Friday, November 20, 2009

Hash Trash - Run 1492

The hash was hosted by Larry and Mandy at their house in Vailima next to the SPREP Compound. A good turnout for this birthday run for both Larry and Mr. Whippy, and the pack set off down the SPREP road and into the woodlands. A bit of confusion as the arrow Larry had left was so large that it was invisible at first, but the trail led down the creek and over some strategically logged trees placed there by MAFF. So much for this being a conservation area. Your Scribe had a sprained toe so he lost the pack, but apparently there was some interesting trails blazed through buildings and other properties. A good jomp through the area in other words.

Strangler stepped in as GM and noted that the year 1492 was the year Columbus “discovered” America, so a Discovery Award was given to Selena, Walking Eagle, Eveready, Fang and Chilindrina for being Americanos. Tony Blair tried a historical accuracy revision to the award by calling on the Vikings in the Hash to be awarded since everyone knows that the Vikings, particularly the Norwegian Vikings were the first Europeans to set foot, pillage and murder on American soil. But Strangler declined on that one, as the year could not be ascertained, and Poumuli knows not to volunteer information that leads to him getting down downs.

There were three newcomers to Hash, Matt from Auckland (guest of Dizzy), Ross and Mana from Melbourne (guests of Larry and Mandy). Rethreads were Walking Eagle and Dizzy – neither of whom had a good excuse. New Boots were spotted, as Dizzy only explained to Matt the rules upon arrival at the Hash. But he took the award in good stride, until Dawn Raid interfered and got the Non-Enlightenment Award. Celebrity Awards went to Larry, Dawn Raid, Poumuli and Tony Blair.

Crash Bandicoot arrived, late and with the Hash Mugs, and his claim of working (barely) was not accepted so he got the Late Mugs Award.

Several Hash Meres joined in describing some rather inappropriate behavior, so Slippery received the Too Much Information (Disclosure Act 2009) for describing his passions over the years. The fact that he was taking a photo of a lactating Pirate Princess while facing the accusation only enlarged the mug to a big one.

Most unfairly Poumuli was given the Smuggling Award for bringing in contraband tasers etc., even if it was used at the start of the run to deter some mangy charging dogs. Tony Blair tried to use the illegal arms to taser Poumuli during the award but has clumsy hands – explains Larry’s water situation.

Last Friday had been declared a Government half day off for sports, but many Government employees in the Hash declined to take part. So for Unsportsmanlike Conduct Award we got Rose, Lesbian Vampire Killer and Skinny Dipper. Dawn Raid slipped on LVK’s hash name and joined in. AC/DC and Dizzy were both caught leaning, and AC/CD doubled his award for wearing Bedouin headgear.

Sassygirl nominated Tammi for the Sexual Harassment Award for being untowards direct to a waiter, while Larry took a Humiliation Award and voluntarily handed over 4 chocolate ├ęclairs to Sassygirl. Slippery had been shopping and had a Sassy Chick tanktop for Sassygirl and a Wahoo shirt (something about Wahoo Tacos – rather unappealing) – Poumuli accepted on her behalf. Dawn Raid, who was looking distinctly worse for wear (and it got worse) and was caught leaning. Captain Mortein was caught trying to dob Pirate Princess for Cellphonus Interruptus. A Numeracy Award went to SOTB for getting the blog wrong on what hash number we were at, and Poumuli added in Slippery for being unable to select t-shirt sizes.

BB tried to nominate Dawn Raid and Poumuli for a Blasphemy Award, but revenge was sweet as the Hash voted BB for a Religious Persecution Award. Captain Mortein received the brunt of his Lady’s wrath for Child Endagerment – giving beer to the little one, calling wife, etc. Kiwi showed up and not only got the Latercomer Award, but also the Fashion Award. BB nominated Poumuli for the Sweet Brother Award for looking high and low for the damned t-shirt Dawn Raid was wearing. Snake attempted to speak but had lost his voice so received a Lame Award himself.

Larry noted that the trail had been well marked but shortcutters were in evidence – Lesbian Vampire Killer, Dawn Raid, AC/DC, Poumuli and Slippery. Kiwi made a late nomination for the Worst Driver and Navigator Awards to Dawn Raid and AC/DC.

The GM called for a Catch-Up Award to all those who had interrupted the circle with cellphones – AC/DC, Lesbian Vampire Killer, Skinny Dipper and Chilindrina. BB lamented how Vailima had not picked up last Hash’s keg for a week and as a result they were robbed – Crash was the closest living relative to Vailima so he accepted the award. Dizzy then nominated Tony Blair for the Pocket Billiards Award for playing with himself in the circle, although he should have joined the award for perving Tony Blair.

The Hosts and Hare were roundly thanked and the birthday song rendered in English and Samoan, before we descended on the sumptuous feast.

Next week’s Hash will be at Mr. and Mrs. Whippy’s house.

On On,

Poumuli.

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