Hash Trash 1568

The Hash was hosted by Captain Mortein and Pirate Princess at their home in Vaoala. A nice day for a run, not too hot, and runners had been forewarned that Pussysnatcher was the hare, so we started out easy. Leading the pack up the wrong way was Cockblocker. He started up towards Bank Street and complained that no one had called him back. Boo hoo. Anyway, Strangler, Poumuli and Alfred, plus some super fit visitors led the way down to Mynahs, in Hollywood Lane, reacquired the trail on the dirt path down to SPREP and then into the creek. We followed a familiar path, with CB again taking the wrong turn at a false trail. No way could PS have set a trail that way without crossing paths! Up and across the creek we got up to the houses below the cow pastures. Strangler and CB had apparently irritated some wasps, which found Poumuli and Alfred. Felt like being hit with a baseball bat! Cursing we set up the side road by the pastures, to find that the trail led into the bush, appropriate for our Hare, but this became a circular bushwhack that really only got us to spend more time with nature than making progress. On up Bank Street, where the damned corner shop was closed, so no thirst quencher. We ran down Cross-Island Road until the Manumea Spa sign, into more bush. Here PS had missed his bearings so we ended up to far down and went the last bit by road. All in all a good length run, inventive use of a trail often used, and Godfathers plentiful sweet nuts and the beer tasted great.

Miraculously, our GM Son Of The Bitch was sober and lucid, had no unmentionable social or otherwise diseases troubling him, and so was able to take up his duties for the evening.


He called forth those new to Apia Hash – they were Martha, Phil, Laurie, Scott, Alex, Kenny, Colleen, Filipo, Defendant and a hasher whose name was something with Hiney. As some had come with PS he took the award for not explaining the rules. Snake intervened that while Lewinsky’s guests had been exemplary in the circle they hadn’t been told the leaning rule, so up came Lewinsky in what would become a pattern this evening.

The Rethreads were Lewinsky (“fishing” in Pago), Snake (looking after little animals), Bunga Bunga (Fiji) and Proboner (working). Shoe Inspector Snake yielded no victims, so he took the New Shoe Detection Failure Award himself. This Day In History went to Swinger (continuation of the Curse of James on Queen Mary) and Poumuli (Norway Day). Somehow the celebration of St. Ubald Day was escaped by Godfather and Snake. The only celebrity was Dev, and the GM decided that CB was the closest living relative. It also emerged that SOTB had been in some eurotrash magazine and had been identified as Captain Sass! God help whatever ship, plane, garbage truck that he would be captaining.

Eveready, being a keen observer of certain celebrities with, er, certain attributes, noted that this was the birthday of Megan Fox and Janet Jackson, and called for Bunga Bunga to take an award replete with a re-enactment of the equipment failure at a past Super Bowl. She demurred on the latter element. Latecomer Hot Nuts went straight to the keg.

The GM continued with his awards, for Hasher of the Month, for leaving kith and kin behind to fend for themselves, run the businesses and all, while he went to Pago to, er, fish – Lewinsky. On a similar master fisherman theme, we were informed that a hasher had gone fishing with kayaks, caught nothing but brought back fish from Mynahs – step forward Captain Mortein.

Turning to the run, the GM decided to berate the Hare for setting part of the run from his car, as it was parked down by the creek, and endangering the Hash with the angry wasps nest. PS huffed that he had run down to fetch his car after, so he had done the whole run on foot and that this was a time saving device to allow him not to skip work so that he could assist the hapless Captain. Moreover, the wasps were endangered by the Hash not the other way around. (Tend to agree here, must have been the pungent sweat off Strangler and CB that first upset the little bastards, just in time for Alfred and me).

Birthday Awards went to Sassygirl BJ and Captain Mortein, celebrating theirs this week. Such an occasion should have meant that we had to have Monica being blown on the run, but Tiger Woody had forgotten to bring her, so this was an obvious additional award. Poumuli tried to get Wahoo an award for forgetting that it was his birthday as well this week. For some inhumane reason this was turned on its head to become a self-promoting whinge to remind all of his birthday, hence a backfire.

Sassy nominated the chef Alfred for forgetting to light the BBQ, or rather a Come On Baby Light My Fire Award. CB nominated the GM for the Finally! Doing His Job Award. The GM’s payback came in the form of the negligent handling of the Hash Mugs by CB and Godfather, which surprised Godfather, but not the informant, Titty Galore.

POD complained that Lewinsky had returned from Pago all conservation minded, and accused the environmentalists for brainwashing him. (Can’t wash what ain’t there, and he’s obviously getting worse at fishing) Poumuli took it for SPREP and Swinger for Conservation International. Eveready added insult to injury, pointing out that Lewinsky had invited all these people to the Hash and then makes them pay.

At this point AC/DC showed up, which allowed us to double his Latecummer Award with this Day in History (it was International Day against Homophobia and Transphobia). Your Scribe also had a lucid moment and found the note about a TV reality show started this week in the US in 2003, in which a certain woman gave advise to young ladies about the attributes of masked male contestants – Lewinsky again! The gift that keeps on giving.

Pirate Princess had been working and one of the visitors hadn’t paid for drinks in the bar, and tried to make a run for it. Apparently his Hash Name is Defendant, but we’ll need to check. He later nominated his whole fishing team for an award, since if one drinks, they all drink!

The hosts and the hare were saluted, before we adjourned to a sumptuous feast prepared by Captain Mortein and Pirate Princess.

Next week’s Hash will be at the squash courts in Matautu (I think). Check the blog for details, but we have been asked to bring a racket of some sorts.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit