Apia Hash House Harriers: Hash Trash 1760

Your Scribe is back from a long sojourn overseas, disappointed there was no Assistant Trainee Scribe assigned in his absence. Anyhow, the Hash was hosted by Crash Bandicoot and Cougar in Lotopa. It was one of those hot days that could only be seen as normal if you were born on the Sun! Actually, not sure how humid it is on the sun – must ask resident astronomer and rings-around-Uranus enthusiast Gayboy. Crime had set the run and he was looking rather peeky, so off we went out onto the Lotopa road, straight up for a few blocks. An unmarked falsie was taken by POD, which brought the pack together again nicely. The trail went off left towards Alafua, up and around a few more turns, then straight back to the Vaitele road and on home. Those who made it all the way round were utterly grateful for the wonderfully succulent nuts provided by Godfather, and much slurping could be heard amidst the gasps for air.

POD called the circle to what amounted to order, there being several chatterboxes attending. No newbies to the Hash but a plethora of retreads – Poumuli, Wahoo, Slippery, Kalolo, Eveready, Karaoke, Gayboy, Tia and IRA. Not enough time for excuses.

Shoe Inspector Rachel was quick to find Wahoo, but it was pointed out that she drank from them during the Bank Street Hash. Kalolo owned up to his shoes being new, and was joined in the circle by Wahoo, who had forgotten that she had drunk from those shoes!

This Day in History Awards went to Swinger (1900 – The United States Senate accepts the Anglo-German treaty of 1899 in which the United Kingdom renounces its claims to the Samoan islands), IRA (1939 – The Irish Republican Army (IRA) begins a bombing and sabotage campaign in England), Lewinsky (1998 – Lewinsky scandal: Matt Drudge breaks the story of the Bill Clinton–Monica Lewinsky affair on his website The Drudge Report) and Gayboy (International Fetish Day).

The GM noted concerns expressed during the run that no one had seen Titty Galore, who had been there at the start. Just before a search party was despatched she showed up – with cookies! For not going on the run and thus a Cookie Monster Award – Titty G.

Last week there had only been four runners, and while they were going along the sea wall, POD had noticed a fit looking buxom couple. When asked later if he knew who they were, Godfather had at first been perplexed, then suddenly burst out – THE ORANGE T-SHIRT! He was obviously in a Baywatch fascination mode, thus Pamela Anderson Award to Godfather.

Latecummer Cockblocker reluctantly took his award, claiming ckikungunya. Tia was asked if she too had chikungunya, no, then why are you leaning – join CB in the circle. Opening up for nominations, Slim Shady referred to the several incidents of uninvited males turning up at her residence. A kind-hearted Hasher had gone out of his way to buy her some pepper spray. Initially a Pepper Daddy Award, it was really a Cockblocking Award for Poumuli.

Rachel had been out on the south side, and had been discussing sustainable development and tourism with a local fale owner, who reputedly was building up his chicken stock to avoid buying NZ chicken. Right at that moment Yahoo’s dog Happy (now Chickenkiller) tore the heads off two of them. Poumuli and Wahoo took this one in familial joy.

Poumuli had been wondering for some time what had happened to all the signage from the SIDS Conference, when in fact Crash had purloined some of it to use as a tarpaulin for his workshop. Claiming that Poumuli had said that the conference was last week (he didn’t!) and finding no Crash, co-owner Lewinsky and Poumuli took the Ultimate Recycling Award.

BB nominated IRA and POD for Excessive Sportswomanship, followed by Gayboy receiving an overseas celebrity award for Lewinsky, with OTR Hole In the Wall being featured on some dodgy overseas tourism blog. Notwithstanding the gay reference Lewinsky took this one alone.

Swinger nominated Kalolo for leaving for Japan for a few months – Sayonara!