The Hash was hosted by Godfather, Titty
Galore, Speedhumper and Aaron at the Lewinsky compound in Taumeasina. It was a
warm day for a run, but we got off to a late start so the heat was bearable.
The run went out the front and left, with a false trail almost immediately. We
backtracked and the trail led along the river bank – because of high tide the
water was now up to our knees. Really rather disgusting. We re-joined the trail
on the road, which led to another false trail, before the trail was reacquired.
A significant run, and we were well met back with Godfather’s cool glistening
nuts.
POD as GM announced that this would be a
special Hash, as we were going to have a Hash Wedding. At that, the Celebrant –
Elvis – actually Eveready, stepped forward and assumed his position at the
altar helpfully provided by the Lewinskies. The Bride’s entrance was presaged
by Speedhumper, joyfully flinging plastic forks in front of her. Titty G was
escorted by Snake, with his “daughter” Chanel acting as the veil carrier.
Elvisready began the proceedings by
welcoming the dearly beloved, that we had gathered together to join this Hasher
and Hash Mere. And although there had been some milking of the cow through the
fence, the King would forgive such trivial sins. Snake was invited to speak,
and he talked of the best way to strengthen the family was to keep it in the
Hash family. He mentioned that there had been a secret wedding in New Zealand,
but that the secret to a happy marriage remains a secret. Elvisready then asked
Godfather if he would take Titty G for his awful wedded wife, and more along
the same lines. He then asked Titty G if she would take Godfather as her
husband, promise to love him when he is cranky, has had too many down-downs, or
lost his hearing aid. He added that Godfather would in return promise to put
the seat down when he was finished. A ring was produced for Titty G, and a ball
and chain for Godfather. By the power vested in him by the City of Las Vegas,
Elvisready then pronounced them husband and wife, to loud cheers. He then asked
them to chastely kiss, no toungue, and to much cheers he said, you may now have
your way with her. The ceremony was finished off with singing and dancing to
Signed, Sealed, Delivered (I’m Yours).
The circle was called to a semblance of
order, and those new to Hash were called forward. These were Chanel (Snakebite
in drag), Charlie (from Auckland on holiday), Louisa, Lara, Will, Tara
(medicos), David from Nigeria (where do I send my money, asked Snake), and
Connor (UK).
The retreads were Curly, Pro Boner,
Transporter, Cougar, Snip & Tuck, Lexi, Crash Bandicoot, Lowrider and
Rottweiler. The GM then called in Pool Boy for not declaring. Shoe Inspector
Pool Boy then failed in his inspection.
Celebrity Awards went to Sassygirl BJ
(story in the paper about the deliberate release of farmed minks by activists,
which all died. Sassy had referred to herself in an email as the Hash Mink).
Gayboy accused Lewinsky of investing secretly in Rarotonga as he had found
himself in a bar there called On The Rocks.
This Day in History Awards went to Snake (1645
– Qing dynasty regent Dorgon issues an edict ordering all Han Chinese men to
shave their forehead and braid the rest of their hair into a queue identical to
those of the Manchus), Poumuli (1814 – The Swedish–Norwegian War begins), Il
Capo (1866 – Austro-Prussian War: Battle of Lissa: The Austrian Navy, led by
Admiral Wilhelm von Tegetthoff, defeats the Italian Navy near the island of Vis
in the Adriatic Sea), Cunning Linguist (National Day, celebrates the
inauguration of Léopold I, the first king of the Belgians, after its
independence from the Netherlands on October 4, 1830), Snakebite (Feast Day of
St Margaret the Virgin), Gayboy (International Ratcatcher Day) and Lewinsky (Monica
Lewinsky’s birthday).
Warning Snip & Tuck of the leaning rule,
the GM reminded her of the story of yellow dress at the yellow house, where
Cunning Linguist ripped it off her. Pervert was then caught leaning.
The medicos Charlie and Connor had arrived
saying they were friends with Tom, but they must surely be impostors for not
running. She went on to remark how in Samoa its usually the youngest who
becomes a fa’fa, and this was clearly not the case with Chanel/Snakebite.
Lewinsky then nominated Snake for coming to
the rescue and fixing the wiring of the lights, but Poumuli pointed out that
Snake had done the original wiring. Snake then nominated Lewinsky for something
he would not reveal.
The Hash Monk arrived and started naming.
First there was Jessica, who will now be called Happy Bunny. Then there was
fighting smackdown Lexi, who will now be known as GBH. Then the excitable
under-age Hash Mere Marcella was named Princess Snip, while her smart sister
was named Einstein. Aaron for being loud at work but silent at home was called
Mute Button, while super flexible Rachel will be known as Bendy.
The Hare and the Hosts were saluted before
we sang and ate.
On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit
