Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Hash Trash 1560

Greetings Hashers. Wahoo and I are back from Niue and were pleasantly surprised to have a new venue to run from. The Hash was hosted by Slim Shady, Tasha and Catherine in Moamoa. It was a bit tricky to find, but most showed up on time. The run had been set on flour which is always a bit risky when we have inclement rain. I also noticed some dogs licking it up when they weren’t busy barking at the hashers. So a bit tough but we found the trail, which took us mostly by road up towards the Chanel College. There we ground to a halt as the next village was under curfew for sa. We actually had that problem once before a year or so ago, and then only half the runners cleared the village in time. So we set off back again, found a crossroad that eventually took us back to the house. No dog bites on anyone but a close call for some. The run was on the theme of Lesbian Vampire Killer, and several Hashers had permanent stains administered by Snake to resemble blood. He should get an award next week for making us look like idiots at work the next day.

Son of the Bitch has taken over as GM as per last Hash, and called the large circle to order. There was one new to Hash, Sala from Japan, brought by Ninja and was apparently lesbian, or maybe it was lost in translation? There were many Rethreads – Fang, Tooth Fairy, Slippery, Kiwi, Skunk, Mana, Trina, Buzzer and Schumacher. Since we had two kegs the GM ordered them all to drink for slackness. The Shoe Inspector Snake nearly had to drink from his very new looking shoes, but was saved by Pussysnatcher’s wrinkled nose. Snake was made to take the award for not spotting any new shoes.

Celebrity Awards went to Wahoo (on TV during the Blues-Hurricanes game), Swinger (for false accusation on Trina) and Don (for not producing evidence that Godfather had been in the paper. Poumuli had to join in for not scanning the papers when in Niue.

The GM gave a Sneaky Fishing Award to Captain Mortein for illegally catching snakes in the harbour, which was doubled because of his sunglasses. Strangler got a Violated Award for having his house broken into and only to be told to go see the officer in the Sex Crimes Unit. It was pointed out that with pants like those he was wearing he should be violated.

The Hash Mugs were yet again absent, so closest living relative to Crash Bandicoot, Lewinsky, had to step up. Another GM award, the Nut Case Driver Award went to Do Me Twice for driving with a ciggy, cellphone and slamming the wheel. That is NOT multi-tasking. A Dereliction of Duty Award went to newly appointed Hash BBQ Captain Mortein who was rather getting grumpy. PS had been bopping about during the Hash Song and got a Lack of Rhythm Award.

On to the Hare – 1000 dogs, sa in the middle of the trail, and poorly laid flour in the middle of the road, so Slim Shady was joined by Crime who hadn’t turned up to help like he said he would. It was also the first time in ages that the Hash Horn Monica had been on the trail, so Tiger Woody got a Lousy Blower Award.
The GM had been informed that a certain Hashman had tried to chat up Wahoo’s married sister during an after-game festivity, in front of the rather large husband. Cockblocker was overseas, so Wahoo had to do the award for him, joined by a Vicious Dogkicking Award to Tasha for nearly booting a mangy one out of the yard. Pro Bona has now also passed the NZ Bar and got the Sue Your Ass in 2 Countries Award. Snake and Fang got the Hash Gratitude Award for finally donating the BBQ to Hash.

Schumacher got the FOB Award for not being able to open a coconut after all these years and making his wife do it. A more disturbing bit of news was that Wane knew the legal age for intercourse for girls around the world – Clear Perving Award. Latecummer Christina took the award for not following own directions and for leaving Hash that night.

Zsa Zsa handed over the Dome of Silence to Snake, although competition for over-chattiness was fierce. He neglected to mention how stinky the Dome has become. Zsa Zsa was called back in the circle for interfering where he shouldn’t – something about boobies falling out – Transylvanian Pervert Award. Schumacher nominated Spanky for the Optimistic Persistence Award for not listening to his advice on availability of a young man, but getting the job done!

Strangler nominated Slim Shady for denigrating Hash by hanging over the side of Rock the Boat and huckering, who then tried to implicate Chilindrina for feeding her all that tequila in the first place. You can respect Mexican culture without tequila, methinks.

Snatch nominated Jo for referring to PS as hot, young and muscular. Wonder which one of them needs glasses. Poumuli nominated POD for dinging Lewinsky on the run, or body slamming as she called it and demonstrated. Snake felt that not all of Hash had lived up to the spirit of the theme. Eveready thought Snatch had dressed as a Lesbian, and joined her in the award. Eveready had been called three times by Wax for directions, but she had been following Strangler. For Poor Sense of Direction the GM had to step up, especially since his cellphone went off at that exact moment. Snatch nominated Dan for offering bone-breaking treatments in exchange for free food. Tasha gave Tooth Fairy the Hiding Food Award for insisting that the BBQ should be out back.

Spanky, who by now was singing loudly, noticed that DMT wasn’t even trying. She was joined by serial leaner Captain Mortein. Snatch nominated Ninja for trying to dob in his jealous wife, when he was at Hash with two girls. Snatch had to join them out of lesbian solidarity.

We then had a naming ceremony for departing Hashers Jo and Dan. Henceforth they will be known as Cockjockey and Bonecrusher. They were farewelled together with Christine.

As the beer was still flowing, Slim Shady nominated Alfred for being a good host, but he can’t light a fire! On that note the GM felt compelled to congratulate the Brewmaster with a big one. Fang got the Garlic Thief Award for trying to get her hands on POD’s ula (made from garlic to ward off vampires).

Latecummer Sassygirl BJ was saluted and then the Host and the Hare, with only Slim Shady and Tasha remaining standing.

Spanky will be starting a more proactive calendar for our upcumming runs, specifically for Mondays. So our next two confirmed runs are next week at Sassy’s house (theme should be cat’s away, SOTB will play) hosted by Tooth Fairy and SOTB. The week thereafter will be at Slippery’s by NUS.

SOTB will be posting the directions, and your Scribe will be absent for two Hashes, so hope the GM can convince someone to do this.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

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