Friday, April 24, 2015

Hash Trash 1773

The Hash was hosted by Transporter and Lowrider at the Seyleck Motors compound in Vaitele. Traffic is getting bad on the main Vaitele Road so many hashers were late in arriving. Nevertheless we set out on a Crime Spree, that is a runabout set by Crime. It was basically a rectangle of road, with opportunities for the walkers to cut short. We set out left up the road and just kept going. The road curves around slightly until we crossed the famous Poumuli Road, eventually turning around to hit the top of the road that leads to Snakepit 2. The front runners POD, Lewinsky and Poumuli were at a bit of a loss here, and POD and Lewinsky continued down to Vaitele Road and a long slog back up while Poumuli short-cutted with the walkers. Apparently we should have taken a right and then through the grass behind Farmer Joe’s. We are all economically conscious, and any good baker will use the minimum of flour for purpose, but this was even less than that. You needed a Hubble telescope to spot the stuff. Anyway, good road run and succulent tasty nuts on display when we got back to the Ambulance cemetery.

POD called the circle to order, and new to Hash was Carlos, brought by Elle McJr. He was given a down down as he had been prepped on the rules. Retreads were Phil (back to show us how its done), Karaoke and Eveready (he wont let me come to Hash!).
ProBoner did the shoe inspection and found Prince and Carlos, who baptized their shoes, joined by Latecummer Sunny Side Up.

Celebrity Awards went to Sassygirl BJ (photo in the paper), Lewinsky for SOTB (wedding photo in the paper), Crash for FBI (in paper), Slippery for Ozzy Osbourne (APTC in paper), Murray (in paper) and Transporter for the paddling team – doubled for glasses.

This day in history went to Crime (1770 – Captain James Cook, still holding the rank of lieutenant, sights the eastern coast of what is now Australia – for wearing an Oz shirt without having himself sighted Australia), Murray (1984 – Advance Australia Fair is proclaimed as Australia's national anthem, and green and gold as the national colours – picking up his role as disgruntled elderly Ozzie), Transporter (UN Chinese Language Day), Prince (FAO Day – in Iraq!) and POD (Feast Fay of St Isabella – ah a true mother of saints).

There had been a birthday celebration at the weekend and IRA had thrown a great party to the extent that she was pissed the whole weekend, thus an Irish Award was given. She added that Poumuli had ungracefully fallen out of a tree at the Sunday edition of the party, so he was given the Only Part Monkey Award. IRA stepped up for a Lifesaver Award for giving whiskey to Sassy.

Lewinsky and Titty Galore nominated Godfather for the Life Endangerment Award for taking the family to Nuusafe, and struggling with the waves, all hanging on for dear life, while Godfather looses his lavalava and does some advertising in the, eh, big swell.

Sassy nominated Poumuli for dragging Murdoch into the big swell, floundering and then had Murdoch swim back faster. The retort that he has twice as many legs and can thus swim twice as fast made no difference to the Attempted Dog De-Fleaing Award.

Elle McJr nominated Transporter for poor form in his down downs, but then again Lowrider is pregnant! Poumuli nominated Crime for the Economist Award for his microscopic use of flour on the trail. Sassy gave IRA a Bloody Fabulous Lifesaver Award for some other heroics on the weekend.
Lewinsky and Crash took the Amicable Divorce Award for splitting their company. Karaoke also nominated Crash for inviting them over for drinks and then had the cash power run out. There was then some repartee about naming Ronna, but this reverted to Sassy as the monk outfit was absent. Elle piped up that Carlos had come all the way from UK to help Samoa get rid of potholes, and when Sassy said he could fill the Monk’s pothole the house came down.

Lewinsky wanted to give the 100th ANZAC Award to er, ex-veterinarians, and while he should have gotten one for his articulation, this went to Murray and Poumuli. Latecummer Gayboy finally received his award for the story in the paper about how he insisted on being called Ms Chi, thus reaffirming his enthusiastic catamite leanings, and of course there was the side bar story entitled “Wrong Hole”.

Lewinsky wanted an Unprepared Award for Transporter for bringing thimbles to be used, but this reverted when it was revealed that Lewinsky had himself brought the large vessels he was unscrupulously inflicting on the Hash. In the end both got the award.

Eveready noted that IRA had been wanting to make a Dirty Old Man contribution to the Hash Shrine, but where  was it? Gayboy!

Poumuli tried the true and tested “I nominate Lewinsky” and failed, which the GM added to as on the run they had been confronted by some aggressive dogs, and Poumuli had thrown a rock that one of the dogs promptly picked up and chomped on.

Latecummer Simon and friend were greeted before the Hare and Hosts were saluted. A great feed awaited, and Transporter thanked the Hash for a beautiful day and the Lord for his beautiful wife. Eveready explained the text on the birthday cake which read “Love Your Wife” when it should have read “Love, Your Wife”.

No venue or Scribe for next week as yet.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

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