The Hash was hosted by Tasha and Jade at YNot Bar, and Dumass was the Hare. He announced that he had set the trail on flour, an entirely unnecessary statement given the state of his shorts, cap, hair and shades. He looked like a disgruntled baker basically. His vague instructions turned out to have been based on some evil deviousness, as he had introduced heaps of false trails to a familiar neighbourhood. The first was well hidden behind a parked car, and Hot Nuts and Poumuli were already well on their way down the correct trail, but obediently backtracked towards YNot where the trail – false – went into some shitty overgrown garbage dump. Back out onto the Vaiala Beach Road, the trail was scantily marked for the most, but with a flurry of marks elsewhere – very erratic. Anyway, out past the UN offices and down Vaiala Vini Road, with a false trail down to the Apia Park tennis courts, back down into someone’s yard and along the creek. Such an intense stench of garbage and pig-poo, but we re-joined the road and went on-home along Beach Road. So inventive use of this part of town by Dumass, except that daylight savings time is making our low altitude runs bloody hot. Maybe we should start at 6PM?
The circle was called to order by SOTB the GM, who called forth any newbies to Apia Hash, these were Kat and Colum. The rethreads were Poumuli, Do Me Twice, Mike the Banker, Hooker Lua, Hornithologist and Anita. Titty Galore had been spotted running in new shoes, and had hidden them from sight. However the alternative of drinking from the GM’s shoes had the magical effect of their retrieval. She was later joined by Anita who did hers with amazing alacrity.
Celebrity Awards went to Godfather, SOTB, Sassygirl BJ, Poumuli, POD (Lewinsky) and Wahoo for being in the Observer. This Day in History Awards went to Hot Nuts and Ninja for being UN types on World Food Day, Captain Mortein for the 1016 defeat by the Danes of the Saxons and battle of Ashington, and Dumass and Lewinsky our two publicans for the 1814 London Beer Flood, in which 323,000 gallons of beer were released killing 9, mostly resisting rescuing. They were joined by Crime and Kirsten for leaning, shortly followed by Colum.
On the run one hasher had been observed playing soccer with some kids, and nearly getting run over in the process, so the Rooney Roadkill Award went to Ali. The GM had been watching something called Rugby League on the weekend, and called for two token Kiwis and Kangaroos – Mike and DMT. DMT had been nattering along the whole time, so the GM awarded her the new Dome of Silence, which is actually more of a Skeletor mouth guard, but seems to work.
Lewinsky was called forth for an explanation as to why his establishment would be the last bar standing on Beach Road, but no credible explanation came other than a reference to a vague shadowy character called Jay, so the Mafia Award was doubled. The GM had a further award for a Kiwi hasher who plays with an Ozzie – Cockblocker for the Quade Cooper Lookalike Award. There was much mumbling from the Dome of Silence and repeated knocks to the head were required.
Then there was the Hash Mere whose face is on the Rock the Boat billboard – Huge Celebrity Award to Tasha. Another Hasher had managed to get two tickets to the RWC Finals, and had not offered one to the GM, so a Sensible Move Award went to Mike.
Opening up for nominations, Poumuli stepped forward having received numerous reports of the GM’s growing despotism and that he was acting like a two-headed demon, so he produced for him a 2-Headed Satan Cup for his future down downs.
Sassygirl nominated Pirate Princess and Captain Mortein for fighting in public, but after some explanation this was amended to the Foreplay Award. Lewinsky nominated Horny Ho for advertising, as she was wearing a Playboy Bunny hat, and with no reply forthcoming she got the Are You Ready For A Good Time Big Boy Award. Kat got one for false accusation – something about the GM and phones.
Poumuli recalled how the Perimeter Relay prize t-shirts were white, but that Lewinsky’s was pink. Seeing what he was wearing the explanation was obvious, as POD denied washing them together – Washing While Home Alone Award to Lewinsky. At this point Titty G was spotted trying to re-arrange Godfather’s garments but instead made it look like an exposition, so she was given the Wait Til You Get Home Award.
Dumass complained that at the last Hash the food had run out, yet he had seen Lewinsky tucking away at a whole meaty leg. Apparently this was a set-up by the GM, so both of them got it. Pirate Princess nominated Deirdry for breaking a glass. Horny Ho picked up her indignant tone to accuse Godfather of indecent exposure at Matareva for wearing his tight yellow budgie smugglers. This backfired as Horny Ho had obviously gotten excited about it. Godfather was then awarded an Angry Bird hat to go with his budgie smugglers.
The Apia Hash Mad Monk then made an appearance, and called forth Kirsten, who has voodoo magic tricks and sorcery skills of a medicinal nature. She shall henceforth be known as Witch Doctor.
Calling forth Tasha and Jade, the Mad Monk noted that there had been a lot of diving recently in Samoa, lots of it. Henceforth Tasha shall be known as 60 and Jade as 9’er.
CB then nominated our Japanese friends for pumping money into SPREP. Poumuli tried to get the GM for not being sufficiently skilled at SPAM blocking on the blog, but this backfired. Titty G nominated the cooks for doing a good job – indeed! And then Slim Shady turned up late.
Mike had a distressing story to tell of a young lady, left pregnant and barefoot while her husband took off to New Zealand. Yes, the Husband of the Year Award to Lewinsky, who was muttering incoherently by now.
Slim Shady nominated Ninja for losing the Chicken Hat. No he said, it was in his bedroom. While we all agreed that he should have a down-down, that particular chicken hat can be his forever now. Sassygirl was leaning and DMT was mumbling so we gave her a beer.
The Hare and the Hosts, 60, 9’er, Dumass and Tasi were saluted, and a fine feast of BBQ and assorted salads was consumed.
Next week will be with Team Japan out in Vaigaga somewhere, check the blog.
Poumuli, IKA Slit