Hash Trash 1495
Being a creature of the night, your scribe rarely manages to make it to Hash on time. Yet somehow this week I managed to turn up early, only to be greeted by a shirtless Hot Nuts encouraging all and sundry to do stretches, which he then demonstrated. Note to self: turn up at the usual 5:35pm next week.
Hosted by POD, Lewinsky, Happy Feet and Pro Boner, Taumeasina is always a good venue for Hash, and a reasonable pack of about twenty five Hashers did the run. Many more turned up for the circle and BBQ only. Sure it’s near Christmas, but that’s no excuse! It’s all the more reason to exercise before all the drinking and debauchery. Down downs for all those who don’t do the run next time GM?
After the run I enjoyed a swim at twilight with cousin-of-vampire Mele, and must thank the lovely Zsa Zsa for bringing us beer while we swam.
The circle, led by GM POD, was raucous and rowdy.
New boots were Tamlyn, a volunteer whose been in Samoa for nine months doing permaculture (‘Is that like a hairdresser?’ SOTB quipped), and three girls on holiday from New Zealand, all brought along by SOTB. It was not clear if these were new girls or part of the ten that earned him last week’s slut award.
Retreads were Delicious, Lezzie, Flash, Emmy and JC.
As there were no new boots, AC/DC took a down down. He was fast, even by my standards!
Incredibly enough, your Lesbian Vampire Killer took out the celebrity award for the second week in a row for having a picture in the paper. Poumuli, come back! I’m not used to this attention. I dragged in Tamlyn for having been in the same picture, giving Tam her first, and perhaps only, down down.
Reaching new lows for the Hash House Harriers, Vai Vai once again lashed out at a fellow Hash man. Last week it was throwing stones at a Hash man, this week it was dirt. What’s next Vai Vai? Let him without sin cast the first stone, etc, etc.
One of the Hash Marys, Emmy, had celebrated a birthday in the last week, and made the mistake of trying to keep up the pace set by JC, a seasoned drinker. Cue to Emmy throwing up, with JC rubbing her back in support. Emmy’s boyfriend Flash comes along... and rubs JC’s back! Down downs for all three.
The GM asked if any Hashers had ever been asked by SOTB if they’d like a drink. No one could remember such a momentous occasion occurring. Yet there he was, asking his female guests if they would like drinks. A large down down was awarded to SOTB for ‘playing waitress to the ladies’.
For neglect in the line of duty, Lewinsky was given a down down for a situation where a patron of headquarters was hit in the head by a flying beer bottle.
Slippery awarded Mr Whippy a t-shirt from the boutique retail outlet that is Mr Lava Lava which said ‘Beer Delivery Guy’. He awarded your scribe an extra large men’s t-shit from the same boutique announcing me as a ‘Chuggin’ Monkey’. I think I prefer being a vampire to a monkey. Find me a vampire t-shirt in a ladies size 12 Slippery! Down downs for all three.
Sassy gave Vai Vai and Slippery down downs for being inappropriate on the run and discussing her virginity! One Hash man told her how to become a virgin again, while the other offered to ‘test out her virginity’.
SOTB awarded Ray Charles the dangerous driving award for driving some Hash men home from Le Manumea in the wee hours of Friday morning on the wrong side of the road. Taking the right of reply, Ray Charles said, ‘they made me do it!’ Lewinsky retorted that Ray Charles never leaves his red pick up anywhere but at home or at work. Case closed.
AC/DC was given an award for failing his ethics exam at work – allegedly the pass rate was 80%, while AC got 20%. He re-sat the exam, and somehow passed. Sassy asked ‘Who did you copy off?’ Madam GM retorted, ‘Not you!’
SOTB tried to accuse Sassy of leading him astray from his efforts to lose weight by suggesting fatty curry for lunch. This backfired and SOTB was made to drink.
AC/DC awarded FBI an award for ‘the only idiot who looks like he’s in the sun’ for wearing sunglasses. FBI challenged AC/DC as ‘a guy who’s passed his ethics exam yet calls people idiots’. FBI refused to remove his sunnies on the first down down and was made to keep drinking until he did.
Sassy gave Lezzie a down down for being irresponsible and not booking a meeting room.
Flash gave Delicious an award for failing to deliver a keg which she drank at her usual fast speed. Sensational, as Lewinsky would say.
SOTB gave Crash a down down for hiding last week and avoiding his down downs.
To wrap up the circle, the hares Sassy and SOTB and hosts Lewinsky and Pro Boner drank.
Our beloved Godfather was sad to announce that for the first time in Apia Hash history, he will not be able to attend the Christmas run. He was given a down down while AC/DC played maestro and a few carols were sung after the circle.
Post circle our hosts put on a delicious feed and Slippery managed to terrorise even our youngest Hash Marys – Happy Feet and Annalisa – by taking 380 photos during the night. A new personal record apparently.
This week’s run is the Christmas Run. Dress up in your finest Christmas costume, bring salads, pupu (nibbles) and if you’d like to help out, turn up at the Snake Pit from 3pm Monday.