And verily it came to pass, that on the ordained day, at the ordained hour, or thereabouts, the Hash was to be hosted by Strapon at his place in Papauta, a village of holy souls. And as the host appeared, clad in only a loincloth that is called a lava lava, there were murmurings and admirative glances from the Hash Meres, wanton hussies all, and yeay, the call went forth for the Monty that is full to be shown. Being thus inconvenienced, he had entrusted his trusty yeoman Nom Nom to set the trail. An Nom Nom had verily done so, swearing upon it upon all that is holy, yet the trail had been washed away, Nom Nom not being familiar with the divining of the weather, or look out the window. To the accompaniment of much wailing and gnashing of teeth, the pack began commencing the parade of bruised toes. The trail that had been washed away led down the hill, over and into the halls of greater learning by the university that is national. On and on we ran until finally we went past a Hall of the Latter Days and a path was made to the river. As it was of Jordanian proportions, the crossing was as much fraught as it was invigorating. Finally we spotted the road to Strapon’s abode and all was good, with Godfather’s juicy nuts on display.
Hot Nuts had to step in as the GM. New to Hash were Alex from Austria and Sarah from Italy. Their inductees were given a down down as the rules for names usage had been ignored. The retreads were Kieran, Strapon, Godfather, Titty Galore and Gianluca, all joined by the GM for name usage.
There were no celebrities as Your Scribe had been overseas, but This Day in History Awards went to Il Capo and Sara (1945 – Benito Mussolini and his mistress Clara Petacci are executed by a firing squad consisting of members of the Italian resistance movement), Godfather (1947 – Thor Heyerdahl and five crew mates set out from Peru on the Kon-Tiki to prove that Peruvian natives could have settled Polynesia – GF was mates with him), Lewinsky (1998 – A federal judge in Sacramento, California, gives "Unabomber" Theodore Kaczynski four life sentences plus 30 years after Kaczynski accepts a plea agreement sparing him from the death penalty), Witch Doctor (2012 – A pastel version of The Scream, by Norwegian painter Edvard Munch, sells for $120 million in a New York City auction, setting a new world record for a work of art at auction), Swinger (Feast Day of St James the Less), Snake (World Day for Safety and Health at Work) and Poumuli (World Press Freedom Day).
Opening up for nominations, Kat nominated the GM for slamming into her at the river crossing. Poumuli had Nom Nom join her for Hashmanlike Behaviour for charging across the river with no heed for helping the females. This was added to in that he had been chatting up the female shop keepers along the route, trying to sell his nuts.
Godfather had been in Fiji and had a great meet up with Sexpot, Desperate Housewife and Screamer, none of whom run with Suva Hash after trying it once and finding it wanting. Cunning Linguist took this one.
Il Capo nominated the GM for surrounding himself with women, although he claimed that with a name like Hot Nuts it is hard to be irresistible. Gianluca nominated one of those women, Sara, for being in Samoa for 4 years and only coming to Hash now. On the subject of years, Poumuli nominated Snake for the Library Award, not returning his book for 6 years.
Alex nominated Swinger for his starring role in a recent movie, sporting a Selleck moustache. Titty G got a cellphonus interruptus and Crime was leaning. Strapon was brought into the centre so Godfather could express his pride in his accomplishment, which latecummers Pod and Lewinsky joined. Strapon called for ANZAC Day to be better celebrated by Hash, even though last week had seen to that. Nom Nom, Shitbags and Strapon took this one. Lewinsky had been desperately trying to get a military guy nominated but failed to account for the GM’s deafness. Thus Poumuli was able to get an Incompetent Dob Award to Lewinsky.
The GM then wanted a Hanging Around Award – there had been no hare, no keg, no monk, so Alex and Jill took this one, with the GM joining for not acknowledging the substantially sized nuts brought by Godfather. Strapon had cellphonus, while Swinger wanted to have his service in defence of the tattooed noted – he was bitten by a dog while getting additional beer.
Sara nominated Il Capo and Gianluca for only dragging her to hash after 4 years, while Godfather gave a Recognition Award to Swinger and Strapon for BB’s hospitality in Suva. The GM nominated himself for Hashmanlike Behaviour for getting pissed last Hash when he had a late night skype call coming. Lewinsky gave a Heroes Award to Titty G for organising the beer, Witch Doctor for driving, and himself for screwing that up in the first place.
Sassy had of course been broken into recently, but the cops got the guy, so Crime took the Criminals Award. Witch Doctor nominated Poumuli for the Angry Award for yelling at her from Auckland. Kat nominated Nom Nom for laughing at her when she fell in the river. Sassy got Kieran one for being quiet, and Vicky for leaning.
Poumuli, IKA Slit