Hash Run 1537

Next weeks run will be hosted by Bits and Pieces and Goer at their home in Vaoala on Bank Street. This is just down the road from Hot Nuts and Nutcracker's house as well as being close to Zsa Zsa and Chilindrina's.

Since this is the first Monday of the month, I am asuming that this will be a BYO run. Please bring something to throw onto the BBQ or something precooked. Run starts 1730Hrs. Bring something dry to change into in the even it gets too cold for any of you wussy's.

Check the Map for the Location if you are still confused. There is no theme so far but keep and eye on the blog in case we decide last minute to choose a theme.
On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1536

Mabuhay and greetings from the Philippines where your Scribe is recovering from jetlag. Many thanks to Screamer for her scribbling below - only had to do limited editing this time. Congratulations to Screamer for erudition. On On Poumuli, IKA Slit


This will be a rushed scribing since there were two kegs at this particular run and even though the assistant co-scribe managed to not drink a single drop of the golden fluid, she was still having trouble keeping up with the goings-on, not least because she seemed to spend a lot of time deflecting false accusations.

Anyway, Hash 1536 was hosted by Lewinsky, Princess of Darkness and Pro Bona at the home of the lovely Mr and Mrs Stevenson.

The run was designed to cater for runners and walkers – there were two separate paths that led runners in separate directions so walkers met runners on the way. Or something like that. Assistantt Co-scribe was generally a bit confused but enjoyed the run nevertheless.

GM POD called the circle to order but not before everyone had ample opportunity to swim in the sea and partake of Godfather’s sweet nuts and/or Eveready’s wonderful salsa mix.

There were a few newcomers – Susan (had heard so much about it, she came to try Hash for herself), Tania (from Australia), John (with Kat), and Leata (with Pete). All drank (since there were two kegs, which HAD to be emptied).

Brynne was the only rethread, having returned from her sojourn in Canada, Cambodia and Hawaii.

There were no new shoes although Screamer was accused but she rather vehemently reminded everyone that she had only recently drunk out of new shoes. Snake, the assistant shoe inspector, drank.

RingRing received the super model award of the week for beautifully modeling dresses for the Mena show.

Husband of the Week award was given to Captainn Mortein for getting too drunk and forgetting to pick up his lovely wife, Pirate Princess, who ended up walking all the way from the Yacht Club to find him at Y-Not. Captain Mortein was accompanied by drinking accomplices, Swinger, Psychadelic, Rebecca and Angela, who, he insisted, had led him astray.

It was the last hash, at least for a while, for several people and Stephanie, Deep Throat, Carey, Kim, Lester and Gui (and Jodie) were farewelled with a drink.

Then, the Monk arrived! Dressed in her usual purple garb but sans-heels this time, she proceeded on a naming ceremony with a vengeance.

Vegetarian Stephanie is now “Meat Lover” while Mia, who seems to have been conducting some sort of personal advertising campaign via sun block, is now “Do Me Twice”.

Little Annelisa and Isabella were also named, with their daddies doing the honours – “Princess Tiger” and “Happy Face” respectively, for obvious reasons.

Cherelle was appropriately (and finally) named “Snatch”. She got the guys excited for a brief span when she offered to remove her bra prior to the naming but decided it was a family Hash after all, leaving some disappointed faces.

A story was told regarding a Hash Mere who had to be rushed to hospital the previous week for having an allergic reaction to peanuts found in the cake at Karaoke’s. Rebecca (the victim), Karaoke (the cake provider), Angela (the obviously now sacked, taster) and Psychadelic (the ambulance driver) all drank.

FBI cited someone called “Gaybore” for bad taste in music at his last party. They both drank.

Tiger Woody made an appearance – seems he’d been hanging out in the bamboo in the garden so he appropriately took his “panda” award.

The “Prick Tease” of the week award went to Kat who has been seen on TV ignoring a doting male in favour of...a newspaper.

Snatch was nominated for the wet t-shirt award but assistant co-scribe is wondering if Sassy BJ was just hoping for a wet shirt. Some confusion here but Snatch took the drink handing it over to Pussysnatcher, who was obediently waiting in the shadows (probably to make sure she didn’t waste the whole thing yet again).

Just for the heck of it, Pussysnatcher was given an indecent exposure award (initiated by a slightly envious Hash Man, thinks assistant co-scribe).

A series of celebrity awards were handed out – Godfather, Brynne the Cook and Swinger, the onlooker – for being on the second part of the Tagata Pasifika documentary on the va’atele, Hinemoana.

All the celebrities were rudely interrupted by Godfather’s phone ringing – an investigation rivaling that of the FBI (the real one) revealed it was Kiwi/Tiger Woody. He copped a down down for that, not surprisingly.

Cockblocker was awarded the chauvinist of the week (again??) for disrespecting a Hash Mere. Shame!

Psychadelic told a tale of a car driving up to Tafatafa with not one, not two, but FIVE babes in bikinis…followed by…CB. Do Me Twice, Meat Lover, Mel and Brynne joined CB for this one. Assistant Co-Scribe is almost positive she saw CB’s chest puff up when he sauntered into the circle centre.

Crash Bandicoot had been overheard taking financial credit (to the tune of a 200 tala tab at On the Rocks) for the (usually provided gratis by Karaoke for Hash) cooking of the pig for tonight’s Hash. This entrepreneurial innovation was smartly knocked on the head by fellow Hashers.

Alan rocked up during the proceedings and received a latecummer’s award.

Brynne nominated Zsa Zsa and Slim Shady for throwing a party that got everyone in trouble with the police. This then boomeranged into a wardrobe malfunction award for Brynne and Snatch who had spent their night progressively hiking up their pretty Bollywood garb.

Snatch then told of a Hash Man who fell asleep at a fun party – Godfather stepped up – and, still on the same party, Eveready took one for providing an X-rated birthday cake, which he insisted had been made by Karaoke. He took the drink anyway.

Still on the party, FBI had gotten so drunk, he had fallen asleep in his garage and almost been run over by his girlfriend, while Angela could recall nothing of being driven home by Swinger.

Amidst all the commotion, an old face made an appearance – ACDC was back and took the obligatory welcome home drink while saying something about not drinking anymore (or maybe Assistant Co-Scribe simply misheard this one – yes highly unlikely!).

Mana had somehow managed to avoid the latecomer’s award when Alan got his but was thirsty enough to come up now.

David was using the excuse of the extra keg to stay out late (??) so he was given an extra drink just for fun.

Then, the grand finale – it was Godfather’s Birthday! A beautiful, Karaoke-made cake was brought out (carrot – Godfather’s favourite) and Eveready made a beautiful speech paying tribute to Godfather’s longstanding contribution to Hash and giving special tribute to his sweet nuts, which are loved by all but by some more than others.

A beautiful rendition of the Birthday song was sung by all led by Sassy.

Godfather blew out the candle and made a wish and requested that all those who let the cat out the bag should submit to a down down. Swinger, Titty Galore and CB did the honours.

Sassy, Snatch and others did the siva for Godfather then the national anthem was sung by the Hash Meres.

The Hosts, the Hare, Cooks and Ever Ready and Karaoke were thanked in the usual way and the pack then descended on yet another amazing feast put on by Lewinsky, POD and Clan.

Map for run in Vailima - september 27

The September 27 AHHH run will be held in Vailima - past Le manumea about 200 meters on cross island road, take a right hand turn on the dirt road- it takes a sharp right then left before the house. ON ON

Hash Run 1536

Afternoon,
Monday's hash run will be hosted by Lewinsky and POD at their home in Taumeasina. Go down past Apia Park until you see the defaced signpost for the Taumeasina reserve, where you turn left, go past some playing fields and somehow head towards the houses fronting the water. I know the map looks confusing in comparison, but its all I could salvage from SOTB's files.

Bring a change of clothes if you want to go for a swim after the run.

Check the Map for Directions and run will start at 1730 hrs

No theme has been set for the run, but will await last minute notice from POD or Lewinsky and post, and anything else that they would wish to convey.

Your Scribe and Assistant Blogmaster will be overseas for 3 hashes, so Co-Scribe Screamer will be in charge, suitable punishment for the goolie incident!

Also, please be reminded to bring any contributions for the Baby Desirable Fund - check in with Sassygirl BJ as she has accepted to be Fund Collector and Hander-over.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1535

Your Scribe is back from his travails in Papua New Guinea and Australia. The Trash for 1534 will be posted as soon as Assistant Trainee Scribe Mia hands over the homework notes that her dog ate.

Hash run 1535 was hosted by Eveready, Karaoke, Crash Bandicoot, Delicious, Deep Throat, Kerry and Baby Desirable, at their house in Lotopa. It was a really rainy day, with some 90 millimetres of rain registered at the Poumuli Weather Station in Vaoala. Eveready announced that he had had to go to Plan B for the trail, as his dry riverbed was now a raging torrent. Luckily the rain eased up a bit as the run proceeded, but those who didn’t get wet from the rain were soon soaked in sweat from this rather long run. The trail went out the driveway, down to the Airport Road, past Pesega, and up into the back roads there. Poumuli started in the lead, then overtaken by Cockblocker and various fit youngsters. It was an entirely road-featured run, while the rain probably decreased the incidence of barking dogs. Eveready had set the run on minuscule amounts of shredded paper, most of which had been washed away, but the pack made it back safely.

Eveready stepped in as GM and welcomed all to a very special Hash, as it was both the Return of the Prodigal Son (Deep Throat) and the Return of Baby Desirable. There were several newcomers to Apia Hash – Mel from Sydney (here 3.5 weeks), Solomon from Israel but lives in Zambia (here 2 months), Jodie from Savaii who was here with someone called Shenene (down down quickly taken by CB), Guy from France, Belinda with the vets (here for 2 years), and Rebecca, Matthew and Jack here from Brisbane (visiting Lewinsky). Deep Throat’s better half Kerry was also introduced. Eveready made them all drink a down down, as this was a two-keg evening.

The Rethreads were Screamer, Poumuli, Sassygirl BJ, Bits and Pieces, Crash, Andrew, Marc and Cherelle. The GM couldn’t be bothered to ask where they had been. Rapidly a Leaner Award went to Deep Throat and Andrew, who claimed they were reaching for their drinks, to which the GM replied “well reach for this one”. There were no new shoes, so Assistant Shoe Inspector Snake took the award.

The GM had requested that notification about the Wear PINK rule had been posted on the blog (yes!), and since they have hosted so many runs with this theme, the procedures should be clear. Front and centre went Crash and Lewinsky (what a shame – Crash got a big glass), Hobbes, Belinda, Matthew, Ninja, Bits and Pieces, Titty Galore and Pro Bona. Celebrity Awards went to Sassygirl (newspaper and radio), Brazilian Wax (2 hours on TV!), Godfather for judging the Ms Samoa pageant (nice work if you can get it) and Marc (va’a returns).

Changing pace, the GM called forth Deep Throat and Kerry, since they would not likely be here next week, and awarded the departing couple the boob and willy glasses. Deep Throat suggestively tongued his boob glass, and had to help with the willy, although he poured it into his own rather than be photographed with that in his hand. He certainly didn’t get his skulling technique from his Dad!

Opening up for nominations from the floor, Poumuli exhibited a national biodiversity report from France. Where most such reports highlights the beauty of endangered wildlife, this one had chosen to feature the pubic lice, and one wonders about what their conservation strategy might be. Guy and Marc got the French Crabs Award.
Our special visitor, the indefatigable Lester, was spotted leaning and got the boob cup, but refused the nipple opening (we all would, after what Deep Throat did to it). Snake started a long convoluted injustice griping story, which picked up by Spanky had something to do with burnt chicken last week. In the end it was agreed that the Suck It Australians Award would be shared by Spanky and Andrew.

Poumuli related a fantastic story of flying over the Great Barrier Reef with a hash mere, who asked him what all those little white houses on the islands down there were. After checking, he told Screamer that the technical term for those were “waves”. Screamer launched a vicious attack that nearly had Poumuli’s goolies in a Tamaitai Moment (according to Kamikaze this charming Samoan term for lady means “the pain just after you’ve been kicked in the nuts” in Japanese). Am considering legal recourse for assault – not my fault she was being blonde.

The va’a crew that went to Tokelau were given a special award for bravery – Psychadelic, Solomon, Marc and Brazilian. On that note, Sassygirl nominated Captain Mortein for the Gutless Award. He had tried to get her to nominate CB for backing into a colleagues car, and a vote settled it that both the Captain and CB should take it. Sassygirl was now on her customary roll, and nominated Brazilian for a Muff Diving Award. His defence that he had been abused by Sassy didn’t hold water.

Poumuli, foolishly, tried to nominate the Hares for the Environmental Award (setting a trail with virtually NO paper) and the Road Safety Award for setting the limited paper on the correct side of the road. Backfired big time. Screamer, still not satisfied with the damage infringed on Poumuli, tried in an opprobrious manner to get him on a Lack of Chivalry Award for not sharing a taxi from the airport. When it was pointed out that she got a ride home for free with the SPREP van, the backfiring could be heard loud and clear. But either thinking that Poumuli needed more beer to cool down his goolies, or still smarting from the various attempts at dobbing him in, the GM put it to a vote, and both had to take the down down.

The GM asked if anyone in the Hash had heard from BB since her move to Suva, and since only Swinger answered affirmatively he got the Hash Abandonment Award on her behalf. Sassygirl, who has a fine ear for singing (as Strangler well knows), called out Ring Ring, Psychadelic and Belinda for the N’Sync (Not) Award for singing at least two bars behind the rest.

Spanky had been invited to one of the Ms Samoa pageant dinners (they invite teachers to those things?), and had noted how some contestants had expressed appreciation for the conservation of biodiversity, and she called on all who work for the environment to be awarded. Poumuli made a point of order that he worked on climate change, and couldn’t give a rats arse about biodiversity, but one of them had completely flubbed and botched up a climate change question. The Doing Their Jobs Award went to Screamer, CB and Swinger, while a gratuitous Not Doing Their Jobs Award went to Poumuli. Took a little while to gather the senses after that one, but in a belated right of reply Poumuli argued that the Not Doing Their Jobs Award should have gone to the media, and suggested that On Top Journalist Cherelle should get it, which tee hee, she did.

Sassygirl spotted some talkers in the circle – Mia and Mel, to which Snake added in the visitors Belinda and (methinks) Rebecca. Cherelle then nominated the GM, first congratulating him for the 3rd female grandchild, but berating him for not producing a male heir (not quite sure on this one?). Crash had to accept but was joined by Cherelle as Top Journalists should know better than to try and intimidate the GM, who went on record as wanting ten male grandkids.

Spanky nominated Crash and Lewinsky for the Welcome Back to the Mugs Award – highly irresponsible entrusting either of them with duties of such importance. Poumuli then nominated Mia for the Dog Ate my Homework Award (trash not delivered on time) and closest living relative of SOTB for the Sexist Award for his comments on female scribing on the blog.

Brazilian reminded the Hash that there had been a Mr Muscle Samoa competition, and was disturbed that CB hadn’t entered. Various comments flew about using the wrong muscle. Ring Ring nominated the GM for his muscle short shorts – they were very Hotnutsian – while Karaoke asked him to bend over to show off what he called his running shorts (“running shorts my rats arse” commented Karaoke). Lewinsky recalled how Karaoke had pledged to do a triple if Baby Desirable came back safely, but after a few harrumphs Karaoke settled for a double.

Sassygirl had been checking the blog while overseas, and was convinced that one of the Hash Team Tsunami wasn’t running at all – boob glass was given to Ninja. The GM noted another great sporting achievement in the long boat races in the win from Manono. When Pro Bona came to visit she charged past this High Chief of Manono without congratulating him. Claiming she was on pills, Titty G took the award for her. The GM had been quite clear in that he was setting the run, but at 4 PM there had appeared Ring Ring at the gate, stating her intent to assist by setting the trail correctly. This lack of respect had been repeated last week on CB as well, but that was obviously in a whole different category. In light of Ring Ring’s enthusiasm, Sassygirl nominated Bits and Pieces and Goer for the Lack of/Latecomers Award.

POD nominated the hashers who had been involved in the Teuila races and promptly flipped their boat – Mia, Titty G, CB and Brazilian. But Brazilian hadn’t even been in the race so a False Accusation Award to POD. The GM then called forth all who had avoided awards so far – Psychadelic, Wahoo, Pirate Princess and Hobbs.
Brazilian caught Sassygirl leaning (well it was more of a Captain Morgan stance), and some comment flew about having pubic lice, to which Sassygirl replied with way, way too much information.

The Hosts and the Hares were saluted in the traditional manner.

As the circle closed, Godfather thanked the Hosts for always putting on a good show, and for their dedication and hospitality, which was evidenced by the great turn-out. He announced that on behalf of the Hash we would all like to contribute to a fund for Baby Desirable, to be run by the family as they saw fit. A first contribution was handed over and Eveready said they would discuss this welcome but totally unexpected gift. Things had been difficult when Desirable passed away, but things were getting back to normal, and he couldn’t think of any better people to celebrate with but the Apia Hash. Karaoke got a special word of thanks for all the preparations that she had made.

The hashers then descended on a great feast of roast pork, fish, chicken, you name it.

Next week’s run will be at POD and Lewinsky’s.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1535

Next weeks run will be hosted by Eveready and Karaoke at their home in Lotopa. Eveready informs that the theme for the run will again be PINK.
So get out your best Pink outfits and get ready to run!


Directions: Head towards the airport past the Mormon Temple at Pesega and turn up to Lotopa to the RLSS Primary school (turn-off points to the Sliding Rocks), the house is on the left hand side just behind Adria's cakes.

Run will start normal time at 1730 hrs and the Keg will be there as well as a yummy feed!

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Run 1534

Greetings all

This week's run will be hosted by Mia and Steph at Steph's place in Vaoala. Its a yellow house on the Cross-Island Road, on the left hand side of the road just before Bank Street and opposite the fruit stand on the right hand side of the road. Sorry no map but hope you can all find it.

It will be a BYO dishes and meat for the BBQ.

Enjoy

On On

Poumuli, IKA Slit

Hash Trash 1533

Appinun to all Hashers. Your Assistant Blogmaster is posting the Hash Trash from Madang, PNG on behalf of Assistant Trainee Scribe – Mia – and is eternally grateful for her stepping in. Although we may need to send her to typing school!

Hash run 1533 was hosted by Captain Mortein and Pirate Princess at their home in Vaoala. The day started out windy cold and raining, and all thought that it wasn’t going to clear up. But then the clouds opened up and another sun filled day in Samoa was enjoyed by all. As the Assistant Trainee Scribe didn’t actually do the run – claiming to be sick, it was apparently a lot of up and down hills and all and sundry were quite buggered.

When the pack got back Tallyho was overheard giving Cockblocker shit because if you want to lead the run your on on shout should be loud and deep with a manly voice, and not like a girl, and in his opinion CB had screamed on on like a 6 year old girl would.[This reminds us of the naming ceremony for CB, when Slim Shady could be overheard repeating the mantra Whiny Bitch]

CB then approached the Assistant Trainee Scribe and proposed that since the Scribe was gone there should be a new way of scribing and a new age should be started! Apparently CB feels that how things have been done is old school, and that we should take photos of each event or down down and put them up on the site with the comment in the blog. Well CB, we do that when we can get the photos loaded and you are welcome to provide commentary to any of the Hash Photo Albums. The Assistant Trainee Scribe think he just wants his photo in there after all the down downs he gets. [Assistant Blogmaster’s note: CB should put his money where his mouth is, if he can get it far enough out of his arse, and get on with commenting on the photos – would be happy to illustrate the Trash with crucial photos.]

So to the proceedings. Everready stepped in as GM, and welcomed the one visitor, Matthew from the US who is here for 1 week. His town which the Assistant Trainee Scribe cannot remember was famous for Maple Syrup, Ben and [Ben and] Jerry’s Ice Cream. [Methinks that is somewhere in Maine] When he was asked who he came with he let out a grunt like eerrrrrhhh! and pointed towards Swinger. For some reason this was accepted and Swinger did not get a down down, but Matthew did. CB proceeded to say that shit Matthew’s quicker than you James [who that?] causing CB to have one too.

The Retreads were Lester, David and Greg Taylor 2, and had been missing Hash because they were all off island apparently. Celebrity Awards went to FBI and BB for the Hash Team run the extra mile article (this picture was from last year’s run obviously) featuring FBI receiving the baton from BB. Swinger took the award on behalf of BB as she is in Fiji. A further Celebrity Award went to Spanky for her American Peace Corps male group winning the Perimeter run and being in the paper, but also because even though we took her to the presentation she baled on the Hash team to sit with the Peace Corps - failure to stick by her fellow hashers!

It was International Woman’s Day and the Assistant Trainee Scribe thought it was only fair to give an award to the men who where lazy and had no woman to look after instead of the ones that did but of course CB wasn’t happy with this, and stated that the Assistant Trainee Scribe apparently was just a sad cause as she didn’t have anyone to look after her. The Hash all voted and the Assistant Trainee Scribe took the down down with honour of all those women out there who didn’t have a man! Angela joined in to commemorate the day as she didn’t feel that this should be taken by one alone. Nice!

We then had the biggest telephonus interuptus, but it was decided to let it go as it was the lovely news from Crash Bandicoot that Delicious had just given birth to their Daughter Luana. She is a healthy 7.2 pounds and Mother and Chiled were happy and healthy.

The GM opened up for awards from the floor. Tallyho gave Greg Taylor 2 and Wahoo the Not Caring Where To Go Award. Apparently when Tallyho asked which way to go, Wahoo said she didn’t care – she was going this way and Greg Taylor 2 followed.

Snake tried to give Greg Taylor2 an award for stealing his identity last week when they swapped tickets, but as we all knew this had already been awarded last week so it backfired and Snake got a down down.

Hotnuts was nominated for a Stupidity Award. He had tried to yell at the dogs out the window that where attacking one of the runners but the window was closed and he smacked his head. Left a nice mark on Slippery’s car window.

Strangler was nominated for a Cruelty To Animals Award for tasering a bunch of pigs that where trying to attack him. He said they were scary and he didn’t trust them not to bite him. [There was a lot of tasering on that extra leg on the relay, it must be said]

Godfather and Hot Nuts were nominated for a joint award - Godfather for the Weak Bladder Award for stopping the run so he could pee in front of everyone and Hotnuts the Pervert Award for taking a photo of this. [Actually Slippery was the key instigator of that photo session]

CB and Pussysnatcher were nominated for taking the Assistant Trainee Scribe’s keys from the yacht club leaving her stranded for an hour and depriving her of sleep the night before she was meant to support them for the perimeter race. CB tried to say that it was only Pussysnatcher as CB didn’t take the plastic bag they keys where in, but Pussysnatcher was absent so by default his closest living relative had to take the down down namely CB.

Strangler gave the Crafty Little Bugger Award to Captain Mortein for trying to hide the paper not only once but twice along the run. Captain wanted a vote, but it came back unanimous against him.

Tallyho nominated CB and Strangler for Failing To Call Out When Leading Award. Piss poor voices where his exact words. Strangler tried to get out of it by saying it’s not their fault the older generation can’t hear and CB said that Tallyho was taking to long and wanted an FBI award but both where given their down downs.

Not Doing Their Job Awards was given to CB and Swinger. Swimming with Turtles in Savaii article in Samoan Observer entitled Conservation or prison, describing how the water that used to be clear now resembles a swamp and they should be saving the turtles. Swinger said he’s not in marine conservation so he shouldn’t have to take the award, so everyone voted that CB should take it.

Tallyho gave the Failing To Perform Award to Mad Hatter, as apparently when she was at the top of the hill she yelled down “come quickly” so she obviously wasn’t getting any at home even though its National Women’s day. Slippery helped her finish but was wearing a hat so he had to do another.

Eveready gave Titty Galore an award for the fact he was waiting for her even though she was late on the run. She didn’t run he claimed, but TG did actually run, as she took the kids with her, and then she went up to the GM and said smell my armpit and put it in his face. Automatic down down for disrespecting the GM. Psychadelic gave Skunk the Eating on the Job award for pecking at the food during the awards ceremony. David was given the Illegitimate Award for stealing Psychadelic’s shirt which was a shirt with just that written on it.

Hot Nuts and CB thanked all the supporters by name for the Perimeter Relay Run, and the Host and Hares got their down downs. Tallyho was thanked for his services during the last hash and the GM was congratulated for becoming a Grandfather!

Next weeks run will be hosted by Assistant Trainee Scribe Mia at her place. CB will be the Hare. The directions will be posted as soon as she sends them to the Assistant Blogmaster. Please all note that this will be another BYO food event, but there will of course be a keg as usual.

On On

Mia