Hash Trash 1529

Your Scribe is trying to remember what happened, as he sits in rainy chilly Bonn in a German bierstube. Not an easy task after the jetlag, but maybe one more beer will help. Cheers!

The Hash was hosted by Hot Nuts and Nutcracker, and assisted by Titty Galore, at their home on Bank Street in Vaoala. The run had been set on flour, a decision which the weather gods frowned upon by raining throughout the day. The pack set off down Bank Street towards the cow pastures, and generally followed trails taken before. An obvious false trail had been specifically provided for the annoyance of Cockblocker, who ran halfway down to SPREP before realizing his error. Meanwhile Poumuli and Vai Vai led the trail back up the gully towards Bank Street again. It was highly treacherous going, with many a slip along the way. But the weather was gloriously cool and the trail well marked. We came off the gully straight onto Bank Street for a gentle amble back down the road to the house. Unfortunately Godfather is overseas, so we couldn’t enjoy his sweet nuts. But the pool was inviting and many had a dip to cool off.

Princess of Darkness led the circle as GM, calling forth the newcomers to Apia Hash. There was Lisa from NZ who claimed she had just found the flour (she is here with Charlie), and there was Paul and Marina (who had just met this morning). The Rethreads were Charlie (working), Sheep Fart (over from Fiji, and accompanying someone called Henk, and Crash Bandicoot (taking care of pregnant woman). There were no new shoes, and no shoe inspector was forced to take the award (slight oversight there, methinks).

Celebrity Awards were given to Mana (closest living relative to AC/DC who had his photo in the paper 4 times), Art (closest living relative to Spanky, fellow Yank), Sassygirl BJ (radio) and Poumuli (letter to the editor). Godfather is in Tonga for the King’s big celebration, so closest relative Swinger took the Royal Celebrity Award. Spotting Godfather’s other relation Alan hiding, the GM was not amused, and gave him a large one for this serious offence. The GM had been informed of a set of beached whales at Tafatafa. In fact these were the all-nighters CB, SOTB and Aina, in whose absence Titty Galore was called forward to assume the position. An Academy Award was given to Crash for his piddling performance in trying to act sober after a long night out with Lewinsky.

Vai Vai and Chook are off on yet another epic trip, so a Farewell Award was given to wish them well. Vai Vai tried to insist that Pussysnatcher should be awarded for his growing a 3rd Eyebrow, but this backfired. Sassy nominated Paul and Marina for the Fast Action Award, since they had just met this morning. Sassy also got CB and Crash for the Displaying Feminine Side Award, which CB demonstrated by kissing Crash’s cheek (the face one). The GM had also been informed of another such incident where a certain hasher had been wearing a wig. This was a complicated situation as the information had passed from Pirate Princess to Captain Mortien to the GM, and SOTB was raging about false accusations. Nevertheless he took his award.

Charlie, starting his inevitable cycle of down downs, recounted how he had been in the pool to find that Pussysnatcher had his pants on, that he had also popped the floating crocodile, but was forced to join for having got in the pool before the circle started (not sure on this ruling as there were several other such infractions). He did his award so fast that the GM commented that she wanted to see that again. With eerie precision, Mana nominated Charlie for a Chariot Riding Award, as he had tried to flag down a cab. He was joined by Sassy, whose idea it had been in the first place. Bits and Pieces nominated Sheep Fart for a Loyalty Award, since he had altered his itinerary to allow him to attend Hash. Sassy nominated Pussysnatcher for the Tone Deaf (Strangler) Award for his contributions to the singing. CB wanted him to have one for the moustache as well, but since this had already been covered, CB go the Plain Deaf Award.

Everready, had come late, and when asked why he told an FBI length joke about the funeral procession, a dog that had mauled the mother-in-law to death and the many people who wanted to borrow that dog. It was a good enough delivery to allow the GM to instead hand the Dog Breeder Award to Snake rather than an FBI Award to Everready.
Sassy nominated Goer for the Angelina Jolie Award for her readiness to shoot the burglars who had violated their property. Since she had her sunglasses on there had to be a repeat as a Mrs Smith Award. Vai Vai was spotted standing very much at attention, but the GM had noted that this was the result of his long rest leaning on the pool steps. SOTB nominated Captain Mortein for the Getting Cozy at the Campfire Award (with person other than wife), but SOTB joined in for a Peeping Tom Award when he admitted to have viewed the event through binoculars. Swinger nominated Art and Greenie for talking the whole time, in fact they continued to do so until they had to drink. Sassy nominated Hot Nuts for the Retard Award for having to set the run twice. Hot Nuts claimed he had been trying to be environmentally sensitive, and riposted that the GM was being sexist in her remarks. That one utterly failed!

Sassy tried to get Poumuli for not doing his job in sniffing out the dead dolphin on the beach. Poumuli pointed out that he did not work on protected species, couldn't give a damn about dolphins, and that his sense of smell had been distracted by the above mentioned beached whales. The GM ruled that both Sassy and Poumuli should have the award, and they were joined by Mia for having been bouncy on the beach. Charlie demanded that the two bbq cooks should get an award for snacking, but this backfired on the lack of evidence. Lewinsky was called in for Child Endangerment for having tried to swap the baby’s cup with beer.

The Hosts and the Hare – Hot Nuts, Nutcracker, Titty Galore were saluted, with Hot Nuts taking a double for getting Nutcracker’s name wrong. A sumptuous spread had been put on which was enjoyed by all.

Next week’s run will be hosted by Strangler and Mad Hatter at their house on Bernard Street in Vaoala. It will be a BYO so please bring some food.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit