Thursday, January 29, 2015

Hash Trash 1761

“… and while the Australia Day Celebrations appeared to be a success, the High Commissioner could not be reached for comment regarding the incident with the bald man.” “And in other news, the home of local racing celebrity Schumacher was invaded last night by a gang of hooligans, described by a witness as a bunch of raving lunatics. Loudly yelling and running about, there seemed no rhyme or reason to their strange antics, which were visibly upsetting to the local canine population. The One News team was at the scene, and interviewed a man who would only be identified as Crime. In terse slurred words he admitted to having laid down a trail – in fact under the Anti-Litter Act this wanton spreading of shredded paper should have the authorities up in arms and ready to prosecute. Crime showed our reporter where the main trail had been laid, following the Cross Island Road up to the Stevenson Museum, then veering off down the road past Ray’s Taxis. Our reporter did not fully understand the phrase Crime used to describe this – its got a cross on it – and foolishly followed the trail that had been laid, only to find that the trail petered out way past the water pumping station. Indeed, there was a cross ominously marked on the path. Experts are still being consulted as to the possible meaning of this with some speculating that it is a form of satanistic display. Others however have rejected this. A portly local resident who participated in the home invasion dismissed the cross as “yet another f’ed up trail by Crime” before vomiting all over our reporter. Our viewers are asked to be on the lookout for this group of hooligans and report them immediately to the APS for summary neutering. Back to you in the studio, Corey …”

POD called the circle to order, and decided that we should have a sitting circle after that major hill climb. There were no newbies, but plenty of retreads – Murray (extended mental health leave – read loony bin), Schumacher (in Davos with Obama), Claudia (not sure). Shoe Inspector BB failed in her quest.

Celebrity Awards went to Slippery (wife in Observer), Claudia for AC/DC (in the Observer, and they live in his old house where all the blondes are buried), Titty Galore for Godfather (also in Observer being bilked by the PM for the Cwlth Games), Sassygirl BJ for advertising in Niue and Poumuli for no Lewinsky celeb news.

This Day in History Awards went to Eveready (1972 – Japanese Sgt. Shoichi Yokoi is found hiding in a Guam jungle, where he had been since the end of World War II. He has been lost in jungle for long time), Poumuli (1995 – The Norwegian rocket incident: Russia almost launches a nuclear attack after it mistakes Black Brant XII, a Norwegian research rocket, for a US Trident missile), Lewinsky (1998 – Lewinsky scandal: On American television, U.S. President Bill Clinton denies having had "sexual relations" with former White House intern Monica Lewinsky) and POD (Australia Day).

On the run there had been some excessive speeding about the bush, much so that Sam managed to sprain his ankle. While this is usually the domain of more accident prone hashers, a Pratfall Award went to Sam. The GM also awarded Swinger for the cleaning up of the Palisi trail with a Cut Not Smoke The Grass Award.

The GM noted that we had a small circle, but that all save one was making up for it with enthusiastic singing. Wallflower Award to Murray. In his defence he claimed to have been singing counter melody because “Joe likes that”- up again for a repeat.

We had all been amazed at the utter clean state of the Hash BBQ upon its arrival, and the GM gave Crash Bandicoot a congratulatory award. He was joined by Poumuli for asking stupid questions about the cleaning methods (well it looked like he had used nuclear fission!). Crime was given the No Back Tracking Award for not laying a proper trail.

Opening up for nominations, Poumuli nominated POD for excessive athleticism, although it was a fine line before he joined. Well knowing that it is a false trail and still completing it is a bit like a Chronicle of a Death Foretold! Sassy expounded on the careful parking arrangements made by Schumacher and how the second to arrive had promptly buggered it all up. Nevertheless, Poumuli was saved from this one as Schumacher stepped up for the Nanny State Award.

Eveready had gotten lost trying to find the Hash, for which Poumuli accepted responsibility for not getting the information right for the blog. Cellphonus interruptus for Murray. Schumacher then nominated Sassy for the Crushing of Flowers of Dreams Award, as she had parked her Eurotrashmobile on top of his ti plant.

Godfather got the Latecummer Award, and explained that his great, great, great grandfather had been an Australian convict, indeed a rapist, thus his invitation to the Australia Day function. He was also joined by Slippery.

Poumuli wanted to nominate POD for the Wifely Support Award, as she had resisted a giggle at an insensitive attempt at humour at Lewinsky’s expense. Forgetting that it is the GM’s job to beat up on Lewinsky, Poumuli got the Boomerang Award. However, Lewinsky had to join him for bragging about his pears. Closely followed by Titty G for looking intently at Godfather’s.

Finally Karaoke took a Not Had One Yet Award, followed by the Hosts (Racahel, Slippery, Schumacher and Claudia) and the Hare (Crime). An astonishing amount of delectable food had been put on for us and we feasted into the night.

Next week’s run will apparently be hosted by Sassy, so watch the blog for misdirections.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit


  1. Bloody nice reporting of scribe Poumuli aka Slit or was that slut lol...