Hash Trash 1679

The  Hash was hosted by the Nafanua crew at YNot, and they wanted to introduce paddling to Hash, so the run was a gentle but good one. Out the gate over the bridge past Aggie’s, we turned left by the old court house and up the road to the four corners. The paper was sparse, so it took a while before the FRBs actually found the trail, but this was simply to ensure maximum running for some of us. The trail led down the closed road to the UN office, then across to Vaiala and round the wharf back home. There was then a break from normal while two sets of three teams were assembled for some paddling exercise and a quick race. There were no obvious winners, but fun was had by the paddlers and those watching. 

SOTB, the GM had not run nor paddled, but had been over-seeing the keg, and was in fine fettle. Calling the circle to order, he ordered the newbies to report. First there was Eric from the US, here for some Bentin family matters, and claimed he was brought by someone called Same – Wortless took a down down for that. Then there was Peta, freshly married to Ali bin Shaggin, and Naomi brought by Desperate Housewife. The rethreads were Worthless, Dogfood, Kibble, David, Horny Ho, Ali bin Shaggin, Desperate Housewife and Anita.

Snake was brought in as Shoe Inspector, and at first he found none, but Chewbacca confessed and took it with aplomb, accompanied by Snake for his failure to launch. Celebrity Awards went to Elle McJR for Anthony (in paper), SOTB for Sassygirl BJ (in paper), Godfather for Uncle Fred (in paper) and Lewinsky for Hooker Lua (also in the Uncle Fred story).

This Day in History Awards went to Ali bin Shaggin (1374 – A sudden outbreak of St. John's Dance causes people in the streets of Aachen, Germany, to experience hallucinations and begin to jump and twitch uncontrollably until they collapse from exhaustion. Which is how he dances), Dawn Raid (1633 – The Holy Office in Rome forces Galileo Galilei to recant his view that the Sun, not the Earth, is the center of the Universe in the form he presented it in, after heated controversy. HE thinks he is that centre), Transporter for Gayboy (1978 – The rainbow flag representing gay pride is flown for the first time in the San Francisco Gay Freedom Day Parade) and Lewinsky (Monica Lewinsky’s birthday).

The GM turned his attention to some special awards, the first going to the Hasher who yet again managed to turn up without running shorts. Godfather had to borrow from SOTB, hence a Loosie Award. Then there was the Hasher who had got drunk waiting for the game to start, to the point of trying to get a BJ from his wife, trying to breastfeed, then spooning on the floor – Mongrel of the Week Award to Darren.

The GM had been chatting to Karaoke about her planned romantic trip to Paris with a relative, but she had been so worried that she would be stolen away from Eveready by some noncing Froggie that she didn’t go. This lead to some discussion, but in the end the Moustachiophobia Award for both seemed appropriate.

At last week’s run the GM sprained his ankle, and had been hoping for some TLC as a result, but then Alcatraz goes and sprains her. No Sympathy Award, joined by Xavier and Jordan for the Cripples of the Week Award. Of course we also had the heart-wrenching Manu Samoa game on the weekend, and surely no blue-blooded fan would bet against the team. Bastard Prick of the Week Award to Lewinsky, who would not even share his ill-gotten gains.

Nominations flowed fast, with Chewbacca nominating Pierre and Scott for their medals in the triathlon. Poumuli commenced his nomination with a tale of an overly concerned Hasher prepping his guests before the circle, but was interrupted by Snake who knew what was coming – Pre-emptive Strike Award.

Pierre wanted to revenge on Chewbacca, for shaming his village by losing a 100 metre sprint with a teenage girl, but got his name wrong so joined him in the Pansy Award. POD had been startled on Sunday at seeing Da Head at her door, telling a concerning tale of going to bed with his clothes on and waking up to find them gone. Conferring with Tallyho on the exact wording of rule 2, we were all deafened by the roar of “no poofters on the Hash”. Darren tried to get Lewinsky implicated with a tale of a cellphone and some pills, but the floor voted against this, and Darren go the Da Head Rape Award.

Swinger informed us that it was Anita and Chewbacca’s birthday. Poumuli was hungry after the run, but observed Hash Etiquette by not touching the bbq until after the circle, only to observe Dogfood, Kibble, Dawn Raid and SOTB break the etiquette, which earned them a Greedy Award.

We had all observed the enormous moon the last days, and we were informed by that eminent scientist Transporter that this was the closest the moon got to the earth, thus it would be appropriate that the closest thing we have to a werewolf in Hash – Chewbacca – got the Lon Chaney Award.

Eveready stepped forward to rid himself of the Angry Bird Award, which after some details that were missed apparently awarded it to Dumas. The Rooter Award has somehow been lost, so Prince took a down down for that. A farewell down down was give to Scott and Pierre, and then the Hosts and Hare were saluted – Dumas, Titty Galore, Transporter, Xavier, Crime, SOTB and Prince.

Desperate Housewife will be scribing, at least next week, as I will be away three Hashes. Next week there may well be some naming, and there will be election of a new Mismanagement. The run will be hosted by Darren and Ali.

Swinger reminded that the Perimeter Relay will be 31 August and invited interested runners to contact him. We were also reminded to sign up for the Father’s Day Hash in Savaii.

And then the food, what was left after the Greedies, was devoured.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit