passages that were blocked off. An omen indeed. I would therefore like to suggest that those who wrote those letters to the paper, and who are so against sodomy and adultery, should be invited to join the hash. After all, in-so-far as there are any rules on hash, Rule 1 says: No Poofters on hash; and Rule 2 says to refer to Rule 1, but if one goes to the original Hash Commandments (handed down on the back of a table-napkin –the original hashmen were gentlemen and the tradition continues - all those years ago in Kuala Lumpur), it also states quite clearly that “A Hashman shalt not covet a fellow hashman’s mere”. Now, of course, the hash is also all for good (if usually chaotic) governance, gender equality (especially in DDs), very open to democratic principles, (we elect our mismanagement every year even if it’s not exactly a secret ballot); we have no prejudices about people with strange habits (we shall always welcome Steakman back); we take exercise in healthy ways, we consume a very healthful and performance enhancing beverage, at least I am sure that was what Vailima told us in their advertising in the past; we all like apple pie and love our mums. The hash must therefore be the perfect place for all those grumpy old farts who appeared to be writing themselves into an almost orgasmic frenzy against sodomy and adulterers. They should feel perfectly at home with us. Perhaps we should write to the Observer offering them sanctuary. But of course the hash is also a place of inclusiveness and forgiveness and therefore the hash is happy to welcome all cummers including faafaafines and adulterers (just as well) as long as they are not rooting another hashman or another hashman’s mere or both, well at least not while they’re on the run.
By the time the pack returned a few of the usual late-cummers and out-of-the-woodwork-crawlers had arrived trying to pretend that they had been working or been on-the-job late in the office, so the pack had increased to about two dozen or so with a few others sneaking in during the proceedings. With a full keg and a relatively small turnout this was always set to be a big night for DDs.
Up first were virgins Sean, Shane and Nicki from NZ doing the cooking at Aggies, so the guests were obviously having sandwiches tonight.
The bunch of failures and retreads included Home & Away and Sudso (returning for the first time in ten years and surprised to find Snake, Godfather and Tallyho still looking so sprightly); Laurie, an original “first-footer” for AHHH from 1980 and therefore held in great reverence but the assembled pack, Sassy-girl, Crash, and Seismic who tried to sneak-in late.
There were celebrity awards for Slim Shady and for POD & Lewinsky for coupling in the grandstand at Apia Park.
The day-in-history involved some references to atomic bombs and Russia, awarded to Sean who said he was from Poland which is geographically next to Russia although your Scribe doubts there’s much other affinity; Crash for looking like Michael Jackson – don’t ask me I only record this stuff; Godfather for paddling backwards (or something like that) and Tallyho for representing some grand achievement by a great and glorious Englishman from the past.
The dobs and awards then started to come so thick and fast that your Scribe could hardly keep up with recording names let alone reasons; so we started with Lewinsky for the venue and GM for persuading Lewinsky to provide the venue; then came Snake, Home&Away, Hookalua, SassyGirl, Shane, Yuki, Ben and SassyGirl (again).
The New Shoe inspector spotted the GM (specially bought for the perimeter run), Laurie (not surprising if he last ran in 1980), Sudso (first new shoes Home&Away had bought her since 2001) and Yuki.
Awards for service to the hash went to: Tallyho (Acting Scribe), Slippery (Hashflash), Crash (for bringing the mugs), and Crash and Delicious for conceiving a junior hashman in the making.
Hideo and Kyoto were awarded an award for not having yet received an award when just about everyone-else had had at least two awards during the evening. The Samurai would have been proud of them.
An unsuspecting Aussie couple on holiday who had been staring wide-eyed at the proceedings were dragged into the circle and told by the GM that the hash was an ancient Samoan secret society (or something like that) and that if they wanted to get out they had to do a DD. It seemed a small price for them to pay to be able to observe such a culturally (in)sensitive spectacle.
There then followed a quick Double DD for Tallyho and DD for Lewinsky, Shane, Snake, Hookalua, Laurie and the Hare n Host, Snake, Home & Away, Sudso, Godfather and Armstrong (a late-cumming, non-running virgin working for UNDP).
The GM then called a final award and hash naming for Laurie (Ground Zero) and mere-blong-him Diane (9/11).
By this time the keg was finally beginning to float and many of those who had been called to account appeared to be in a similar state!!
On on and toodle pip