Thursday, March 10, 2011

Hash Trash 1558

The Hash was hosted by Princess of Darkness and Lewinsky at their home in Taumeasina. It was a overcast day, which cleared up by the time the run started. A fully fledged marathon had been set by Ring Ring, who took us through the mangrove reserve and way up to the Fagalii airport road, then meandered back past angry mangy dogs and back to the house. Many were spent for breath and the ocean beckoned.

Eveready was ready to GM, and called forth the birthday girl, Happy Feet, which Snatch mistakenly mangled, so she got the first award of the evening. “Journalists should check their facts!”

There was one new visitor to Hash, Kathy who lives here, and was brought by Wild Turkey. The rethreads were Rebecca from NZ, Wax, and Nileema (who had been away on pleasure!). No new shoes were found, and no shoe inspector either.

The GM had noted that the music at Hash was somewhat more melodic, and demanded that Godfather take a Ukulele Award for his new strings. He demurred from drinking from the ukulele, but it was certainly dribbled upon. On the same (false) note, the GM demanded to know what was happening to the ukulele lessons that Godfather was graciously supplying, and the hapless stringers Cockblocker, Zsa Zsa and Swinger too the Useless Pupils Award. Zsa Zsa demonstrated the can’t play, can’t drink principle.
Celebrity Awards went to Poumuli (Vanuatu Daily Post), Greenie (elections) and Snatch (apparently also known as ardent rock thrower from Savaii). This Day in History went to Captain Mortein (1st International Womens Day inaugurated in Copenhagen 1911), Wax (its St. John’s Day) and Jeff (Labour Day in WA). It was also Wahoo’s birthday on Sunday, and because your Scribe was busy she had to be helped by Dawn Raid.

In addition to Wahoo’s bash, the GM had been informed that another party had taken place, without the knowledge of the house occupants! Eager partiers had been calling Zsa Zsa in the Cook Islands to ask for directions to the party, at which apparently Bunga Bunga showed how Bunga Bunga was done, getting the natives to stand to attention. Fittingly she had to be assisted by Gag Me.

As we all know the GM is an avid and perfectionist guacamole producer, and he always brings some to Hash. But last week someone thieved his avocadoes, and he was also informed that the illicit party had resulted in similar purloining. Tasha and Zsa Zsa were the initial targets for this award. Screamer school-marmishly informed that Dawn Raid had abetted the crime, and eventually he, Slim Shady and Christine took the Award. On the same subject, the GM had been talking to Snatch who had complained of a bad stomach due to the guacamole produced by inferior chef Pussysnatcher, who got the Gordon Ramsey Award.

A belated Dummy Award was attempted served on Godfather for getting in the wrong line in Auckland (he was on Poly, not Air NZ), but this turned out to be Titty Galore’s fault. Godfather always looks forward to runs here at Taumeasina, but since Lewinsky didn’t set the run, he called for a Lazy Award. Sassygirl BJ nominated Dawn Raid for using the Hash run for ulterior purposes – “you take your hash seriously”, chimed Lewinsky. Greenie got a Leaning Award.

Pirate Princess nominated Captain Mortein for various traffic offenses and being stopped by the cops with an expired license, which earned her a muffled butt slap. Dan, irritated by the constant yapping across the circle, was only too happy to relinquish the Dome of Silence to Zsa Zsa, but it didn’t really work. Sassy nominated Dan for making her legs weak and seeing things, which Dan attributed to the medical condition of Severe Hangover. Sassy joined him for pre-empting the Hash Monk by calling him the Bonebreaker, courtesy of Poumuli.

Slim Shady, not wishing to be known as the Nipple Police had to confess her horror at first being told that the GM had waxed his chest, and then showing her. The GM complied. Sassy complained that Gag Me had short term memory loss for not remembering her name. She even talks to a snorkel underwater! On a roll, Sassy also nominated AC/DC for leaving. On that point, Poumuli nominated Dawn Raid for finally leaving, and himself for the lack of grief that this was finally coming to pass.
Sassy had arrived early and upon running out with the pack had heard Alan and Crime say – seriously, you’re starting on time? Poumuli assisted the GM by pointing out that the Dome of Silence wasn’t working properly. Slim Shady nominated Swinger for the Extremely Unhelpful Award for not delivering his video promise.

As far as the GM is concerned a Hash isn’t complete without an award for Screamer. Your befuddled Scribe helpfully pointed out that Screamer was making the SPREP staff look like a bunch of cheerleaders on their upcoming trip, and was forced to join. POD nominated Slim Shady for the Elevated Award for her new matai title (sorry, can’t read my writing). Poumuli got Snatch for the Dog Ate My Homework Award for no Trash. Spanky joined her for stating that no one reads the Trash.

On a serious note, Sassy nominated Greenie for his election efforts. Wild Turkey finally joined the circle and got the 5 Year Absence Award. Sassy managed to sneak in something for the BBQ assistants CB, Lewinsky and Do Me Twice, while Snatch got Sassy the Early Retardedment Award.

The Hosts and the Hare were saluted and the we chowed.

Next weeks Hash will apparently be hosted by Do Me Twice, but for the life of me I can’t remember where she lives. Check the Blog as SOTB will post. Your Scribe will again be absent for a week, but Spanky has offered to do the Trash. Picture of SOTB's boot below.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit


  1. Hello Hash Harry's!
    I joined in the March 7 run while writing a story on Samoa. (loved the river addition)!

    Strangler introduced me to a lovely Danish gentleman who runs kayaking - I would love to include a link to his business in my article for Voyeur (Poly Blue inflight mag). If anyone can help out, that would be wonderful, I promised!
    Warm regards
    Flip Byrnes
    * loved the run...

  2. His Details are below

    Owner: Morten Hansen
    Phone: +685 777 1814

    On On

  3. Excuse me Scribe but the award for me from Snatch was not for early retardedment...what kind of a word is that anyway? you will get a down down for stupidiment lmao!!! lets try early retirement i believe was the word uttered by the Rhodes Scholar??

  4. ooops to avoid that down down, lets make that an Oxford Scholar!!