Friday, June 25, 2010

Hash Trash 1524

Your Scribe is back from international climate change exile, and raring to go. Having watched the blog from abroad there was a distinctive lack of enthusiasm from the Assistant Trainee Scribes as they realized that there was work involved in this lark. So it’s going to be further downhill from here I am afraid!

The run was hosted by Swinger and BB in Siusega. Swinger had been observed on the road sweating like the well proverbial porcine, and we all knew that he intended for some serious running to be done. It started off easy enough out the gate and then while Poumuli led off to the right, BlowMe found the trail heading off towards Aleisa. We ran up the gentle slope, several catching a breather before the top, when the trail led off through a garden path and into the bush. While this lasted a few minutes it was enjoyed by all, strange barking creatures amused, as we headed onto the road on the other side. A decidedly well-marked trail led away up the hill again, to which Godfather remarked “’thats too easy”’, but BlowMe gamely trotted away followed by Hot Nuts and Poumuli. Yes it was too easy – false trail, and curses at the lack of an established rule for such things. Down the hill instead, and the sun was just cresting the clouds as we hit the sports complex. A moments hesitation but the trail led into the cross roads bisecting the complex, and eventually all made it back home. BlowMe, Poumuli and Zsa Zsa ended up taking a slightly longer cut home, as determined by the fact that FBI was in front of them!

Hot Nuts had been designated GM for the evening and welcomed all to the run. Lots of newcomers – there was PokeHerHiney, Weapon of Ass Destruction, Fat Upper Pussy Area and Will from South Carolina who were visiting on a yacht. There was also Son of Long Dong from Australia. At this point Cockblocker arrived late with a bunch of friends, nothing but lame excuses, and joined the newcomers in a down-down with Matt, Brendon and Louis. CB had drilled them well, as even the baseball cap came off at the last minute – it was not repeated though.

The rethreads were Adric (been doing pilates), Hot Nuts (forgot why), Long Dong (plain forgot), Shelly (socializing) and Poumuli (internationally gallivanting). FBI and Lezzie managed to sneak under the radar for a while, but FBI was eventually brought in, claiming some strange medical defence and getting CB as his whipping boy.

The GM opened for nominations, and Captain Mortein quipped that it was the first time a GM had chipped a tooth while opening a coconut – no contest there. Poumuli nominated the Assistant Trainee Scribe, ostensibly an education adviser, for getting Psychadelic’s name wrong on the blog. The GM agreed and called it the Illiteracy Award. Many celebrities this week, but only one with a closest living relative – CB took one for Cherelle for having her photo in the Observer.

The GM, having pondered the loss of his tooth, all of a sudden remembered that he had asked Swinger for advice as to where he could go fishing legally on the weekend. Where Swinger sent him it was a) illegal, and b) a large matai to make him cease and desist – so for uncivilized behaviour and putting a fellow hasher in danger Swinger took his just awards, while muttering that he gotcha’.

Shelly told a horrific story of having been slapped by a Hasher in front of guests, so CB received a Vicious Brute Award. Pirate Princess, always a bit slow on the nominations, remembered that Godfather had been on TV, to which BlowMe added the Ancient Wisdom Award for his “too obvious”’ comment on the trail. Screamer nominated Pirate Princess for the Bad Parenting Award for first having left the childs bottle behind, then yelling about trying to find it, and eventually not caring less that it had been located. BB got Screamer for another late celebrity award for having spoken at the MDG rally at Government plaza, square, buildings or whatever it is called. Psychadelic arrived late and nonchalantly took her award.

Another latecomer Pele was sought coerced into the awards by Screamer, but for some reason Swinger had to take it. Screamer had also bought a load of Hashshit (stuff left over at last hash by people without a care), most memorably Godfather and his jandals! Psychadelic had apparently left all her clothes, but avoided the GM for some reason (must arrange something next week!). And then Screamers phone went off again!

CB made some blatantly self-serving accusation about hashers who call themselves environmentalists, so Hot Nuts, Poumuli and Zsa Zsa had to take the Making CB Feel Good About Himself Award. Screamer rejoined that Swinger had been the one to complain about Styrofoam, but for some reason (GM was getting loaded) he got out of it. That was because some New Shoes had been discovered, and newbie PokeHerHiney took the award very well. BB then nominated the former Miss Samoa and Miss South Pacific for a down down – I guess only because Mana is pretty and has finally decided to run with us.

For a further inexplicable reason Poumuli was singled out for opprobrium over the International Whaling Commission, and under protest that he hadn’t eaten whale in years, that it tastes like shite anyway, he accepted the Minke Award. Louis accepted the FIFA World Cup Participated Award on behalf of France, while Pirate Princess, Wahoo , Mana and Kiwi Tiger Woody got the Lost Shortcutters Award, which PP sprayed all over Adric.

The GM wanted to acknowledge the visiting hasher with the hash name of worst connotations for the Pacific. While the GM had thought the name was WMD, he didn’t realize the doom it spelt for the 3rd sex, so a Fa’fafine Endangerment Award went Weapon of Ass Destruction. CB nominated all the kiwis present for doing so well in the World Cup – Blackadder, BlowMe, Matt, Brendon and CB. A cap was worn during the award so a double for the offender!

Poumuli noted that we were getting very close to the shortest day of the year, so close in fact that it was today – so he nominated the shortest runner present for the Unusually Sensitive to Gravity Award – Shelly. PP caught Allan and Kiwi leaning, while Screamer nominated our ocean going visitors for an extra down-down (must find out about the name of their ship – William Picket). The longest person doing the run was also honoured – Long Dong got the Viagra Award.

CB wanted another nomination to all the Samoans in honour of the Manu 15 playing like well dogcrap. Bits and Pieces got one for the hell of it, and then we saluted the host and the hare. Psychadelic chimed in that as hosts for next week they would like everyone to bring a pen or pencil, and paper, for writing on. So we are in for a non-traditional twist to the run next week.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

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