Monday, September 27, 2010

Hash Trash 1536

Mabuhay and greetings from the Philippines where your Scribe is recovering from jetlag. Many thanks to Screamer for her scribbling below - only had to do limited editing this time. Congratulations to Screamer for erudition. On On Poumuli, IKA Slit

This will be a rushed scribing since there were two kegs at this particular run and even though the assistant co-scribe managed to not drink a single drop of the golden fluid, she was still having trouble keeping up with the goings-on, not least because she seemed to spend a lot of time deflecting false accusations.

Anyway, Hash 1536 was hosted by Lewinsky, Princess of Darkness and Pro Bona at the home of the lovely Mr and Mrs Stevenson.

The run was designed to cater for runners and walkers – there were two separate paths that led runners in separate directions so walkers met runners on the way. Or something like that. Assistantt Co-scribe was generally a bit confused but enjoyed the run nevertheless.

GM POD called the circle to order but not before everyone had ample opportunity to swim in the sea and partake of Godfather’s sweet nuts and/or Eveready’s wonderful salsa mix.

There were a few newcomers – Susan (had heard so much about it, she came to try Hash for herself), Tania (from Australia), John (with Kat), and Leata (with Pete). All drank (since there were two kegs, which HAD to be emptied).

Brynne was the only rethread, having returned from her sojourn in Canada, Cambodia and Hawaii.

There were no new shoes although Screamer was accused but she rather vehemently reminded everyone that she had only recently drunk out of new shoes. Snake, the assistant shoe inspector, drank.

RingRing received the super model award of the week for beautifully modeling dresses for the Mena show.

Husband of the Week award was given to Captainn Mortein for getting too drunk and forgetting to pick up his lovely wife, Pirate Princess, who ended up walking all the way from the Yacht Club to find him at Y-Not. Captain Mortein was accompanied by drinking accomplices, Swinger, Psychadelic, Rebecca and Angela, who, he insisted, had led him astray.

It was the last hash, at least for a while, for several people and Stephanie, Deep Throat, Carey, Kim, Lester and Gui (and Jodie) were farewelled with a drink.

Then, the Monk arrived! Dressed in her usual purple garb but sans-heels this time, she proceeded on a naming ceremony with a vengeance.

Vegetarian Stephanie is now “Meat Lover” while Mia, who seems to have been conducting some sort of personal advertising campaign via sun block, is now “Do Me Twice”.

Little Annelisa and Isabella were also named, with their daddies doing the honours – “Princess Tiger” and “Happy Face” respectively, for obvious reasons.

Cherelle was appropriately (and finally) named “Snatch”. She got the guys excited for a brief span when she offered to remove her bra prior to the naming but decided it was a family Hash after all, leaving some disappointed faces.

A story was told regarding a Hash Mere who had to be rushed to hospital the previous week for having an allergic reaction to peanuts found in the cake at Karaoke’s. Rebecca (the victim), Karaoke (the cake provider), Angela (the obviously now sacked, taster) and Psychadelic (the ambulance driver) all drank.

FBI cited someone called “Gaybore” for bad taste in music at his last party. They both drank.

Tiger Woody made an appearance – seems he’d been hanging out in the bamboo in the garden so he appropriately took his “panda” award.

The “Prick Tease” of the week award went to Kat who has been seen on TV ignoring a doting male in favour of...a newspaper.

Snatch was nominated for the wet t-shirt award but assistant co-scribe is wondering if Sassy BJ was just hoping for a wet shirt. Some confusion here but Snatch took the drink handing it over to Pussysnatcher, who was obediently waiting in the shadows (probably to make sure she didn’t waste the whole thing yet again).

Just for the heck of it, Pussysnatcher was given an indecent exposure award (initiated by a slightly envious Hash Man, thinks assistant co-scribe).

A series of celebrity awards were handed out – Godfather, Brynne the Cook and Swinger, the onlooker – for being on the second part of the Tagata Pasifika documentary on the va’atele, Hinemoana.

All the celebrities were rudely interrupted by Godfather’s phone ringing – an investigation rivaling that of the FBI (the real one) revealed it was Kiwi/Tiger Woody. He copped a down down for that, not surprisingly.

Cockblocker was awarded the chauvinist of the week (again??) for disrespecting a Hash Mere. Shame!

Psychadelic told a tale of a car driving up to Tafatafa with not one, not two, but FIVE babes in bikinis…followed by…CB. Do Me Twice, Meat Lover, Mel and Brynne joined CB for this one. Assistant Co-Scribe is almost positive she saw CB’s chest puff up when he sauntered into the circle centre.

Crash Bandicoot had been overheard taking financial credit (to the tune of a 200 tala tab at On the Rocks) for the (usually provided gratis by Karaoke for Hash) cooking of the pig for tonight’s Hash. This entrepreneurial innovation was smartly knocked on the head by fellow Hashers.

Alan rocked up during the proceedings and received a latecummer’s award.

Brynne nominated Zsa Zsa and Slim Shady for throwing a party that got everyone in trouble with the police. This then boomeranged into a wardrobe malfunction award for Brynne and Snatch who had spent their night progressively hiking up their pretty Bollywood garb.

Snatch then told of a Hash Man who fell asleep at a fun party – Godfather stepped up – and, still on the same party, Eveready took one for providing an X-rated birthday cake, which he insisted had been made by Karaoke. He took the drink anyway.

Still on the party, FBI had gotten so drunk, he had fallen asleep in his garage and almost been run over by his girlfriend, while Angela could recall nothing of being driven home by Swinger.

Amidst all the commotion, an old face made an appearance – ACDC was back and took the obligatory welcome home drink while saying something about not drinking anymore (or maybe Assistant Co-Scribe simply misheard this one – yes highly unlikely!).

Mana had somehow managed to avoid the latecomer’s award when Alan got his but was thirsty enough to come up now.

David was using the excuse of the extra keg to stay out late (??) so he was given an extra drink just for fun.

Then, the grand finale – it was Godfather’s Birthday! A beautiful, Karaoke-made cake was brought out (carrot – Godfather’s favourite) and Eveready made a beautiful speech paying tribute to Godfather’s longstanding contribution to Hash and giving special tribute to his sweet nuts, which are loved by all but by some more than others.

A beautiful rendition of the Birthday song was sung by all led by Sassy.

Godfather blew out the candle and made a wish and requested that all those who let the cat out the bag should submit to a down down. Swinger, Titty Galore and CB did the honours.

Sassy, Snatch and others did the siva for Godfather then the national anthem was sung by the Hash Meres.

The Hosts, the Hare, Cooks and Ever Ready and Karaoke were thanked in the usual way and the pack then descended on yet another amazing feast put on by Lewinsky, POD and Clan.

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