Thursday, August 14, 2014

Hash Trash 1738

When two or more Hashers are gathered together around the Revered Keggage of Vailima, a circle shall be formed. Thus the words of wisdom that have rung down through the ages, eh well at least the last 35 years, and have brought a community of disparate souls together on the islands of Samoa. Kindness and wisdom abounds, yeah verily unto the visitors, yet not extended to local mutts encountered on the run, to whom communications consists of the application of a swift aimed rock. And on this glorious Fathers Day we gathered again at the beaches of Tafatafa, where the heat was not sweltering nor the rains drenching, as that would come later. It was heartening to see a good turnout, no doubt tempted by the varieties of food on offer, worthy indeed of a worthy person. A veritable Dionysian feast had been laid on by several Hashers, in particular Godfather, Witch Doctor, Titty Galore, Blowfish and POD. So off we set on the run, and much like it is easier for a rich man to pass through the eye of a needle than it is for a camel to, so there were only four runners who actually took up the challenge. 

The others were too busy bathing and chatting to notice us depart. And much like the weird shall be separated from the chavs, an early lead by POD and Cockblocker saw Godfather and Poumuli bringing up the rear, accompanied by Murdoch the non-gay-dog. The trail took us up the access road from the beach, from whence the heat was gradually turned up by the weather and humidity. We were soon dripping with sweat as much as a could have filled a bucket. Emerging onto the road, we now got to enjoy a double basting as the heat reflected off the road surface as well. Murdoch would have stopped but then his paws would have been baked to the ground. Bravely pushing on, the trail took us down the next access road, yet the brief respite from 50 degrees to 45 degrees while welcomed was neither pleasant nor comforting. Pushing out onto the beach again we were sweating so much that a veritable river preceded us, inter-mingled with great slabs of gob from Murdoch who was expectorating some rather long stringy stuff. Finally reaching on home, gear was stripped off and we jumped in the water. The sudden insertion of such hot bodies made the water levels drop by several feet, the ocean turned more acidic and several coral species went extinct right then and there. Thankful that this ordeal had been conquered we rejoined the slackers on the beach for the circle. 

POD has been appointed our GM for the interregnum, which is Latin for a really long time, and called the rowdy bunch to order. Newcomers to Hash were Tea (brought by someone called Kurtley) and Francesca here on holiday with Stiletto. Lewinsky had his first, well first in the circle.

Retreads were legion, and these were Poumuli (communing with nature in Palau), CB (ditto), Do Me Twice (in Oz), Snake, Skunk and Mrs Skunk (back from NZ), and Stiletto in ChCh being a good wife). Celebrity Awards went to Godfather, Eveready and Karaoke (photo from the US Coast Guard shindig), Transporter (paddling team charity event – photo was a bit blurred and it looked like Lewinsky was also in the photo – it was charity so surely he MUST have been there), Twin Peaks (excessive coverage of his dance troupe) and Lewinsky for Snatched (photo in the Observer).

This Day in History Awards went to Snake (30 BC – Cleopatra VII Philopator, the last ruler of the Egyptian Ptolemaic dynasty, commits suicide, allegedly by means of an asp bite), Twin Peaks (1858 – The first Australian rules football match is played between Melbourne Grammar and Scotch College), Sassygirl BJ for Alcatraz (1934 – The first civilian prisoners arrive at the Federal prison on Alcatraz Island), Transporter and Crime (1977 – In Yonkers, New York, 24-year-old postal employee David Berkowitz ("Son of Sam") is arrested for a series of killings in the New York City area over the period of one year), Godfather (Father’s Day) and Poumuli for Wahoo (International Lefthanders Day).

Opening up for nominations, Transporter pointed out that one celebrity had been left out, that of Elle McJr for the NZ Friendship week, and he was joined by Poumuli for incompetent newsgathering. Sassy elaborated on the incompetence theme, as three Hashers had taken three hours to get there. Snake, Skunk and Mrs Skunk were awarded, with hints of Game of Thrones activities being bandied about the circle.

IRA had been to the doctors recently and calls to her had for some reason been diverted to Titty G. A lot of confusing surrounded this, as Ete would say, thus it was decided for both to take this Playing Doctors Award. Lewinsky joined for taking a lady to dinner and making her pay for it – he was obviously out of pocket due to his charitable giving.

A Latecummer Award was warmly awarded to Kiss My Butt on the island for a few more days. A stickler for prompt payments, triad representative Gayboy had made a bet with Lewinsky who had up until now not paid for loosing. This should have resulted in a scene from “The Godfather”,  but Lewinsky got a down down instead. Poumuli then nominated Gayboy for the Fear Factor Award, for nearly leaving Hash in fear of getting nominated. Here's one of a young GB:

POD nominated IRA for the Mother of the Week Award. Apparently one of the kids had been locked in the toilet, and the obvious solution to this was to toss the other child over the door. It turned out though that POD had assisted! 

Sassy wanted Godfather punished for not telling his visitor about Hash Rules, but this was turned into a Heartless Sassy Award, as the poor lady could hardly stand.

IRA wanted to have a family reunion award for CB, but messed up on the name of Do Mia Twice, and suffered the consequences. The Hares and the Hosts – Crime, Rufie, Sassy, Titty G and Godfather were saluted. Godfather thanked all for coming while Poumuli got the final down down for Murdoch eating off the BBQ.

Watch the Blog for next week’s run.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

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