Friday, June 14, 2013

Hash Trash 1677

Kia Ora from Aotearoa. The Hash was yet again unable to find a host, so it was decided by Mismanagement that a run from the Apia Yacht Club was in order. It was a rather windy affair though when we arrived. SOTB had been dispatched as the Hare, and we had expected a leisurely stroll after the troll but were bitterly disappointed. The bugger had laid some very intricate false trails. As we started out from the Club, down the seawall towards the Met Office, we had the breeze in our back do fierce it pushed us along. Around the corner at the tip we thought we’d either go through the mudflats and mangroves (but no footprints!), or through to the legislative buildings (no sign of a bulky body making any moves through the reeds), so it was back to the road and down on the other side of Mulinuu. We got to the Sogi road where AC/DC had set a run, but it was another falsie. Then in was into town, up towards Farmer Joes, over to Lucky’s down to the Cop Shop, then on home.
At the Club, SOTB gathered the steaming throng for the Hash Circle. Those new to Apia Has included Robert from NZ (of car in trench fame) brought by Snake and Skunk, Papaga from Hawaii who is moving here, brought by Cockblocker, Marcus, Anthony and Megan. The rethreads required two rounds and included Ozzy Osbourne, Titty Galore, Skunk, Crime, Chewbacca and a heap others.
Ozzy was appointed Shoe Inspector, but as he hadn’t been running rather inspecting the keg, he found none, so was made to drink. Celebrity Awards went to Snatched (mum in paper, taken by closest living relative CB), Robert (story in paper on his car in the ditch), Sexpot (Westpac advertising) and Uncle Fred (in paper, taken by Godfather).

This Day in History Awards went to Poumuli (793 – Vikings raid the abbey at Lindisfarne in Northumbria, commonly accepted as the beginning of the Scandinavian invasion of England), Papaga (obviously Irish - 1832 – Asian cholera reaches Quebec, brought by Irish immigrants, and kills about 6,000 people in Lower Canada), Tallyho (1971 – The United States Supreme Court overturns the conviction of Paul Cohen for disturbing the peace, setting the precedent that vulgar writing is protected under the First Amendment), SOTB for Alcatraz (1971 – The U.S. Government forcibly removes the last holdouts to the Native American Occupation of Alcatraz, ending 19 months of control).
The GM Awards started out with a Humiliation Award to any with Scots ancestry for the weekend rugby thrashing – Lewinsky, Godfather, Poumuli and Scott. Then Anthony was brought on for a Celebration Award on behalf of Samoa. Turning to the run, a Mere had shortcutted and ran so fast back she caught the hare, and proceeded to steal the GM’s cup – why was the Hare wearing a cup? Award to Shelly.

Then there was the kids fishing tourney over the weekend where some bigger kids had joined in and had bullied the smallers into submission, wouldn’t share home turf info – so Lewinsky got the Fighting Out Of His League Award. 

Sassygirl BJ nominated Eveready for the Hero of the Day for bringing the BBQ, and after some debate as to whether CB could be implicated, Eveready took it. Elle McJr had been paddling in the tourney, so Anthony wanted to give him an award, forgetting that we have been over this ground, or water, for the last two weeks. Anyway, names being used wrongly resulted in a double – for Elle expressing the intent to chariot-ride.

Chewbacca got on a rant about his assistants quitting a rugby game to go and chase Peace Corps girls, getting lucky, then one of the girls eating all the food. This Jack Splat Award went to Scott, but Chewie joined him for the FBI-like lengths of the telling. Sexpot had been reading the papers, and the apparent crisis of the tourism industry, so the cheer up the situation he offered an award to all those involved in the sector, and these were POD, Overstayer, Wahoo and Sassy. Tallyho added that perhaps we should also cheer up the bankers who lend to the sector, so in went the Sexpot, muttering that he will never nominate again (fat chance of that).

The services were interrupted with a Happy Birthday to Scott.

Godfather launched into a recitation of the rules of Sinalei, and the large sign at the gate that says no children under 12, but lo and behold what does he espy on last Sunday, but Poumuli and Yahoo (yes he got his nieces name wrong) were there with their little munchkin. Well so much for the enforcement of aforementioned rule as most of the staff encountered on the way down were playing with the baby!
Sexpot, having forgotten his vow of 2 minutes ago, tried to get the GM for his mangled syntax in sending out the message about tonights run, (boy food) which backfired to the extent that he was joined by Tallyho for his fat fingers jibe. Sassy confessed that she had been dreaming about a certain hasher on two wheels and how he didn’t tell anyone about his accident. The GM, in a sort of McBeth/Oedipus moment, decreed that the woman trying to get the accident prone biker drunk and ready for another accident should be voted one award for herself.

CB launched into the telling of the big race between Zita’s crew and the US Navy, from no less than the USS Pearl Harbour, and lost even with a lengths lead – so Papaga from HI had to take the In The Navy Award. Tallyho, on that note, brought forth the Hash Shrine, to his usual piping. He explained that the old one has now fallen apart, but has been supplanted by a new shrine, remarkably similar in shape and colour to a Vailima crate. He added in a Do Not Dig Here plaque, that Poumuli had found on the run, but apparently there is a huge fine attached to removing these. Thus the ever law abiding Tallyho, except when no one is looking, called the number on the plaque to return it. So as no one answered, he turned in his usual effervescence and gleefully decreed that Poumuli needed the award for the addition to the shrine, illegal though it might be. Tallyho also obliged the ladies by showing off what he described as an erection device, tumescence and all.

Sassy, having had a brief nap, recalled that there had been a story in the paper about the Taumeasina resort development after 40 years of trying so got the Better Late than Ever Award to Darren and Lewinsky. Or since the latter had to be helped by POD, Respect the Mangina Award.

Poumuli attempted to give Transporter the Mechanic of the Year Award for being unable to fix his car, which turned to a Whingeing Norwegian Award for a while until further testimonies of automotive incompetence reared themselves. Eventually joined by Elle McJr all took the by now rather convoluted award.

The BBQ crew of Snake, Skunk and Robert were saluted, then the Hare and Host, Lord in One Person SOTB.
Next week’s run will be across from Scalinis, watch the blog, and after that by Darren and Ali.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit
PS, after the circle, a small child stole from the Hash Shrine – await the outcome next week.

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