The Christmas Hash was hosted by Gayboy at
Sunrise Restaurant in Matautu. It had been a really rainy Monday, but we were
blessed by a lull in the deluge as the pack set out for what is really a pub
crawl. The Hash kids safely ensconced in a red Hilux, the trail went down Beach
Road to Amanaki, then back via CVs, OTR and sundry other places. Bemused locals
and tourists were regaled by bawdy versions of classic Christmas carols, belted
out with gusto and accompanied by Godfather’s ukulele. The pack meandered
slightly on the return, but we were finally able to muster a very large and
loud circle.
Slim Shady was our GM, and invited the
newbies to enter the circle. These were Soopuka brought by Gabby, Tanya brought
by someone called Tammy, Paulie, Peter and Taz brought by Skull, Coinsave’s
brother, Talai brought by someone called Courtney, and Nicholai Taulelei
brought by Poumuli and Wahoo. All got a down down, joined by Titty Galore and
Lewinsky.
Retreads were Wahoo (mummying), Captain
Bolitos (doing things with balls), Cunning Linguist, Swinger (world tour),
Coinsave, Nom Nom, Cunning, Skull, GBH, Gayboy and Captain Mortein.
Shoe Inspector Gayboy found Kiwi and
Coinsave’s brother.
Celebrity Awards went to Princess
Fantapants, GBH, Gabby, Peeping Clam (all in photos in the paper) and Lewinsky
for Sassygirl BJ (numerous stories from Vanuatu Games).
This Day in History Awards went to Captain
Mortein (902 – Battle of the Holme: Anglo-Saxon forces are defeated by Danish
Vikings under Æthelwold (a son of Æthelred of Wessex) who is killed in battle),
Godfather (1996 – Gwen Jacob is acquitted of committing an indecent act, giving
women the right to be topfree in Ontario, Canada – GF approved), Poumuli (1997
– The Kyoto Protocol opens for signature), Nom Nom and Skull (2005 – Cronulla
riots: Thousands of White Australians demonstrate against ethnic violence
resulting in a riot against anyone thought to be Lebanese in Cronulla, New
South Wales; these are followed up by retaliatory ethnic attacks on Cronulla),
Princess Fantapants (2017 – Marriage Amendment Bill to recognize same-sex
marriage passes in Australia) and Pervert (Human Rights Day).
The GM had some awards, and started with POD
for a Child Abuse Award for making Happy Feet run all the way from Amanaki.
Then there was a Mean Aunty Award to Titty Galore who stopped a couple
handholding on the run.
Next Princess Fantapants for the Not So
Secret Award – apparently he had been revealing a bit too much of himself in
the Santa suit. Karaoke got a Balldropper Award, and Smashlee for asking why
run with the kids.
Opening up for nominations, Coinsave
quickly got Crime for leaning. Poumuli tried to add in another for Crime, but
failed.
Cunning Linguist, piqued that Swinger had
been posting all these photos from his world tour, updating the minutiae of his
progress, gave him the Rubbing It In Award. He was joined by Coinsave who had
also been on part of the tour.
Skull’s son Peter nominated his sister for
running in a strapless bra, and running faster than her mascara. Both of them
took the down down, while Godfather’s interest was perked. Cunning nominated
Snake for hiding in the bushes, joined by Pervert.
Princess Fantapants nonimaned Nom Nom for
the Libra Award, as the running colours of his get up suggested immediate
ovulation. Noms was joined by Coinsave for leaning.
The GM then recognized Junior and Richard
Wetzell who had snuck in to the Hash. Karaoke gave the Master Chef Award to
Crash Bandicoot. Lewinsky was supposed to get a pig, and got a cow instead.
Both Crash and Lewinsky had a down down, with Soopuka for leaning.
Coinsave then asked for a Subterfuge Award
for Cockblocker – he has been walking around with a black eye and giving
different reasons each time asked. Transporter and Lowrider got the Missed
Retreads Award. Swinger nominated Coinsave for giving influenza to an entire
cruise ship.
Smashlee tried to nominate Captain Bolitas,
but named Paul instead, but in the midst of this failure Godfather asked for Happy
Bunny to join because of her smile when Captain is on shore. Prince was asked
the rhetorical question, why the facial hair? Burt Reynolds Award.
Gayboy nominated Captain Mortein for the
down down he hadn’t had yet, but this was false, so both took it. They were
soon joined by chattering nabobs Gabby and Soopuka.
Godfather made an impassioned speech about
not missing 30 odd years of Christmas Hashes. This was followed by the Pricks
of the Year Award – Poumuli for missing the birth of his son, and Nom Nom,
Godfather and Snake for the dead cat and pig run. Tit of the Year Award went to
POD for her excessive running.
The Hare and Host were saluted. Merry
Christmas and Happy New Year to all.
On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit
