Friday, April 22, 2016

Hash Trash 1825

The Hash was hosted by Snake and Fang at Snakepit 1 in Saleufi on a rainy day, although by the time we were ready this had abated and we were in for a cool run. We were led straight out the gate – and into the parking lot. There awaited Vernon with a giant dump truck. We required a ladder to climb in. We drove about a bit aimlessly, then he suddenly turned and parked by the new hardware store opposite Mr Burger. While getting into the truck had been relatively easy, the ungainly procession that descended was anything but elegant. Covered with cement dust we gathered that the run was going up the road between Apoula and Palisi. This was basically straight up. Many fell behind, which was fortunate for them, as there was a false trail all the way up to the Prayer House. We set off back down the hill through the Palisi  Bronx, and as we crossed the Vaitele road, we were led on a path through the fales there. Numerous barking dogs attacked but Venom and Snakebite were vigilant defenders of the Hash Meres (apple, tree, don’t fall far etc). As we emerged from this urban semi-jungle it was opposite SMI and on home past the Market and Lucky’s. Some angel had procured nuts in Godfather’s absence which were heavenly.

POD as GM called the circle to order. There were no newbies, but several retreads. Snakebite and Venom had been to school, Soprano had no excuse, Karaoke and Eveready had been babysitting Crash, Kat had been doing something athletic, Mona was too lazy, Kuching Puti was stuck in front of a computer, while Lewinsky had been to a nunnery.

The Shoe Inspector quickly identified Kat and ProBoner as having new shoes, which were quickly filled but slowly drunk from. Hot Nuts opined that Hashers shouldn’t wear Nikes as these were too water/beer tight. This was deemed denigratory as neither wore Nikes, thus Hot Nuts was the first to get the Nipple Cup.

This Day in History Awards went to Captain Mortein (1080 – The King of Denmark, Harald III dies and is succeeded by Canute IV, who would later be the first Dane to be canonized – and we know there aren’t too many saints there), Nom Nom (1770 – Captain James Cook, still holding the rank of lieutenant, sights the eastern coast of what is now Australia), Cunning Linguist (1782 – John Adams secures the Dutch Republic's recognition of the United States as an independent government. The house which he had purchased in The Hague, Netherlands becomes the first American embassy – indeed caused by cunning linguistics), Il Capo (International Day for Monuments and Sites) and POD (Feast Day of St Isabella).

Celebrity Awards went to Slim Shady (photo with distinguished ladies), Nom Nom and Kat (athletic photo), Alex and Wahoo as closest living relatives, and Crime (crimeheadline).

The GM then gave the Extraordinary Woman Award to ProBoner for coming 3rd in the recent ladies challenge. This prompted Poumuli to bring forward that fact that US newspaper the Washington Post runs a weekly contest in its Style section called the 'Style Invitational'. The requirements for the week were to use the two words 'Lewinsky' (the  Intern) and 'Kaczynski' (the Unabomber) in the same limerick.
 Third place:
 There once was a girl named Lewinsky
Who played on a flute like Stravinsky
'Twas 'Hail to the Chief'
On this flute made of beef
That stole the front page from Kaczynski.

 Second place:
 Said Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky,
We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski,
Since you made such a mess,
Use the hem of your dress
And please wipe that stuff off your chinsky.

And the winning entry:
 Lewinsky and Clinton have shown
What Kaczynski must surely have known,
That an intern is better
Than a bomb in a letter
When deciding how best to be blown.

Cunning Linguist nominated Kat for making an obscene gesture in the circle, and her down down was accompanied by a jello shot. Latecummers Dawn Raid and Marcus also got a shot.
Shitbags wanted to bring up the Sneaky Award, and requested that this be given to Witch Doctor for sneaking in with the runners and making it look like she had been on the run. She countered that she had been supporting the runners and giving them high fives, thus this boomeranged as a Full of Shitbags Award.

Alex, on the run had picked up a weird sort of cone, a sort of pine, of the genus pinus, and recounted how Il Capo, in front of her whole class, had pronounced pinus with an e. Dick Award to Il Capo but the shot went to Alex.

Slim Shady asked that we commemorate the passing of Black Box, and all those who went to his service did a down down. RIL Black Box, we will miss you.

Hot Nuts had been approached by Eveready at the service and been asked if he had been deputy GM at some stage, which he had, so Eveready had made him do the valedictory on behalf of the Hash. There was some back and forth on this, but in the end only Hot Nuts got the DPM Award for not even realising the DPM was present.

Slim Shady’s dad had told her that there had been a palagi man at the door with a book for her. When asking for more details, he said, he was palagi, and he was a man, and he had a book. This apparently was  Dawn Raid, and he still hasn’t given her the book. On this note Poumuli noted that he had lent a book to Snake 6 years ago, and he still hadn’t returned it.

Il Capo had been unable to open her coconut and had been assisted by Witch Doctor, who cracked it on her knee with such force that it flew everywhere. This award went to Shitbags for some reason.
Soprano had been enjoying the run, especially with 3 Hash Meres in front, chatting and blocking the road, totally oblivious to the fact that they made a taxi stop. POD pointed out that Kuching Puit is Bahasa for white pussy, and Samoan taxis will always stop for that. Poumuli added that they also would always stop for wet pussy. Thus Jill, Kat, Kuching Puti and Wet Pussy took this award.

Nom Nom nominated his friend James, who while preparing for ½ Marathon had been sleeping in a fale, and had stood up in such a fashion as to brain himself on the fale post. POD then nominated Hot Nuts for resisting the urge to wipe dust from various  butts, but since he is now 60 we gave him the Birthday Award instead.

Latecummers Crash and Cougar had some excuse, so Karaoke took this for them in the Crotch Glass which she drank from fondlingly. The GM got an award for getting her trip to Savaii wrong, joined by Eveready for his new effervescent running outfit.

Next week its at Lotopa at the Eveready and Karaoke place.

We saluted the hosts, and feasted on venison, rabbit, goat and a whole pig.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

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