Hash Trash 1619

The Hash was hosted by Snake at Snakepit the 2nd in Vaitele. A lovely day for a trot in the countryside as daylight savings is over! We were exhorted to go out and left from the gate, and Tallyho and your Scribe gamely went up that bastard hill at some speed only to find that our attempt to get it over with was a false trail. Muttering curses upon all things elongated, legless and reptilian, we set off back down the hill after the rest of the pack. This was now led by SOTB who had simply waited by the gate! Down the cross road (don’t remember all the names), then a further false trail up the next parallel hill. This time SOTB actually found the true trail which led into the bush. This was serious snake country, as we were first slowed to a crawl by the dense bushes – even the considerable form of SOTB hadn’t flattened the vegetation sufficiently, and Godfather slipped off some rocks. There was even a stretch where we actually had to crawl to get through. Out onto the road there was some further confusion as to whence the trail led. Eventually a group comprising of Sexpot, Pussysnatcher, Tallyho and a few others decided it must be up the hill and around to the top of the Senese road. We did find a false trail mark but decided we had had enough of this malicious malarkey and went on-home. We ended up doing a much longer run than intended by Snake, at least that was his excuse. Godfathers sweet nuts were never sweeter. SOTB as GM called the circle to order, inviting those new to Apia Hash to introduce themselves. There was Yutaka (from Japan) visiting Ninja, and Scott who is here for work and was brought by PS. The rethreads were Wahoo, Poumuli and Mrs Ninja. Poumuli had some fluorescently incandescent new shoes that were christened. Luckily they absorbed most of the beer. Celebrity Awards went to Snatched (in Observer) taken by PS, Ali (for being on TV) and Sam the Fireman (also on TV). Sam couldn’t be with us but had made a special request for his best mate Lewinsky to take the award for him. The mate business came as a surprise to Lewinsky. This Day in History Awards went to SOTB (43 BC, Mark Antony defeated at battle of Mutina), Sam (1836, Sam Houston defeats Mexican general Sta. Anna), Godfather (Earth Day, and he is the Salt of the Earth), Tallyho (St George’s Day) and Poumuli (International Pixel Stained Technopeasant Day). The GM had learned that Poumuli had been hashing in San Francisco and decided that this warranted a No Poofters At Hash Award. In other news there had been a recent plane crash in which only the pilot and the terrorist survived, so this award went to Captain Mortein and Ali, obviously. A double down down went to Sam for having a birthday party and inviting nil hashers. Some Hashers had been golfing, when one of them decided to snatch someones golf ball. The result was that the GM was attacked by an irate mad golfer, so Sexpot was rewarded for his perfidy. Ali was given the Graduation Award, and was joined by Swinger who had stood him up for the celebrations. Opening up for nominations, Tallyho had been confused a bit on the trail, and had seen PS dart into a taxi yard, obviously intending to chariot ride. PS made some excuse about missing some parts, and a vote got them both the award. Sam joined for cellphonus interruptus and Snake for setting the run from a chariot. In his defence, snakes are squamate, ectothermic, amniote vertebrates. Sam had been running with Lewinsky, and felt a bit lost, but Lewinsky told him they should just take a short-cut. Lewinsky denied this, saying he was going along with anything Sam said to avoid being Bruce Lee’d, but this did not stick up at the vote. Tallyho wanted to nominate Sexpot for his impressive running and that since he obviously has too much energy should be renamed Nosexpot. This boomeranged to Tallyho as Desperate Housewife is off-island with an illness. More on that issue, Sexpot had been alone for a few days and some Hashers had offered to take him out. He ended up on a three day bender, concluding with a bursting hangover caused by Lewinsky. SOTB and Lewinsky received the Reckless Sexpot Endangerment Award.

Sassy was irate over the lack of gas for the BBQ and nothing being done about it, so Titty Galore and Sexpot got the Hash Chef (Not) Award as they had been in charge last time. Swinger nominated Tallyho for getting a full body servicing in the Philippines, so a Warrant of Fitness Award went to Tallyho. Joining him was Slim Shady for making the weird suggestion that he should dissolve Viagra on his knees. Horny Ho wanted to get the GM for some crime involving window vipers, but it became so convoluted that an FBI Award was given instead. Poumuli had been cooking for Wahoo’s family in the US, but instead of helping out she was Facebooking the whole time. She told him that she was going to write “no bloodshed as yet”, when he told her no that would jinx him. Lo and behold, it did, but did Wahoo get a band-aid? No! She Facebooked the rest of the story instead.

Back to the golfing excursion, Sexpot was playing against Sassy, who complained of constant tiredness and was just sitting in the buggy the whole time. A Tired and Emotional Award to Sassy. Finally, Poumuli complained that there was no Scribe the last two weeks, but this somehow backfired. He was joined by Lewinsky who had started the Hash Song too early. The host and the hare were saluted – Snake, Uli, Tina and Reade. Check the blog for next week’s run. On On Poumuli, IKA Slit