The Hash was hosted by Eveready, Karaoke, Delicious and Crash Bandicoot in honour of Baby Luana’s birthday. The run – well I have no idea. Wahoo and I arrived late, and the trucks had already set off for the A to B run. Your Scribe went for a trot around the neighbourhood instead, and came back to find the pack trickling in to sample the sweet nuts of Godfather.
Oh well, praises be, SOTB was running and remarkably lucid and non-snarling. He called for anyone new to Apia Hash, and we got Carl from NZ, brought by Godfather, Pippa brought by Ladyfinger, and Adam who said he had been invited by someone called Yoh. Godfather joined in the welcoming down-downs. The rethreads were Chilindrina (in Mexico), Zsa Zsa (off somewhere), Lily and Rachel (buggered off to Savaii), Tooth Fairy (extracting in Savaii), and Michael (doctors orders – apparently you shouldn’t run if you have a social disease). Joining them were Hot Nuts and Susan for being chatty catties during the explanations.
Celebrity Awards went to Lewinsky for winning the Rugby World Cup ticket and for going sans wife, Eveready and Karaoke were on TV, and Captain Mortein joined for leaning on the truck.
For this year in history all your Scribe could come up with was the fact that Monica was indeed working at the White House. However, Lewinsky again triumphed with a series of spurious Norwegian events, such as the restriction of women’s voting rights in 1907 (for retarded ones), 1194 death of King Magnus (I am not related) and 1992 the production of the world’s longest salami (well hung we are). Poumuli and Lewinsky accepted their mutually ridiculous accusations.
The GM had been busy at work looking at Facebook and had seen Poumuli complaining about being bankrupted by Wahoo in Singapore. Oh this was going to be a long night. The GM also had a case of a hasher avoiding phonecalls from all and sundry and hiding out in town, finally tracked down and hauled out by the ear – Crash got the Prodigal Husband Award.
A heinous crime had been observed by the GM – Ladyfinger had poured himself a beer and not turned off the tap! Double. On the run there was an incident of chariot riding by Snake, which was doubled for his confusing Poumuli with a left when he meant right. Pirate Princess had taken off before the run with the stroller, and not answering the phone. All agreed that Captain Mortein should take the Jealousy Award for this one.
The Good Samaritan Award went to a hasher who said he was off to work, but instead helped drive Manu Samoa to the airport – Crash. Tallyho was nominated for his erudite scribing, however he insisted that he was on a low beer diet because of antibiotics. Medical opinions were sought, and the consensus was that if he didn’t have a vagina then beer would not interfere with his prescriptions. After much grumbling, wailing and gnashing of teeth he took a double.
Opening up for nominations, POD had invited the inlaws over for a BBQ, lots of people came, and Lewinsky finished the keg at 1 AM. She found him in bed with an orange on his head insisting that he could consume it through osmosis. Arthropod Biology Award to Lewinsky.
Slim Shady nominated Wahoo and Poumuli for leaving her to care for their dog Murdoch, while POD had been on the Savaii ferry with Hot Nuts who was playing a game of shapes and couldn’t get anything to fit. Unable To Groove Award.
Poumuli had attended the Suva Hash and was regaled with complimentary stories about BB, but was also asked about that eurotrash budgie smuggler wearing former film star. The Failing To Make A Good Impression Award went to Zsa Zsa.
The GM noted that the theme was pink, but also that one hasher had taken the theme too far. Slippery got the Wearing Wife’s Clothes Award. Pirate Princess got a cellphonus interruptus award. She got the Captain back for his inability to tell his heroic rescue story in less than two weeks.
Slim Shady, who got the chicken hat two weeks ago, decided that it was a mark of bravery and that Ninja should get it! We also cheered for Crime’s birthday. Michael was nominated for going to the Rugby also sans wife – that should be known as the Lewinsky Sneaky Award.
Slim Shady spotted Horny Ho smoking in the circle and got her a Nicotine Award, while our two PC ladies Lily and Rachel were nominated for 2 years in a row running with the US team instead of Hash. Swinger got implicated for lack of communication, or mismanagement as its called. Lewinsky nominated Snake for the Malpractice Award for doing some electrical work that didn’t work, but it backfired.
On the theme of the run, Slim Shady nominated Swinger for the Shrek Award, wearing two flowers and bending both ways – well his name, duh! Pirate Princess was caught leaning, and then Lily nominated Rachel for singing like a Kiwi. We needed to hear this – so she sang, in a broken cockney-ish lilt. Probably a Tasmanian accent.
The Hosts and the Hare were saluted and dedicated the run to Baby Luana. We then had cake, pigs, lots of food and a never ending keg.
Poumuli, IKA Slit