Thursday, December 22, 2016

Hash Trash 1860

The Hash was hosted by AC/DC and Slim Shady at the Tokelau outpost in Moamoa. A hot and extremely muggy day for a run, so when the Hashers had assembled, AC/DC announced what he called a maze run (loose translation: I was too lazy to set a run), into his bush. This involved following AC/DC around the neighbourhood while he carried his son, pursued by his nephew. As we were all bedecked in the Moana theme of the run, this was perhaps a blessing given the mugginess. Your Scribe was basically wearing a massive coconut frond skirt. The run went out of the compound and into the bush, not AC/DCs, then navigated around the fence, past the little bacons that were squealing in fear, down to the road, and up the neighbour’s track, much to their bemusement. Some Hashers went for an extra trot but others had enough, looking forward to the keg. But horror of horrors – it was Taula! This was going to be hard in the circle.

POD was GM as usual, and called the newbies into the circle. This was AC/DC’s nephew Delino. The retreads were Sassygirl BJ (looking for a husband), Prue (holiday), Eveready (mechanical tune-up), AC/DCs future brother in law, plus AC/DC for lack of instructions on the names. Shoe Inspector Nom Nom failed.

Celebrity Awards went to Sunny Side Up (author of story about Clark), Godfather (for feeling up Ms South Pacific), and Cockblocker for Snatched (in paper).

This Day In History Awards went to Nom Nom (1892 – Premiere performance of The Nutcracker by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky in Saint Petersburg, Russia), Godfather (1970 – Soviet spacecraft Venera 7 successfully lands on Venus. It is the first successful soft landing on another planet), Lewinsky (1998 – President Bill Clinton is impeached by the United States House of Representatives over the Lewinsky scandal, becoming the second President of the United States to be impeached), Eveready (International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers) and Poumuli (International Migrants Day).

The GM had a Facebook Award for the World’s Proudest Grandma (Sassy), joined by proud Grandpa Eveready, as well as Slim Shady who was dressed as a mad Grandma.

During the Christmas Run, AC/DC had been so tired from the running that he could not utter the “Heigh Ho”, only Ho, so he got a Ho Award. Godfather had missed Hash so he could go to the Parker fight, but all who had watched had been unable to spot him. Dismissing claims that he had been elsewhere, the GM declared this an Avoiding Celebrity Awards Award, as there had been another Tuatagaloa on the TV.

Finally the GM nominated Slim Shady, proprietor of her own biosphere, for having an amulet from Moana, and for trying to nominate Snake after she saw a snake in the grass. He joined her.
Slim Shady started the nominations with one for Poumuli. She had been chatting about the visitors from Norway who had brought him fish balls and sauerkraut – much to Wahoo’s distinct lack of enthusiasm. For Poor Choice in Requests Award, she joined Poumuli for her pervasive and intense interest in all things testicular.

Sassy then nominated the good looking youths from Tokelau, followed by a complaint from Eveready about the supply of gas for the BBQ on Christmas Hash. This was followed by a long explanation from Lewinsky, supposedly in his defence, that turned into an FBI Award. For the revelation that there is apparently a gas powered vibrator in their compound, Karaoke joined him.

StrapOn had been at Black Swan’s farewell, and had been shook rigid by a Hash Mere displaying her wares right in front of him and Mrs Strap. Godfather was immediately proud of him. The displayer, Gagging Diva, sought to extract herself from this, but when Lewinsky corroborated the sequence of events, the GM decided that both should take the Boobgazing Award, joined by Lewinsky for being a prick.

Poumuli had noted that one of the Happies had been getting progressively pinker due to the cheap colouring on her Moana feathers, and nominated POD for Child Abuse, joined by the Ginger Chicken who more aptly demonstrated colour fastness.

Godfather launched himself into a long, and in all likelihood made-up story about his sojourn in Nadi, and his encounter with the ladies of the night there. He claimed that he had asked if there was a discount if he had been recommended by his friends, and named Cockblocker (50% discount) and Poumuli (only 30% discount).

Godfather also challenged the Hash to attend the 2018 Interhash in Nadi, Fiji and called for Mismanagement to look into hosting Interhash in 2020.

Eveready thanked the Hash for the best wishes, messages and prayers for his trip down South to have his mechanics looked at. The upholstery may be worn, but the engine is working well – Eveready is back!

We then saluted the Hosts and the Hares, and accepted AC/DCs apologies for cancelling hosting twice with his offer of an immense amount of food.

Next week is Boxing Day, so run is likely to be set on a beach somewhere. Watch emails or the blog for any news.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

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