Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Hash Trash 1684

The Hash was hosted by Nicola at the Lewinsky ghetto in Taumeasina, and the useless bugger bug had set in, preventing anyone from setting a trail. Thus Tallyho was hauled forth from the cobwebs to be a live hare. This time rule 24 (regarding de-bagging the Hare) was not in effect, not that anyone would have caught him if it were! Eschatological torments beyond the power of Tertullian's devising could not even the score of what that would entail. The Hare set off out the gate to the left of the rugby field, crossing over to the fence next to Apia Park. We followed this through the mud and grass until we emerged out in the village of Vini, and we followed some familiar back roads out towards the Vaivase Road. Instead of being sensible, the Hare asked POD if she wanted the long run or the short run. As we would find out she was harbouring ill will towards Lewinsky so the long run was opted for. This took us past Fagalii airport, the golf course and finally down to the East Coast road just past the Fagalii cemetery. It was then a hard slog back to the ghetto, where Godfather’s sweet yet seemingly shrinking nuts were glistening. At least 8 km by my reckoning.

SOTB was there as GM, remarkably unsweaty which meant he had found a shortcut. Calling the circle to order he asked those new to Apia Hash to introduce themselves. These were Szi-Chi and Craig, invited by Chewbacca. The rethreads were Anthony, Lowrider and Julia Gillard.
Celebrity Awards went to Lowrider (missed met training at SPREP, no upskilling), Sexpot (Westpac ads) Poumuli (closest living relative to Weathercock – in Observer) and Julia Gillard (appeared on TV3, just repeating buy Ford).
This Day in History Awards went to Sexpot (1419 – First Defenestration of Prague: a crowd of radical Hussites kill seven members of the Prague city council. – Poumuli explained that this radical form of interaction with local government entailed hurling them out of a 9th floor window, but geographic proximity, or lack thereof, was chosen), Snake (1970 – Black Tot Day: The last day of the officially sanctioned rum ration in the Royal Navy. – Snake is member of SCRUM), Transporter (1976 – In New York, New York, David Berkowitz (aka the "Son of Sam") kills one person and seriously wounds another in the first of a series of attacks).

The GM started in with his awards, first one for Overathleticism, as upon arrival we had seen Anthony and Lewinsky busy with their pugilistic display at the punching bag, and lifting weights. Interrupting the flow, the GM allowed Julia Gillard to introduce a new Award, namely the Hash Shit. This is a tradition in numerous Hashes, and is handed to the perpetrator of a crime so heinous it exceeds punishment. Then the GM accepted the new trophy in the form of a dunny-seat. Racking his mind for something suitable, he quickly accessed his lizard brain files. Apparently a fine party had been held for Lowrider upon her return from Banzailand, and a cake had been produced. On his knee Transporter proceeded to withdraw the surprise from the cake, which was not a ring but a thing. Inaugural Hash Shit of the Week to Transporter.

Lowrider quickly joined in the circle with a Bribery and Corruption Award for managing to get out of Japan only on an expired government ID, and joined by Julia Gillard for using the GM’s real name. At the end of the run POD had been looking for a pen to write up Hash Cash (incidentally supplied by the Scribe), and asked Karaoke, whose response was “no, but I got boobs”! Not sure how this mammalian memory lapse occurred or what fried synapses were shooting, but it was pretty funny.

Lewinsky nominated Rufie for disrespecting the Hash, by throwing a 12 case party and not inviting a single Hasher. This was a Making Lewinsky Thirsty Award, followed closely by Julia Gillard who had spoken to the GM about a golf game, golfing on the weekend, possibly golfing together. SOTB did indeed play but without inviting JG, so he took the NFI Award, opposite of RSVP.

Sexpot launched into his tale of heroism, as he had finally taken his brothers fishing with Lewinsky. As one of them hauled in a wahoo, the heroic Lewinsky was gaffing wildly about in the air, much like he does when testiculating (waving your hands in the air and talking absolute bollocks). Thus when the said wahoo escaped the hook and fell towards the briny Lewinsky gaffed it free-falling in mid-air. In his tepid defence he stated that the wahoo had been so small he needed to strike about to catch it. Thus spake the GM, that verily the allowable catch size had been violated, and Poumuli added that this was also Cruelty to Wahoos, therefore a double was served on our “hero”.

Sassygirl BJ then nominated Dawn Raid for making out with Lewinsky’s dogs. Actually, the female one had tried to mount him! Eveready had come late for the run, but had been asked by Nicola for the sausage tweezers. This led to some amusing entendre, but in the end Nicola spared Lewinsky further agony. Not so POD, who had to deal with Lewinsky the night of said gaffing, as he had come home from the boat pissed as a judge and late for a dinner appointment. He had fallen asleep in the car, forcing POD to carry three little girls and their stuff inside, while Lewinsky upon awakening only carried in a pint sized beach bucket! Well that beach bucket was quickly filled with suds and handed to the misogynist.

Transporter now wanted to get rid of the Hash Shit Award, and launched into some story about how Lewinsky wanted to be call The Man. All agreed that this was by far the worst nomination made at Hash since the last worst nomination, and Transporter not only retained Hash Shit, but was joined by the GM in the down down for not clarifying the rules governing Hash Shit in a less shit fashion.
The birthday girl Nicola was saluted as the Hash Shrine was whee-hee’d in by Tallyho. He claimed to have found a golfball with the initials AS on it, and had sold it to a caddy for 50 sene – the caddy claimed he could sell it back to SOTB for $1. After the GM had drank, then Poumuli opined that as Tallyho had been alone for this séance with the caddy, perhaps there was some fiction afoot, or someone being economical with the facts. In the end Tallyho got the Looking for Balls In The Grass Award.

The Hare and Hosts, Tallyho, Nicola, Rufie and Craig were saluted. They were quickly joined by Mugmaster Transporter for being useless and not bringing the Hash Mugs.

Quick announcement of the Perimeter Relay After Party being hosted at the back of On the Rocks (but not as far back as the toilets).

Check the blog for next week’s run.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Monday, July 29, 2013

Hash Run 1684 - Nicola @ Taumeasina

Good morning all,

Tonight's run is being hosted by Nicola at POD and Lewinsky's house in Taumeasina right down on the water. Nicola is still looking for a hare so if you are keen to set a trail today, please let us/her know.

The host is also providing the spread tonight, so you just need to bring your running gear, a change of clothes/towel and your hash cash. The run will be at 5:30pm so try be on time. :)

We will have the softies/nuts and beer on ice....see you all then!

On On

Friday, July 26, 2013

Hash Trash 1683

The Hash was hosted at Le Manumea Resort by Imelda, Karen and Anthony. Pussysnatcher and Phil were the hares, which for those of us familiar with his boundless energy was going to be a sweaty run. Luckily its not that hot these days, but we were certainly getting our heat up as we set out across the road from Manumea. We trotted down this road, past Conservation International until we reached a new development on the slope. Lezzie apparently has something to do with this as he was supervising some task. A bit of confusion upon hitting a false trail, but we quickly reacquired the scent. Down through some impenetrable bushes we eventually reached an opening where we could gaze down on a lovely waterfall. Over the fall we got to the broken end of the old water pipe. Some chose to run along on top of this while others ran on the path. We were joined by some local soles, and also encountered some local girls running. Eventually we had to cross the river again, which took us up to the water reservoirs. Pussysnatcher had set a falsie up the path where he had nearly killed some hashers before. Your Scribe spotted this and ambled up the long hill to the Cross Island Road, which we joined at Ray’s Taxis. It was then on-home for the sweet nuts (very small this time!) and golden nectar. 

SOTB was there to GM, and he called forth those new to Apia Hash. These were Nicole from Adelaide, and Sexpot’s brothers Andrew and Michael Ukrainianmafiavich. Since they deliberately got Sexpot’s name wrong the GM took careful note after handing Sexpot his down-down.

Rethreads were plentiful so only six were picked, namely Hippy, Screamer, Karen, Chewbacca, Poumuli and Diane. Shoe Inspector Snake was unable to find anything thus he took the down-down. Celebrity Awards went to Skidmark (triathlon – Sexpot represented), Sassygirl BJ (two pictures in the Observer) and Ring Ring (POD pointed out that the 2009 Perimeter relay had been shown on TV).
This Day in History Awards went to Dawn Raid (1904 – Louis Rigolly, a Frenchman, becomes the first man to break the 100 mph (161 km/h) barrier on land. He drove a 15-liter Gobron-Brille in Ostend, Belgium. – Dawn Raid frequently breaks the same barrier), Lewinsky (1973 – Monica Lewinsky’s birthday July 23), Rufie (1991 – Jeffrey Dahmer is arrested in Milwaukee after police discover human remains in his apartment, and he was using rohypnol), and Fang (Feast Day of St Margaret the Virgin).

The GM opined that this had been a good run but that some went the wrong way, and ended up going much further. Snake claimed that he was in fact escorting and protecting the Ladies, so he shared a Hero Award with Eveready.  Then there were the chariot riders who had caught a lift with Slim Shady. While Sassy and Karaoke admitted readily, Eveready claimed that he had to put up a fight and had been bodily heaved into the vehicle. Slim Shady protested that she was helping a delusional crippled old man with a walking stick, which in the end settled the matter.

Poumuli opened up the nominations with a Continued Advertising Award for Sassy, for the displays of Sassy Red Beer in NZ. SOTB gallantly guzzled for his mum.  Chewbacca wanted to nominate Nicola for being anti-social as she had headphones on during the run. She exclaimed that she was waiting for him to get out of the bushes, which caused some hilarity. A vote gave them both the Beating Around In the Bush Award.

POD had been driving up the hill and had seen Chewbacca standing somewhat forlornly by the road. Apparently Tallyho had just zoomed by and completely ignored a Hashers plea for a lift, which was explained by the presence of Soft Landing on board. Tallyho tried but failed to get out of this one.
Poumuli had been running next to Ozzy Osbourne for a while, and he was astounded to see a lovely lass come running towards them and nearly colliding with Ozzy. Tunnel Vision Award. Sassy nominated Witch Doctor for the ½ Keg Theft Award, joined by the ever honest Poumuli. A Latecummer Award went to Xavier.

Snake nominated Slim Shady, Hippy and Nicola for talking in the circle all night, to which Slim Shady responded that he was a butthole. We also heard Snake claim that he had a wetnurse (Kiwi for witness).

Sexpot nominated Lewinsky for making his brothers cry, by promising them a fishing trip and then reneging. This Stealing Christmas Award was dutifully made a double as there were two brothers, and Lewinsky needed help from POD. Tallyho had been on Facebook, as is his wont, and had seen a Hasher described as gorgeous, and by his Mum too. While SOTB took the claiming that Tallyho would not even be described thus by his Mum, the circle decided it was a double for the Mummy’s Boy.
Cougar had wanted to go on the run this week, but had been lured away by Crash Bandicoot. She joined him in the award when Eveready pointed out that they had grounded their two-year old girl. Desperate Housewife nominated Sassy and Crash for bearing torches. Poumuli noted that there had been no Trash last week, and was informed that the Ukrainian Mafia had made DH sick. The GM therefore wanted to see who wore the pants and got the three brothers into a boat race, won by Sexpot.

Snake had spotted some vultures lurking around the BBQ and nominated Slim Shady, Hippy, Diane and Hornithologist. Sexpot was delighted  at the news of a royal birth, and asked if perhaps Prince would take the award. As the only POM worthy to pick on Tallyho joined in as Princess.
Soft Landing had been paddling, but had not won a medal. However a nice paddler had given her one from the Men’s Open, to which Overstayer had exclaimed, so you are open to men. Lewinsky had to stagger through this one.

Sexpot nominated Seismic for all the recent quakes, which resulted in a long story about orgasms, which put Godfather on the brink of confessing something, or was he confused. Seismic then nominated SOTB for a Scandal Award for going on a secret trip to Savaii with Tickled. Poumuli gave Witch Doctor a hero award, followed by the dedication in the Hash Shrine of Soft Landing’s bra. Both Tallyho and Godfather had to take that one. The Hash National Anthem was sung with much aplomb for Soft Landing and Chewbacca.

Happy Birthday was sung for Witch Doctor, then the Hosts and Hares were saluted. 

Next week’s run will be at Taumeasina with Nicola hosting.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Hash Run 1683 - Imelda, Anthony & Karen @ Manumea Hotel

Talofa All,

Tomorrow's hash run is being hosted at Manumea Hotel in Vailima by Imelda the Welder, Anthony and Karen. The hosts will be providing the spread for the evening so you will need to bring your hash gear, hash cash and a change of clothes. Word is that Pussy Snatcher may be setting the run!

We will have our usual Nectar of life, Sweet nuts and Softies. Please try and be on time as we want to get the run started at 5:30.

hope to see you all then!

On On

Friday, July 12, 2013

Hash Run 1682 - Snakepit 2 with Snake, Fang & Dogfood in Vaitele


Apologies for the late posting. Next weeks run will be hosted by Snake, Fang & Dogfood at the Snakepit 2 in Vaitele (Senese School)
This will also be a farewell run for a few runners who are heading abroad as well as a naming for a certain someone.

The hosts have kindly offered to put on the spread for Monday's run so you will need to bring your hash cash, drinking boots and perhaps a change of clothes.

Snakepit 2 is located in Vaitele, take the road opposite BOC Gases and head up that road. When the road starts to get steep, you will see the Senese School on your left hand side.

We will have our usual brew/nectar of life, softies and sweet nuts from Godfather.

See you all there!
On On

Hash Trash 1681

HASH TRASH 1681           
This week’s Hash was hosted by both Irini and Swinger at Swinger’s place in Siusega.  The trail was set on paper and supposed to be a 6km circular one around the Faleata sports compound and then out to Vaitele uta and back home, but only two runners actually did the whole distance… most hashers either decided to run it in reverse because they were distracted by a shapely hash meres behind (eg Tallyho) or cut it short due to fatigue, stupidity and/or blindness (eg CB and Sexpot). Unfortunately, the traffic and wind had disturbed some of the false trail crosses expertly (not) set by Irini making it difficult at times to follow the trail.…However, a simple hash rule was ignored once again by the testosterone fuelled FRBs…. no paper, means your ain’t on the trail and you should go back to the last check point….
The Hashers then refreshed themselves with Godfather’s sweet nuts and the nectar of life whilst mulling over who followed the correct trail and what actually was the correct trail.  Then the GM called the Hash circle to order.

First call up was the Newcummers.  For the first time in a long time, there were no new people to Hash so the GM moved right along to Retreads.  These included CB – who was too busy “blocking”, Topshelf – who couldn’t get to the boat in Savaii (Tallyho piped up because of the bad bus drivers – bad joke from the accident on the weekend), Pirate Princess – was busy babysitting, Captain Mortein – had journeyed back to Europe and finally Prince – who had an injured hoof (he was wearing the Boar or Rooter hat).
After sharing a retread down down, Snake was called up to inspect the circle to find new shoes.  Pirate Princess was called up, just after having her first one for retreading and now this one for wearing new shoes and having to drink from the shoe.

It was at this moment that TTG arrived and so had to have a latecummer down down.
This Day in History was next:  In 1776 the Liberty Bell rings summoning the US citizens to the first reading of the US Declaration of Independence – Ring Ring.  Then in 1884 the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children was founded in London.  This went to the token recurring bad parents (Roofie for putting Jack in blow up ring in full sun, Lewinsky – heaps of times).  1958 – was Kevin Bacon’s birthday – Prince took that down down, and finally in 1997 – Torrential rains cause flooding in Czech Republic, Poland or Germany – so our Ukrainian Transporter took the down down and it was quite fitting as he was wearing his Ukraine Tshirt.

GM then announced it was time for the Celebrity Awards which was read out by Sexpot (who had been busy researching for it).  The first was an article to do with On the Rocks and the threatening of the Samoa Observer Chief Reporter so Lewinsky was called up.  Also Stevenson’s of Manase was mentioned for their involvement with hosting the triathlon there in October, so POD took that one.  An article regarding the plane accident in San Francisco saying the plane was “too low for landing” went to Low Rider, so Transporter took it.  The final article was about a “Twitterholic” called Ali and as Ali was not present, Sexpot called for another twit to accept the down down – CB.  There was also an article in the paper for Chicken in a can so Sexpot thought it fitting to give a down down to the “Angry Bird” of Hash.  The Angry Bird was Dumbass and was unfortunately off island so TTG, being the closest living relative accepted the Vailima.
The GM awards were next with the first award going to a brave Hashman who accepted a request from an email going around from a Hashmere promising sexual favours if they agreed to host a hash with her.  So Swinger was called up.  Irini in his defence was trying to explain that Swinger had already accepted before she started promising sexual favours but accidentally forgot to call him by his Hash name and so she had to have a down down of sugar free soft drink with him.  Following this same subject, GM was given a down down because he had written back to Irini after she had also promised sexual favours to couples too, but saying he had to check with Alcatraz before getting back to her.
GM then gave the Hugh Hefner Award to Granny Smith for getting an down down the week before for having a threesome to then being caught out in town with six women.  He won hero status for going from a threesome to an orgy in one week.

The GM then mentioned the escaped criminals that are still at large in Apia.  So he called up Crime, the mastermind, Alcatraz and Houdini who trained them.
The Loser Award was given to the Australian Rugby team who got smashed against the British Lions on Saturday, so two token Aussies – Ozzy and Pamela Anderson had to have a down down along with the winners (those of British descent), Tallyho and Nicola.
The GM then opened the nominations to the floor.  Sexpot was first to call up the GM to have a commiseration down down for not getting the top Bluesky job as he thought he was going to.
It was then Tallyho’s turn who mentioned that he was at On the Rocks on Friday night watching a game of pool, a partnership of two hashmen brothers and their opponents.  He witnessed them lose the game after being 3 balls clear of winning.  So Transporter and Elle McJunior had to take a down down.  Transporter told Tallyho off for watching balls too closely.

POD then picking up where Tallyho left off on balls, nominated Tallyho for the Wimbledon win of Andy Murray – the first time in 77 years that a Pom has won it.  Then there were arguments as to whether he was a Pom or Scottish – but the circle didn’t care and he took it.
Sexpot was up again, he firstly congratulated Swinger on the good run which again had lots of falsies, and then nominated Tallyho for running the complete trail backwards (Sexpot had confirmed the trail with Swinger).  Tallyho’s right of reply was that the hare failed to set the run properly.  Sexpot came back saying he was too busying following Irini and not the trail, and a demonstration ensued with Sexpot demonstrating Tallyho’s style of running when Irini is in front – is he following the trail or tail??  A question of Irini’s true hair colour was then discussed with Tallyho questioning if she is a “true” blonde.  Sexpot said Tallyho was following her closely enough that he should know.

Sassy then started talking about the perimeter run and the massaging of the Hash team during the run.  Godfather organising the masseuses to massage in between the legs, meaning the Perimeter running legs, but those dirty Hashmen took it entirely the other way and were chuckling as to whether the massages included a “happy ending”.  So Godfather had to take a down down for instigating the conversation.

Sexpot nominated a congratulatory down down to Captain Mortein for winning the Veteran’s 10km and Princess Tiger for winning the kids 3km.  It was then that Topshelf piped up that she should get a congratulatory down down for WINNING the Women’s Marathon.  When asked how many people were in the Marathon, she said just herself – but she still got a down down for her fantastic effort.
Sassy nominated Snake for bringing the bbq and failing to set it up properly resulting in a gas leak that could have blown us all to Kingdom Come if someone decided to light up a smoke.  Snake said he only delivered the bbq and didn’t set it up, but he still got the down down because no one owned up to it.
Tallyho got a down down for spilling a drink on waitress at OTR and then looked at her boobs and said “Nice ones!”  Irini said it was the same thing he whispered into her ears.  Tallyho said he would whisper it into any ear he could get (a female one that is!).

Transporter then gave the Parents of the Year award to our regulars POD and Lewinsky for, on the weekend, at his niece’s birthday party, POD and Lewinsky showed up with Happy Daze covered with scratches all over her face.  When asked about it they said “She fell down the stairs!!”  Then we all realised why they sent Happy Feet and Happy Face to NZ so they had time to recover from their injuries.  Lewinsky said he is looking forward to when Transporter has children (legitimate ones that is) so he can get his own back.

Sassy gave Kibble (Dog Food’s son) a down down for doing the run – he downed a Coke.
Tallyho gave the Lame Person Award to Witchdoctor for not running due to a soccer injury.  Then someone also mentioned that Desperate Housewife was also lame from a soccer injury.  They took the down down and when DH went looking for Sexpot to give the rest of her down down to as usual, but he was hiding so Pamela Anderson got it.
Topshelf nominated herself for leaving Samoa soon, so she ended up with two for self-abusing.  GM then also had to have a down down for mentioning Lewinsky by his real name.
As Topshelf was leaving, Tallyho lead the Hash circle in the Hash Anthem, “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot” in which afterwards Sassy nominated Prince for having the best wanking action in the song as agreed by all the other Hashmeres.  Prince blamed the Rooter hat for making him do it.
Speaking of the Rooter hat, it was time for Prince to pass it on to another Hashman.  Prince said he was originally going to give it to Irini for the email promising sexual favours in return for hosting hash with her, but he changed his mind and went for Sexpot for “pulling the muscle”.  Sexpot put the hat on and immediately started to nuzzle the snout into Sassy.  GM said he can see that’s how Sexpot can get lipstick on his collar (refer to the previous week’s nomination).  Sexpot said that’s not the only place you can get lipstick on – that hat was already turning him into a boar!

Tallyho started complaining again about how there were not X’s on the trail and then nominated Imelda for donating a hat to the Hash Shrine but not even running, as the things that belong to the Hash Shrine as those treasures found when on the run.
The Hare & Host, Irini and Swinger were then called up to have their down down for hosting and setting that wacky run.
POD then made an important announcement with the help of her supermodel husband Lewinsky who was modelling the Hash T-shirts for $30 - cash only.  It was whilst Lewinsky was modelling to the Hash Circle that Sexpot, the Rooter, snuck up on him and dacked him.  Lucky Lewinsky’s shirt was long enough or his member short enough to contain his dignity.
One last announcement was again from POD asking which Hashfolk were interested in doing the 2013 Perimeter Run and to start forming teams before the deadline, 19th July.
After all that excitement the Hash Circle was brought to a close.
Next week’s Hash will be hosted by Snake, Fang and Dogfood at the Snakepit2 at Vaitele.

On On.

Monday, July 08, 2013

Hash Run 1681 - Irini and Swinger in Siusega

Good Morning All,

Hope you all had a wonderful weekend. Tonight's run is being hosted by Irini and Swinger at Swinger's pad in Siusega. The hosts have offered to put on the spread for tonight's run. This area always provides us with great long runs, so be prepared.

We will have our nectar of life, sweet nuts as well as softies. The run will start at 5:30pm so try get there early.

See you all then! Map is below for those who need directions.

On On!

Friday, July 05, 2013

Hash Trash 1680

This week’s Hash was hosted by Darren and Ally at Taumesina.  The run was set on flour and featured many falsies.  In fact some falsies were so long, a hasher would be running up to a kilometre and then realise they would have to turn back.  Some disgruntled hashers managed to catch up to the Hare, Darren, who was also riding a bike and tipped the flour he was using to set the run over him, much to the amusement of those keg minders who were around to see him arrive – looking like a ghost covered in flour.  A stint in water was also involved and not lovely flowing water but stagnant swampy water that could’ve easily had dead bodies sunk down in its murky depths.  This water also had a putrid stench which soaked into all the Hashmen and meres clothes.  Many hashfolk returned saying it was one of the most gruelling hash runs ever and were a bit worried what effect that water was going to have on them had they ingested any of it.

After recovering from the run with Godfather’s sweet nuts and a few Vailimas, the Hash Circle began.  Newbies were first to be called up and included the usual group of Med students, they included Katy, Kat, James, Nina, Bex and Adam all from the UK.  Two other newcummers were Corey, a Dive Master and Ester, a Diving Instructor both from Dive Savaii.  The final new Hashman was Anthony from St Joseph’s who was invited by Dawn Raid.

Retreads were then called up including Irini, Russell, Kate, Wet Pussy, Crash and Delicious.  Irini had been on holidays, Russell was doing his uni exams and Kate was being the supportive wife to him.  Wet Pussy was working far, far away.  Crash said that he hadn’t been for a while as Delicious had locked him up and thrown away the key, and Delicious’s excuse was that she has too much work on.

There was one unfaithful retread who didn’t front up on the first call and that was Sexpot, whose excuse was there weren’t enough Hash Mugs to go round.  His reason for not showing up to Hash in a while was that he was overseas.
Snake the Shoe Inspector was called up to inspect all the Hashfolks shoes.  Dawn Raid had some new shoes on and so had to take a down down in them, although he took the cheat’s way and had the glass inside the shoe instead of the Vailima directly in his shoe.

This Day In History was then read out and included:
1902 – US Congress passes the Spooner Act – this was award to both Darren and Da Head for spooning together the other night – how romantic!
In 1937 the world’s first emergency number of 999 was introduced in London – Ring Ring.
In 1950 – the US beat England during the 1950 FIFA World Cup – Tallyho
In 1969 – the Stonewall Riots begin in the US marking the start of the Gay Movement – Gayboy who was absent so his closest living relative Transporter, was made to take the down down.
In 1991 – 32 Miners were killed in Ukraine when a coal mine caught fire near Donbass region – Sexpot.
It was also World UFO day so who else could we ask to come up and take a down down but none other than Chewbacca.
Wet Pussy also announced that on the 1st July 2005, Aqua Samoa opened with GM as the first Dive Master – GM

Celebrity award was next on the agenda and it seemed to be a scarce week on the celebrity front with only our Sassygirl called up for a newspaper article which featured herself and the mediation courses she has been conducting.

It was then that when went onto the much anticipated GM Awards.  The first was awarded to one elderly Hashman, Godfather, who was very excited to see Soft Landing aka Irini at Hash – when Titty G is away, Godfather will play!!
Another was an award to a Hashman who was at another Hashman’s house to watch the Manu Samoa vs South Africa game.  As he was plastered, he passed out on the couch fully clothed only to wake up naked – so Da Head (the naked one) and Darren (the undresser) both took a down down together.
The Thieving Chinaman award was given to Transporter, who at On the Rocks, whilst watching the State of Origin, went to the bathroom and noticed some change on someone else’s table and swiped it – no wonder he goes to church on Sunday!
As the Kiwi’s won the 7’s on the weekend – our Kiwi couple Darren & Ally had to take the down down.
In honour of Canada Day and also the fact that Canada beat Samoa in the 7’s, the GM called out to anyone Canadian to step up and take a celebratory drink – Steve stepped up being half Canadian and took the drink.
The GM then went on to talk about the speed bump upgrades the LTA is currently undertaking finding out that the only reason they are being revamped is so the Head of State’s Limo can get over them.  So the closest living relative to the Head of State, Godfather was awarded this honour.

That was the last of the GM’s award and he swiftly went into the next item which was nominations from the floor.  Chewbacca was the first to nominate Overstayer who whilst Chewbacca was walking home in the boiling hot sun, Overstayer slowed down and stopped.  Chewbacca in the meantime thinking that he saviour had approached and was going to pick him up was dismayed to see her then, upon realising it was Chewbacca, drive off.  Nice one overstayer!

Sexpot then mentioned that he had been away for a while and listening about what was happening in the parliament with the parliamentarians all talking about wet pussy, so Wet Pussy was called up.
Sassy nominated Godfather for showering in front of all the Hashmeres in his speedos.  Godfather retorted that when you have a Malu you can go naked anywhere – no thanks GF!

Following this same subject of the Samoan Tatau and the Malu, Chewbacca chose to nominate a new Hasher, Andy who was very interested and wanted to know if they also tattoo the genitals.  Godfather did offer Andy a look, which he quickly refused.
Desperate Housewife nominated husband Sexpot for getting lipstick on his collar when he was back in Australia and not only that but Sexpot saying he thought it was on a different shirt.  Does that mean there was more than one?

Lewinsky nominated Josh and Overstayer for attempting a threesome with him at Coffee Bean Headquarters – not sure what that’s about?  Tallyho then started having a go at Lewinsky for spying on people and said he was worse than the Americans.  The Jealousy Award then went to Tallyho for wishing it was he who was in the threesome.
Dawn Raid nominated Lewinsky due to his kids barging in on him when he was using the toilet.  Tallyho asked Dawn Raid why he didn’t use the Hash toilet (a coconut tree or similar), when Sassy piped up saying that Dawn Raid was being civilised for once.
It was at this moment that the Hash Monk came in.  She had just got back from England, visiting the Queen, watching Wimbledon and having a few cucumber sandwiches when she was summoned back to Samoa to name a few Hashers.

The first Hashman to be named was Josh.  He is a big technohead who particularly likes Apple products, so the Hashmonk named him Granny Smith.
The next to be named was Shelley.  The Hashmonk heard on the grapevine that Shelley gets herself accidentally locked in at some establishments including her own home, so she was therefore named Houdini.
The next was Dave the lifesaver, who even though he rescues damsels in distress, when it comes to exercise, he’s soft.  So instead of being named the Hoff, the Monk decided to call him Pamela Anderson.
The Hashmonk then mentioned while riding on her broom, it collapsed over Canberra – they told her to check out this guy Robin who tweets like a bird, a blonde guy who is as exciting as a toothpick – she hereby named him K-Rudd.

Then Crash and Delicious’s baby Francis Jnr was to be called up.  Crash accepted the Christening on behalf of baby Francis, who probably wouldn’t have appreciated the tomato sauce, flour, vailima and salad dressing on his head, eyes, ears etc.  The Monk christened Francis Jnr as Pinto because of Crash’s love of cars.
The next young Hashmere to be named was baby Summer.  She was a result of a Hash union between POD and Lewinsky.  This time POD took the Christening on behalf of Summer.  As their previous children are named Happy Feet & Happy Face, the monk called Summer Happy Daze (as poor POD was always in a daze from lack of sleep!).
The hostess with the mostest, Ally was called up to get her name (very trusting of the Monk considering she was still hosting her first hash that night, and we weren’t sure if there was going to be arsenic in our food).  The Hashmonk named her Blowfish after her husband Darren (the fishmonger) was trying to convince her to give him a blowjob at the bar at On the Rocks (it seems as though a lot of drunken debauchery occurs at this establishment!).
Darren was then called up to be given his name.  The monk named him Roofie, after the date rape drug that he used on Da Head to get him naked that night at his place.
This concluded the naming and the Hashmonk had her exit down down and disappeared into the night.
It was then that the nominations from the floor resumed.  Firstly two Hash birthdays were announced.  The first was on the radio that morning and was for Pamela Anderson, so the newly named Pamela Anderson took his down down to celebrate Pammy’s birthday.  It was also Crime’s birthday that same day so he had it with Pamela.
Transporter gave the Chariot rider award to Dog Food, Kibble and Crime for hitching a ride on a maroon station wagon.

Another chariot rider award went to Snake who was offering to give rides to people.
A big moment in Aussie politics this week was recognised and this was the change of leader from Julia Gillard to Kevin Rudd, so the newly named K-Rudd took his down down.
Everyready nominated his kids, Crash and Delicious for the Parents of the Week award for when he was looking after Devine, she wanted a fishing rod, and one was too big, the other too small so when he asked her to show him what size, she stuck her middle finger up and said “This size!”.
Another Good Parenting – Not! Award went to Jacob for saying “Dickhead” to somebody.  He had to scull a Coke for bad language as both parents said that did not teach him such words – he must have picked it up somewhere – mmmm any ideas Sassy?

Tallyho nominated Roofie for setting the hash run and making the Hashmen and meres go into that stagnant water and some accidentally swallowing it.  He suggested a shot of gin to clear the guts or else some of the sexy med students to look after him.

Godfather then announced that he was touched that one of the Hashmen, Worthless presented him with a t-shirt from the 600 run set by Kiwi and Godfather at Lufi Lufi – the Godfather had lost his in the 2009 tsunami – so Worthless and Godfather drank together.
GM asked Godfather for his running shorts back from last week’s Hash – however they were wet – and we don’t want to know why Godfather!!

Worthless was then called up as it was his last run in Samoa so he had a triple down down.
Then the Hare and the Host were called up – Roofie and the Blowfish (sounds like a band name!)  They had their drink and the Hash Circle was called to an end.

Next week’s hash is still open, check the website for any updates.
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