Friday, July 26, 2013

Hash Trash 1683

The Hash was hosted at Le Manumea Resort by Imelda, Karen and Anthony. Pussysnatcher and Phil were the hares, which for those of us familiar with his boundless energy was going to be a sweaty run. Luckily its not that hot these days, but we were certainly getting our heat up as we set out across the road from Manumea. We trotted down this road, past Conservation International until we reached a new development on the slope. Lezzie apparently has something to do with this as he was supervising some task. A bit of confusion upon hitting a false trail, but we quickly reacquired the scent. Down through some impenetrable bushes we eventually reached an opening where we could gaze down on a lovely waterfall. Over the fall we got to the broken end of the old water pipe. Some chose to run along on top of this while others ran on the path. We were joined by some local soles, and also encountered some local girls running. Eventually we had to cross the river again, which took us up to the water reservoirs. Pussysnatcher had set a falsie up the path where he had nearly killed some hashers before. Your Scribe spotted this and ambled up the long hill to the Cross Island Road, which we joined at Ray’s Taxis. It was then on-home for the sweet nuts (very small this time!) and golden nectar. 

SOTB was there to GM, and he called forth those new to Apia Hash. These were Nicole from Adelaide, and Sexpot’s brothers Andrew and Michael Ukrainianmafiavich. Since they deliberately got Sexpot’s name wrong the GM took careful note after handing Sexpot his down-down.

Rethreads were plentiful so only six were picked, namely Hippy, Screamer, Karen, Chewbacca, Poumuli and Diane. Shoe Inspector Snake was unable to find anything thus he took the down-down. Celebrity Awards went to Skidmark (triathlon – Sexpot represented), Sassygirl BJ (two pictures in the Observer) and Ring Ring (POD pointed out that the 2009 Perimeter relay had been shown on TV).
This Day in History Awards went to Dawn Raid (1904 – Louis Rigolly, a Frenchman, becomes the first man to break the 100 mph (161 km/h) barrier on land. He drove a 15-liter Gobron-Brille in Ostend, Belgium. – Dawn Raid frequently breaks the same barrier), Lewinsky (1973 – Monica Lewinsky’s birthday July 23), Rufie (1991 – Jeffrey Dahmer is arrested in Milwaukee after police discover human remains in his apartment, and he was using rohypnol), and Fang (Feast Day of St Margaret the Virgin).

The GM opined that this had been a good run but that some went the wrong way, and ended up going much further. Snake claimed that he was in fact escorting and protecting the Ladies, so he shared a Hero Award with Eveready.  Then there were the chariot riders who had caught a lift with Slim Shady. While Sassy and Karaoke admitted readily, Eveready claimed that he had to put up a fight and had been bodily heaved into the vehicle. Slim Shady protested that she was helping a delusional crippled old man with a walking stick, which in the end settled the matter.

Poumuli opened up the nominations with a Continued Advertising Award for Sassy, for the displays of Sassy Red Beer in NZ. SOTB gallantly guzzled for his mum.  Chewbacca wanted to nominate Nicola for being anti-social as she had headphones on during the run. She exclaimed that she was waiting for him to get out of the bushes, which caused some hilarity. A vote gave them both the Beating Around In the Bush Award.

POD had been driving up the hill and had seen Chewbacca standing somewhat forlornly by the road. Apparently Tallyho had just zoomed by and completely ignored a Hashers plea for a lift, which was explained by the presence of Soft Landing on board. Tallyho tried but failed to get out of this one.
Poumuli had been running next to Ozzy Osbourne for a while, and he was astounded to see a lovely lass come running towards them and nearly colliding with Ozzy. Tunnel Vision Award. Sassy nominated Witch Doctor for the ½ Keg Theft Award, joined by the ever honest Poumuli. A Latecummer Award went to Xavier.

Snake nominated Slim Shady, Hippy and Nicola for talking in the circle all night, to which Slim Shady responded that he was a butthole. We also heard Snake claim that he had a wetnurse (Kiwi for witness).

Sexpot nominated Lewinsky for making his brothers cry, by promising them a fishing trip and then reneging. This Stealing Christmas Award was dutifully made a double as there were two brothers, and Lewinsky needed help from POD. Tallyho had been on Facebook, as is his wont, and had seen a Hasher described as gorgeous, and by his Mum too. While SOTB took the claiming that Tallyho would not even be described thus by his Mum, the circle decided it was a double for the Mummy’s Boy.
Cougar had wanted to go on the run this week, but had been lured away by Crash Bandicoot. She joined him in the award when Eveready pointed out that they had grounded their two-year old girl. Desperate Housewife nominated Sassy and Crash for bearing torches. Poumuli noted that there had been no Trash last week, and was informed that the Ukrainian Mafia had made DH sick. The GM therefore wanted to see who wore the pants and got the three brothers into a boat race, won by Sexpot.

Snake had spotted some vultures lurking around the BBQ and nominated Slim Shady, Hippy, Diane and Hornithologist. Sexpot was delighted  at the news of a royal birth, and asked if perhaps Prince would take the award. As the only POM worthy to pick on Tallyho joined in as Princess.
Soft Landing had been paddling, but had not won a medal. However a nice paddler had given her one from the Men’s Open, to which Overstayer had exclaimed, so you are open to men. Lewinsky had to stagger through this one.

Sexpot nominated Seismic for all the recent quakes, which resulted in a long story about orgasms, which put Godfather on the brink of confessing something, or was he confused. Seismic then nominated SOTB for a Scandal Award for going on a secret trip to Savaii with Tickled. Poumuli gave Witch Doctor a hero award, followed by the dedication in the Hash Shrine of Soft Landing’s bra. Both Tallyho and Godfather had to take that one. The Hash National Anthem was sung with much aplomb for Soft Landing and Chewbacca.

Happy Birthday was sung for Witch Doctor, then the Hosts and Hares were saluted. 

Next week’s run will be at Taumeasina with Nicola hosting.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

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