The Hash was hosted by Chilindrina, Carin and Ophelie off Bank Street in Vaoala. Zsa Zsa came late from work so few of us got to see him. Ring Ring was our Hare, and she had come to some agreement with Chili that there should be a run, then Zumba. Some of us were not that convinced. Anyway, the pack set off down Bank Street towards familiar grounds, led by Cockblocker and Poumuli. As we crossed the river stream, none of us bothered to check left as we have gone wrong there so many times. Er, not this time. We reacquired the trail at the top of the hill only to find ourselves back down in the stream. A protesting Ring Ring tried to get the pack to cooperate, but since we knew now where it all ended up, it was quicker to take the road route. This in turn led us under some treacherous barbed wire and into the cow pastures, where there was plenty of povipoo. Out again and under more barbed wire, we eventually just lost the trail at a falsie cross. No one actually figured out how to get back, so we all ran up the street again to have a taste of Godfathers sweet nuts.
Then Chili puts on a tight leotard, starts up the salsa music and expects all the sweating hashers to line up and, well, zumba. Sorry, but your Scribe was too stiff from the run (and was punished for it) so stood back and watched. Quite a display, as the ranks progressively got thinned out. Godfather stood out as a keen zumba’er, as well as one of the last to cease!
Sassygirl BJ stepped in as GM for the evening, and called forth those new to Hash. There was Claire from Rotorua, staying in Poutasi for 6 weeks teaching ukulele and guitar to the kids there. She brought the house down by claiming to have been brought by someone called Joey? Joy? She is accompanied by Eileen who will be assisting. Then there was Samuel from Bordeaux, who is a schoolteacher. Then there was Anne from Auckland who has been here since May and not come to Hash! Finally we have new recruits in Fig Man and Banana Doctor, from the UK and Dominican Republic respectively. The GM ordered a down down for Godfather and Claire.
The rethreads were Poumuli (saving the world in Cancun), Dawn Raid (sick), Lily (stuck in Savaii), Flo (back visiting from NZ) AND Brazilian Wax (been to Germany?). CB and SOTB (I am sure it actually stands for Satan’s Other Toy Boy) had spiked the down down with tequila (well only your Scribe’s), and were suitably punished by the GM. But she brought in Poumuli for a Perving Award for not joining in the zumba.
Hot Nuts was given the New Grandchild Award, just as Titty Galore was spotted sneaking in. She valiantly tried to get out of it but no dice. The GM recounted how while on the trail a good samaritan had tempted some hashers with the offer of a chariot ride – Lucifer Award to Tiger Woody.
The GM then asked your Scribe to tell the Hash what had happened on This Day in History. While there were several related to Lewinsky, he was absent so the only tidbit was that in 1994, the hitherto dormant Mexican volcano Popocatepel erupted, and your Scribe wondered if we had any other Mexican volcanoes! Chilindrina was most definitely not dormant! Poumuli had to join the award for getting Sassy’s celebrity front page wrong. (Should have let Dawn Raid take that one, as he brought me the paper!) However, a true celebrity was found in that in Mexico there is an entire class of peanuts called Snatch!
Opening it up for nominations from the floor, SOTB brought that old chestnut of how a seasoned hasher like Captain Mortein still cannot open a coconut. CB sought to have the grumpy one punished further for perving at the zumba and moving around for a better view, but after a vote this became a double for CB instead.
Brazilian diplomatically enquired whose son this was that he spotted leaning – step forward Greenie for not giving better paternal instructions, and he was joined by Pat who was trying to hold up one of the tables. Late arrival Saneka joined them.
Winner of the last Chicken Award Dawn Raid, decided to give the Chicken Award to Fig Man for surreptitiously appropriating the chicken hat before his time, and then not wearing it. Next week Fig Man, you can have your revenge, but better make it a good one!
Brazilian again diplomatically enquired as to the Hash rules regarding destruction of property, pointing to the two kids digging up Chili’s lawn – Fig Man and Banana Doctor took the Offspring with Chains Award.
Eveready had been shocked out of his seat on Sunday while watching the televised church service and spotting Wahoo and Poumuli there – no arguments, but should have been brought in under the celebrity awards.
Anne from Auckland and her husband after a lengthy intro each got a down down, apparently the first time for her in public. Bringing forth some Hashit from the last run, Greenie said he had found some pink running shoes under his bed! Carin owned up to the shoes, but knew not of their location, she claimed.
Pussysnatcher complained that there was an unusual amount of chatter in the circle and demanded that a new method of enforcing politeness be introduced. Luckily Poumuli had brought a Mexican wrestling mask which was placed on Captain Mortein’s head after he took the Dome of Silence Award.
At this stage the GM had the bright idea of a boat race – 4 guys, 4 gals. SOTB, Brazilian, Samuel and Kiwi easily defeated Sassy, Wahoo, Jo and Flo. Hot Nuts admitted that he had been the chatterer to get Captain into trouble, and self-nominated.
The GM caught Kiss My Butt coming late, but also in full advertising mode. Meanwhile, Snatch had been forced to drive over the hill to the beach so that 2 Hashmen could cycle across. So much for speed cycling, as she had to wait for hours for them. Slow Nuts and Pansy took their Slow Ride Award. Somehow inspired by this, the GM did an advertisement for our new osteopaths, in residence at Roseberg’s, and Dan took the resultant down down for the GM.
Claire informed the Hash of some dastardly deed that almost led to chariot riding, namely that as newcomers they had been misled by Sassy and Flo to get in the truck! Samuel tried to get Snatch for misleading him – she had met him 4 months ago, told him when in Apia to come to the party, but nothing about the running! The GM told him off with a “what more do you want” remark. Finally, Kiss My Butt saw Snatch and Pussysnatcher making out in the bushes during the circle, so they took their Get A Room Award.
The hosts and the hare were saluted, before we descended on a large spread of curries, rice, bbq and salads provided by our generous hosts.
Check the blog for next week’s run, but rumour has it that we might be off to the races! Tallyho.
Poumuli, IKA Slit