Thursday, March 31, 2011

Hash Run 1562- Snake Pit

Afternoon all...Hopefully you enjoyed the run on Monday...Next weeks run will be at the Snake Pit and being the first Monday of the month, it will be a BYO Food Run. So please don't all bring sausages..and try and mix it up a bit.. :)

Run starts normal time (1730 Hrs) and there will be a keg. Snake has also told me to put this on the Blog. "Bring a change of Clothes as chances are you will get wet" don't pike out just because of that little message from Snake...At the moment, there is no theme for this run but check back on Monday just in case its been updated.

See you all on Monday.

On On

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Hash Run 1561- SOTB & Tooth Fairy - Letogo

Morning All,

Next weeks run will be Hosted by SOTB and Tooth Fairy (and Sassy, in spirit) at Letogo at Sassy's house...he he. Head out along the east coast road and follow the maps....its not that difficult!

The hosts will be providing food/bbq so no need to bring anything. There will also be a keg as per the norm and an interesting run...bring a change of clothes :)

When you get to the house, pls park your cars down on the road and walk up and don't block the driveway :) Make sure your cars is nicely parked on the side and not in the ditch..

Run will start normal time: 1730Hrs
If you get lost, and you don't know how to read a map, call SOTB on 7500767

On On

Hash Trash 1560

Greetings Hashers. Wahoo and I are back from Niue and were pleasantly surprised to have a new venue to run from. The Hash was hosted by Slim Shady, Tasha and Catherine in Moamoa. It was a bit tricky to find, but most showed up on time. The run had been set on flour which is always a bit risky when we have inclement rain. I also noticed some dogs licking it up when they weren’t busy barking at the hashers. So a bit tough but we found the trail, which took us mostly by road up towards the Chanel College. There we ground to a halt as the next village was under curfew for sa. We actually had that problem once before a year or so ago, and then only half the runners cleared the village in time. So we set off back again, found a crossroad that eventually took us back to the house. No dog bites on anyone but a close call for some. The run was on the theme of Lesbian Vampire Killer, and several Hashers had permanent stains administered by Snake to resemble blood. He should get an award next week for making us look like idiots at work the next day.

Son of the Bitch has taken over as GM as per last Hash, and called the large circle to order. There was one new to Hash, Sala from Japan, brought by Ninja and was apparently lesbian, or maybe it was lost in translation? There were many Rethreads – Fang, Tooth Fairy, Slippery, Kiwi, Skunk, Mana, Trina, Buzzer and Schumacher. Since we had two kegs the GM ordered them all to drink for slackness. The Shoe Inspector Snake nearly had to drink from his very new looking shoes, but was saved by Pussysnatcher’s wrinkled nose. Snake was made to take the award for not spotting any new shoes.

Celebrity Awards went to Wahoo (on TV during the Blues-Hurricanes game), Swinger (for false accusation on Trina) and Don (for not producing evidence that Godfather had been in the paper. Poumuli had to join in for not scanning the papers when in Niue.

The GM gave a Sneaky Fishing Award to Captain Mortein for illegally catching snakes in the harbour, which was doubled because of his sunglasses. Strangler got a Violated Award for having his house broken into and only to be told to go see the officer in the Sex Crimes Unit. It was pointed out that with pants like those he was wearing he should be violated.

The Hash Mugs were yet again absent, so closest living relative to Crash Bandicoot, Lewinsky, had to step up. Another GM award, the Nut Case Driver Award went to Do Me Twice for driving with a ciggy, cellphone and slamming the wheel. That is NOT multi-tasking. A Dereliction of Duty Award went to newly appointed Hash BBQ Captain Mortein who was rather getting grumpy. PS had been bopping about during the Hash Song and got a Lack of Rhythm Award.

