Hash Trash 1535

Your Scribe is back from his travails in Papua New Guinea and Australia. The Trash for 1534 will be posted as soon as Assistant Trainee Scribe Mia hands over the homework notes that her dog ate.

Hash run 1535 was hosted by Eveready, Karaoke, Crash Bandicoot, Delicious, Deep Throat, Kerry and Baby Desirable, at their house in Lotopa. It was a really rainy day, with some 90 millimetres of rain registered at the Poumuli Weather Station in Vaoala. Eveready announced that he had had to go to Plan B for the trail, as his dry riverbed was now a raging torrent. Luckily the rain eased up a bit as the run proceeded, but those who didn’t get wet from the rain were soon soaked in sweat from this rather long run. The trail went out the driveway, down to the Airport Road, past Pesega, and up into the back roads there. Poumuli started in the lead, then overtaken by Cockblocker and various fit youngsters. It was an entirely road-featured run, while the rain probably decreased the incidence of barking dogs. Eveready had set the run on minuscule amounts of shredded paper, most of which had been washed away, but the pack made it back safely.

Eveready stepped in as GM and welcomed all to a very special Hash, as it was both the Return of the Prodigal Son (Deep Throat) and the Return of Baby Desirable. There were several newcomers to Apia Hash – Mel from Sydney (here 3.5 weeks), Solomon from Israel but lives in Zambia (here 2 months), Jodie from Savaii who was here with someone called Shenene (down down quickly taken by CB), Guy from France, Belinda with the vets (here for 2 years), and Rebecca, Matthew and Jack here from Brisbane (visiting Lewinsky). Deep Throat’s better half Kerry was also introduced. Eveready made them all drink a down down, as this was a two-keg evening.

The Rethreads were Screamer, Poumuli, Sassygirl BJ, Bits and Pieces, Crash, Andrew, Marc and Cherelle. The GM couldn’t be bothered to ask where they had been. Rapidly a Leaner Award went to Deep Throat and Andrew, who claimed they were reaching for their drinks, to which the GM replied “well reach for this one”. There were no new shoes, so Assistant Shoe Inspector Snake took the award.

The GM had requested that notification about the Wear PINK rule had been posted on the blog (yes!), and since they have hosted so many runs with this theme, the procedures should be clear. Front and centre went Crash and Lewinsky (what a shame – Crash got a big glass), Hobbes, Belinda, Matthew, Ninja, Bits and Pieces, Titty Galore and Pro Bona. Celebrity Awards went to Sassygirl (newspaper and radio), Brazilian Wax (2 hours on TV!), Godfather for judging the Ms Samoa pageant (nice work if you can get it) and Marc (va’a returns).

Changing pace, the GM called forth Deep Throat and Kerry, since they would not likely be here next week, and awarded the departing couple the boob and willy glasses. Deep Throat suggestively tongued his boob glass, and had to help with the willy, although he poured it into his own rather than be photographed with that in his hand. He certainly didn’t get his skulling technique from his Dad!

Opening up for nominations from the floor, Poumuli exhibited a national biodiversity report from France. Where most such reports highlights the beauty of endangered wildlife, this one had chosen to feature the pubic lice, and one wonders about what their conservation strategy might be. Guy and Marc got the French Crabs Award.
Our special visitor, the indefatigable Lester, was spotted leaning and got the boob cup, but refused the nipple opening (we all would, after what Deep Throat did to it). Snake started a long convoluted injustice griping story, which picked up by Spanky had something to do with burnt chicken last week. In the end it was agreed that the Suck It Australians Award would be shared by Spanky and Andrew.

Poumuli related a fantastic story of flying over the Great Barrier Reef with a hash mere, who asked him what all those little white houses on the islands down there were. After checking, he told Screamer that the technical term for those were “waves”. Screamer launched a vicious attack that nearly had Poumuli’s goolies in a Tamaitai Moment (according to Kamikaze this charming Samoan term for lady means “the pain just after you’ve been kicked in the nuts” in Japanese). Am considering legal recourse for assault – not my fault she was being blonde.

The va’a crew that went to Tokelau were given a special award for bravery – Psychadelic, Solomon, Marc and Brazilian. On that note, Sassygirl nominated Captain Mortein for the Gutless Award. He had tried to get her to nominate CB for backing into a colleagues car, and a vote settled it that both the Captain and CB should take it. Sassygirl was now on her customary roll, and nominated Brazilian for a Muff Diving Award. His defence that he had been abused by Sassy didn’t hold water.

Poumuli, foolishly, tried to nominate the Hares for the Environmental Award (setting a trail with virtually NO paper) and the Road Safety Award for setting the limited paper on the correct side of the road. Backfired big time. Screamer, still not satisfied with the damage infringed on Poumuli, tried in an opprobrious manner to get him on a Lack of Chivalry Award for not sharing a taxi from the airport. When it was pointed out that she got a ride home for free with the SPREP van, the backfiring could be heard loud and clear. But either thinking that Poumuli needed more beer to cool down his goolies, or still smarting from the various attempts at dobbing him in, the GM put it to a vote, and both had to take the down down.

The GM asked if anyone in the Hash had heard from BB since her move to Suva, and since only Swinger answered affirmatively he got the Hash Abandonment Award on her behalf. Sassygirl, who has a fine ear for singing (as Strangler well knows), called out Ring Ring, Psychadelic and Belinda for the N’Sync (Not) Award for singing at least two bars behind the rest.

Spanky had been invited to one of the Ms Samoa pageant dinners (they invite teachers to those things?), and had noted how some contestants had expressed appreciation for the conservation of biodiversity, and she called on all who work for the environment to be awarded. Poumuli made a point of order that he worked on climate change, and couldn’t give a rats arse about biodiversity, but one of them had completely flubbed and botched up a climate change question. The Doing Their Jobs Award went to Screamer, CB and Swinger, while a gratuitous Not Doing Their Jobs Award went to Poumuli. Took a little while to gather the senses after that one, but in a belated right of reply Poumuli argued that the Not Doing Their Jobs Award should have gone to the media, and suggested that On Top Journalist Cherelle should get it, which tee hee, she did.

Sassygirl spotted some talkers in the circle – Mia and Mel, to which Snake added in the visitors Belinda and (methinks) Rebecca. Cherelle then nominated the GM, first congratulating him for the 3rd female grandchild, but berating him for not producing a male heir (not quite sure on this one?). Crash had to accept but was joined by Cherelle as Top Journalists should know better than to try and intimidate the GM, who went on record as wanting ten male grandkids.

Spanky nominated Crash and Lewinsky for the Welcome Back to the Mugs Award – highly irresponsible entrusting either of them with duties of such importance. Poumuli then nominated Mia for the Dog Ate my Homework Award (trash not delivered on time) and closest living relative of SOTB for the Sexist Award for his comments on female scribing on the blog.

Brazilian reminded the Hash that there had been a Mr Muscle Samoa competition, and was disturbed that CB hadn’t entered. Various comments flew about using the wrong muscle. Ring Ring nominated the GM for his muscle short shorts – they were very Hotnutsian – while Karaoke asked him to bend over to show off what he called his running shorts (“running shorts my rats arse” commented Karaoke). Lewinsky recalled how Karaoke had pledged to do a triple if Baby Desirable came back safely, but after a few harrumphs Karaoke settled for a double.

Sassygirl had been checking the blog while overseas, and was convinced that one of the Hash Team Tsunami wasn’t running at all – boob glass was given to Ninja. The GM noted another great sporting achievement in the long boat races in the win from Manono. When Pro Bona came to visit she charged past this High Chief of Manono without congratulating him. Claiming she was on pills, Titty G took the award for her. The GM had been quite clear in that he was setting the run, but at 4 PM there had appeared Ring Ring at the gate, stating her intent to assist by setting the trail correctly. This lack of respect had been repeated last week on CB as well, but that was obviously in a whole different category. In light of Ring Ring’s enthusiasm, Sassygirl nominated Bits and Pieces and Goer for the Lack of/Latecomers Award.

POD nominated the hashers who had been involved in the Teuila races and promptly flipped their boat – Mia, Titty G, CB and Brazilian. But Brazilian hadn’t even been in the race so a False Accusation Award to POD. The GM then called forth all who had avoided awards so far – Psychadelic, Wahoo, Pirate Princess and Hobbs.
Brazilian caught Sassygirl leaning (well it was more of a Captain Morgan stance), and some comment flew about having pubic lice, to which Sassygirl replied with way, way too much information.

The Hosts and the Hares were saluted in the traditional manner.

As the circle closed, Godfather thanked the Hosts for always putting on a good show, and for their dedication and hospitality, which was evidenced by the great turn-out. He announced that on behalf of the Hash we would all like to contribute to a fund for Baby Desirable, to be run by the family as they saw fit. A first contribution was handed over and Eveready said they would discuss this welcome but totally unexpected gift. Things had been difficult when Desirable passed away, but things were getting back to normal, and he couldn’t think of any better people to celebrate with but the Apia Hash. Karaoke got a special word of thanks for all the preparations that she had made.

The hashers then descended on a great feast of roast pork, fish, chicken, you name it.

Next week’s run will be at POD and Lewinsky’s.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit