Hash Trash 1748

The Hash was hosted by Iron Lady at YNot, with Vai Vai setting the trail. We were still not sure on the ruling on the start time for the run so several of us where there early. Your Scribe now having studied the Book of After Liff, will continue to use it as a source for the Trash. Vai Vai, obviously a bit of a bankhead[1], had set off early to find the trail, and we were all rather halamanning[2] as we saw the extent of sweat he had conjured up, and the fact that he was looking quite tootgarrook[3]. The pack set off on left out on Beach Road with an initial falsie leading to Apia Park. Then it was alongside Vaisingano with its associated sundry smells. Out through the village and down the long lanes there was a Hash Halt where the walkers could take a short cut On Home looking nothing more than a bunch of Ypsilanti[4]. Joining the runners for the longer trail Poumuli felt a bit like a duckend green[5] as the trail then took the long stretches down towards the old Blue Marlin on the coastal road. Heading on back towards town the trail went off to the right at the UN building and along Vaiala Beach for the On Home. All and sundry agreed that this was a drongan[6] of a run set by Vai Vai, as we appreciatively downed the juices from Godfather’s perspiring nuts. 

POD the GM called the circle to order, and called in those new to Apia Hash. These were Marty and Cass on vacation, brought by Vai Vai and Moa, and Melanie and Stuart brought by Pussysnatcher and Snatched.

The Retreads were Poumuli (paying for Wahoo’s vacation), Wahoo (vacation), Pussysnatcher (overseas), Screamer (lazy), Horny Ho (doing her thang), Da Head (working on his “project”), Iron Lady (overseas), Possum and Bogun Barbie (running a resort).

Celebrity Awards went to Da Head for AC/DC (in paper and on BBC/ABC for climate change protest in Newcastle) and Crime for One Infection (all the Ebola stories). This Day in History Awards went to Transporter for Gayboy (1384 – Jadwiga is crowned King of Poland, although she is a woman), Lewinsky (not sure why, and GM was a bit miffed - 1844 – The Great Anticipation: Millerites, followers of William Miller, anticipate the end of the world in conjunction with the Second Advent of Christ. The following day became known as the Great Disappointment), Wahoo (her favourite food - International Day of the Nacho), Tallyho (World Statistics Day) and Possum (World Wombat Day – closest living relative I suppose).

Turning to the GM’s awards there had been a crash reported in the paper, which of course went to Crash Bandicoot, who was joined by Poumuli for missing it. She obviously felt he was being a bit brouchy[7]. She then declared that a Shoe Inspector was not needed as she had spotted Godfather, Iron Lady and Stuart. Iron Lady actually drank from Godfather’s other shoe and Stuart also was game for a laugh. Right away the GM called forth Pussysnatcher for not explaining all the Hash Rules to Stuart.

Opening up to the floor, Tallyho was back in his usual demeanour and claimed to have something important for the Hash Shrine – but lo – where was it? Claiming that Gayboy might have cooked and served it at Sunrise he was not inconsiderably upset that the stone by which Pussysnatcher had smote an angry mutt could not be included. Overstayer claimed to have seen Tallyho pick this blunt instrument up somewhere completely removed from the mutt-smoting site, which in the end became a False Accusation Award for Overstayer.

Many had also noted that on the run there had been a diversion on the trail, with Godfather dashing off into the bushes. Convinced that he had broken the draft rule about not pissing on the Hare’s Trail, Godfather took his Rulebreaker Award. Also on the run, many had commented on the polite considerate runner at the front who had constantly turned around to shout the On On. And while he also showed undue sportsmanship it was agreed that this would be a Not Tallyho Behaviour Award (he does shout On On, but in an annagry fashion[8]). 

Latecummer Blowfish was saluted and rewarded, as the GM recounted how a Hasher had been sightseeing behind bars in Pago, ie locked up in gaol, for a crime he didn’t commit. Possum was of course joined by Crime. Vai Vai presented the Scribe with a new dictionary – which has been sought used in this Trash.

Possum took the floor to clarify that he had been wrongly locked up by the bloody Yanks, and demanded justice from a closest living relative – Lewinsky. He had also met the Pago Godfather who was a bit of an oulton[9] and obviously an impostor. Godfather was seriously confused as to why he had to take this one.

Transporter nominated Bogun Barbie for being a pool shark and starting a ruckus, then buggering off. Overstayer is leaving again and it was Transporter’s last Hash as a free man, thus we gave them the Hash Anthem, ably led by a testiculating[10] Tallyho.

The Hare and the Host – Vai Vai and Iron Lady with Horny Ho stepping in for Tasi – were saluted in the traditional manner before we descended on a very nice feast laid on for us.

Next week’s run is at the Nut House, abode of Hot Nuts and Nutcracker.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

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[1] Someone who gives up a good job in the city to do something meaningless, like set a Hash Trail

[2] Trembling violently , in the manned of a washing machine at the end of its cycle

[3] Someone very pleased with himself, re-tweeting praise given about self

[4] A group of recently discharged mental patients at a bus stop

[5] Lone vegetarian at a table of carnivores

[6] An encrustation on the wall of a cheap hotel that looks suspiciously like dried snot

[7] Looking at the world through dung-coloured spectacles

[8] Infuriated by the last crossword puzzle

[9] A person you get on with but wouldn’t want to socialize with

[10] This one is mine – gesturing wildly while talking absolute bollocks