Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Hash Trash 1526

The Hash was hosted by Poumuli and Wahoo up in Vaoala. As this was a very-last-minute decision because Mismanagement had so royally screwed up, it will be freely admitted that the run that was set was the most abysmal, boring, short and un-entertaining run in the history of the Apia Hash. But – the Blogmaster had issued his continued warning about escaped rapists lurking in the gulley, so safety trumped more fun, at least in the view of your Scribe.

The run basically went down towards Mynahs, but turned in down what has been labelled Mafia Lane, for a false trail. Back up the hill, with Cockblocker leading the way for a false trail down Bernards, then up past Bank Street and the Catholic shrine, before ending up behind a trailer where an arrow and an on-home had been vandalized. Back down to Vaoala and the taste of Godfather’s sweet nuts.

Spanky stepped in as GM, and called forth the first time visitors. There was Syb from Oz, Carolyn and Miriam from Oz via Tonga, and Marc the Ecuadorian Frenchman who steers the Samoan va’a. The rethreads were Venom (back from school), Brynn (sailing the Pacific), Underrated (also back from school?), Vai Vai and Chook (touring the world), Mustang Sally (lost in the bush), and Brazilian Wax (who had been beating the bush). Our American PCers had been in Savaii and had escaped again.
Snake stepped in as Shoe Inspector, and thought he had found a new pair, but nearly fainted upon smelling them and had to be revived with a down-down. He was joined by Marc who had run in jandals! Celebrity Awards went to Marc and Godfather (Observer story) and the rest of our famous sailors Brynn and Brazilian Wax. Birthday girl Stephanie was saluted together with SOTB, since this was also the Feast Day of St. Antony.

Our GM had done her repeat performance again as Wahoo had said she’d rather have a drink, so the GM obliged her with the big cup, which need Poumulian assistance. Ring Ring interrupted then as Peter, Spanky’s brother had burped the hash song, which while an admirable gift is not really the done thing. In return the GM noted how Ring Ring had been working out on the rowing machine after turning up early. She took it down – fast!

The GM rather self-importantly pointed out that these were very important days for certain North Americans (Vai Vai muttered something in Cobber), so she got all the Yanks and Cannucks into the circle. Eveready tried to get out of it because he hasn’t renewed his passport, but it was pointed out he still has the uniform, which doesn’t fit! He managed to stay out. The GM also called in the World Cup Award for any awesome Germans in the Hash, found none, so she gave it to SOTB. Bits and Pieces refused on patriotic grounds, rightfully so, to join the invaders of so many countries.

Showing a prodigious knowledge of history, the GM noted that 5 July 1937 was the day that SPAM was launched on the unsuspecting world and particularly Pacific Islanders, so she called in SOTB (works for IT), Peter (has been to the SPAM Museum), Rachel and some others from the town where SPAM was born (sorry, lost track there), but they were joined by Titty Galore who professed to just love Spam.

The visitors from Tonga had been appalled that the Samoan men tear their shirts off in public, as that is not done in Tonga, but while this state was initially noted, the GM spotted signs of drooling, so a Backfire Award was given but surrounded by some Stripping Samoans. One reason your Scribe took such crap notes this week was the incessant chattering by two Hash Meres, so Karaoke and Titty G got the Nattering Nabobs Award. An innovation to the circle was introduced by the GM – a quiz! Who in the Hash was likely to have said “bugger all lighting, poor workmanship”- after a vote it went to Lewinsky, Snake and Poumuli.

Karaoke told a sad sob story of how she used to run the Hash every week for so long, and that lately she had been missing so many because of Eveready (hospitalization, falling out of trees, chainsawing his own leg, etc.). In his defence Eveready pointed out that he had been injured doing all that work for Karaoke, but Poumuli dredged up his older Hash name of Neveready, sealing the award, and Karaoke joined him for putting up with all this.

SOTB nominated Poumuli and Wahoo for the Hash Heroes of the Week Award for coming forward at the last minute, although Wahoo had only been informed of this joyous news at around 3 PM by Laura. SOTB joined for generally deserving another one. Poumuli nominated our resident grumpy letter writer to the Editor. Vai Vai has been back 4 days and nothing has been sent yet to the Observer – he was joined by the other grumps Snake and Bits and Pieces. SOTB also nominated Marc for steering our sailing hashers safely back. The GM nominated Chook for the Patience Award, one supposes generally for putting up with Vai Vai. Peter had to join in for some reason.
Eveready had offered the returning Mustang Sally the use of a car, but it took her three days to come and get it, so a Drunken Revelry Award (Auto Safety Division) was given. Poumuli nominated Snake for the Demonstrating A Safe Work Environment Award as he had tried to put in a lightbulb precariously perched on two mismatched beer crates. Bits and Pieces finally took his World Cup Award, and was joined by fellow clog-dancing, cheese-eating Cockblocker.

The Host and the Hare, Poumuli and Wahoo were saluted in the traditional manner, before food was served on the balcony, a combination effort of bbq, Norwegian Pea Soup, salads and bread.

Next week’s run will be at Snakepit No. 2 in Vaitele, and will again be a BYO, given Snake’s concern over escalating costs of hosting. And this time Wahoo WILL BE the GM!

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

As a post-script it should be noted that Cockblocker lived up to his name later in the evening, when one of the visiting ladies paid a nice compliment to one of the Hashmen. Not being able to tolerate anyone else within 100 yards of him getting a compliment, Cockblocker proceeded to denigrate said Hashman in meanest terms of heads getting too big. One for next week for CB please.

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