Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Hash Trash - Run 1467

The hash was hosted in Taumesina by Rebecca, Maddy, Heather and Michael. It was a beautiful warm day, perhaps a bit warm, but we were deceptively cooled by the ocean breeze. The pack set off after a trail of an extraordinary amount of paper. Your assistant trainee scribe has certainly never seen such excessive markings outside of the canine world. The pack was led out by POD and Poumuli, who took the first two of the three false trails. POD was in fine form (I think a down-down for training might be in order) and continued to get to the front of the pack throughout. The trail led down past Apia Park and up Viala-Vini Road past the UNDP office. As we turned the corner we feared a repeat of Lewinsky and SOTB’s trail, but we were finding so much paper leading into Faatoia that we simply had to follow. The trail was fairly smooth and level, so the pace was snappy, but a little too much road for some. A false trail leading towards Fagalii meant a return to possible trail that had been discounted, and now the pack raced across dykes and levies to get back to the main road. All thought that this would be a leisurely stroll home, but the hares had expected us to swim across the last bit. None did. Bugger that, lets walk along the beach. Several hashers did take a swim however upon return to base. We were getting hungry as Gordon Ramsey was roasting two (!) pigs on a spit, although he had joined the two together in a sexually explicit manner.

The GM called the hash circle to order and began with welcoming the newcomers – Emma from NZ (here with Will) and Emil from Sweden. AC/DC was given a special award for bringing him all the way here. There were many rethreads – Skankanavian, Desirable, Sid, COT and Slippery who also slipped in as whipping boy for COT. No new boots meant that the Shoe Inspector AC/DC took the award.

There was a double Celebrity Award for Sassygirl (four appearances in the Observer in one week!), and a special UFO Award for Poumuli for writing about censorship and Klingons. The GM had done some research and decided that Poumuli should get a warm beer – well it was bloody microwaved, and all that can be said about that is don’t try that at home. Yuk. It was reported that the Australian Navy was visiting, yet there was no mention of Skankanavian in the story, so she got a Failed Celebrity Award.

The GM expressed his sorrow that the Hash Nite at Tropicana was a complete no-show, and since none of the new Canadian hashers had come to Tropicana or to hash, he decided that Walking Eagle needed to take the NoShow Award. On a roll he recounted how the Samoan magazine Women’s Time had been showcasing successful and famous women, so for the life of him he did not understand how Skankanavian could be in the picture. Down-down administered and giggling accepted.

POD nominated Gabor for describing inter-species love between a gerbil and a dog at an APS fundraiser, and Gabor had to be quieted from explaining as this is a family hash.

As mentioned earlier, the pigs were roasting in a most suggestive posture, and SOTB pointed this out to the GM, who gave Gordon Ramsey the X-rated Porking Award. Slippery violated the family hash code by bringing up other sexual positions that would have been worse so he took a 69 Award.

The doubles were working on Sassygirl who accused Snake of trying to getting too cuddly with Happy Feet, but Sassygirl had to join in when she had been the first for picking up the baby from POD. Slippery slipped up again.

Lewinsky questioned whether Desirable had been away for business or pleasure, but the explanation was not good enough – Business Class Award. SOTB nominated the hares for the Pollution Award for the amount of paper used on the trail. A bit strange since Michael promotes recycling in the refrigeration sector.
The GM likes Tropicana, but apparently few else do. After the notorious APS fund-raiser only Suzanne had turned up to dance with him. As she drank the first mug too quick for the eye to see, the GM ordered another so that we might time it. Gabor claimed it was 5 seconds, but that was in Hungarian time.

SOTB thought that Sid had been such an exceptional sailor on the weekend and called for a Popeye Award. Keeping it in the family, Sassygirl nominated the bare-chested offspring of the house to step forward and stop arousing the hash meres. But it was pointed out that she had been stripping her shirt off in the carpark when Poumuli arrived. The hosts were thanked and honoured in the traditional manner – Heather, Michael and Rebecca. How did Maddy escape?

Next week’s run will be a holiday run, so if it is set on a beach then bikinis are mandatory. We all hope the GM meant for the ladies only, as we all recall his failing wardrobe incident when his tank top gave up the ghost.

On on!


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