Friday, December 31, 2010

Hash Run 1550- Day at the races- Part 2

Morning All,
Seeing as last week was such a blast, next weeks run will be another Day at the races at the Faleata Race Track. Please note that this is a BYO Food for the BBQ, so please bring something for the BBQ unless you aren't interested in eating..haha

In any case, the run will start at 1pm and there will most likely be a live hare unless someone wants to set the run. Please bring your drinking vessels and the normal gear for the day..There will also be a keg on the day.

On On

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Hash Trash 1549

Kia Ora from Auckland, where your Scribe and Wahoo are recuperating. The Hash was hosted by Godfather at the Faleata Horse Race Track. Given that it was a public holiday for sure the Hashers would make a mess of a starting time of 1 PM. Sure enough, the only people there when your Scribe turned up was Sassygirl BJ and SOTB. When Godfather was finally located his estimated time of arrival was not amenable to getting the run off and the beer flowing. Hence around 8 hashers set off for a walk/run around Faleata. A fairly short and sharp affair, but it got the juices flowing. At this point Godfather had turned up, and with the help of a few strong hashers, had succeeded in erecting his tents. He then decided that the lates had to run, and led them off around the compound for a much longer sojourn. But all were by now well set for the circle, which acting GM Sassy called to order.

There were a few new to hash – Sione from Australia, Alfred, Mere, Mo and Tua from Suva, and Vala from the US. The rethreads were BB (holidaying in Suva), FBI (boring other people), Jay (wishes he had been on holiday) and Uncle Fred. FBI got a double for sowing his oats in soil that he isn’t married to.

The GM set off a series of awards, giving Godfather the Latecummer Award for his unsharp arrival. Since we were at the races, one of the hash meres had been admiring the horses, but timidly asked the technical question if women jockeys can lose their virginity – Tash got this Equestrian Award. One of the hashers had turned up with a cowboy hat that looked suspiciously like a movie prop, so Pat got the Brokeback Mountain Award (where did the GM see that movie – thought it was banned in Samoa?).
On this day in history, it was the Feast Day of St James the Just (Swinger) and also the day with the largest mass hanging in history, thanks to the US who strung up 38 Indians in 1862 (Wayne and Vala). Wayne and Swinger took a double for wearing hats and glasses. Celebrity awards went to Godfather, Swinger, Poumuli, Wahoo and Uncle Fred for being in the Observer. Jay joined in for having repeatedly tested the strength of the tent by leaning on it.

A special thank you award went to SOTB for getting the beer and GM organized so a Wake Up Call Award to SOTB. The GM also took on a self promoting new hasher who claimed to be an excellent masseur with extra benefits – a Happy Ending Award to Sione, who got it doubled for starting too early.

Opening up for nominations from the floor, SOTB informed us of how a hasher had turned down an offer for a drink with Godfather in favour of resting up for the arrival of his girlfriend- Horrendous Choice Award to Swinger. SOTB also nominated the newly appointed Samoan paddling coach Jay for the Athletic Award. Wahoo also nominated Jay for his offensive tshirt – something about smoking, licking etc, but this was deemed appropriate gear, so Wahoo, Titty Galore and Tash took the down down for getting offended not aroused.

The GM had spotted a hasher playing around with Godfather’s sweet nuts – Dawn Raid got the Inappropriate Fondling Award. SOTB nominated the GM for a down down for not getting things organized, and was joined by Eveready – didn’t catch all of it but it was something related to Mr. Sassy. Jay recounted that over Christmas he had invited friends over for drinks, except that one stayed and then didn’t help clean up. After a vote it was agreed that the Slob Award for SOTB should be doubled, but that Jay should join in for Lack of Appreciation for Hashman-like Behaviour.

The GM had ruled earlier that only the elderly guests were allowed to sit, and she now spotted Ollie sitting. She also highlighted the great efforts of our new hasher at the UN, who only turns up to the Hash to try the brew – Saneka got the Just Gets Pissed Award. FBI nominated BB for the meagre Christmas presents brought back, which should have earned him an Ungrateful Award. But in true style he outdid himself a few seconds later and brought a Verbal Diarrhoea Award on himself. Swinger brought a complaint against BB as well relating to the non-arrival of his Christmas card, to which BB responded “why does he need a card when he’s got this” and suggestively posed. Unanimous vote gave Swinger the award.

At this point the GM wanted to close off the circle, and nominated the BBQ chefs Pat and SOTB, as well as their Foretaster –Poumuli. We then saluted the host and the hare – Clem stepped in for Godfather, while Poumuli was singled out as hare, resulting in the beer coming out of his nose.

The Hash then enjoyed the races and the BBQ. Dawn Raid was spotted sun worshipping later and this needs an award.

Next week’s run will also be at the racetrack. Its run number 1550 so a special one for the Apia Hash. Check the blog for any last minute details.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Friday, December 24, 2010

Hash Run 1549- Faleata Race Track/Turf Club

Morning, Hash next week will be a BYO Food Run at the Faleata Turf Club/Race Track. The run will start at 1pm. We will have our own Hash Tent setup and the Keg and BBQ will be there so bring something to throw on the BBQ or if you want, bring something pre cooked. Also, please bring your own drinking vessel and if you want to party all day long, then bring extra drinks in the event that the keg runs out..which it probably will...Bring what you would normally bring to the the swimming gear.. Map is posted below. On On and Have a Merry Xmas!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Hash Trash 1548

The Hash was hosted by Chilindrina, Carin and Ophelie off Bank Street in Vaoala. Zsa Zsa came late from work so few of us got to see him. Ring Ring was our Hare, and she had come to some agreement with Chili that there should be a run, then Zumba. Some of us were not that convinced. Anyway, the pack set off down Bank Street towards familiar grounds, led by Cockblocker and Poumuli. As we crossed the river stream, none of us bothered to check left as we have gone wrong there so many times. Er, not this time. We reacquired the trail at the top of the hill only to find ourselves back down in the stream. A protesting Ring Ring tried to get the pack to cooperate, but since we knew now where it all ended up, it was quicker to take the road route. This in turn led us under some treacherous barbed wire and into the cow pastures, where there was plenty of povipoo. Out again and under more barbed wire, we eventually just lost the trail at a falsie cross. No one actually figured out how to get back, so we all ran up the street again to have a taste of Godfathers sweet nuts.

Then Chili puts on a tight leotard, starts up the salsa music and expects all the sweating hashers to line up and, well, zumba. Sorry, but your Scribe was too stiff from the run (and was punished for it) so stood back and watched. Quite a display, as the ranks progressively got thinned out. Godfather stood out as a keen zumba’er, as well as one of the last to cease!

Sassygirl BJ stepped in as GM for the evening, and called forth those new to Hash. There was Claire from Rotorua, staying in Poutasi for 6 weeks teaching ukulele and guitar to the kids there. She brought the house down by claiming to have been brought by someone called Joey? Joy? She is accompanied by Eileen who will be assisting. Then there was Samuel from Bordeaux, who is a schoolteacher. Then there was Anne from Auckland who has been here since May and not come to Hash! Finally we have new recruits in Fig Man and Banana Doctor, from the UK and Dominican Republic respectively. The GM ordered a down down for Godfather and Claire.

The rethreads were Poumuli (saving the world in Cancun), Dawn Raid (sick), Lily (stuck in Savaii), Flo (back visiting from NZ) AND Brazilian Wax (been to Germany?). CB and SOTB (I am sure it actually stands for Satan’s Other Toy Boy) had spiked the down down with tequila (well only your Scribe’s), and were suitably punished by the GM. But she brought in Poumuli for a Perving Award for not joining in the zumba.
Hot Nuts was given the New Grandchild Award, just as Titty Galore was spotted sneaking in. She valiantly tried to get out of it but no dice. The GM recounted how while on the trail a good samaritan had tempted some hashers with the offer of a chariot ride – Lucifer Award to Tiger Woody.

The GM then asked your Scribe to tell the Hash what had happened on This Day in History. While there were several related to Lewinsky, he was absent so the only tidbit was that in 1994, the hitherto dormant Mexican volcano Popocatepel erupted, and your Scribe wondered if we had any other Mexican volcanoes! Chilindrina was most definitely not dormant! Poumuli had to join the award for getting Sassy’s celebrity front page wrong. (Should have let Dawn Raid take that one, as he brought me the paper!) However, a true celebrity was found in that in Mexico there is an entire class of peanuts called Snatch!

Opening it up for nominations from the floor, SOTB brought that old chestnut of how a seasoned hasher like Captain Mortein still cannot open a coconut. CB sought to have the grumpy one punished further for perving at the zumba and moving around for a better view, but after a vote this became a double for CB instead.
Brazilian diplomatically enquired whose son this was that he spotted leaning – step forward Greenie for not giving better paternal instructions, and he was joined by Pat who was trying to hold up one of the tables. Late arrival Saneka joined them.
Winner of the last Chicken Award Dawn Raid, decided to give the Chicken Award to Fig Man for surreptitiously appropriating the chicken hat before his time, and then not wearing it. Next week Fig Man, you can have your revenge, but better make it a good one!

Brazilian again diplomatically enquired as to the Hash rules regarding destruction of property, pointing to the two kids digging up Chili’s lawn – Fig Man and Banana Doctor took the Offspring with Chains Award.

Eveready had been shocked out of his seat on Sunday while watching the televised church service and spotting Wahoo and Poumuli there – no arguments, but should have been brought in under the celebrity awards.
Anne from Auckland and her husband after a lengthy intro each got a down down, apparently the first time for her in public. Bringing forth some Hashit from the last run, Greenie said he had found some pink running shoes under his bed! Carin owned up to the shoes, but knew not of their location, she claimed.

Pussysnatcher complained that there was an unusual amount of chatter in the circle and demanded that a new method of enforcing politeness be introduced. Luckily Poumuli had brought a Mexican wrestling mask which was placed on Captain Mortein’s head after he took the Dome of Silence Award.

At this stage the GM had the bright idea of a boat race – 4 guys, 4 gals. SOTB, Brazilian, Samuel and Kiwi easily defeated Sassy, Wahoo, Jo and Flo. Hot Nuts admitted that he had been the chatterer to get Captain into trouble, and self-nominated.

The GM caught Kiss My Butt coming late, but also in full advertising mode. Meanwhile, Snatch had been forced to drive over the hill to the beach so that 2 Hashmen could cycle across. So much for speed cycling, as she had to wait for hours for them. Slow Nuts and Pansy took their Slow Ride Award. Somehow inspired by this, the GM did an advertisement for our new osteopaths, in residence at Roseberg’s, and Dan took the resultant down down for the GM.

Claire informed the Hash of some dastardly deed that almost led to chariot riding, namely that as newcomers they had been misled by Sassy and Flo to get in the truck! Samuel tried to get Snatch for misleading him – she had met him 4 months ago, told him when in Apia to come to the party, but nothing about the running! The GM told him off with a “what more do you want” remark. Finally, Kiss My Butt saw Snatch and Pussysnatcher making out in the bushes during the circle, so they took their Get A Room Award.

The hosts and the hare were saluted, before we descended on a large spread of curries, rice, bbq and salads provided by our generous hosts.
Check the blog for next week’s run, but rumour has it that we might be off to the races! Tallyho.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Monday, December 20, 2010

Hash Run 1548- Vaoala, Bank St

Todays hash run will be hosted by Chilliandrina, Zsa Zsa, Carin & Ophelie at Zsa Zsa's house on Bank Street in Vaoala.

This is NOT a BYO Run, the food will be provided by the hosts...Indian im told.. so bring a change of clothes as it gets cool in the evenings and your drinking boots.

YES, there will be a keg...and cold nuts...

Directions: Head up Cross Island Rd and turn off on Bank Street, head down Bank St and take the Left Turn before the main road heads downhill (where Bits & Pieces and Goer used to live) Head up the road and look out for the turn off ont he Right hand side.

Check the Map for more details.

On On

Monday, December 13, 2010

Hash Run 1547- Greenie, Vailele Uta

Afternoon, apologies for the late posting. Hash today will be hosted by Greenie at his home in Vailele Uta. The map is a bit sketchy, but head up towards Vailele Uta and the house is next to Samoa Primary School. Use the map and your hash skills to find the place.
There are 2 maps and they both point to the same place. Call Greenie on 7771414 if you cant find the place...

Please note that this is a BYO Food Run and there will be a keg.


Friday, December 03, 2010

Hash Trash 1545

(Ed note - thanks to Spanky for obviously assisting Screamer with her remedial English - only a few typos this time around. Hope you all enjoy the Christmas Run - Feliz Navidad and hasta la pasta from Poumuli, IKA Slit in Cancun)

Hash 1545 was held at Slippery’s and Frances’ home. This was the Thanksgiving Hash – more on that later.

The run was set by Hareraiser, Ring Ring. A familiar run that commenced with a few panicked looks as hashers recalled the last run from Slippery’s that had them running over mountains and down valleys for more than an hour. This week’s run was less taxing but the heat ensured that there were some very tired runners by the end of it.

GM Princess of Darkness commenced proceedings and welcomed a long list of those new to Apia Hash. These included Jana, her husband (why do people mumble their names??)(why are Assistant Trainee Scribes too pissed to pay attention?), Salu (who came with Do Me Twice), Virginia, Jochen, Brigitte, Dietrich and a number of others who had come from Germany to help Harlich celebrate his 60th birthday in Apia.

Rethreads were Sassy, Vera, Harlich and Black Adder. Ring Ring insisted that Vulture was a rethread and had to drink for a false accusation.

There were no new shoes but Snake, the inspector, needed a drink and this was duly administered.

Salu and Karin took a celebrity award for holding the flag for stopping violence against women. Ninja had also been in the news as was Godfather. Snake had to join Godfather as it seems Snake’s mum spends an unseemly amount of time checking out Godfather on TV. Sassy Girl BJ received a rather special celebrity award – for a movie suspiciously titled “My Sassy Girl” – rented out by no less than Captain Mortein. They shared centre circle.

The Good Samaritan (Dumbarse Section) award of the week went to Swinger who, after giving three policemen a ride into town, discovered they had made off with his camera.

Tramp and Woman in Black are in town but did not front up to Hash due to various ailments so the two women dressed in black – Brigitte? (one of Harlich’s party) and Salu drank on WIB’s behalf while Tramp was well-represented by Greenie.

Karin was caught leaning.

Assistant Trainee Scribe had not got the scribings done on time (she had managed to send them out at 5:05pm that day) and GM has been receiving complaints from Poumuli (currently in Cancun) on this. Wahoo also took one on behalf of Poumuli who seems to spend an excessive amount of time checking the blog when on work travel (Absolute bollocks, just checking it once in a while). Romeo had cellphonus interruptus and Brynne arrived just in time so everyone shared the circle centre.

Tasha told Sass she would be wearing a “V” -String to hash next week…we are all waiting with bated breath.

Godfather had tried to mow down a Hash Mere on the cross island road when trying to get to family lunch on time on Sunday. This could become a regular award for GF.

DMT had managed to ruin two car tyres in one week – dropping the car in the same pothole, according to SOTB.

Pirate Princess had declined Eveready’s offer to open one of Godfather’s nuts for her because she claimed she had brought her own nutcracker…seems she was referring to Captain Mortein.

Black Adder was leaving the country and leaving behind a pile of shit (at the newly constructed and very smelly waste water treatment plant in Mulinuu) according to Sassy. Snake was also brought up for the dodgy wiring he’d installed. Black Adder was also farewelled in the circle and he added that every minute with hash had been enjoyable.

Jana and her husband were cited for chatting incessantly. There was some talk that Greenie was involved but he somehow managed to keep out of the centre.

Angela is leaving for some time so she was farewelled with a drink.

At about this stage it was clear the keg was next to empty….HOW, Assistant Trainee Scribe wonders. So the hare (Ring Ring) and the hosts, Slippery and Eveready (who drank a soft drink which was just as well, given the beer situation) were thanked and then we were reminded that this was the Thanksgiving Hash. Godfather and Brynne explained the meaning and purpose of this American tradition, which has now become firmly integrated in Apia Hash. He also used the opportunity to encourage hashers to give to the Lifeline fundraising drive (Lifeline is a phone counseling service that deals with suicide). Deadline for donations (to DMT) is Monday next week.

Eveready and Karaoke were thanked for the turkeys they had cooked, the food was blessed and hungry (and thankful) hashers descended.

Next hash is the Christmas Hash and will be held at the Snake Pit in town. Hashers are asked to come in their Christmas costumes. They will run to different bars in town, sing Christmas carols and drink a lot. Everyone is asked to come in a taxi or have a designated driver who won’t be drinking.

Addendum – after dinner, hashers were treated to a surprise visit from the Monk. Beers had been brought in and a quick naming ceremony commenced. Brynne shall now be known as Kiss My Butt for her amazing flexibility displayed at yoga while Angela was named Wax for her affiliations with Brazilian Wax.

On On.

Thursday, December 02, 2010

Hash X-Mas Run

Talofa All,

Next weeks Run will be the Hash Xmas Run hosted at the "Snake Pit" in town. Run will start at 1730 HRS So be on time as we will be having a pub crawl run before returning to the snake pit to get totally plastered...and have a good time of course.

Please make sure you are wearing all your Xmas gear for the run and clear your vocal chords...yes, you too strangler!

Hash will provide the meats (Pig/Lamb/Sausages, etc) and Miss management has asked if everyone else could bring something to go with the meats (Salads, bread, desert, Faalifu Taro, etc....and dont all bring bread!)

On another note, as it will be quite a night, its best if you come in a taxi or car pool if you have a sober driver...

See you all then

On On
See the map below for directions.(Its in town)

Welcome Mr Whippy Jr

Eugene Louis Fetuafiafi Barker was born on 26 Nov 2010 at 3:07pm. Weight 7.5lbs. Length 20.25in.

Louisa and I brought him home late yesterday afternoon. We had some challenges that gave us a good scare and kept us in the hospital for six days. Bottom line though, we have a healthy, happy, and content little Eugene at home now.

About the name: We decided to name him after his grandfathers' Eugene and Louis; his first two names. We also wanted his name to represent his heritage; so we added the name of our Samoan village's athletic team, Fetuafiafi (fay-too ah-fee ah-fee), which means evening star.

Happy Thanksgiving,

Gene.(Mr Whippy)

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Hash Trash 1544

(Ed note – Hola Hashers from Cancun - one assumes from the late arrival of the Hash Trash that the Assistant Trainee Scribe is either too busy or has been influenced by Do Me Twice and is also in need of Ms Spanky’s remedial English course. Anyway, here it is with a few edits.)

Hash 1544 was hosted by Brynne and Susan at Susan’s place in Vaoala. Quite a pack of hashers turned up in assorted red dress and Assistant Trainee Scribe wonders if the larger turnout might be partially due to the word on the grapevine that sushi was to be served along with other delightful morsels prepared by birthday girl Brynne.

The run took the pack up the hill to Le Spa’s turnoff, through a grassy patch onto Bank Street and then through a familiar trail down the river bank and up along a rocky path and then back up to Susan’s on the main road. The tireless Hare Ring Ring had managed to install some good false trails that kept the more fit on their toes.

Back at Susan’s it had started to rain by the time the last of the pack trailed in. Luckily, the big house offered ample space for all to move in and the circle was held inside the house with Eveready as GM.

There was only one new to hash - Karl from NZ brought by Rebecca.

New to Apia hash was Kath, who had a hash name that Assistant Trainee Scribe couldn’t hear (the house was noisy).

There were several rethreads too numerous to bother with but among them were Pro Boner, Snatch, David, Spanky, Swinger, Zsa Zsa, AJ, Marion, Snake and Skunk. Other than Spanky who claimed to have been busy entertaining the US Coast Guard, no one had any interesting excuse. They all drank.

There were no new boots although Wahoo’s shiny shoes again raised interest. (She drank from them two weeks ago!)

Screamer had failed to print out Poumuli’s carefully constructed list of celebrities and such but she did recall that Poumuli and David Sheppard had been in the paper for something on climate change. Wahoo and Screamer (who wanted everyone to note her sporting behaviour) drank on their respective behalves.

A long story then ensued as GM tried to convince everyone that Snatch was pregnant after a week in New York (how could that be sans Pussysnatcher?). No-one fully understood this but Snatch drank anyway.

Angela was then brought up by GM for apparently wearing a “german” dress that was made in China. She impressed with her German drinking skills.

The floor was opened for nominations and Lewinsky immediately nominated SOTB for catching the biggest fish of the season. Screamer was concerned it was endangered but this was soundly ignored.

Brynne drank for choosing a RED dress run when hosting at a SamoaTel home.

Pussysnatcher, Slippery and Captain Marc received best dress awards in that order - PS sported a “nothing-is-secret” slip dress, Slippery flitted in the perfect missionary dress and Marc floated in an elegant wrap complete with gardenia behind the ear.

Slippery then handed appropriately messaged T-shirts to assorted people “chief gardener”, “Samurai Spirit”, “Gemini Sass” and a “Hawaii” shirt. No prizes for guessing who got what. (Sorry, can only guess a few of them – will await the photos)

Slippery then drank for advertising Big Bear’s half price sale.

Birthday Girl Brynne was then given a Kamikaze Chef Award for rolling sushi in 35 foot waves on a boat (why would you, one might ask…but that’s our Brynne).

Tasha and Jade had been holding up the house for quite some time so GM invited them into the circle.

This was Psychadelic’s last hash before she departs for Perth so she drank and also thanked hash for making her stay in Samoa special.

Cockblocker had missed an appointment with the bone specialist but Lyndal had to join him for breaking doctor-patient confidentiality.

A discussion on avocados resulted in GM having to take a drink. Assistant Trainee Scribe really couldn’t hear very well but it seems he’s been hanging around Ring Ring’s avocados.

Snatch nominated Brazilian Wax and Angela for the High School Sweetheart award.

Lewinsky had been driving drunk again – to the point that he couldn’t remember doing it (he did safely deliver SOTB home though). Assistant Trainee Scribe again wonders at the positive reinforcement impacts here but knows she should simply hold her tongue.

Ring Ring, the most amazing hare, was thanked along with Hosts Susan and Brynne.

The birthday song was sung for Brynne and Pussysnatcher and the farewell song for Psychadelic.

The beautiful food was then consumed by the shovel-full.

On On

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Thanks Giving Hash Run 1545

Hi All,
Apologies for the late posting. Next weeks run will be hosted by Slippery at his home in Toomatagi/NUS. It will be a thanksgiving run and there will be 2 Turkeys on Monday :)

Seeing as we have 2 Turkeys, maybe the other hashers can bring a salad or something to go along with the food. There is no theme, but seeing as its our thanks giving run, you can dress up as a turkey if you want.

On another note, we need to discuss our Xmas hash run so if Miss-Management can get together at hash to discuss this.

Directions to Slipperys: Head up to Toomatagi/NUS Main gate, and go past the gate, Slipery's is the last house on the left hand side in the compound. Check the map for more details

On On

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Hash Run 1544

Morning All,
Hash Run 1544 will be hosted by Brynne and Susan from Susan's home in Vaoala. This will also be Brynne's Birthday Run and the theme is RED DRESS! So get your frocks ready and be prepared for a good run.

As per the norm, the Keg will be there and the run starts at 1730Hrs

Directions. Head up to Vaoala, just past poumuli's home and look out for Bernard Ave, after this turn off, there is a concrete driveway on the right hand side of the road, head up here to the orange house. Map is below too in case you dont know where to go

On On

Friday, November 19, 2010

Special Announcement - Pussysnatcher and Handyman B'day Party

Greetings Hashers

Pussysnatcher and Handyman are celebrating their Birthday's tonight in Vailima. If coming from town go past Manumea, the Carmelites, and then take the 1st right (see attached map). The party will be from 6PM til midnight. There will be lots of food and a keg, but bring some more drinks if you like. All of Hash is invited to this family event.

Of course Pussysnatcher will get an Advertisement Award for this, GM please take note.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Hash Trash 1543

The Hash was hosted by Wahoo and Poumuli at Wahoo’s Dad Norman’s property in Malololelei. Dawn Raid was the Hare, and much cooking assistance was provided by AC/DC. The run was set on paper and took the hashers through the unsealed tracks of the area, with some serious hills and several false trails. A major part of the trail, the Jungle Boogie as Dawn Raid put it, went down the cow path that we had utilized last year, but taking a different route through the thigh-high grass, resulting in much yelping as cuts were administered to bare legs by the unforgiving foliage. The walkers had been spared the ordeal and were sent down a short cut. While this was a fairly long and hard run, the milder temperatures at those heights helped and there were no heat strokes this time. Your Scribe was mopping up the rear of the pack so didn’t see who was leading or who was taking the false trails, but we will have some photos from Slippery posted.

Screamer stepped in as GM, and started by getting those new to Apia Hash to introduce themselves, and there was Patrick, brought by Tasha. There were many rethreads – Dizzy (back for a quick visit and Jazz), Slim Shady (slacker), Ninja (overseas), Vulture (has been away for 6 years in Solomons, Tonga and NZ), Blank Cheque, Dana, Pirate Princess and Slippery (seeing doctors in Oz).

The new shoes were so blindingly bright and obvious that Slim Shady couldn’t escape, and gargled the shoes clean. Celebrity Awards went to Sassygirl BJ (3 stories in the Observer, accepted on her behalf by SOTB), Snatch (Mum in Observer, article, accepted by Pussysnatcher), David (repeat of SPREP anniversary story), Psychadelic (photo in paper) and Brynne for doing the Samoa national anthem at an event.
This Day in History Awards went to all the UN employees in recognition of UNESCO being founded – Carin, Ophelie and Ninja. The GM invoked rule number 8(b) relating to soiling or peeing on the trail as a sign of disrespect to the Hare, which went to Ben and Mad Hatter (she was absent at that point). The GM also nominated a Hash Mere for her friendly cleaning skills in mopping up her flatmate’s puke after the last Hash – this went to Carin and Ophelie, who was showing some reminiscent discomfort at this point. Then the GM returned a bunch of Hashit (stuff left behind at previous Hash) to Do Me Twice and SOTB.

A special Georgie Porgy Pudding Award went to Cockblocker for making the girls cry. This reminded the GM that she had a further award for being a Whiny Bitch, after several hashers had commented on how much whining SOTB had made on his Facebook page about conditions in India, missing his Mum etc. Poumuli was then nominated for Stuntman of the Week Award for his numerous pratfalls during SPREP Sports Day, but primarily a slow motion fall with a Frisbee. Numerous invitations for a repeat demonstration were declined.

The GM spotted Marcus for leaning but also dobbed him in for leaving Samoa. Opening up for nominations, the GM recognized Ophelie who nominated CB for Reckless Behaviour in bringing tequila to Hash, which in fact had been purloined from the Host (one Screamer). CB tried the “I didn’t force you to drink it” defence, but lost. Pirate Princess nominated Dawn Raid for Reckless Endangerment of Children Award (mosquito coil section) for his placement of coils within burning distance of little people. Carin nominated Poumuli for messing up her name on the blog (its all been corrected now!).

SOTB tried to get an Imposter Award to Dana for wearing the same shirt as him, but the GM ruled that this must be tested. SOTB downed the award pronto, so imposter charge stuck (that’s a bit like testing witches by throwing them in a lake).
DMT wanted to award the Chicken Award to someone called Mortard (definition, hovering dangerously on the border between being a moron and a retard), and joined Dawn Raid in the award, with CB getting dobbed for swearing (it’s a Family Hash, CB). The reasoning provided by DMT was the Joker Face that Dawn Raid had painted on at the Jazz festival, making him too scary for the girls to dance with (wait a second, then the award should have gone to those too chicken to dance with him!).

The GM, in trying to regain control of the circle nominated Slim Shady for the Verbal Diarrhoea Award as background noise levels always get enhanced when she is at Hash. She tried a rebuttal about being snubbed by Screamer that failed. CB nominated his mate Joe for Worst Security Guard after progressively losing all of CB’s stuff on the beach. SOTB nominated the GM for a job well done, before the Hosts (Wahoo, Poumuli, Norman) and Hare (Dawn Raid) were saluted.

A feast of special pork and chicken BBQ, salads from Manumea and some other stuff was dished up on banana leaves. Unfortunately your Scribe tasted not an iota of this so let’s just hope it was edible.

Next week’s run will be hosted by Brynne and Susan at Susan’s place in Vaoala. It’s going to be a Red Dress Run, so check the blog for details. Screamer will be scribing next week, but may need assistance for the next three hashes, so volunteers please. Your Scribe is off to Mexico for three weeks.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Hash Trash 1542

Kia orana Hashers and thanks to all for the best wishes for the wedding, which turned out to be a memorable event. Your Scribe is now back from the honeymoon well rested and restored.

The Hash was hosted by Screamer at her place in Siusega. Ring Ring was the Hare which promised a tough run as usual, particularly since she was quite sweaty after setting the trail. It was on out the gate and down towards Tafaigata, turning off the main road, off some false trails, meandering through the back roads, through several people’s gardens and yards (did you all say thank you?), before returning us back via the main road to Tafaigata. It was a very hot day and due to the shimmering brilliance of the decision to introduce daylight savings time we were all over perspiring and desiring of Godfather’s sweet nuts. No one commented on the fact that we crossed our trail at one short point, but never mind.

Princess of Darkness was GM for this run, and she called on those new to Apia Hash to step forward. They had all been well-coached by their friends. They were Joe from NZ, on holiday with Cockblocker (recipe for disaster), Will from Oz, guest of Godfather, Wendy from Canada with Fang, Stacy from Bulaland with Screamer, and Lucy from British Columbia (that’s in Canada) here with Godfather as well. The Rethreads were SOTB (back from Bollywood sans 10 kg), Screamer and Just David (been to Japan), and they were joined by the non-confessing Alan and Mana.

No shoe inspector was needed to see the gleaming from Wahoo’s new shoes. Unfortunately they were so new the beer didn’t even drip out so it was a bit of hard struggle. Celebrity Awards went to Sassygirl BJ (front page Observer, taken by SOTB) and Snatch (TV and Observer, taken by closest living relative, or closest relatively living, CB).

The GM had a doozy of a nugget from this day in history. 8 Nov 1959 was the date of birth of infamous US pornographic film director Chi Chi Larue, whose credits included one called Do Me Twice – DMT front and centre! As she was wearing her sunglasses she came back for another one.

The returning honeymooning Hashers Wahoo and Poumuli looked too well rested according to the GM, who felt they should have looked more shagged out like her and Lewinsky, so a Gentle Enjoyment Award perhaps. The moment was shattered when Wahoo nominated Poumuli for a Injuring the Wife Award, for his careless manoeuvring of an airport trolley. A Leaning award went to Karaoke, Mana, Ring Ring, Fang and Tasha.
Poumuli noted that DMT had kindly offered her services as Assistant Trainee Scribe v.2 for last week’s run, however the Trash had arrived late. Being of a forgiving sort, this was not what the nomination was for, rather that this should be the Best Excuse Ever Award in that her reason for the delay was that her boat sank.
The GM spotted Will and Lucy smooching in the circle, which became a double for Will for starting too soon! The GM also had it in for the swimmers who had jumped in the pool before the circle (this is one of those rules that emanate from rule number 1 – the GM is always right). She called in a representative group of Angela, David, Dawn Raid, Wayne and then there is a beer stain on the notes.

CB nominated SOTB for the Extreme Weight Loss Award for shedding 10 kgs in India (actually with the amount of tummy bugs you can contract there its a miracle there was anything left of him). SOTB responded by getting a Slacker Award for Poumuli and Dawn Raid as he had beaten them back for the first time. The attempt to get this overturned on the technicality that we are not a sporting club was overruled by the GM.

Brazilian Wax was then nominated for Hammering His Own Finger Award (well he is a carpenter), which he had managed to do three successive times and turning his thumb a lovely putrescent shade of purple. DMT had forgotten to bring the Chicken Hat Award, but claimed she had been distracted by CB in order to bring the BBQ, which he vigorously countered, and to which DMT exclaimed in exasperation “Oh thanks Meow”, so it became a double. She will have to remember to bring it next week so it can be properly passed on.

The Host and Hare, Screamer and Ring Ring, were saluted before we descended on the BYO feast. Apparently loads of Hashers stayed on at Screamer’s past 2 AM, so this would need to be investigated for suitable awards next week.

Next week’s run will be up at Malololelei, hosted by Wahoo and Poumuli, with Dawn Raid as the Hare. Hopefully we will have cooler temperatures for the run up there!

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Hash Trash 1541

(Ed note - many thanks - I think - to Do Me Twice for attempting to scribe last week, given the state of despair over the boat and subsequent inebriation! What follows has been edited with a more sober brush, but many thanks again to our Assistant Trainee Scribe v.2, who should enroll in Spanky's remedial English class for 4th Grade.)

The Hash was hosted by Jay and Tasi at Why Not Bar in the new area they have just finished to the side of the bar which is awesome!

Eveready was the GM for the occasion. He first asked who was the scribe and of course that was Do Me Twice who went to give Ben the paper and a pen but of course was not prepared and had neither, so first down down went to DMT for not having pen and paper. At the same time Brynne was trying to stick up for her fellow Hash Mere, but as she was equally inebriated as DMT and called her something like Meow, Brynne also had to join.

The newbies where Peter from Italy who is working for the UN here for 6 months, and Marcus from NZ here for 2 weeks on holiday and was here 40 years ago and said a lot has changed...(Ed note – should have been a down down for stating the blindingly obvious!)

The retreads where Sassygirl BJ who had been overseas and working, and Jay (sorry no reason was written DMT sure as hell can’t remember what he said).
Susan was then spotted by the GM sitting and she said she was keeping Lynda company as she was unable to walk due to a scooter accident she had last week. A vote was taken and Susan took the Seated Hasher Award whilst looking at DMT with a death stare. Brynne was then caught leaning, and Jay was spotted earlier in new shoes but he went and changed them. Cockblocker was the observant informant and Jay had to take the down down.

Brynne, Titty Galore, Susan and DMT all got a down down for not doing the run and choosing the Melbourne cup lunch over Hash, but took it like champs, but by this time DMT and Brynne where almost falling over. Then Brynne gets another for being the best dressed, by this needing help from DMT to finish it. Dawn Raid was caught leaning. Hot Nuts got Halloween Festivities Absentee Award, for missing the party at the Yacht club and doing something lame... stayed home and watched a dvd? BORING!
Titty G launched into a long winded FBI-like story that had its inevitable ending in a self-inflicted down down, again assisted by DMT.

Snatch and Godfather got the Celebrity Award, but Snatch was not present so the closest relative was deemed to be Swinger. Natasha was given props for the weight loss she has accomplished, looking mighty fine, and a down down to congratulate her. The GM was very upset that at Poumuli and Wahoo’s wedding there was no diet coke, but as they were currently on your honeymoon Dawn Raid took it on their behalf.

(Ed note – at this stage the narration suffers from severe booze overdose, but it was possible to make out from the rambling that Rebecca and Angela got a Spud Manipulation Award, Ben’s attempt at giving Lynda a Clumsy Award for falling off the scooter backfired as he was the cause of the fall, Rebecca missed picking up her family at the airport, Lewinsky and Hot Nuts for having a private circle to discuss fishing, CB got Susan the Missing Husband Award – apparently lost him during the Halloween Party, then something about the Italians for bringing a Tight Ass to Hash. There was further confusion over the Chicken Award, but it apparently went to DMT. Finally Brynne did a Self-inflicted Backfire Award, and Carin for being too good a runner.)

CB and Jay where given down downs for Host and Hare.

On On

Do Me Twice

Monday, November 08, 2010

Hash run 1542

Kia orana to all. Monday 8th November Hash Run will be hosted by Screamer at her place in Siusega. See map for directions. This will be a BYO run so please bring some food for the table or the BBQ.

UPDATE: Please note that Screamer has also asked that you bring your own drinking vessel, so bring some plastic cups so you may enjoy the nectar of life. There may also be a need for a volunteer Hare!

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Friday, October 29, 2010

Hash Run 1541

This run will be held at the Why Not Bar in the harbour area in Apia. Its right next to Paddles Restaurant and should be easy to find for any visitors. Run starts at 5.30 PM as usual.

Have fun.

We are...

Hash Trash 1540

Kia orana everyone from Wahoo and Poumuli in Aitutaki! Having a great time and many thanks to the Hash for our great send-off.

Hash 1540 was hosted at Psychadelic's house in Taumeasina. It was a very hot day and daylight savings time didn't help. The run was somewhat confusing with lots of dead trails and in the end several got lost and headed home. But it was a good sweat out and all enjoyed themselves.

Princess of Darkness was the GM, and she called the newbies into the circle. These were Nina (Poumuli's cousin), Jorgen (brought by some strange tree species), Laura from NZ, Sefo (Brazilian's brother), and Nica from NZ going to Tokelau. There was also Kalani from Maui, Jean from Marquesas and Albert from Jamaica, all brought by Poumuli. The GM decided that Jorgen knew enough of the rules to let Poumuli off the hook, so he took his Disingenous Award.

The Rethreads were Blackadder, Kjetil, Hot Nuts, Slim Shady, and Dawn Raid, who took a double for wearing shades. New Shoes - Carin from Italy, who gamely downed from her brand new sneakers. Chilindrina was first brought in from hiding, then the GM told a funny story about the missing wheel of Zsa Zsa now in the posession of Russian Vet Slava - not present so she got a Norwegian to join her - Kjetil.

Celebrity Awards went to Godfather, Spanky, Screamer (Brazilian closest living relative) and Pussysnatcher for ads about the stolen pussy. This Day in History went to Brynne (last time Canada defeated US in battle), Carin(Italian General burning Skopje to the ground to stop cholera, then dying from it anyway) and all the UN employees for UN Day.

Sassygirl BJ nominated Fang for gently fondling the sausages, something Snake had never seen he claimed. Strangler nominated the Hares for Disrespecting Tradition for setting the run through a cemetery. Strangler joined them at the urging of Poumuli for calling the hash run a sporting event. Slim Shady nominated Eveready and Swinger for Lighting Their Nipples Award at the wedding, which Do Me Twice joined in. Slim Shade also joined for False Accusation against Lewinsky.

DMT nominated FBI for Culturally Insensitive for wearing skirt on head! Sassy got Tasha for exclaiming "I got new boobs" during the new shoes award, while Eveready nominated the GM for the Out of Control Dancing Award. At this point the village was falling silent so we had to wrap up the circle. CB nominated Snatch for the Do Not Wear That Dress Award, which backfired after a vote in favour of Womyn's Lib, so Pussysnatcher and CB took it. The hosts and hares were saluted in the normal manner, albeit at a whisper.

Godfather made an announcement regarding the Walk for Life. DMT will be our contact point for that.

Next week's run will be at Why Not Bar down by the harbour.

That's all for me - being called by Wahoo.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Hash Run 1540

Talofa Hashers

Monday the 25th October will be hosted by Angela, Rebecca and Psychadelic at Psychadelic's house in Taumeasina. The theme for the run will be Helloween, so I guess the bit about dressing up as your favorite German comes true after all!

Run will start as usual at 5.30 PM. The Ladies will cook for us so just bring your Hash Cash for the keg.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Hash Trash 1539

The Hash was hosted at the Apia Yacht Club, with Ring Ring as the Hare. She had set what she called the first ever Adventure Hash, which involved a lot of climbing on the seawall rocks, charging through the Court Compounds to the yells of irate groundskeepers, and a run back along the wall to the Yacht Club. Most Hashers then swam out to the va’a, except Poumuli and Wahoo who were ferried over in a kayak. It was nice out there on the va’a, until Cockblocker decided to push me over the edge and I landed badly on my neck.

But it was a spirited event set by Ring Ring, though we may need to start our runs later during daylight savings time – it was very hot on the rocks!
Princess of Darkness was the GM and she called the rowdy crowd to attention. There were several newbies, including Ben (schoolteacher brought by Do Me Twice), Linda (osteopath at MedCen), Carin from Italy (intern at the UN, brought by Ninja), Ginny brought by CB, and Wayne brought by Godfather. The rethreads were Kirsten (Poumuli’s sister), Snake, Fang, FBI, Rachel and Lily – none with a good excuse so they all drank.

Psychadelic was asked to be the Assistant Shoe Inspector, and found none. She tried to accuse Poumuli of having new shoes, which backfired, then double backfired as Psychadelic had the flu and GM asked Poumuli to take it. POD then told an amusing anecdote from PNG using a pidgin word for uselessness in connection with Sassygirl BJ stubbing her cigarette out in the mayo jar at Swashbucklers. Since Sassy was away the GM deemed Greenie to be the closest.

At this point Godfather’s other guest came into the circle, and was accused of indecent exposure through the medium of rainbow coloured budgie smugglers. He stuffed up again by claiming to have gone to school with someone called Joe.
The GM had been informed by the Apia Hash Repository for Useless Information (proprietor: Poumuli) that on this day in history in 1929, Canada legally recognized women as “persons” – Brynne step forward. Furthermore, she had also been informed that this was the day that Clinton claimed never to have had sexual relations with that woman – Lewinsky step forward, but was joined by the Yanks present. Titty Galore and Lily had been late for the shopping and had somehow lost keys belonging to someone else – they were assisted by DMT.

Celebrity Awards went to Swinger (closest relative Godfather), Snatch (closest relative CB) and our German Teacher for those fab stories in the Observer. Poumuli tried to get Ring Ring a special one for her modelling shots, but this had been done before so False Accusation. There then followed a disbursement of hashit from the Tafatafa Hash – looked like Wahoo, Pirate Princess, Tasha and Ring Ring did that award. And since no hash is complete without a Captain Mortein Award, this time for disobeying his wife, shutting a door that could not be unlocked and having Swinger come to the rescue – that is a Stupendous Award!

The GM then gave the Last Hash in Freedom Award to Poumuli and Wahoo, followed by CB for Reckless Endangerment for the episode on the va’a. Slippery announced that hashers should all have a beer at ten past eight on Wednesday as it would be 20:10, 20/10, 2010. Dean interrupted what should have been an award to Slippery by asking why Godfather was named thus, as he was known as Joe – both took a drink.
Wahoo’s hen’s night had been a raucous affair, with DMT winning the condom on a banana contest. Eveready had been waiting up for Karaoke, who returned with a badly bruised banana, and then said she had a headache! Both took the award.

Ninja was called forth to hand out the Chicken Award. He had been watching Back to the Future, and realised that the lead actor, who hated being called chicken, was really Canadian – Brynne graciously took the Chicken of the Week. We nearly floated the keg by then so Ring Ring got only a small award for her great haring.

Next week’s Hash will be hosted by Angela and Rebecca I believe, venue to be announced. We have been asked to come dressed as our favourite German – that will need some soul-searching for some of us! Details will be posted so watch the blog.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Hash Run 1539 - Adventure Hash

Greetings Hashers - prepare for an Adventure Hash on Monday. Ring Ring informs us that this will be a full-on adventure run, featuring running, rock climbing and swimming. So bring a change of clothes and whatever Spiderman gear you can find as I am sure Ring Ring will give us a whole new experience in pain.

The Hash will start from the Apia Yacht Club in Mulinuu at 5.30 PM as usual. As I don't have SOTB's or Pussysnatcher's map making skills, I will just give directions:
from downtown Apia, go to the Beach Road, face the ocean, turn left and keep going on Beach Road, past the Government Yard, Clock Tower, RSA, market, Tanoa Tusitala, Millennia, until you see the sign for the Yacht Club on your right.

Please also bring something for the BBQ, while Ring Ring will provide the salads.

There is no theme for the run, but it will be Wahoo and Poumuli's last Hash in freedom!

On On

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Hash Trash 1538

Greetings to all Hashers, and what a wonderful way to return to the fold with a beach run at Tafatafa on White Sunday Monday. Well, not exactly a beach run per se. Your Scribe arrived late and the run had been completed, but I set off anyway to get a bit of exercise before the circle. Cockblocker had set the run on flour, which was a concern given the blinding whiteness of the sand. But the trail went off into the bush, up a new path for an access road, and was very easy to follow. No false trails, which was good since the sun was hot. The access road curved around and back to the beach. All in all a short but sweaty run, and most Hashers were in the sea with cold but foamy Vailimas.

Princess of Darkness was the GM and called the circle to order. There was only one new to Hash – Rieko who had been brought by Ninja. The rethreads were Ninja, Slippery and Poumuli. The GM couldn’t care less where we had been. There were no Celebrity Awards handed out.

Your Scribe had found a new chicken hat on his travels (no one seems to know where the old one has gone), which the GM felt should be handed to the Hasher who in calm still shallow waters was wearing a swim vest – Ninja got the Chicken of the Week Award. (Ninja – you have to bring the hat to the next hash when you can award it to someone else deserving it.) A further gift from the travels was a Chinese warning sign that cautioned us Do Not Scream, which went to Screamer, and soaps from the POD Hotel which went to POD of course. Poumuli had to join in.

The GM had been told that Karaoke had been attending zumba classes and enjoyed it very much, but had found Chilindrina’s dancing much too dirty – in her absence the GM called for a former Ms Samoa to accept the Dirty Zumba Award – Mana. Lewinsky was then accused of leaving his knob lying around, but somehow this went to Do Me Twice. Your Scribe made an illiteracy accusation against Co-Scribe, now demoted to Assistant Trainee Scribe, Screamer for not posting last week’s Hash Trash. She tried but failed in getting Poumuli awarded as well.

Brynne had been found to perform in poor form at a recent party, getting legless after one drink, so for Conduct Unbecoming she had to demonstrate better form. Snatch nominated Pussysnatcher for near slicing off his fingers on taro, which was a pathetic show given all the “training” she has put him through – Indigenous Award to PS. It was then discovered that Eveready’s keys had been locked in his car, but it seems that Karaoke was the culprit. After some dextrous manoeuvring using his Bowie knife and a piece of wire, he finally managed to pop the trunk.

The hare was saluted in the traditional manner before the bbq was descended upon. Titty Galore arrived late, but brought with her crates of Vailima to supplement the dwindling foamy keg. Fa’afetai!

Check the blog for next week’s run.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Saturday, October 09, 2010

Tafatafa Beach Run - 1538

Dear all
I have now escaped the Great Google Wall of China, and can inform that the White Sunday Monday run will be held at Tafatafa Beach on the south side of Upolu. Please try an be there from noon onwards, run will be set for later. Keg will be there, but you will have to pay for the fales.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Hash Run 1537

Next weeks run will be hosted by Bits and Pieces and Goer at their home in Vaoala on Bank Street. This is just down the road from Hot Nuts and Nutcracker's house as well as being close to Zsa Zsa and Chilindrina's.

Since this is the first Monday of the month, I am asuming that this will be a BYO run. Please bring something to throw onto the BBQ or something precooked. Run starts 1730Hrs. Bring something dry to change into in the even it gets too cold for any of you wussy's.

Check the Map for the Location if you are still confused. There is no theme so far but keep and eye on the blog in case we decide last minute to choose a theme.
On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Monday, September 27, 2010

Hash Trash 1536

Mabuhay and greetings from the Philippines where your Scribe is recovering from jetlag. Many thanks to Screamer for her scribbling below - only had to do limited editing this time. Congratulations to Screamer for erudition. On On Poumuli, IKA Slit

This will be a rushed scribing since there were two kegs at this particular run and even though the assistant co-scribe managed to not drink a single drop of the golden fluid, she was still having trouble keeping up with the goings-on, not least because she seemed to spend a lot of time deflecting false accusations.

Anyway, Hash 1536 was hosted by Lewinsky, Princess of Darkness and Pro Bona at the home of the lovely Mr and Mrs Stevenson.

The run was designed to cater for runners and walkers – there were two separate paths that led runners in separate directions so walkers met runners on the way. Or something like that. Assistantt Co-scribe was generally a bit confused but enjoyed the run nevertheless.

GM POD called the circle to order but not before everyone had ample opportunity to swim in the sea and partake of Godfather’s sweet nuts and/or Eveready’s wonderful salsa mix.

There were a few newcomers – Susan (had heard so much about it, she came to try Hash for herself), Tania (from Australia), John (with Kat), and Leata (with Pete). All drank (since there were two kegs, which HAD to be emptied).

Brynne was the only rethread, having returned from her sojourn in Canada, Cambodia and Hawaii.

There were no new shoes although Screamer was accused but she rather vehemently reminded everyone that she had only recently drunk out of new shoes. Snake, the assistant shoe inspector, drank.

RingRing received the super model award of the week for beautifully modeling dresses for the Mena show.

Husband of the Week award was given to Captainn Mortein for getting too drunk and forgetting to pick up his lovely wife, Pirate Princess, who ended up walking all the way from the Yacht Club to find him at Y-Not. Captain Mortein was accompanied by drinking accomplices, Swinger, Psychadelic, Rebecca and Angela, who, he insisted, had led him astray.

It was the last hash, at least for a while, for several people and Stephanie, Deep Throat, Carey, Kim, Lester and Gui (and Jodie) were farewelled with a drink.

Then, the Monk arrived! Dressed in her usual purple garb but sans-heels this time, she proceeded on a naming ceremony with a vengeance.

Vegetarian Stephanie is now “Meat Lover” while Mia, who seems to have been conducting some sort of personal advertising campaign via sun block, is now “Do Me Twice”.

Little Annelisa and Isabella were also named, with their daddies doing the honours – “Princess Tiger” and “Happy Face” respectively, for obvious reasons.

Cherelle was appropriately (and finally) named “Snatch”. She got the guys excited for a brief span when she offered to remove her bra prior to the naming but decided it was a family Hash after all, leaving some disappointed faces.

A story was told regarding a Hash Mere who had to be rushed to hospital the previous week for having an allergic reaction to peanuts found in the cake at Karaoke’s. Rebecca (the victim), Karaoke (the cake provider), Angela (the obviously now sacked, taster) and Psychadelic (the ambulance driver) all drank.

FBI cited someone called “Gaybore” for bad taste in music at his last party. They both drank.

Tiger Woody made an appearance – seems he’d been hanging out in the bamboo in the garden so he appropriately took his “panda” award.

The “Prick Tease” of the week award went to Kat who has been seen on TV ignoring a doting male in favour of...a newspaper.

Snatch was nominated for the wet t-shirt award but assistant co-scribe is wondering if Sassy BJ was just hoping for a wet shirt. Some confusion here but Snatch took the drink handing it over to Pussysnatcher, who was obediently waiting in the shadows (probably to make sure she didn’t waste the whole thing yet again).

Just for the heck of it, Pussysnatcher was given an indecent exposure award (initiated by a slightly envious Hash Man, thinks assistant co-scribe).

A series of celebrity awards were handed out – Godfather, Brynne the Cook and Swinger, the onlooker – for being on the second part of the Tagata Pasifika documentary on the va’atele, Hinemoana.

All the celebrities were rudely interrupted by Godfather’s phone ringing – an investigation rivaling that of the FBI (the real one) revealed it was Kiwi/Tiger Woody. He copped a down down for that, not surprisingly.

Cockblocker was awarded the chauvinist of the week (again??) for disrespecting a Hash Mere. Shame!

Psychadelic told a tale of a car driving up to Tafatafa with not one, not two, but FIVE babes in bikinis…followed by…CB. Do Me Twice, Meat Lover, Mel and Brynne joined CB for this one. Assistant Co-Scribe is almost positive she saw CB’s chest puff up when he sauntered into the circle centre.

Crash Bandicoot had been overheard taking financial credit (to the tune of a 200 tala tab at On the Rocks) for the (usually provided gratis by Karaoke for Hash) cooking of the pig for tonight’s Hash. This entrepreneurial innovation was smartly knocked on the head by fellow Hashers.

Alan rocked up during the proceedings and received a latecummer’s award.

Brynne nominated Zsa Zsa and Slim Shady for throwing a party that got everyone in trouble with the police. This then boomeranged into a wardrobe malfunction award for Brynne and Snatch who had spent their night progressively hiking up their pretty Bollywood garb.

Snatch then told of a Hash Man who fell asleep at a fun party – Godfather stepped up – and, still on the same party, Eveready took one for providing an X-rated birthday cake, which he insisted had been made by Karaoke. He took the drink anyway.

Still on the party, FBI had gotten so drunk, he had fallen asleep in his garage and almost been run over by his girlfriend, while Angela could recall nothing of being driven home by Swinger.

Amidst all the commotion, an old face made an appearance – ACDC was back and took the obligatory welcome home drink while saying something about not drinking anymore (or maybe Assistant Co-Scribe simply misheard this one – yes highly unlikely!).

Mana had somehow managed to avoid the latecomer’s award when Alan got his but was thirsty enough to come up now.

David was using the excuse of the extra keg to stay out late (??) so he was given an extra drink just for fun.

Then, the grand finale – it was Godfather’s Birthday! A beautiful, Karaoke-made cake was brought out (carrot – Godfather’s favourite) and Eveready made a beautiful speech paying tribute to Godfather’s longstanding contribution to Hash and giving special tribute to his sweet nuts, which are loved by all but by some more than others.

A beautiful rendition of the Birthday song was sung by all led by Sassy.

Godfather blew out the candle and made a wish and requested that all those who let the cat out the bag should submit to a down down. Swinger, Titty Galore and CB did the honours.

Sassy, Snatch and others did the siva for Godfather then the national anthem was sung by the Hash Meres.

The Hosts, the Hare, Cooks and Ever Ready and Karaoke were thanked in the usual way and the pack then descended on yet another amazing feast put on by Lewinsky, POD and Clan.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Map for run in Vailima - september 27

The September 27 AHHH run will be held in Vailima - past Le manumea about 200 meters on cross island road, take a right hand turn on the dirt road- it takes a sharp right then left before the house. ON ON

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Hash Run 1536

Monday's hash run will be hosted by Lewinsky and POD at their home in Taumeasina. Go down past Apia Park until you see the defaced signpost for the Taumeasina reserve, where you turn left, go past some playing fields and somehow head towards the houses fronting the water. I know the map looks confusing in comparison, but its all I could salvage from SOTB's files.

Bring a change of clothes if you want to go for a swim after the run.

Check the Map for Directions and run will start at 1730 hrs

No theme has been set for the run, but will await last minute notice from POD or Lewinsky and post, and anything else that they would wish to convey.

Your Scribe and Assistant Blogmaster will be overseas for 3 hashes, so Co-Scribe Screamer will be in charge, suitable punishment for the goolie incident!

Also, please be reminded to bring any contributions for the Baby Desirable Fund - check in with Sassygirl BJ as she has accepted to be Fund Collector and Hander-over.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1535

Your Scribe is back from his travails in Papua New Guinea and Australia. The Trash for 1534 will be posted as soon as Assistant Trainee Scribe Mia hands over the homework notes that her dog ate.

Hash run 1535 was hosted by Eveready, Karaoke, Crash Bandicoot, Delicious, Deep Throat, Kerry and Baby Desirable, at their house in Lotopa. It was a really rainy day, with some 90 millimetres of rain registered at the Poumuli Weather Station in Vaoala. Eveready announced that he had had to go to Plan B for the trail, as his dry riverbed was now a raging torrent. Luckily the rain eased up a bit as the run proceeded, but those who didn’t get wet from the rain were soon soaked in sweat from this rather long run. The trail went out the driveway, down to the Airport Road, past Pesega, and up into the back roads there. Poumuli started in the lead, then overtaken by Cockblocker and various fit youngsters. It was an entirely road-featured run, while the rain probably decreased the incidence of barking dogs. Eveready had set the run on minuscule amounts of shredded paper, most of which had been washed away, but the pack made it back safely.

Eveready stepped in as GM and welcomed all to a very special Hash, as it was both the Return of the Prodigal Son (Deep Throat) and the Return of Baby Desirable. There were several newcomers to Apia Hash – Mel from Sydney (here 3.5 weeks), Solomon from Israel but lives in Zambia (here 2 months), Jodie from Savaii who was here with someone called Shenene (down down quickly taken by CB), Guy from France, Belinda with the vets (here for 2 years), and Rebecca, Matthew and Jack here from Brisbane (visiting Lewinsky). Deep Throat’s better half Kerry was also introduced. Eveready made them all drink a down down, as this was a two-keg evening.

The Rethreads were Screamer, Poumuli, Sassygirl BJ, Bits and Pieces, Crash, Andrew, Marc and Cherelle. The GM couldn’t be bothered to ask where they had been. Rapidly a Leaner Award went to Deep Throat and Andrew, who claimed they were reaching for their drinks, to which the GM replied “well reach for this one”. There were no new shoes, so Assistant Shoe Inspector Snake took the award.

The GM had requested that notification about the Wear PINK rule had been posted on the blog (yes!), and since they have hosted so many runs with this theme, the procedures should be clear. Front and centre went Crash and Lewinsky (what a shame – Crash got a big glass), Hobbes, Belinda, Matthew, Ninja, Bits and Pieces, Titty Galore and Pro Bona. Celebrity Awards went to Sassygirl (newspaper and radio), Brazilian Wax (2 hours on TV!), Godfather for judging the Ms Samoa pageant (nice work if you can get it) and Marc (va’a returns).

Changing pace, the GM called forth Deep Throat and Kerry, since they would not likely be here next week, and awarded the departing couple the boob and willy glasses. Deep Throat suggestively tongued his boob glass, and had to help with the willy, although he poured it into his own rather than be photographed with that in his hand. He certainly didn’t get his skulling technique from his Dad!

Opening up for nominations from the floor, Poumuli exhibited a national biodiversity report from France. Where most such reports highlights the beauty of endangered wildlife, this one had chosen to feature the pubic lice, and one wonders about what their conservation strategy might be. Guy and Marc got the French Crabs Award.
Our special visitor, the indefatigable Lester, was spotted leaning and got the boob cup, but refused the nipple opening (we all would, after what Deep Throat did to it). Snake started a long convoluted injustice griping story, which picked up by Spanky had something to do with burnt chicken last week. In the end it was agreed that the Suck It Australians Award would be shared by Spanky and Andrew.

Poumuli related a fantastic story of flying over the Great Barrier Reef with a hash mere, who asked him what all those little white houses on the islands down there were. After checking, he told Screamer that the technical term for those were “waves”. Screamer launched a vicious attack that nearly had Poumuli’s goolies in a Tamaitai Moment (according to Kamikaze this charming Samoan term for lady means “the pain just after you’ve been kicked in the nuts” in Japanese). Am considering legal recourse for assault – not my fault she was being blonde.

The va’a crew that went to Tokelau were given a special award for bravery – Psychadelic, Solomon, Marc and Brazilian. On that note, Sassygirl nominated Captain Mortein for the Gutless Award. He had tried to get her to nominate CB for backing into a colleagues car, and a vote settled it that both the Captain and CB should take it. Sassygirl was now on her customary roll, and nominated Brazilian for a Muff Diving Award. His defence that he had been abused by Sassy didn’t hold water.

Poumuli, foolishly, tried to nominate the Hares for the Environmental Award (setting a trail with virtually NO paper) and the Road Safety Award for setting the limited paper on the correct side of the road. Backfired big time. Screamer, still not satisfied with the damage infringed on Poumuli, tried in an opprobrious manner to get him on a Lack of Chivalry Award for not sharing a taxi from the airport. When it was pointed out that she got a ride home for free with the SPREP van, the backfiring could be heard loud and clear. But either thinking that Poumuli needed more beer to cool down his goolies, or still smarting from the various attempts at dobbing him in, the GM put it to a vote, and both had to take the down down.

The GM asked if anyone in the Hash had heard from BB since her move to Suva, and since only Swinger answered affirmatively he got the Hash Abandonment Award on her behalf. Sassygirl, who has a fine ear for singing (as Strangler well knows), called out Ring Ring, Psychadelic and Belinda for the N’Sync (Not) Award for singing at least two bars behind the rest.

Spanky had been invited to one of the Ms Samoa pageant dinners (they invite teachers to those things?), and had noted how some contestants had expressed appreciation for the conservation of biodiversity, and she called on all who work for the environment to be awarded. Poumuli made a point of order that he worked on climate change, and couldn’t give a rats arse about biodiversity, but one of them had completely flubbed and botched up a climate change question. The Doing Their Jobs Award went to Screamer, CB and Swinger, while a gratuitous Not Doing Their Jobs Award went to Poumuli. Took a little while to gather the senses after that one, but in a belated right of reply Poumuli argued that the Not Doing Their Jobs Award should have gone to the media, and suggested that On Top Journalist Cherelle should get it, which tee hee, she did.

Sassygirl spotted some talkers in the circle – Mia and Mel, to which Snake added in the visitors Belinda and (methinks) Rebecca. Cherelle then nominated the GM, first congratulating him for the 3rd female grandchild, but berating him for not producing a male heir (not quite sure on this one?). Crash had to accept but was joined by Cherelle as Top Journalists should know better than to try and intimidate the GM, who went on record as wanting ten male grandkids.

Spanky nominated Crash and Lewinsky for the Welcome Back to the Mugs Award – highly irresponsible entrusting either of them with duties of such importance. Poumuli then nominated Mia for the Dog Ate my Homework Award (trash not delivered on time) and closest living relative of SOTB for the Sexist Award for his comments on female scribing on the blog.

Brazilian reminded the Hash that there had been a Mr Muscle Samoa competition, and was disturbed that CB hadn’t entered. Various comments flew about using the wrong muscle. Ring Ring nominated the GM for his muscle short shorts – they were very Hotnutsian – while Karaoke asked him to bend over to show off what he called his running shorts (“running shorts my rats arse” commented Karaoke). Lewinsky recalled how Karaoke had pledged to do a triple if Baby Desirable came back safely, but after a few harrumphs Karaoke settled for a double.

Sassygirl had been checking the blog while overseas, and was convinced that one of the Hash Team Tsunami wasn’t running at all – boob glass was given to Ninja. The GM noted another great sporting achievement in the long boat races in the win from Manono. When Pro Bona came to visit she charged past this High Chief of Manono without congratulating him. Claiming she was on pills, Titty G took the award for her. The GM had been quite clear in that he was setting the run, but at 4 PM there had appeared Ring Ring at the gate, stating her intent to assist by setting the trail correctly. This lack of respect had been repeated last week on CB as well, but that was obviously in a whole different category. In light of Ring Ring’s enthusiasm, Sassygirl nominated Bits and Pieces and Goer for the Lack of/Latecomers Award.

POD nominated the hashers who had been involved in the Teuila races and promptly flipped their boat – Mia, Titty G, CB and Brazilian. But Brazilian hadn’t even been in the race so a False Accusation Award to POD. The GM then called forth all who had avoided awards so far – Psychadelic, Wahoo, Pirate Princess and Hobbs.
Brazilian caught Sassygirl leaning (well it was more of a Captain Morgan stance), and some comment flew about having pubic lice, to which Sassygirl replied with way, way too much information.

The Hosts and the Hares were saluted in the traditional manner.

As the circle closed, Godfather thanked the Hosts for always putting on a good show, and for their dedication and hospitality, which was evidenced by the great turn-out. He announced that on behalf of the Hash we would all like to contribute to a fund for Baby Desirable, to be run by the family as they saw fit. A first contribution was handed over and Eveready said they would discuss this welcome but totally unexpected gift. Things had been difficult when Desirable passed away, but things were getting back to normal, and he couldn’t think of any better people to celebrate with but the Apia Hash. Karaoke got a special word of thanks for all the preparations that she had made.

The hashers then descended on a great feast of roast pork, fish, chicken, you name it.

Next week’s run will be at POD and Lewinsky’s.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Thursday, September 09, 2010

Hash Run 1535

Next weeks run will be hosted by Eveready and Karaoke at their home in Lotopa. Eveready informs that the theme for the run will again be PINK.
So get out your best Pink outfits and get ready to run!

Directions: Head towards the airport past the Mormon Temple at Pesega and turn up to Lotopa to the RLSS Primary school (turn-off points to the Sliding Rocks), the house is on the left hand side just behind Adria's cakes.

Run will start normal time at 1730 hrs and the Keg will be there as well as a yummy feed!

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Sunday, September 05, 2010

Hash Run 1534

Greetings all

This week's run will be hosted by Mia and Steph at Steph's place in Vaoala. Its a yellow house on the Cross-Island Road, on the left hand side of the road just before Bank Street and opposite the fruit stand on the right hand side of the road. Sorry no map but hope you can all find it.

It will be a BYO dishes and meat for the BBQ.


On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Thursday, September 02, 2010

Hash Trash 1533

Appinun to all Hashers. Your Assistant Blogmaster is posting the Hash Trash from Madang, PNG on behalf of Assistant Trainee Scribe – Mia – and is eternally grateful for her stepping in. Although we may need to send her to typing school!

Hash run 1533 was hosted by Captain Mortein and Pirate Princess at their home in Vaoala. The day started out windy cold and raining, and all thought that it wasn’t going to clear up. But then the clouds opened up and another sun filled day in Samoa was enjoyed by all. As the Assistant Trainee Scribe didn’t actually do the run – claiming to be sick, it was apparently a lot of up and down hills and all and sundry were quite buggered.

When the pack got back Tallyho was overheard giving Cockblocker shit because if you want to lead the run your on on shout should be loud and deep with a manly voice, and not like a girl, and in his opinion CB had screamed on on like a 6 year old girl would.[This reminds us of the naming ceremony for CB, when Slim Shady could be overheard repeating the mantra Whiny Bitch]

CB then approached the Assistant Trainee Scribe and proposed that since the Scribe was gone there should be a new way of scribing and a new age should be started! Apparently CB feels that how things have been done is old school, and that we should take photos of each event or down down and put them up on the site with the comment in the blog. Well CB, we do that when we can get the photos loaded and you are welcome to provide commentary to any of the Hash Photo Albums. The Assistant Trainee Scribe think he just wants his photo in there after all the down downs he gets. [Assistant Blogmaster’s note: CB should put his money where his mouth is, if he can get it far enough out of his arse, and get on with commenting on the photos – would be happy to illustrate the Trash with crucial photos.]

So to the proceedings. Everready stepped in as GM, and welcomed the one visitor, Matthew from the US who is here for 1 week. His town which the Assistant Trainee Scribe cannot remember was famous for Maple Syrup, Ben and [Ben and] Jerry’s Ice Cream. [Methinks that is somewhere in Maine] When he was asked who he came with he let out a grunt like eerrrrrhhh! and pointed towards Swinger. For some reason this was accepted and Swinger did not get a down down, but Matthew did. CB proceeded to say that shit Matthew’s quicker than you James [who that?] causing CB to have one too.

The Retreads were Lester, David and Greg Taylor 2, and had been missing Hash because they were all off island apparently. Celebrity Awards went to FBI and BB for the Hash Team run the extra mile article (this picture was from last year’s run obviously) featuring FBI receiving the baton from BB. Swinger took the award on behalf of BB as she is in Fiji. A further Celebrity Award went to Spanky for her American Peace Corps male group winning the Perimeter run and being in the paper, but also because even though we took her to the presentation she baled on the Hash team to sit with the Peace Corps - failure to stick by her fellow hashers!

It was International Woman’s Day and the Assistant Trainee Scribe thought it was only fair to give an award to the men who where lazy and had no woman to look after instead of the ones that did but of course CB wasn’t happy with this, and stated that the Assistant Trainee Scribe apparently was just a sad cause as she didn’t have anyone to look after her. The Hash all voted and the Assistant Trainee Scribe took the down down with honour of all those women out there who didn’t have a man! Angela joined in to commemorate the day as she didn’t feel that this should be taken by one alone. Nice!

We then had the biggest telephonus interuptus, but it was decided to let it go as it was the lovely news from Crash Bandicoot that Delicious had just given birth to their Daughter Luana. She is a healthy 7.2 pounds and Mother and Chiled were happy and healthy.

The GM opened up for awards from the floor. Tallyho gave Greg Taylor 2 and Wahoo the Not Caring Where To Go Award. Apparently when Tallyho asked which way to go, Wahoo said she didn’t care – she was going this way and Greg Taylor 2 followed.

Snake tried to give Greg Taylor2 an award for stealing his identity last week when they swapped tickets, but as we all knew this had already been awarded last week so it backfired and Snake got a down down.