On to the Hare – 1000 dogs, sa in the middle of the trail, and poorly laid flour in the middle of the road, so Slim Shady was joined by Crime who hadn’t turned up to help like he said he would. It was also the first time in ages that the Hash Horn Monica had been on the trail, so Tiger Woody got a Lousy Blower Award.
The GM had been informed that a certain Hashman had tried to chat up Wahoo’s married sister during an after-game festivity, in front of the rather large husband. Cockblocker was overseas, so Wahoo had to do the award for him, joined by a Vicious Dogkicking Award to Tasha for nearly booting a mangy one out of the yard. Pro Bona has now also passed the NZ Bar and got the Sue Your Ass in 2 Countries Award. Snake and Fang got the Hash Gratitude Award for finally donating the BBQ to Hash.

Schumacher got the FOB Award for not being able to open a coconut after all these years and making his wife do it. A more disturbing bit of news was that Wane knew the legal age for intercourse for girls around the world – Clear Perving Award. Latecummer Christina took the award for not following own directions and for leaving Hash that night.

Zsa Zsa handed over the Dome of Silence to Snake, although competition for over-chattiness was fierce. He neglected to mention how stinky the Dome has become. Zsa Zsa was called back in the circle for interfering where he shouldn’t – something about boobies falling out – Transylvanian Pervert Award. Schumacher nominated Spanky for the Optimistic Persistence Award for not listening to his advice on availability of a young man, but getting the job done!

Strangler nominated Slim Shady for denigrating Hash by hanging over the side of Rock the Boat and huckering, who then tried to implicate Chilindrina for feeding her all that tequila in the first place. You can respect Mexican culture without tequila, methinks.

Snatch nominated Jo for referring to PS as hot, young and muscular. Wonder which one of them needs glasses. Poumuli nominated POD for dinging Lewinsky on the run, or body slamming as she called it and demonstrated. Snake felt that not all of Hash had lived up to the spirit of the theme. Eveready thought Snatch had dressed as a Lesbian, and joined her in the award. Eveready had been called three times by Wax for directions, but she had been following Strangler. For Poor Sense of Direction the GM had to step up, especially since his cellphone went off at that exact moment. Snatch nominated Dan for offering bone-breaking treatments in exchange for free food. Tasha gave Tooth Fairy the Hiding Food Award for insisting that the BBQ should be out back.

Spanky, who by now was singing loudly, noticed that DMT wasn’t even trying. She was joined by serial leaner Captain Mortein. Snatch nominated Ninja for trying to dob in his jealous wife, when he was at Hash with two girls. Snatch had to join them out of lesbian solidarity.

We then had a naming ceremony for departing Hashers Jo and Dan. Henceforth they will be known as Cockjockey and Bonecrusher. They were farewelled together with Christine.

As the beer was still flowing, Slim Shady nominated Alfred for being a good host, but he can’t light a fire! On that note the GM felt compelled to congratulate the Brewmaster with a big one. Fang got the Garlic Thief Award for trying to get her hands on POD’s ula (made from garlic to ward off vampires).

Latecummer Sassygirl BJ was saluted and then the Host and the Hare, with only Slim Shady and Tasha remaining standing.

Spanky will be starting a more proactive calendar for our upcumming runs, specifically for Mondays. So our next two confirmed runs are next week at Sassy’s house (theme should be cat’s away, SOTB will play) hosted by Tooth Fairy and SOTB. The week thereafter will be at Slippery’s by NUS.

SOTB will be posting the directions, and your Scribe will be absent for two Hashes, so hope the GM can convince someone to do this.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Friday, March 18, 2011

Hash Run 1560 - Moamoa

Morning All,
Hash next week is being hosted by Slim Shady, Tasha and Catherine in Moamoa. The Theme for the run will be "Vampires", so wear a vampire outfit if you have one, or dress in black or purple.

The hosts have kindly offered to provide the food so this is NOT a byo run. There will also be a 2nd keg on tap as the hosts want to party it up...

Directions: Head up to Moamoa, go past the Sinamoga bridge, and keep heading up the road, on the right hand side, there will be a sign pointing out the turn off to the house. Below is also a map for those that cant figure it out... :) If you really get lost, call Tasha on 7721947


Thursday, March 17, 2011

Hash Trash- Run 1559

Run#1559 was hosted by Hot Nuts and Nutcracker at their beautiful home in Vaoala. We thank them for hosting last minute, as we were lost for a location (Thanks Do me Twice). The run was a steep jungly sweaty mess but all survived and made it home! POD was our sparkling GM for the last time this week and we are grateful for all her support throughout the time she GM'd.
We held a minute of silence for all the people who have suffered due to natural disaster in the recent past; Christchurch, Queensland, and Japan were foremost in our minds and hearts.
There were many new faces in the circle this time, Ninja brought half of Japan to the circle, and we were happy to welcome them and Swinger and CB brought a clutch of greenies from Conservation International (who have been drinking more than working). Andrew was visiting from Melbourne, as was Emma.
Retreads: Lesbian Vampire Killer made a resurrection and showed up after a one year hiatus, Home and Away won the prize for having missed three years worth of Hash, and Snake came out of the grass to take his down down like a man.
As for New Shoes, Yoshi still had the size stickers left on his shoes, which forced him to drink, but Ninja had not informed him of this very important rule and thus had to drink out of the other shoe- a very gross thing for us to watch.
Swinger was awarded “Lecherous Old Man” for telling a young attractive Blonde that he was turning 40 when in truth he was turning 44- He claims no memory of this, as any old man would. For the most inappropriate birthday gift, Hot Nuts presented Swinger with a “Wally Washer” supposed for washing dishes but most evidently for washing other bits too. Both drank.
CB drank for “Ring Abuse” and “Toilet Tantrums”, no one likes to be rubbed by a floatation device nor have pee dripping down their toilet. Karaoke was given the “Pussy Replicator” award for making a vagina cake, and Eveready was awarded the “Pussy Consultant award” for vagina critique. No celebrity awards because Poumuli was absent. Joe and Dan for dancing like freaks and for winning Chicken “For all the skinny white girls”. Latecomer award went to TittyG and Pussysnatcher.
Vampire nominated slimshady for getting her departure date wrong and throwing a Vampire party without her. Do me Twice for just being annoying. Gag me drank for “Chip Sandwich” and because she leaves soon. Rebecca, Wax, and Slimshady for not getting anyone’s name right. Snake for fixating on Pirate Princess’ breastfeeding. GM gave the new list of Mismanagement:

Hash Cash- Sassy/POD
Hash Trash- Poumuli
Hash Haberdash- Slimshady
Hash Flash- Slippery
Hare- Crime
Hare raiser- Spanky
Brew Master- Lewinsky
Hash Mugs- Crash
Hash BBQ- Captain Mortein
Captain Mortein was caught eating in the circle and then tried to pass it to his kids as if any of us believed that! He drank for his sin! Drinks were had for outgoing GM for a job well done. Drinks for the Hare and Host, Dan & Joe and DO Me Twice.
Food was had, vagina cake was eaten, and incoming GM reconvened the circle as his first act as “Cartman”. A farewell song was sung for Vampire and Brynne and then some of the burlier members of the circle chucked Vampire’s blood-sucking butt in the pool.
Fun was had by all!

Written by Slimshady & Vampire.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Hash Run 1559 - Bank Street

Morning All, trust you all had a great weekend.

Today's run will be hosted by Do me twice, Dan and Jo up at Hot Nuts and Nut Crackers home in Vaoala (Bank Street). No theme for the run, just turn up with your running gear and a change of clothes.

Please note that it is also a BYO Food run. There will be a BBQ there, so pls bring something to contribute to throw on the BBQ or a salad or something. There will be a Keg as per the norm.

See the Map for Directions.

On On

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Hash Trash 1558

The Hash was hosted by Princess of Darkness and Lewinsky at their home in Taumeasina. It was a overcast day, which cleared up by the time the run started. A fully fledged marathon had been set by Ring Ring, who took us through the mangrove reserve and way up to the Fagalii airport road, then meandered back past angry mangy dogs and back to the house. Many were spent for breath and the ocean beckoned.

Eveready was ready to GM, and called forth the birthday girl, Happy Feet, which Snatch mistakenly mangled, so she got the first award of the evening. “Journalists should check their facts!”

There was one new visitor to Hash, Kathy who lives here, and was brought by Wild Turkey. The rethreads were Rebecca from NZ, Wax, and Nileema (who had been away on pleasure!). No new shoes were found, and no shoe inspector either.

The GM had noted that the music at Hash was somewhat more melodic, and demanded that Godfather take a Ukulele Award for his new strings. He demurred from drinking from the ukulele, but it was certainly dribbled upon. On the same (false) note, the GM demanded to know what was happening to the ukulele lessons that Godfather was graciously supplying, and the hapless stringers Cockblocker, Zsa Zsa and Swinger too the Useless Pupils Award. Zsa Zsa demonstrated the can’t play, can’t drink principle.
Celebrity Awards went to Poumuli (Vanuatu Daily Post), Greenie (elections) and Snatch (apparently also known as ardent rock thrower from Savaii). This Day in History went to Captain Mortein (1st International Womens Day inaugurated in Copenhagen 1911), Wax (its St. John’s Day) and Jeff (Labour Day in WA). It was also Wahoo’s birthday on Sunday, and because your Scribe was busy she had to be helped by Dawn Raid.

In addition to Wahoo’s bash, the GM had been informed that another party had taken place, without the knowledge of the house occupants! Eager partiers had been calling Zsa Zsa in the Cook Islands to ask for directions to the party, at which apparently Bunga Bunga showed how Bunga Bunga was done, getting the natives to stand to attention. Fittingly she had to be assisted by Gag Me.

As we all know the GM is an avid and perfectionist guacamole producer, and he always brings some to Hash. But last week someone thieved his avocadoes, and he was also informed that the illicit party had resulted in similar purloining. Tasha and Zsa Zsa were the initial targets for this award. Screamer school-marmishly informed that Dawn Raid had abetted the crime, and eventually he, Slim Shady and Christine took the Award. On the same subject, the GM had been talking to Snatch who had complained of a bad stomach due to the guacamole produced by inferior chef Pussysnatcher, who got the Gordon Ramsey Award.

A belated Dummy Award was attempted served on Godfather for getting in the wrong line in Auckland (he was on Poly, not Air NZ), but this turned out to be Titty Galore’s fault. Godfather always looks forward to runs here at Taumeasina, but since Lewinsky didn’t set the run, he called for a Lazy Award. Sassygirl BJ nominated Dawn Raid for using the Hash run for ulterior purposes – “you take your hash seriously”, chimed Lewinsky. Greenie got a Leaning Award.

Pirate Princess nominated Captain Mortein for various traffic offenses and being stopped by the cops with an expired license, which earned her a muffled butt slap. Dan, irritated by the constant yapping across the circle, was only too happy to relinquish the Dome of Silence to Zsa Zsa, but it didn’t really work. Sassy nominated Dan for making her legs weak and seeing things, which Dan attributed to the medical condition of Severe Hangover. Sassy joined him for pre-empting the Hash Monk by calling him the Bonebreaker, courtesy of Poumuli.

Slim Shady, not wishing to be known as the Nipple Police had to confess her horror at first being told that the GM had waxed his chest, and then showing her. The GM complied. Sassy complained that Gag Me had short term memory loss for not remembering her name. She even talks to a snorkel underwater! On a roll, Sassy also nominated AC/DC for leaving. On that point, Poumuli nominated Dawn Raid for finally leaving, and himself for the lack of grief that this was finally coming to pass.
Sassy had arrived early and upon running out with the pack had heard Alan and Crime say – seriously, you’re starting on time? Poumuli assisted the GM by pointing out that the Dome of Silence wasn’t working properly. Slim Shady nominated Swinger for the Extremely Unhelpful Award for not delivering his video promise.

As far as the GM is concerned a Hash isn’t complete without an award for Screamer. Your befuddled Scribe helpfully pointed out that Screamer was making the SPREP staff look like a bunch of cheerleaders on their upcoming trip, and was forced to join. POD nominated Slim Shady for the Elevated Award for her new matai title (sorry, can’t read my writing). Poumuli got Snatch for the Dog Ate My Homework Award for no Trash. Spanky joined her for stating that no one reads the Trash.

On a serious note, Sassy nominated Greenie for his election efforts. Wild Turkey finally joined the circle and got the 5 Year Absence Award. Sassy managed to sneak in something for the BBQ assistants CB, Lewinsky and Do Me Twice, while Snatch got Sassy the Early Retardedment Award.

The Hosts and the Hare were saluted and the we chowed.

Next weeks Hash will apparently be hosted by Do Me Twice, but for the life of me I can’t remember where she lives. Check the Blog as SOTB will post. Your Scribe will again be absent for a week, but Spanky has offered to do the Trash. Picture of SOTB's boot below.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Tuesday, March 08, 2011

Hash Trash 1557

Finally the long awaited Hash Trash from star journalist Snatch, although a few edits were needed. Many thanks for your assistance in documenting this Hash and especially the namings. On On, Poumuli, IKA Slit

The Hash was hosted by Eveready, Karaoke, Delicious and Crash at their home in Lotopa.
I have no idea who the Hare was, but I’m almost certain it won't make a great difference to this blog post. Anyhow, after dodging cars, dogs, cats and the occasional drunken Lotopa resident, the trail lead to some sort a stream thingy near USP, and for the lazy ones who decided the take the short cut, it was pretty straight forward, tar sealed dusty track that only a Hasher can calmly run through without any effort or complaint.

Princess of Darkness was at the helm and was all too happy make her presence felt. New to hash were Judy and Allan from New Zealand brought by Jo and Dan the bone breaker dude, there was Felicity, Holly, Christine and Jonny who all took a down down for gracing us with their presence.

The GM was the first to take a down down after one of the newbies said her name, anyhow I think it was a set up by ProBono, but I’ll need some evidence before I can bring that to the fore.
Retreads were plenty, ProBono (galvananzing in NZ – surely gallivanting?), Schumacher (fought in a war somewhere), Dawn Raid (probably overstaying in another country) SOTB (have no idea – he was in Vegas as you point out below!)

Indeed it was the hash of the New Shoes with three sorry victims to the show drinking contest. Holly, Allan and Kiwi all drank happily from their stinking shoes for wearing them in the first place.

Celebrity awards went to Godfather and Swinger for the Vaka departure in the paper, and Wahoo had to take the down down for Poumuli who received honourable mention as sports channel ESPN at the Laughing Samoans concert!

Nominations from the floor brought forward SOTB for messing around with strippers when he was in Vegas, Swinger was nominated by PS for receiving the attentions of the Miss Samoa earlier in the week and then arriving with a hot brunette (KMB) who was not his girlfriend at Hash. Naturally PS was then awarded with the Jealousy drink for being all too envious of Swingers success with the ladies. Titty Galore arrived late and was honoured in the usual fashion, Crash was trashed by his father in law for not bringing the pig and taro in time, but it arrived and boy did we love it!

After a short period of non-silence the Monk arrived with an interesting little head dress which resembled a peacock or a WWF boxer of some sort, anyhow, four hashers were named, and one was renamed by the Monk.

Carin the Italian intern was named Bungabunga after the famous parties hosted by the infamous Berlusconi in his home. Ophelie the talkative Frenchie was honoured with the name Gag Me. Bruce from NZ and a keen banana grower or exporter was aptly named Lady Finger while his lovely wife Anne was called Dried Nuts.

Delicious was renamed Cougar, as the Monk felt it would be more appropriate.

Hare and host took a drink and the feast ensued, with the usual wonderful colours a Samoan feed!
On, on!

Monday, March 07, 2011

Hash Run 1558

Morning Hashers
Monday's hash run will be hosted by Lewinsky and POD at their home in Taumeasina. Go down past Apia Park until you see the defaced signpost for the Taumeasina reserve, where you turn left, go past some playing fields and somehow head towards the houses fronting the water. I know the map looks confusing in comparison, but its all I could salvage from SOTB's files.

Bring a change of clothes if you want to go for a swim after the run.

Check the Map for Directions and run will start at 1730 hrs

No theme has been set for the run, but will await last minute notice from POD or Lewinsky and post, and anything else that they would wish to convey. As your Scribe was absent last week and I have gotten zilch from SOTB or Snatch, I can't tell you anything!

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit