Friday, January 13, 2017

Hash Trash 1863

The Hash was hosted by Cunning Linguist and Malu at their new place in Vaivase. So this was in a way a Hash House Warming Party. We were certainly warm from the heat and from slapping mosquitoes. The run had courageously been set on flour, given the bursts of rain we had been seeing of recent. But the weather gods were on his side, so the only issue we had was his parsimoniousness. Anyway, it was out the gate and following the road up to the sports field, where a false trail leading up was discovered. So we continued right around the sports field, in a gentle sloping run. But what goes down must come up, or something like that. The walkers were able to soon turn, while the runners continued down towards Samoa College, and got a very steep hill to contend with on their way back to the house. A very good road run, but Cunning Linguist has promised that next time there will be more bush.

POD as GM called the circle to order, and found there were no newbies. Retreads were Poumuli and Wahoo (family reunion), Kiwi (lost his running shoes), Gagging Diva (in Oz with intravenous cider and cheese) and Clark (getting a matai title).

Poumuli had found no celebrities this week, but in a spot of confusion, Clark noted that the Manu coach had been in paper, and that he himself had been featured for his biography. Since this one had already been awarded to co-author Sunny Side Up, Clark was made to take the Self-Incrimination Award, with Nom Nom as whipping boy.

The Shoe Inspector was unnecessary as Clark’s new boots were so so shiny. He declined Nom Nom’s offer of drinking from Nom Nom’s shoes.

This Day in History Awards went to Cockblocker for Gayboy (1787 – William Herschel discovers Titania and Oberon, two moons of Uranus), Prue (1946 – The first General Assembly of the United Nations opens in London. Fifty-one nations are represented), Lewinsky (1999 – The Senate trial in the impeachment of U.S. President Bill Clinton begins), Lewinsky (2015 – A mass poisoning at a funeral in Mozambique involves beer that was deliberately contaminated with crocodile bile leaving at least 56 dead and nearly 200 hospitalized – for ordering Taula), Sassygirl BJ (Feast Day of Our Lady of Prompt Succor) and Poumuli (International Typing Day).

Turning to the GM’s awards, she asked the Hare if there was some new extreme form of taxation on flour? We had struggled mightily in places where the marks were so small and so far between. Cunning Linguist had no credible defence so took the award. Poumuli wanted this blatant copying of Scottish behaviour to be given to one of the Scots in the circle but was ignored.

The Tourism Awards had been held over the weekend and the GM noted that a Hygiene Award had been given. She thus felt compelled to issue an Unhygiene Award to Nom Nom for wringing out his dripping shirt in front of everyone, scorching the earth.

The Hosts had announced that this would be an Orange themed run, and most had complied, except a Colourblind Award was needed for StrapOn who wore entirely blue. This was followed by a congratulatory Matai Award for Leiamanuia Clark.

Cunning Linguist wanted to give a Confusion Award to Godfather for introducing a new beat to the Hash song last week. Godfather countered that since that circle had been a sit-down one, it was a one-off, and we were now back to regulations. Nevertheless, he used the new beat for the down down, a jazzy sort of off-beat.

Sassy nominated StrapOn for a good start to the Husband of the Year award for taking Mrs Strap out to lunch, and for his meeting with two distinguished Ministers the following day. However it was explained that the luncheon was arranged because Lewinsky had got him into trouble over stepping out for some drinks. When the GM heard all this she awarded both StrapOn and Lewinsky the down down, as Lewinsky had told her he was at Cockblocker’s house.

StrapOn then nominated Nom Nom and Prue for New Year’s celebrities, having celebrated it twice this year over in Pago, as well as Gagging Diva for getting upset that they didn’t bring back gallons of liquid cheese.

We then had a Birthday Award for Yahoo (taken by Wahoo), POD and Kiwi. This was followed by a Multiple Entry Award from Sassy to Pirate Princes for being impressive on the run, CB for being sick all week yet coming for the run, and Nom Nom for being first and fast up the last hill.

While awaiting the circle Poumuli had noticed that it appeared that StrapOn had caused a minor landslide by the fence from sitting there, which Lewinsky attributed to StrapOn’s testicular fortitude and the presence of crabs. Lewinsky got the Extensive Knowledge of Crabs Award, joined by Cunning Linguist as it was his dog who had actually caused the landslide.

Finally StrapOn nominated Cunning Linguist and Malu for being forbidden to sleep close to the children at a fale due to the, er, noise levels. We then saluted the Hosts and Hare, before eating a great housewarming meal.

Next week will be hosted by Poumuli, Wahoo and Yahoo in Vaoala.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

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