Mismanagement had declared that since we had two Hash Teams running in the Samoa Perimeter Relay it would be counted as an official Hash Run. The teams – A Band of Angels and Cocktails on the Rocks – had been training hard, none more than SOTB and Lewinsky. Captain Mortein was convinced that they had lost over 50 kgs between them. Band of Angels consisted of SOTB, Lewinsky, Poumuli, Hot Nuts, Ben and Pauline, while Coctails had Captain Mortein, Pussysnatcher, Cockblocker, Zsa Zsa, young Mark and Mike. We had a wonderful support crew, amongst them Sassygirl BJ, Crash Bandicoot, POD, Wahoo, Damien, Swinger, Do Me Twice, Slim Shady, Pirate Princess and the two wonderful masseuses provided by Godfather. The Angels started its run at 5.15 AM and Cocktails at 5.50 AM. Can’t really say much about the actual run as it blurred into heat induced exhaustion after a while. The first two legs were alright but then the heat really began to make a difference. Cocktails passed the Angels at Le Mafa Pass and graciously encouraged the Angels, a big difference from the “we will take you down” taunting that Captain had engaged in when their team had first begun to catch up. Special mention should be made of the heroic efforts of SOTB and Lewinsky – especially the finish which SOTB actually sprinted. Damien was photographing the whole event and this should make for interesting viewing.
Most of us buggered off before the awards ceremony to shower and prepare for the Manu Samoa game, but apparently there was some confusion. Both teams won gift certificates for pizza, and of course there were the celebratory t-shirts. Angels had one error in that one, as we hadn’t notified that there was a size shift when Ben replaced POD on the team. No worries – the sponsor gave his up instead and gave the remaining small shirt to Wahoo.
POD was asked to be the GM as SOTB was too tired and emotional after the Manu Samoa loss. There were a few new to Hash, John and Toni from Oz brought by Strangler, and Bruce who couldn’t remember his own hash name (was in Divas or Dingo?) and took a down down. The rethreads were Spanky, Damien, Pauline, Sassy and Hornithologist. The GM then went through her awards for the run starting with Hot Nuts who had waited all this time for the opportunity to rub Pauline’s legs, or massaging as he called it. Before the start of the Hot Nuts had also strapped up SOTB’s knee, during which Poumuli enquired if he could also cover the mouth, to which Sassy replied that there wasn’t enough tape for that – Proud Mother Award for both of them. Then there was the incident with all and sundry searching for the paper marking the legs, and as it had been with Crash the whole time he got the Dumbass Award. Also, it had been noticed that while most of the runners had company on the massage truck, Lewinsky had managed to get himself a solo massage – Happy Ending Award.
Captain Mortein was dobbed in for his competitive taunting of the Band of Angels, while Zsa Zsa was given the Shit Goes Missing Award for leaving his sunglasses behind, and giving the instruction that they were next to the chicken. PS got the Unnecessary Exuberance Award for being way too chirpy and obviously on drugs or something. The GM then gave a Strangler Award to CB and Zsa Zsa – CB for singing awfully, and Zsa Zsa for running faster to get away from the caterwauling. DMT got a Special Merit Award for putting up with the sheer pong of the Cocktails team, and for the scratches received when surreptitiously peeing in the bushes.
Opening up for awards was going to be difficult as the circle was by now incredibly rowdy. She lamented that the Dome of Silence has gone missing and called forth Sondra to step forward with Ben in order to restore some order. Captain Mortein was given the Grumpy Award for sneering about Samoa’s chances and then sleeping through half the game. Further on the game we all agreed that the ref was a bastard, and being Irish a Leprechaun Award had to be handed to anyone resident in Eire – oh, yes Damien was given this one by Sassy. What a Mother to have, eh! A further rugby award went to anyone Australian for losing to Eire – Mike and Bruce the Diva Dingo.
Back on the run CB had been observed peeing in front of a family in a fale – Indecent Exposure Award. SOTB had obviously needed to dig deep for his motivation to run, and at a point of flagging spirits his mother gets off the truck to help him, but instead power walks him off the road. This earned Sassy a Poor Execution Award.
Spanky explained that she was late as there was no TV coverage at Cappuccino Vineyard, which earned Pro Boner and Pirate Princess a Poor Host Award.
Sassy demanded to do the down-down song solo as PS had been killing her ears softly during the circle. Poumuli and Lewinsky got one for sponsorship, while Poumuli got another for stretching his ass in front of Slim Shady. After a vote she joined him for being obsessed with asses.
Poumuli had been given the relay torch by the organizers, and decided that Pauline should have this as she was the only angel on the team. Pity she didn’t use it later that evening to find her way, as she fell into a ditch and seriously hurt herself. Pirate Princess then also got a Merit Award and for using coconuts in a suggestive manner to get the Captain to run faster, joined by Wahoo for downing two vodka & cranberry before 10 AM. Strangler got the Confused Award for doing the relay on a bicycle – he was the support for Slava who ran the whole damned 104 km by himself.
Eveready thanked the Hash on behalf of the US Vets who had organized the event, and then Hot Nuts said grace and we laid into the well prepared feast.
Poumuli, IKA Slit