Friday, August 28, 2015

Hash Trash 1791

The Hash was hosted by Sam at his place in Papauta. A lovely day for a run, but we were worried by the sight of an exhausted Crime who had set the trail. Setting out for the Cross-Island Road, the trail went down the hill, turning in on the hospital road, then all the way down to the traffic lights at Vaitele Street. Then it was right and straight back up the Cross-Island Road. Hard tarmac run, and a good sweat out for the Hash. Glistening wet coconuts were awaiting.

POD as GM called the circle to order and invited the newbies to step forward. These were Te’ao from NZ, and Katy from UK brought by Speedhumper. Retreads were Sassygirl BJ, Tallyho, Horny Ho, Lucy, Aaron and Cockblocker.




Claudia was appointed Shoe Inspector and struck gold with Sassy, but failed to get Sam, so she  joined them in the downdown. The GM demurred from introducing the Port Vila Hash tradition of first straining the beer through a sock into the shoe.

The GM nominated Sassy and Aaron for the Disrespecting the Hash Shrine Award for dumping their coconuts in it as if it was a trash can. Celebrity Awards went to Twin Peaks (letter to the editor praising the hospital), and Horny Ho (story in paper about someone dialing emergency using their butt), while Slim Shady’s many appearances were put on hold until her later arrival.

This Day in History Awards went to Tallyho and Katy (1770 – James Cook formally claims eastern Australia for Great Britain, naming it New South Wales), Crime (2004 – Versions of The Scream and Madonna, two paintings by Edvard Munch, are stolen at gunpoint from a museum in Oslo, Norway), Poumuli (Southern Hemisphere Hoodie-Hoo Day) and Hot Nuts (Feast Day of St Gregory).

A further GM nomination went to Titty Galore for her Father’s Day Hash vodka-fueled dancing etiquette lessons to the POD-sprogs, that she so clearly doesn’t follow herself.



A Latecummer Award went to Sunny Side Up, and then the Mad Monk of the Apia Hash made an appearance. She called forth Iapi to assume the position, and given his propensity for languages and tendency to sidle up to the ladies will henceforth be known as Cunning Linguist.

She then called on Sam to assume the position, and while he strikes a resemblance to Jet Li, his useless legs and requirements for medical tape ensured that henceforth he will be known as Strap On.

Latecummers Slim Shady and Prince were welcomed, with a large one for Slim Shady’s media appearances thrown in for good measure.

Opening up for nominations, Swinger suggested a Retard Award to Hot Nuts and Poumuli for discussing the possible Hash Names just bestowed on the group email. Swinger also nominate POD for leaving stuff at the Hash and then forgetting about it for months. This earned him a Crankypants Award from Slim Shady.
Poumuli had been viciously attacked by a horse he was trying to rescue and nominated Godfather for the Possession of Carnivorous Horses Award and Twin Peaks for the Possession of a Portable Nurse Award, but had to join for pointing out he was not a carrot or ginger.



Cunning Linguist nominated Te’ao for the Bravery Award, as she had landed that day, had never been to Hash and went straight for it. Slim Shady had been organising a Hash Mere catch up, but Horny Ho had been delinquent and came late and didn’t want to associate with them. She was joined by Nicholas for not knowing what susu means.

The GM then did a bit of Home Theatre by re-enacting what Slim Shady had told her, running up Palisi but stopping and bending over, gasping, when Strap On comes running up. Claiming that she was doing yoga was a good touch, but not enough. She was joined by Strap On for coming up on her.
Swinger nominated Cunning Linguist for attempting to tell him what his Hash Name should be, and he was joined by Twin Peaks for introducing his own Hash Name. Tallyho then launched into a lengthy tirade about how he always needed to harangue Cockblocker for the need for longer Hash Halts, making several endangered species. CB did take this but managed to wangle a Shortcutting Bastard Award for Tallyho.

A special birthday cake was awarded to ProBoner, with a panty-rose attached. Nessa was given a Bored Award for needing a cuddle from Nicholas. Slim Shady then continued the Retard Award, as she had been asked for a phone number for dinner reservations by Hot Nuts, but upon checking she found out that he had failed to make said dinner reservations for Nutcrackers birthday. So she made it for him. This also earned her a Hero Award.



Poumuli wanted to give Wahoo the Lack of Sympathy Award for getting into paroxysms of laughter over the horse incident. However, Slim Shady turned this into a Petulant Award  and forced Witch Doctor, Imelda da Welda, Lucy, Daz and Kristiane to join the Stupid Enough to Sleep with a Norwegian Award.

CB wanted to nominated Kristiane for volunteering at CI and then spending time puking on a boat and in a latrine. As this was caused by chikungunya she was excused, but Poumuli pointed out that the one History Award that had been left out for lack of takers, International Day for the Remembrance of the Slave Trade and its Abolition, should be awarded to CB for not paying Kristiane anything.

Swinger was trying to make an announcement about the Perimeter Relay, but royally stuffed up on the Hash Names. After his down down the three teams were introduced. After the run there will be a party at Swingmother’s.



The Hare and the Hosts were saluted, first with the song then the Hash Anthem, vigorously performed and enacted by Tallyho.

We then feasted.  Watch the blog for next week’s run. Those who can, be at the STA Fale at 8 PM Friday for the start of the night running perimeter team.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit


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