Friday, January 29, 2010

Hash Trash 1499C

Your Scribe is back from a well-deserved break, and many thanks to our Assistant Trainee Scribe Lesbian Vampire Killer for the outstanding job she did with the trash the last few weeks. Many overseas hashers were able to enjoy the events as if we were there. So this will unfortunately then be a return to the mundane and humdrum.

The Hash was hosted by Crash Bandicoot and Mr. Whippy next to the Maota Samoa in the Vaitele area. The run had been set on flour which was not entirely a great choice given the intensity of the rain before and during the run. There were quite a few false trails and our front-running bastards were soon in the middle of the pack. With the run entirely following the roads the only obstacle to getting back was the rapidly diminishing flour piles. At one point the deluge of rain was so intense your Scribe was worried it would short-circuit his Taser, which was inconveniently close to the family jewels.

All made it back safely to the carpark, and Godfather’s delicious sweet nuts were consumed. While awaiting Snake’s return with the majority of carkeys the keg was opened, which caused a bit of foam when it had to be moved down to the fale as the rain came back with a vengeance. Eveready had supplied his tasty but fiery guacamole for the hungry snacking hashers.

Eveready called the circle to order as GM for the night. There were a number of newcomers to Hash. There was Nileema from India (she is also the United Nations Resident Representative for Samoa, Niue, Cook Islands and Tokelau), Derek (a marine biologist from Oz), Ian from Auckland (fixing Lewinsky Sr.’s car). BB was well chuffed that for the first time a UN bigwig was present and was no doubt relieved that she had briefed her well on the rules of the circle, and the GM insisted that they all do a down-down. The rethreads were Poumuli, Wahoo, Chilindrina, Hot Nuts and a few more (had to put down the notebook so I missed a few).

The GM also noted that there needed to be a special rethread award to two hashers who had promised to show up for a festive evening at Tropicana and then failed to do so. Swinger’s lame excuse that BB was sick (of what?) did not give them any exemption.

The shoe inspector was missing but there were no new shoes anyway. Missing In Action Award for AC/DC next week. Anyway, the GM was foaming at the bit to make things more interesting, and gave a special Confusing Award to Mr. Whippy for setting a trail that was hard to find, made worse by the rain, and for being seen going in the opposite direction. LVK and Mele even had to go an extra mile as a result.

Even if it was a fairly short run for some, the GM had observed Schanell trying to chariot ride – he only guiltily got out of the truck when he was spotted by the GM. Large one.

Last week, the GM had awarded the Most Improved Runner Award to LVK, only to find that a few days in Pago had resulted in her being the slowest again – so an Arrested Development Award was handed out. The GM also pondered at why, when we relocated the circle to the fale, it had taken Screamer 15 minutes to turn up – Local Action/Living Up To Name Award.

The GM followed this theme by claiming that one of the rethreads was now unrecognizable, except on TV, so Wahoo got an award amongst rude snickering about being locked up in hotel rooms with Poumuli.

Pussysnatcher caught Mele trying to stop a fridge from levitating, and the GM scored a point with Snake for the Leaky House Syndrome Award given the poor state of the fale roof. It became a double as Snake forgot the Hash name of his own missus.

The GM had arrived early and had found Crash simply admiring the view, while Delicious was at home cooking, while pregnant! This news resulted in a double Responsible Husbandry Award.

Mele nominated Vaa for Leaving Hash Award, while the GM requested Mele to stay for an award not awarded since 1990, Bringing Hash into Disrepute by running with an umbrella. Pussysnatcher then caught Swinger leaning on the keg, with Mele unsuccessfully calling for a tattle-tale award for PS.

The GM had been huffing and puffing on the run and was in need of a coconut but there was no knife to be found as Snake had taken away the keys. Snake claimed higher purpose of setting up the electrical supply, to the point of trying to rig the vote.

Poumuli had swapped a Hash shirt for a set of bunny ears in Denmark, which were awarded to the Hare, Mr. Whippy. He had also procured a Joker cap from the Tower of London, which was awarded to Mele.

FBI nominated BB for talking to Nileema and for the historic event of bringing the UN resident representative to Hash. Stunned, Mr. Whippy on all our behalf exclaimed that this was the shortest nomination ever made by FBI, deserving a Brevity Award, while Screamer said Nileema should join the two. SOTB spotted FBI sporting his sunglasses so he remained front and centre for a further award. Snake and Lewinsky were admiring Lezzie’s inspirational t-shirt (Nobody knows I’m a Lesbian). Swinger nominated Zsa Zsa for the Yugo Award for running backwards on the trail, although he got the country wrong (its Hungary). Zsa Zsa has not improved his speed beyond that of a snail, and we were on the third chorus by the time he finished.

Before the GM was able to give Vai Vai the floor, he had to take a down down for getting the name wrong. What followed was some waffling about dancing and singing, summed up by the GM as “the mouth is moving, words are coming out, but nobody’s at home”, so Vai Vai got the Incomprehensible Gibberish Award. FBI and Lezzie poetically nominated Crash for getting the GM’s daughter pregnant, a sort of slam poetry seldom heard in Hash. Most impressive and should have been rewarded by the GM.

Pirate Princess described how Schanell had exposed her to his booty before the circle, which he sought to explain away in that his indecent exposure shouldn’t have been ogled at by PP in staring at his booty. Lewinsky complicated matters in explaining some finer points of piracy, while Schanell drew a bigger award for complaining too much, so all three drank in the end.

The Hash saluted our leaving members Snakebite and Venom, and Mr. Whippy Sr noted that Jr was leaving as well – although this became a double for some sexist remarks.

LVK wanted Hash to celebrate Australia Day by making any Oz people drink, but keg was low, so the GM picked Roz to be their High Commissioner for the award.

Since he had been so brief earlier, the GM let FBI have the last nomination. Big mistake. A lengthy accusation of a UN staff member throwing stuff at the GM came from the now less than eloquent FBI, although clearly unethical behaviour, but complicated by Swinger with his countering tirade against CSL. After BB defended herself by reviewing the GM’s sexist remarks, she ended up with the Defending Gender Award.

The hosts and the hare were then saluted – Crash Bandicoot, Mr Whippy (with bunny ears) and Snake, with Fang being added in for making it all happen.

Next week will be a BYO at the STA Fale in town. We were reminded to think of a theme for the 1500th run. We were also invited to feast on the 70 hot dogs provided by Crash Bandicoot and the Whippy’s.

On On,


Sunday, January 24, 2010

Hash Run 1499C - Mon 25 Jan 2010

Back-of-the-Van Hash

Once again, Crash Bandicoot and Mr. Whippy will be hosting a glorious Back-of-the-Van Hash. Only this time the venue is far closer. You can’t miss it. It’s located at the top of the hill past the Maota Samoa in Vaitele (see map). The venue and backup venue have kindly been arranged by Snake.

Please be aware that the hosts will provide hot-dogs, buns, and toppings ONLY. Hashers are expected to supplement their dogs with their own food either on location or at home after Hash. There will be no BBQ. The food will be pre-cooked, and yes, the keg will be there in all its glory.

Remember, we are guests at this venue. So be respectful and don’t litter. As we like to say, “Be considerate - leave only footprints.”

On On!

Mr. Whippy.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Hash Trash- Run 1499B

Another Monday, another great Hash.

A small but dedicated pack of 24 Hashers braved the traffic from town and the prospect of rain to make it out to Puipa’a for this week’s run, kindly hosted by Sina.

Pussy Snatcher, Schannelle and I arrived as fast as traffic allowed armed with the best BYO we could find in our kitchen – half a packet of Pringles, some sour cream, and a tin of fruit salad. Fail.

The trail was set by Ring Ring (more on that later), and led us through someone’s backyard into the bush. Other than almost stepping on a giant pig, I enjoyed the off-road trail and somehow managed to stay not-too-far behind the boys at the front, Zsa Zsa, Schannelle and Pussy Snatcher.

GM for the week was Eveready.

The only newbie was Laauli Paul, a very youthful looking 24 year old brought along by AC/DC. Karaoke seemed very interested to know if he was married. He was not.

The retreads were Pussy Snatcher and David. Pussy Snatcher had been overseas for six weeks, spending some time with his Snatched Pussy and travelling. David had been in Copenhagen with fellow Hashers Screamer and “Palusami”, i.e. Poumuli. David piked out on the Copenhagen Hash due to the -6 degrees weather.

SOTB pulled up Gordon Ramsay for not declaring himself a retread. Gordon Ramsay, living up to his Hash name, hit SOTB with a pair of tongs.

Schannelle drank for leaning on a car.

Our resident shoe inspector AC/DC pulled up David for having new shoes. Brand new out of the box! David had sneakily removed his shoes before the circle and was standing barefoot, but everyone had already noticed and been blinded by the dazzling white of his shoes. Screamer tried to save her boss from drinking out of his shoe, complaining that we’d run through pig shit, but was overruled by the pack, who made David follow Hash tradition. “Tastes like rubber, with slight aftertaste of pig”, observed the shoe-sculling connoisseur.

Our hare Ring Ring was nominated for trying to bribe some locals to set the run for her, and locking her keys in her car in the process.

The GM gave Tammy an award for actually doing the Hash run for once. She usually turns up late.

Pussy Snatcher drank for only just making it to Hash, complaining that it was too far to come, when he has spent the last six weeks gallivanting around the world.

Lewinsky nominated David for the “serious crime” of drinking out of an official Hash mug in the circle.

Your scribe received the most improved runner award. Usually I’m with the walkers but this week was at the front of the pack. Like that week I couldn’t finish my beer, I think this week’s run was an anomaly, and not likely to be repeated!

During the run, the boys at the front of the pack decided the set trail wasn’t enough for them and went for an extra run. What is this, some kind of fitness club? Zsa Zsa, Schannelle and Pussy Snatcher drank. Zsa Zsa actually drank his Vailima reasonably fast, and was coughing and spluttering away after.

Lewinsky was nominated for standing up his own sister. Poor form, Lewinsky!

In typical Selena-and-Tony-Blair fashion, last week’s Hash turned into a huge night. What will we do without them? After the beer ran out at 11pm, Schannelle realised some of his stuff had been stolen. Good Samaritan Screamer offered him a lift home, but instead of taking him to his house, she took him back to her house! “I don’t make the news, I just report it,” said Eveready. Screamer drank.

“But that’s not the end of the story!” said the GM. Schannelle was given another down down for having a king size bed, even though he is a single guy.

Godfather was given a down down for planning to leave early after the circle. The down down must have had some effect, because he was playing his ukulele and singing for some time after the circle. Ring Ring drank too, for trying and failing to play the ukulele as Godfather drank.

Little Lani was given a down down as it was her last Hash before she heads back to New Zealand. “She wants to go home, but doesn’t want to leave Hash,” said Karaoke. I have it on good authority that Lani will return to Hash and Samoa again, and, yes, Hashmen, she will be of legal age by then.

Schannelle nominated Karaoke for blocking the driveway at Lotopa when he was trying to move house last Saturday. He said she drove to the cake shop at the end of the driveway and back twice in a few minutes. “It’s my road!” defended Karaoke. Eveready pitched in that Schannelle seemed to have an excessive amount of stuff to move. Put to a vote, Schannelle was made to drink. “That’s the last time I give a nomination!” he said.

Sassy gave SOTB a down down for breaking into Ring Ring’s car to get her keys. “Everything I know I learnt from my mother,” said SOTB. “I taught you good manners!” retorted Sassy.

Please note: things started to get a little messy around here, as our smaller-than-normal circle endeavoured to make its way through the keg, so please excuse any discrepancies in my reporting from here on in.

Snake nominated Lewinsky for failing to provide Diet Cokes. Snake went and bought some. Snake then accused Lewinsky of pretending he had bought them when the GM asked for one. Lewinsky declared this a “serious conspiracy”, saying “I would never disrespect the GM”.

SOTB gave Sassy a media award for making the New Zealand news. Someone asked Sassy for a verbatim transcript. “Ah, just give me the drink,” said Sassy.

Schannelle then nominated Pussy Snatcher and Little Lani for talking in the circle. This was declared a “successful cockblock” as after drinking Lani was made to stand three places away from Pussy Snatcher, with Schannelle, SOTB, and Snake in between them.

Snake nominated the person who posted the great photo of Godfather on the blog that day, as a “lovely photo of Samoa in yesteryear”. Godfather stands with a group of paddlers, with a big “mandlebar moustache” and a great head of hair. The photo came from Flash Gordon, whose nearest relative SOTB drank.

Eveready nominated your scribe, Pro Boner and Tammy for being no shows at Selena and Tony Blair’s farewell at Tropicana last Friday. We had told Eveready we would show up in red dresses! A Hashman was to blame, for inviting us down to Lalomanu that night – AC/DC!

Sassy nominated Ring Ring for not clearing it with the matriarch of family across the road before running through their backyard. The matriarch was mad and only calmed down when she saw Godfather and his pe’a tattoo.

SOTB, Snake and Lewinsky were nominated for telling chauvinistic jokes. They’re not worth repeating here (or anywhere); ask SOTB, Snake or Lewinsky if you really need to know.

Sassy then gave SOTB and Gordon Ramsay an award for eating dog. SOTB and Gordon claimed it was lamb. “Was the dog’s name Lamb?” someone asked. Sassy drank for a false accusation.

SOTB nominated Lewinsky for asking his sister to cover his shift so he could go fishing. Pro Boner pitched in that this was only three hours after he stood her up. Lewinsky’s lame excuse was that “I’m only a Hashman, and I like to fish.” Somehow after a vote, though, Pro Boner ended up drinking, although I don’t see how this was her fault.

To finish things off, Snake gave a down down to everyone who hadn’t drunk yet – Fang, Mr Whippy, and Laauli

The 1500 run was then discussed – a theme is needed, please send SOTB your suggestions – and the circle was closed.

Your scribe had a late night, drinking with the boys until past midnight. See you all next week!

On On!

Lesbian Vampire Killer.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Hash 1500th Run Theme

There was some discussion at the run last night about a theme for our 1500th Run. For those who might have some ideas, please post a comment below, or email me '' and send me your ideas. We will put it on a poll over the next week or so and hashers can vote on what they think the theme for the 1500th Run will be.

On On

Monday, January 18, 2010

Hash Run 1499B- Puipaa

Morning to you all...
Sina Retzlaff-Lima has kindly offered to host today's run at Puipaa. This will be a BYO Food Run and hash will provide the drinks. The details/Directions are below on the map. Please make sure you bring something to throw on the BBQ or a salad to accompany the meats. Which ever is easiest for you. Run starts normal time @ 1730Hrs

On On

Back in the days...

Here's a shot of Godfather back in the days...

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Hash Trash 1499A - Tony Blair & Selena

This week’s run was the end of an era – our last Hash run at Selena and Tony Blair’s house. Our dear Selena and Tony Blair are leaving the Apia Hash this week after four years in Samoa. Eveready and Karaoke hosted a great farewell party for the couple on Saturday, with amazing food (that taro!), delicious cake, and a cooler full of mojito made by Selena that was very, very drinkable.

In masks and Mardi Gras beads the Hashers set off for the final Tuaefu run. I was with the walkers and at one point we encountered some runners who appeared to have gone on a false trail through a river and were returning to the road. It was a typically hot afternoon and I was happy to finish the walk and start socialising.

Taking over GM duties for one night only was Eveready, who began with a faux pas, announcing this as “Carmen and Ludo’s last night”. Presented with his beer, SOTB suggested Eveready “pretend it’s a mojito”.

I counted 43 Hashers in the circle, a good size and a big increase from the last couple of weeks as we welcome back regulars like Zsa Zsa and Screamer who have returned from overseas.

The new boots were Va from New Zealand, brought along by Mele; Jules, brought along by Selena and Tony Blair; Blakey from America brought along by myself; Shane from Australia and Papua New Guinea, brought along by Slippery; Cindy and Gina from Hawaii brought along by Lewinsky; Jane from Australia; and Paul from New Zealand.

Shane announced he is here for 18 months... and not married. “Brace yourself!” cried Lewinsky. Paul from New Zealand won many hearts and got a round of applause by announcing he is in Samoa to build a house for his mum. He is looking forward to being a “Hashie”.

The retreads were Mele, Venom and Snakebite, Screamer, Zsa Zsa and FBI.

Our teenage Hash Marys Va and Little Lani both wore new shoes and were made to drink out of them. They did well. “You girls rock!” someone said.

An award was then dished out to those who failed to understand the concept of a mask. Swinger wore a tinsel wig, Hobbs had an Indian headdress, Adam had what someone described as a “big condom” on his head, Mele used a big leaf and cut eyes out of it, SOTB was wearing a plastic bag on his head, and FBI had a Santa Hat and those sunglasses again, which he described as a “Bro Ho Ho” mask. All drank.

Eveready had kindly named one of the avocado trees on his farm Carmen, after Selena. He brought Tony Blair some avocados from the Carmen tree. The GM recounted their conversation: “Did you eat Carmen?” Eveready had asked. “Yes,” said Tony Blair. “Was it good?” said Eveready. “Oh, you mean the avocado!” said Tony Blair. Karaoke then rightfully asked whether Eveready had named a tree after her!

The next down down went to the “three amigos” who went in the pool before the circle – FBI, Schanell and Zsa Zsa.

At the farewell party on Saturday, Eveready had asked if anyone could play the ukulele when Godfather is away. Swinger had said that he could play. Overhearing this, BB laughed and laughed. Someone suggested was that the instrument may need to be tuned? “It’s well tuned, baby!” retorted BB. Swinger and BB drank, finishing at the same time.

Pro Boner was given the Global Warming award for following in Tammy’s footsteps and wearing a sexy red dress out last Friday night. Eveready said, “While I don’t know if her car overheated, I know the guys did!”

Mele said she had a nomination, but had already had a number of down downs and couldn’t remember what it was. She was made to drink, and when pushed, nominated your scribe for failing to tell her about the farewell party. “You had food poisoning!” I said, but to no avail. We drank, and, thank god, it appears I have returned to form after the minor blip in my drinking career last week. I returned to my corner of the circle to high fives and a sigh of relief from all concerned.

SOTB nominated BB and Ring Ring for failing as hare raisers. BB said she’d been in Australia, and had to keep an eye on Swinger. Ring Ring had no excuse.

Snake gave the Wannabe award to Lewinsky, who was sporting a mask that made him look like a “hangman or an executioner”. And if not a hangman or executioner, a porn star. “Tough crowd!” Lewinsky said.

SOTB gave Mr Whippy a well deserved award for improvements to the blog.

Crash and Delicious were given the latecomer award.

Tony Blair and Selena drank because it was their 100th Hash run. Selena slowly finished her beer herself for once, encouraging the crowd to keep singing as she did.

In the best award of the night, FBI nominated Sassy for being overdressed. Sassy looked great in red pants and a black top. Upon receiving this award, Sassy strutted into the centre of the circle, did a yoga pose known as the downward dog to show off her assets, showed off her muscles and legs, and generally strutted her stuff. Eveready called that since the guys were all now standing at attention, Sassy was to be known as Blow Job for the rest of the night. Mr Whippy then interrupted with a Very Important Announcement – Wayne had been pouring beer everywhere. Wayne and Blow Job drank.