Hotnuts was nominated for a Stupidity Award. He had tried to yell at the dogs out the window that where attacking one of the runners but the window was closed and he smacked his head. Left a nice mark on Slippery’s car window.

Strangler was nominated for a Cruelty To Animals Award for tasering a bunch of pigs that where trying to attack him. He said they were scary and he didn’t trust them not to bite him. [There was a lot of tasering on that extra leg on the relay, it must be said]

Godfather and Hot Nuts were nominated for a joint award - Godfather for the Weak Bladder Award for stopping the run so he could pee in front of everyone and Hotnuts the Pervert Award for taking a photo of this. [Actually Slippery was the key instigator of that photo session]

CB and Pussysnatcher were nominated for taking the Assistant Trainee Scribe’s keys from the yacht club leaving her stranded for an hour and depriving her of sleep the night before she was meant to support them for the perimeter race. CB tried to say that it was only Pussysnatcher as CB didn’t take the plastic bag they keys where in, but Pussysnatcher was absent so by default his closest living relative had to take the down down namely CB.

Strangler gave the Crafty Little Bugger Award to Captain Mortein for trying to hide the paper not only once but twice along the run. Captain wanted a vote, but it came back unanimous against him.

Tallyho nominated CB and Strangler for Failing To Call Out When Leading Award. Piss poor voices where his exact words. Strangler tried to get out of it by saying it’s not their fault the older generation can’t hear and CB said that Tallyho was taking to long and wanted an FBI award but both where given their down downs.

Not Doing Their Job Awards was given to CB and Swinger. Swimming with Turtles in Savaii article in Samoan Observer entitled Conservation or prison, describing how the water that used to be clear now resembles a swamp and they should be saving the turtles. Swinger said he’s not in marine conservation so he shouldn’t have to take the award, so everyone voted that CB should take it.

Tallyho gave the Failing To Perform Award to Mad Hatter, as apparently when she was at the top of the hill she yelled down “come quickly” so she obviously wasn’t getting any at home even though its National Women’s day. Slippery helped her finish but was wearing a hat so he had to do another.

Eveready gave Titty Galore an award for the fact he was waiting for her even though she was late on the run. She didn’t run he claimed, but TG did actually run, as she took the kids with her, and then she went up to the GM and said smell my armpit and put it in his face. Automatic down down for disrespecting the GM. Psychadelic gave Skunk the Eating on the Job award for pecking at the food during the awards ceremony. David was given the Illegitimate Award for stealing Psychadelic’s shirt which was a shirt with just that written on it.

Hot Nuts and CB thanked all the supporters by name for the Perimeter Relay Run, and the Host and Hares got their down downs. Tallyho was thanked for his services during the last hash and the GM was congratulated for becoming a Grandfather!

Next weeks run will be hosted by Assistant Trainee Scribe Mia at her place. CB will be the Hare. The directions will be posted as soon as she sends them to the Assistant Blogmaster. Please all note that this will be another BYO food event, but there will of course be a keg as usual.

On On


Friday, August 27, 2010

Hash Run 1533 - at Vaoala with Captain Mortein and Pirate Princess

Hi everyone, next week's run will be hosted by Pirate Princess and Captain Mortein at their Home in Vaoala. Their house is just next door/behind Einstein's house.

This will be a BYO food, so please bring along something for the BBQ or some chickpeas if you're like Brazilian Wax. Also a reminder that Mia will be the Assistant Trainee Scribe for this run and run 1534!

As per the norm, the Keg will be there, so hopefully there will be enough for all the thirsty Hashers...Run starts normal time- 1730Hrs

I will be thinking of you in Brisbane!

Map posted for Directions

On On

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Hash Trash 1532

The Hash was hosted by Slippery and Frances out by the National University of Samoa. It was a warm day, with just a minor threat of rains over the hillsides as we gathered. As it turned out though the weather stayed clear and the run was a hot one. POD ordered the pack out the gate and we were led quickly astray by Suva-visitor Tallyho. This was the first of many confusing moments as the Hare had been short on paper (“she used a single A4 page for the whole run” thundered Tallyho). So instead of following the road we went through someone’s front yard, across a small plantation and onto the back road. Here we followed a familiar trail along the water pipes, some brave souls running on top of these. Across the pipes, back through some jungle to the road again, which after a few hefty inclines and more losses of the trail, eventually took us back down to the Vailele Road and on home along and through NUS. Kiwi reckoned the whole run must have been 10km and Your Scribe is not arguing!

Tallyho was press-ganged into service as Guest GM, and after the crowd had been stilled by a bone jarring shriek from Slippery, rolled into the task with his usual aplomb. And cursing, and yelling and so forth. He said he had been on a run in the exact same spot (run 969 – I am sure he made that number up), when there was no smooth road and just track, shaggy, jungle and shit. So for his part he welcomed us to run number 1532 (969, smooth version). Calling forth those new to Apia Hash we were introduced to Ninja, Mrs Ninja and their son (from Japan). Then there was Murray and Robbo from two doors down (that’s a reggae band, methinks) who are guests of Slippery (they had been well-briefed).

The rethreads were FBI (working on his plantation, yeah right), Trina (in Savaii), and Pussysnatcher (working on his internal plantation of assorted flu bugs). They all took their down-down. Tallyho didn’t need the services of the shoe inspector (both missing), as he was being blinded by the shine from Screamers new boots. No resistance, griping or protesting, she drank the unholy mixture of beer, sweat and foot-mushrooms straight down. Well done.

The GM was informed by Poumuli that today was National Sponge Cake Day in the US, and do we have any bakers in the Hash – to which Slippery produced the latest creation from Karaoke. Pro Bona and Trina joined the award for present and impending birthdays. The Celebrity Award went to Godfather again, although Poumuli pointed out that he had obviously been trying to get out of the picture. But then a second picture was produced. Poumuli also noted the massive and impressive show of testosterone from a certain Spanish bull, and called for a Not-Doing-His-Job Award to Cockblocker (closest living relative was deemed to be PS).

Poumuli also managed to get an Environmentally Friendly Award given to Ring Ring, for being able to set a trail with the near absence of paper. The GM demanded that Slippery join in this one as he was supposed to have purveyed the paper. Through his twisted brainstem the GM also decreed that a trail as mucked up as this one could only have been set through help from a mountain biker, the only such owner present being Hot Nuts – who protested wildly.

The GM noted that Hash etiquette when there was such paucity of paper required one to keep an eye on the front-runners, who missed a cross, and he also deemed to be short-cutters. Swinger, Strangler and PS were brought forth on those charges.
Psychadelic had spotted three Hash Meres hiding in the bushes so that they wouldn’t have to tell Hot Nuts which way to go. Not knowing what else might have been going on, the GM gave a Bushwhacking Award to Screamer, Ring Ring and Mad Hatter, to be joined by Psychadelic for being a tattle-tale.

FBI spotted Captain Mortein leaning. Mia tried to get the GM for leaning also, which is by now a familiar scene – the Mia Award Backfire Award. Cellphonus Interruptus Award was given to Crime, while Screamer informed that BB was leaving us to go make a fine pair with Bananarama. BB struggled with her cup (“ooh, its so big” she said while looking to hand it off to Swinger).

At this stage Ninja jr was up to something with the baby girls, and ended up disrespecting the GM, who told Ninja “whatever it is you are feeding him – stop!”. The GM also pointed out that there was a scarcity of Hash Official Gear in the circle, so he awarded the Proper Hash Attire Award to himself, Poumuli, Lewinsky and Strangler, and gave a Default Award to Slippery for dabbling in haberdashery and not taking it seriously.

Brazilian Wax nominated Wahoo for the Changing Room Award, for having managed to lock herself in – big cup for that one. Wahoo sought to retaliate that there was no sign on the door to warn of its malfunction, to which the GM retorted “but you are not blond?”. Closest relative to that was decided upon in the form of Frances, although Slippery took most of it. Swinger brought Skunk up for the Greg Taylor Identity Theft Award.

BB tried to get the GM on a Dishonesty Award for not stepping forward for his celebrity status to be acknowledged, as he had been spotted in the televised church service. The GM found this most amusing , and commended the whole of Hash to go to church, but then he was interrupted as Lewinsky had spotted Captain Mortein leaning AGAIN.

The Hosts and the Hares, Slippery, Frances, Kiwi AKA Tiger Woody and Ring Ring were saluted, before we gorged ourselves on the assorted dishes that Slippery et al had produced for us.

Check the blog for next week’s run. Mia will be Assistant Trainee Scribe for the next two hashes, so keep an eye on her!

Many thanks to Slippery for all the photos - the censored ones have been posted!

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Samoa Perimeter Relay

Hash team running the extra mile

This weekend the Samoa Perimeter Relay will be held once again. Many teams have entered for this gruelling race that takes place from Sinalei all the way along the coast and around to Apia, past Poutasi, Lalomamu, Saleaaumua and Laulii. Many will be participating in memory of the 2009 Tsunami victims, but one team is going the extra mile - literally.

The Apia Hash House Harriers are fielding a team that will run a total of 143km, in honour of each life lost in the Tsunami. One part of the team will cover the distance from Levasa to Sinalei, with the main part of the team continuing on from Sinalei with the other teams in the relay. Speaking for Hash Team Tsunami,Godfather said that it was the wish of the club to make an extra effort in remembrance of all those who perished and to fund-raise for Faataua le ola (FLO). He will complete the last leg of the extra section, and hand over the baton to the rest of the team at Sinalei.

The Apia Hash House Harriers meet every Monday, rain or shine. The runs are varied and interesting, catering to all sorts of fitness levels in the club, ranging from walkers to serious runners, and is well known for its boisterous camaraderie.

Run sites are announced each week on and all are welcome to join the club, which will complete its 1532nd run this week.

So if you see Team Hash Tsunami on Saturday, please encourage them with a hearty “On On”.