Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Hash Trash 1834

The Hash was hosted by Witch Doctor at Nafanua Steakhouse, her restaurant on Beach Road. This came about as a result of the usual hash-up that Mismanagement can achieve on a regular basis – Situation Normal, All F’d Up. As we didn’t even have a live hare, it was agreed by the usual democratic process which must be the norm in the Lewinsky household – POD told us where to go. So off down the seawall past the government buildings, then across the back of the RSA to the Fish Market. Then it was onwards on the sea wall again, past the various establissements that still cling on. As the sun set on the monuments to Sino-Samoan cooperation, the small pack vended its way home. Godfather was absent, as were his nuts.

POD called the circle to order, and invited our only newbie, Michael – Eveready’s cousin – to take a down down. The only retread was Lewinsky, but he was so confused about when he was last at Hash that this became the Retard Award.

Il Capo as Shoe Inspector failed, but escaped when Witch Doctor’s hobbit feet were examined more closely, as they had a whole new layer of shit on them, thus new.

Celebrity Awards went to Sassygirl BJ for being in the news, and Screamer as Godfather’s closest living relative (Observer photo).
This Day in History Awards went to Sassy (632 – Yazdegerd III ascends to the throne as king (shah) of the Persian Empire. He becomes the last ruler of the Sasanian dynasty (modern Iran)), Wahoo for Pirate Princess (1631 – The sack of Baltimore: The Irish village of Baltimore is attacked by Algerian pirates), Witch Doctor (1944 – Iceland declares independence from Denmark and becomes a republic – it was Norwegian before the Danes stole it), Crime (World Sauntering Day), Michael (World Refugee Day), Il Capo (International Yoga Day) and Eveready (US Father’s Day).

The GM had been asked by Wahoo if Cupless was coming, as she has her shoes. The GM calculated that this meant Wahoo hadn’t run for 10 Hashes and gave her a Shirker Award. She then turned to/on Lewinsky who had been out drinking with ProBoner, and had got into a fight. Upon returning home he demanded his “sword”. While there was some speculation as to what he actually meant, or what the sword was made from, he did take his down down in wine!

In the news the GM had been following the Oscar Pistorius case, and decided that a Bladerunner Award go to Poumuli for his knee brace. As this was what Lewinsky called (the first of) a respectful measure, he was soon pistorius as a fart.

Then we had the dreadful Manu Samoa performance in multiple games – Crime took one for the Manu, while closest living relative to Spain was Il Capo. The GM took the Woeful Wallaby Supporter Award for their piss-poor performance against the Poms, assisted by Screamer.

Sassy nominated Lewinsky for the Blatant Attempted Staff Theft Award, for trying to persuade some competent hotel staff to join his competence-challenged operations. This sounded like a crime, committed against an Italian-sounding family, this he was joined by Crime and Il Capo. Il Capo revenged on Poumuli by recalling the appalling habit of his dog in shaking himself close to people when emerging from the water.

Witch Doctor had been playing pool at the Rocks recently, and as a result has been stalked by the bald dude who works there, forever coming over asking for coffee and food. When it emerged that Lewinsky encouraged such behaviour as a cost saving measure he took the Miser Award.
Poumuli then nominated Witch Doctor for the Unfortunate Award, as her attempt at making a chandelier looked way too much like a swastika.

Following another tradition Poumuli nominated Lewinsky, put it to the vote and got an affirmative before Lewinsky had even uttered “what the hell for?” Sassy was nominated for her foolhardy citizens arrest, while Il Capo nominated Screamer for feeding Black Swan’s cat, or rather forgetting to feed it.

Next week’s run will be at Sunrise Restaurant in Matautu, hosted by Gayboy. Details to follow.
The Hosts and Hare, Witch Doctor, Vikki and Poumuli were saluted before we had some pizza donated by Poumuli.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

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