Wednesday, February 05, 2014

Hash Trash 1711

The Hash was hosted by Lewinsky at On the Rocks, but only because he was already throwing a Super Bowl Party. Cockblocker was designated live Hare and set off towards Palisi and around the back of town, over the ruined bridge and on back. Only three actually went the distance, with the rest and sundry taking their sweet time to come back in through a variety of ingenious shortcuts.
As the GM had been partying since noon this was a Hash prone to a huge number of misunderstandings and repartee, punctuated by the incessant rain that came in bouts.  But we persevere, keep calm and carry on. First up we had the visitors, apparently Lowrider’s professor from USP named Eberhard and his brother. Lewinsky as shoe inspector failed spectacularly. Retreads were Overstayer and Slippery.

The GM made the point that Transporter is virtually an Assistant Manager of Ford Samoa, yet had turned up late and out of uniform for the pre Hash function, even advertising his own company. In the view of the GM it was even funnier that a certain Hasher had been purporting to be working his ass off, yet had not gone on the run, so Lewinsky was targeted for a long evening.

Gayboy was back at the restaurant busy cooking our food, heavens forbid, but the GM had been given a text that stated that said GB was at OTR, wanted company to go to the RSA so that he could find a wife, preference being that she be half girl. This needs explanation, and closest living relative Transporter could offer none, although he muttered about profiling.

Another text message to the GM alleged that the Lewinsky POD kids had seen their father tied to a log. We definitely wanted more on this one, but POD said shtum and took the award, to the relief of Logboy.

Celebrity Awards went to Tickled, the GM and Granny Smith for being on the front page on Sunday, with Dan stepping in as closest living relative.

This Day in History Awards went to Witch Doctor (should have been One Infection - 1747 – The first venereal diseases clinic opens at London Lock Hospital), Eberhard (1915 – World War I: Germany is the first to make large-scale use of poison gas in warfare in the Battle of Bolimów against Russia) and Godfather (2004 – Janet Jackson's breast is exposed during the half-time show of Super Bowl XXXVIII, resulting in US broadcasters adopting a stronger adherence to Federal Communications Commission censorship guidelines – he does enjoy those soft landings).

After having waited a while to get out of the rain and so on the GM enquired if anyone was hungry, and called out Wahoo for eating buffalo wings in the circle. Sassy saw an edge for revenge for past slights and nominated the GM for having Ugandan discussions with Tickled under the umbrella. The GM countered that Lewinsky had forced the issue by being too cheap to get more umbrellas, and it was revealed that event this one had to be rescued by Crime from the trees. In the end all four took the award.

Cellphonus interruptus for Overstayer, but then the GM asked for leniency in sentencing and asked who had called. Well it was the Stevenson Hotel, so a representative was required – POD. Having got off easy Lewinsky thought he would get one at Rufie, since Blowfish had complained to him that when they were short staffed and Rufie was supposed to do the heavy lifting, he had been fast asleep. Thus Blowfish had had to carry five albacore out. While inspirational behaviour on Rufies part, it was remarked that Lewinsky would have been asleep at that time too.

Dan wanted the GM for starting the pissup early, as he had been charged with that last week. But a check on the times showed that indeed Dan had been at it earlier. Sassy then nominated a visitor for a Terrorist Award for wearing a PLO scarf, which she referred to as a teabag (must look that up), which convinced the GM she must join. We were the treated to a rare display of how a boa constrictor might drink beer. Witch Doctor drew our attention to the fact that none of these newcomers had been introduced, and as they had been all brought by Overstayer – Maxi, Michel and Meeeegan drank.
Manwhore had been at Lalomanu with the tribe and Full Moon’s brother had gone on a walk on the beach with his girlfriend and come back an engaged man. First the whole family took the award, followed quickly by Manwhore and Full Moon for their accoutrements.

We all know that Slippery likes diving, but apparently he had been on a dive trip with 6 women – and nothing happened! Slippery protesting his innocent ways worked little in swaying the baying Hash. Transporter had been informed by our special guest from Fiji that Rufie when doing his down downs had slipped most of it down his shirt, and was wondering if we could see an example of how Rufie might do it properly. Well CB was of the view that if the professor was such an expert then he should also show us how it is done. Rufie won.

CB was nominated for not getting a down down, but he dragged in Poumuli as he had not had one either. CB’s was doubled for glasses, while Poumuli got another one for not putting up the Hash Trash. Satan i perkele!

The Host was saluted and we settled down to eat some cat food from Gayboy. Nah, it was good, just a few too many bones in the chop suey that I could not identify and which may have been feline.

We have no idea where next week’s run is going to be so watch the blog.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

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