Appinun to all Hashers. Your Assistant Blogmaster is posting the Hash Trash from Madang, PNG on behalf of Assistant Trainee Scribe – Mia – and is eternally grateful for her stepping in. Although we may need to send her to typing school!
Hash run 1533 was hosted by Captain Mortein and Pirate Princess at their home in Vaoala. The day started out windy cold and raining, and all thought that it wasn’t going to clear up. But then the clouds opened up and another sun filled day in Samoa was enjoyed by all. As the Assistant Trainee Scribe didn’t actually do the run – claiming to be sick, it was apparently a lot of up and down hills and all and sundry were quite buggered.
When the pack got back Tallyho was overheard giving Cockblocker shit because if you want to lead the run your on on shout should be loud and deep with a manly voice, and not like a girl, and in his opinion CB had screamed on on like a 6 year old girl would.[This reminds us of the naming ceremony for CB, when Slim Shady could be overheard repeating the mantra Whiny Bitch]
CB then approached the Assistant Trainee Scribe and proposed that since the Scribe was gone there should be a new way of scribing and a new age should be started! Apparently CB feels that how things have been done is old school, and that we should take photos of each event or down down and put them up on the site with the comment in the blog. Well CB, we do that when we can get the photos loaded and you are welcome to provide commentary to any of the Hash Photo Albums. The Assistant Trainee Scribe think he just wants his photo in there after all the down downs he gets. [Assistant Blogmaster’s note: CB should put his money where his mouth is, if he can get it far enough out of his arse, and get on with commenting on the photos – would be happy to illustrate the Trash with crucial photos.]
So to the proceedings. Everready stepped in as GM, and welcomed the one visitor, Matthew from the US who is here for 1 week. His town which the Assistant Trainee Scribe cannot remember was famous for Maple Syrup, Ben and [Ben and] Jerry’s Ice Cream. [Methinks that is somewhere in Maine] When he was asked who he came with he let out a grunt like eerrrrrhhh! and pointed towards Swinger. For some reason this was accepted and Swinger did not get a down down, but Matthew did. CB proceeded to say that shit Matthew’s quicker than you James [who that?] causing CB to have one too.
The Retreads were Lester, David and Greg Taylor 2, and had been missing Hash because they were all off island apparently. Celebrity Awards went to FBI and BB for the Hash Team run the extra mile article (this picture was from last year’s run obviously) featuring FBI receiving the baton from BB. Swinger took the award on behalf of BB as she is in Fiji. A further Celebrity Award went to Spanky for her American Peace Corps male group winning the Perimeter run and being in the paper, but also because even though we took her to the presentation she baled on the Hash team to sit with the Peace Corps - failure to stick by her fellow hashers!
It was International Woman’s Day and the Assistant Trainee Scribe thought it was only fair to give an award to the men who where lazy and had no woman to look after instead of the ones that did but of course CB wasn’t happy with this, and stated that the Assistant Trainee Scribe apparently was just a sad cause as she didn’t have anyone to look after her. The Hash all voted and the Assistant Trainee Scribe took the down down with honour of all those women out there who didn’t have a man! Angela joined in to commemorate the day as she didn’t feel that this should be taken by one alone. Nice!
We then had the biggest telephonus interuptus, but it was decided to let it go as it was the lovely news from Crash Bandicoot that Delicious had just given birth to their Daughter Luana. She is a healthy 7.2 pounds and Mother and Chiled were happy and healthy.
The GM opened up for awards from the floor. Tallyho gave Greg Taylor 2 and Wahoo the Not Caring Where To Go Award. Apparently when Tallyho asked which way to go, Wahoo said she didn’t care – she was going this way and Greg Taylor 2 followed.
Snake tried to give Greg Taylor2 an award for stealing his identity last week when they swapped tickets, but as we all knew this had already been awarded last week so it backfired and Snake got a down down.
Hotnuts was nominated for a Stupidity Award. He had tried to yell at the dogs out the window that where attacking one of the runners but the window was closed and he smacked his head. Left a nice mark on Slippery’s car window.
Strangler was nominated for a Cruelty To Animals Award for tasering a bunch of pigs that where trying to attack him. He said they were scary and he didn’t trust them not to bite him. [There was a lot of tasering on that extra leg on the relay, it must be said]
Godfather and Hot Nuts were nominated for a joint award - Godfather for the Weak Bladder Award for stopping the run so he could pee in front of everyone and Hotnuts the Pervert Award for taking a photo of this. [Actually Slippery was the key instigator of that photo session]
CB and Pussysnatcher were nominated for taking the Assistant Trainee Scribe’s keys from the yacht club leaving her stranded for an hour and depriving her of sleep the night before she was meant to support them for the perimeter race. CB tried to say that it was only Pussysnatcher as CB didn’t take the plastic bag they keys where in, but Pussysnatcher was absent so by default his closest living relative had to take the down down namely CB.
Strangler gave the Crafty Little Bugger Award to Captain Mortein for trying to hide the paper not only once but twice along the run. Captain wanted a vote, but it came back unanimous against him.
Tallyho nominated CB and Strangler for Failing To Call Out When Leading Award. Piss poor voices where his exact words. Strangler tried to get out of it by saying it’s not their fault the older generation can’t hear and CB said that Tallyho was taking to long and wanted an FBI award but both where given their down downs.
Not Doing Their Job Awards was given to CB and Swinger. Swimming with Turtles in Savaii article in Samoan Observer entitled Conservation or prison, describing how the water that used to be clear now resembles a swamp and they should be saving the turtles. Swinger said he’s not in marine conservation so he shouldn’t have to take the award, so everyone voted that CB should take it.
Tallyho gave the Failing To Perform Award to Mad Hatter, as apparently when she was at the top of the hill she yelled down “come quickly” so she obviously wasn’t getting any at home even though its National Women’s day. Slippery helped her finish but was wearing a hat so he had to do another.
Eveready gave Titty Galore an award for the fact he was waiting for her even though she was late on the run. She didn’t run he claimed, but TG did actually run, as she took the kids with her, and then she went up to the GM and said smell my armpit and put it in his face. Automatic down down for disrespecting the GM. Psychadelic gave Skunk the Eating on the Job award for pecking at the food during the awards ceremony. David was given the Illegitimate Award for stealing Psychadelic’s shirt which was a shirt with just that written on it.
Hot Nuts and CB thanked all the supporters by name for the Perimeter Relay Run, and the Host and Hares got their down downs. Tallyho was thanked for his services during the last hash and the GM was congratulated for becoming a Grandfather!
Next weeks run will be hosted by Assistant Trainee Scribe Mia at her place. CB will be the Hare. The directions will be posted as soon as she sends them to the Assistant Blogmaster. Please all note that this will be another BYO food event, but there will of course be a keg as usual.