Hash Trash 1871

The Hash was hosted by Wahoo, Poumuli and Yahoo at their place in Vaoala. It was a sunny and hot day, so the run had been set mostly in the bush. The trail started out behind the house, with a false trail leading up the hill. The trail then went down a similar path to a previous run but it was drier so less slippery. That was until Poumuli’s dog Murdoch decided to follow the pack and throw his 50 kg frame around, causing small avalanches. The trail went across the river and up to the top of the cattle yards, then followed the ridge back down to the corner of Bank Street. A gentle road run down the hill, until the turn and the ford crossing. The trail followed the stream upwards at this point, with several instances where the trail was the stream. Over a small bridge and into an abandoned household we took the dirt road up to Bank Street and on home.

POD was our GM, and called forth the newbies, Erik (brought by Mr Whippy) and Tom (med student from Wales). The retreads were Snip & Tuck, Cunning Linguist, Bubbsy and Mertin.

Shoe Inspector Il Capo zeroed in on Cunning Linguist’s new shiny ones, and he had some tasty river water with the beer.

This Day in History Awards went to Nelson (363 – Roman Emperor Julian moves from Antioch with an army of 90,000 to attack the Sasanian Empire, in a campaign which would bring about his own death), Peeping Clam (1941 – World War II: The United Kingdom launches Operation Claymore on the Lofoten Islands; the first large scale British Commando raid), Screamer (1986 – The Australia Act 1986 commences, causing Australia to become fully independent from the United Kingdom), Gagging Diva (2005 – Margaret Wilson is elected as Speaker of the New Zealand House of Representatives, beginning a period lasting until August 23, 2006 where all the highest political offices (including Elizabeth II as Head of State), were occupied by women, making New Zealand the first country for this to occur) and Witch Doctor (World Wildlife Day).

Celebrity Awards went to Pussysnatcher (Snatched in the paper) and Il Capo (also in paper). Speaking of new shoes cleaned by river water, the GM called forth StrapOn to show off the barbed wire stuck in his shoe. Cunning Linguist attempted to defray this as a false accusation but failed.

On the run, Crime had been swinging from the lianas as the Apeman himself, only to fall arse over tit as it ripped. An Almost Tarzan Award from Cunning Linguist. Sassygirl BJ was absent, but while Marco Polo was in hospital she had visited and also entertained the kids there with some pole dancing! Pirate Princess and other close supporter Il Capo received this one. Godfather commented that he had been asking at what age should breast feeding stop – NEVER!

The GM congratulated Witch Doctor for hosting the Norwegian Deputy Foreign Minister, and asked if meatballs was on the menu. Turning back to the run, the hares were nominated for attempted murder on Godfather and the near crippling of StrapOn. This was narrowed down to the dog owner, so bastard Lewinsky gave him a respectable one.

Witch Doctor nominated Lewinsky for not helping POD down the hill, merely cooing “slide down, wifey”. She also added Gagging Diva who always helps POD and Mertin for not helping at all. Cunning Linguist was then asked to explain what he had been telling the kids, something about “I have big thumbs that go in small holes”.

Il Capo nominated Godfather for offering to wash her bum, and Black Pussy for suggesting she should get a name change to Black Bummy. Godfather was ok with the nomination, but noted that all the Meres had forgot rule number 7 on health and safety, that the most effective cure for bruised ribs was a blowjob. No one had administered this as he lay gasping after his fall which had been caused by Il Capo’s derriere. This caused way too much laughter, so Il Capo and Black Pussy took the award.

Nelson, astounded of this behaviour in a Welshman, nominated Tom for sitting on his glass, and Peeping Clam for bad training. StrapOn nominated Hash businessman Lewinsky for being in business with no email address. This was doubled as wifey had just signed him up on Viber. StrapOn then expressed his admiration and respect for Lewinsky, and while discussing the subject had heard Peeping Clam opine that no one enjoyed Hash unless you disrespected Lewinsky. Poumuli tried to add in Lewinsky but failed.

Gagging Diva attempted a nomination for Bubbsy but failed to get either real or Hash name right. Nelson nominated Lewinsky for helping out with the parking, while Wahoo’s birthday down down was taken by Poumuli.

StrapOn nominated Mr Whippy for coming late yet finishing the run, Captain Mortein for shortcutting and Wahoo’s dad Norman for latecumming.

The hares and hosts, Pussysnatcher, Poumuli and Wahoo were saluted, amidst murmurs that Pussysnatcher should be certified as a weapon of run destruction. We then feasted on all sorts of curry and homemade roti.

No hosts for next week as yet.

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit