Hash trash 1525
A wet and dreary afternoon made many of us apprehensive as to the run, especially since the Hosts had indicated that the run would be a wet one. In any case, the skies cleared enough and we were all energized by the highly alternative approach to hashing that had been suggested by Psychadelic, who hosted with Nutcracker, Mad Hatter and Gloria. It was basically “’An Amazing Race”’ type of quiz run, with different questions for the short run and the long run. We set off through the gates, but immediately Poumuli, SOTB and Screamer went the wrong way and didn’t hear the cries of “’wrong way”’! So we ended up going almost down to Lewinsky’s before rejoining the actual trail at the water crossing at Vaiala Beach. The questions took us down past the port, into Aggie Greys, past the Coffee Bean and the UN building before turning back down the track to the house. For those who had taken the longer version the relief was deliciously quenched by Godfather’s sweet nuts.
Spanky made her first appearance as GM, and welcomed the newcomers to Apia Hash. These were Laura (visiting Stephanie, from Sydney) and Jenny (a teacher at Lufilufi, Yankee). The rethreads were called forward and asked for their lame excuses. Stephanie had been under a rock and on the rocks, Chris had been on the Gold Coast (hashed with us in the mid-80’s), Strangler had been on conjugal duties (he’s used that one before!) and Casey had been playing soccer. Celebrity Awards went to Screamer (MDG march), Swinger and Godfather (Observer vaka story), Pro Boner (twice in Observer, looking lawyerly) and Shelly (Chef de Mission to the Commonwealth Games).
Assistant Shoe Inspector Snake had espied some brilliantly shining new shoes, but Chris had stealthily replaced them with jandals. Snake gave him the option of drinking from the Snakeboots, but Chris demurred and drank through the jandals, which was gross enough. Psychadelic then took us through the answers to the quiz, with Spanky supervising in true School Marm style, which saw Lewinsky getting the Pen Stealing Award and Screamer an Argumentative Loudmouth Award. SOTB, Poumuli and Screamer all took DumbAss Awards for heading out the wrong way on the run.
The GM had been observing some extraordinary athletic activity over the weekend, so BlowMe got a combined Endurance Award and SgtMajor Expansion Award. The GM had also been told that Pirate Princess and Captain Mortein had gone to Savaii for their anniversary, and had found an ad for the Experience of a Lifetime, featuring Lewinsky and POD, which resulted in a large one for our humidorian. Crash Bandicoot had been very helpful to the GM with arrangements, yet she was a much more successful GM than he had been last week, as at least she had turned up!
An amusing story of Opportunity Lost was told, involving SOTB and a Poly air hostess, who had enquired if SOTB was really rich (thats a good one), which makes this a Mile Low Club Award. The GM had spent a nice day at the beach with a certain Hash Mere, who in trying to dispel the myth that she never has fun decided to take some pictures. What was the object Screamer proceeded to immortalize – her own icecream. Poumuli asked if this should be the IceScreamer Award, and had to join in for lameness.
SOTB, reverting to the tales from Savaii, noted that this was very poor form for a hasher when the resort wouldn’t give them a second night for romanticism, but then Pirate Princess and Captain Mortein had brought their daughter along anyway – all three got the down down by vote. Snake then noted how Pro Boner’s first day in court had ended with a guilty verdict for her client – not exactly how it goes on TV, eh? Snake also wanted all the Oz women to step forward in honour of their new Prime Minister, so that we could all see what a backstabber looks like.
Blackadder nominated all the English, for losing so badly, and all the Germans for winning so grandly for a Poetic World Cup Award – BlowMe, Swinger, SOTB, Snake and Blackadder all joined in. The GM had more to tell of the romantic couple. She had been informed by Captain Mortein that Pirate Princess had been sick the whole time over on the boat, but rather than request a stay in the down-downs, he asked her to award as many as possible! Unchivalrous Award to the Captain.
On that note Screamer was incensed that two Hash Meres had to man the barbeque, and asked why SOTB had not offered to cook. He airily replied that it wasn’t his job, and he only stepped up in the past as all the women were too lazy. Pro Boner clarified that SOTB, Crash and Lewinsky had been asked nicely and had all refused to help. The GM did the Solomonic thing and gave all five the award.
Poumuli nominated Eveready for a combined Getting Lost/Chariot Riding Enticement Award. Eveready’s defence rested on being continually (or continuously?) being distracted by Karaoke, but for some reason both he and Poumuli were the recipients. Screamer nominated Hot Nuts and Nutcracker for the Dedication to Sports Award for being timekeepers at the swimming tourney (not judges for the synchronized swimming, as she first thought). SOTB wanted to nominate Poumuli for his new, unasked for, job as Assistant Blogmaster, while Poumuli requested that SOTB join in for his impending Putting At Risk a Whole (Sub-)Continent Award as he travels to India and seeks to insert himself into the community.
Pirate Princess must be getting senile as she tried to get SOTB nominated for his False Advertising t-shirt, but since this has been done many, many times now she was forced to accept it herself. The GM nominated her brother Peter for the Overstayer (Dawn Raid Memorial) Award. Eveready had missed hash last week to go to Pro Boner’s celebration, but had ended up carrying a somewhat inebriated Karaoke home, taken advantage and been treated like a King for a week. As we couldn’t understand what the complaint was about, Karaoke took the award, muttering something about advantages. SOTB nominated Godfather for the Endurance (Paddling) Award for leading his paddling team from start to finish. It was pointed out that this was his job, so Lewinsky and SOTB joined for a Beating the Screamer Team Award. Pirate Princess spotted some hashers sitting in a separate circle, so the two offenders were brought in on a Splitters Award.
The hosts and the hare were saluted in the traditional fashion. BB couldn’t tell us where the next hash is going to be so she was finally given a Lame Hareraiser Award. A sumptuous feast had been laid on for us that was enjoyed by all.
Poumuli, IKA Slit