Pirate Princess nominated the GM for asking her last week if there was any diet coke left. When she said no, he asked if she had any milk left! Eveready claimed he had asked if there was any juice left, but to no avail. Karaoke piped up, “I always give him milk!”

Karaoke gave Little Lani an award for being too shy to go up to the keg to get beer because of a boy that was near there. A mortified Lani drank.

Karaoke then questioned why Adam and Wayne were still in country when they were due to leave Samoa last week. Lewinsky piped up that he knew why – they had been courting some local ladies. “They wanted to star in my movie!” said Lewinsky, the wannabe porn director.

Godfather judged best mask, giving the best Hash Mary mask to Selena and the best Hash Man mask to Schanell. Poor Zsa Zsa, who had spent a good deal of last Saturday making the gladiator helmet/mask Schanell was wearing for a toga party missed out as he forgot to bring his own.

Blow Job gave SOTB an award for “almost breaking my heart” by risking his life out surfing the big waves and coming away battered and bruised. The GM said SOTB is not allowed to die until he produces some grandkids. SOTB then nominated Vai Vai for slipping over at the swimming pool and injuring himself. SOTB’s beer was gone quick as a flash.

Selena and Tony Blair were given a final down down as hosts. Selena said that Hash is her family, and how in good times and in bad, the Hash people have been there for her. The Hash Anthem, ‘Swing Low, Sweet Chariot’ was sung in their honour.

Before the circle was closed, the 1500th run was discussed. The 1500th run will be delayed for a few weeks to get things organised. 1500 runs means Apia Hash has been going for close to 30 years. “It started long before I was born,” said our youthful GM. Check the blog for further details soon.

As usual for Selena and Tony Blair’s house, after the run, everyone ended up in the pool. Slippery and Zsa Zsa were both inappropriately attired in Speedos. “We’re not in Europe!” Schanell implored. Selena, Blow Job, Ring Ring and Karaoke showed the younger ladies how it’s done, dancing and showing off.

Farewell to our excellent hosts, all the best with your next adventure, hope you find your way back to Apia Hash one day.

On On!

Lesbian Vampire Killer

Monday, January 11, 2010

Hash Trash - 1499

Our first 2010 Hash was once again kindly hosted by Lewinsky, POD , Happy Feet and Pro Boner out at Taumeasina.

It had been a really rainy day but by 5:30 it had cleared up and was a beautiful temperature for a nice long Hash run set on flour by SOTB and Lewinsky.

At twilight POD called the circle, her last as GM before she takes a few months off to have a mini-POD.

I counted 27 people in the circle, a decent size following the Christmas and New Year break.

The new boots were Cheena and Neeve from Wellington, brought along by Lewinsky. Wayne and Lisa from the Gold Coast claimed they’d also been brought along by Lewinsky. Our Hash recruitment officer was given a down down.

The retreads were Orgy Georgie, Adam, Chris and Karaoke. Orgy Georgie shot himself in the proverbial foot by claiming his reason for missing Hash was because he’d lost his shoes and had to get new ones. Adam had some lame excuse about living overseas. Chris said he’d missed approximately 1200 Hashes and hadn’t done a Hash Run for about 33 years.* Chris’s excuse was that he’d been busy manufacturing children. “Does your wife know?” POD quipped. A confused Karaoke thought she had been to Hash, and didn’t know why she was a retread.

Orgy Georgie was made to drink out of his shoe. He complained that his shoes weren’t new. Our tough GM retorted, “They’re new to Hash!”

New Year’s Eve was naturally a hotbed of Hash indiscretions. Tammy, Pro Boner and Schanell were all caught out.

Our girl Tammy was nominated for advertising at the Why Not bar for wearing a very sexy red dress.

Pro Boner was given the Hulk Hogan award. She has a predilection for picking people up and hugging them when she’s drunk. On New Year’s Eve Pro Boner picked up her brother Lewinsky at On the Rocks, only to end up On the Floor.**

Schanell was given the Mr Discrete or My Hypocrisy award for complaining about how small a place Samoa is and how you can’t do anything without anyone noticing. Later on he was witnessed very publicly pashing on with someone on the Why Not dance floor! Way to be discrete Schanell!

With Hot Nuts away, Karaoke nominated Tony Blair for the Squashed Nuts award. God, it’s embarrassing even recapping this award. Karaoke claimed Tony Blair had sat on her lap, “Hey, wait a minute!” Eveready interjected, and that she could feel his squashed nuts. POD claimed Karaoke then said “Come back and give me more!” Karaoke replied “I prefer my Samoan nuts!” Karaoke drank, and Eveready manfully finished the drink. “I need gas for tonight,” he said.

The Celebrity award went to Godfather for being nominated for Person of the Year in the Observer. Well done Godfather! In Godfather’s absence the down down was given to his closest relative... Kamikaze! Kamikaze and Godfather obviously have a strong physical resemblance due to their similar hairstyles. “Where’s Snake?” asked an incredulous Kamikaze.

Happy Feet had also been seen in the background on TV so dad Lewinsky was made to drink.

The nominations were opened to the floor. Sassy nominated Mr Whippy for being the only person to actually run in last week’s modest Hash.

Your scribe nominated Slippery for being inappropriately attired on Christmas Day at Samoana. After a night dive he stripped down to his Speedos and stood talking to one of my girlfriends for ages right in front of the main fale.

SOTB nominated Sassy and Little Lani for leaning on coconut trees. Both were served beer, which Lani looked concerned about but managed to down well despite presumably having quite a few years before reaching legal drinking age here.

Kiwi and Adam were given down downs for being attached to their cell phones.

Tammy nominated SOTB for a piker award for leaving Why Not at 9:30am after New Year’s Eve, claiming he was going to get food and come back, but never coming back. POD took it to a vote to determine if Tammy was being unreasonable for considering 9:30am New Year’s Day morning ‘piking’. Tammy was made to drink.**

Tammy nominated SOTB for a piker award for leaving the bar at 9:30am on New Year’s Day claiming he was just going to get something to eat and then come back, but he didn’t. POD took it to the floor to see if Tammy was being unreasonable for calling 9:30am after New Year’s Eve piking. Tammy was made to drink.***

In another award I’m a bit embarrassed to recap, Tony Blair claimed that one of the rules of Hash is that you don’t eat until after the circle is finished, but Pirate Princess had been feeding her daughter. Tony Blair wanted dad, Captain Mortein, to drink. Tony Blair was made to join him for “being a perve”. Pirate Princess cleverly retorted, “Do you want some susu as well?”

In yet another award I’m embarrassed to recap, Eveready said he’d been swimming with a Hash Mary who’d forgotten her bikini and had to swim in a lava lava. A big wave went over, and Eveready wondered why Selena was staring at him, only to realise it was her nipples staring at him! He wished to nominate Selena for the Full Monty award. POD pulled him up on the fact that this event occurred around the time of the Christmas Hash, which was at least three weeks ago. Eveready retorted, “You think I can forget it? It’s burned into my memory!” Eveready was made to drink for not letting go of the past.

Eveready than nominated Tammy for making her car overheat, perhaps due to that sexy red dress she was wearing? Taking right of reply, Tammy said it was a car that she’d had sent over from New Zealand that had overheated, not the one she was driving while wearing that dress.

Sassy nominated SOTB and Adam for guilting her into coming to Hash, when her New Year’s Resolution is to be healthy and not drink too much. Taking the right of reply, SOTB made a long rant about how he said he was going to Hash to have a chat to and say goodbye to Adam, who leaves soon, but he didn’t ask Sassy to come. Adam said he didn’t want to drink because he had to leave and go to dinner with his grandma who has trouble understanding him at the best of times, let alone while he is slurring. Lewinsky said, “Is that all you’ve got?” Sassy drank.

Adam then nominated Wayne for having had a three hour massage earlier that day then complaining that his legs felt a bit tight after the run. Wayne drank.

Tony Blair nominated Slippery, our resident Hash Flash, for bringing his underwater camera with him. Slippery replied, “I thought it was going to rain!” Rather hilariously, as Slippery drank, Mr Whippy was given the camera to take photos, but ended up having it around the wrong way and took photos of himself!

Tony Blair than nominated Kamikaze for claiming to have ten children, but no wife. Kamikaze admitted that he doesn’t have any kids. POD gave Kamikaze a down down for advertising but lying.

SOTB nominated Chris for claiming to have missed Hash for 33 years, when it’s only been going for 25 for so. Chris pointed out that Hash has actually been going for far longer than 33 years, having started in Kuala Lumpur, Malaya (now Malaysia) in 1938: SOTB drank.

Being PODs farewell as GM, she passed her farewell down down to your scribe-cum-whipping Mary, yours truly. Having not had any down downs all evening, I was given a double. The glasses were big, the beer ice cold. And I Crashed. And. Burned. I don’t know what happened, but I struggled from the start and had to pass my second glass to SOTB to finish. I have never required a whipping boy before. I appear to have lost my sculling mojo and am more than a little freaked out about it. Tune in next week to see if this is a temporary blip in my drinking career or something more serious.

Captain Mortein then nominated the GM herself for dangerous driving. Heckled by the circle for the poor form of nominating our heavily pregnant GM, Mortein is made to drink himself.

The circle is closed, On On is called, the Hashers dig in to Eveready’s stellar spicy eggplant curry, and start gearing up for the 1500th run, which will now occur in a few weeks’ time when everyone is back and things are organised.

On On!

Lesbian Vampire Killer.

* That doesn’t add up. If there’s 52 Hashes a year, and he’d missed 33 years of Hash, that should be about 1700 runs.
**Your scribe also saw Pro Boner at Why Not on New Year’s Eve at about 3am and received a Hulk Hogan hug. When I asked what she’d been up to that night, she said she was too drunk to answer!
***Tammy confided to your scribe that her New Year’s Eve continued right through to 1pm New Year’s Day, ending up at Myna’s in that sexy red dress.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

More Hash Photos Posted!

Be sure to check out the latest Hash Photo albums:
Many thanks to Slippery for all the great photos. And thanks to Team Desirable for the Perimeter Relay photos. Down down to Mr. Whippy for waiting over a month before posting Slippery's Hash 1492 & 1494 photos!

Friday, January 08, 2010

Hash Run 1499A - Tony Blair and Selena's @ Tuaefu

Hash Run 1499A

Tony Blair and Selena have kindly offered their home next week for our 1499A Run. It is supposed to be our 1500th Run but Mismanagement has postponed it until we can figure out how we want to celebrate this momentous occasion.

Tony Blair and Selena have requested that everyone wear a mask and celebrate an early Mardi Gras! Bring some beads too :)

Please note that this is a BYO Food Run, so bring something to throw on the BBQ or something pre-cooked and hash will provide the drinks. Bring some swimmers and a change of clothes if you fancy a dip in the pool after the run.

Run starts at 1730 HRS

On On

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

1500th Run

Next week will be our 1500th Run. If you have any ideas, please post comments at the end of this message. Mismanagement is still trying to decide what to do for this momentous occasion. All ideas are welcomed.

On On

Monday, January 04, 2010

Hash Run 4/1/10

Today's run will be hosted by Lewinsky, POD, Happy feet and Pro Boner at Taumeasina. Please note that this will be a BYO Food Run and hash will provide the keg as per the norm. The BBQ will be there so bring something to throw on the BBQ and get wet in the rain.
On On