Friday, July 08, 2011

Hash Trash 1576

God morgen Apia Hash from the mountains of Norway. Wahoo and I are enjoying our vacation and a good laugh at the Trash provided by Tallyho below. Enjoy

On On
Wahoo and Poumuli, IKA Slit

Our hare for tonight, Swinger, stood in his garden grinning like a Cheshire cat having just spent a month in Fiji attending various workshops, cocktail parties, creating large carbon footprints and ensuring that BB was being “taken care of”. No wonder he had solicited the assistance of various assistant hares for the evening, he must have been exhausted… After a short circle to tell the baying pack that it was out the gate turn right we were off. Hornithologist led way with another front-running mere and off they went right and right again towards Tafaigata. They quickly came to a halt as Hornithologist tried to decide whether the tangle of paper on the ground by the first EPC pole was a nest created by the Greater Spotted Hash Warbler or simply an “on-back”. As all good hashmen know “never follow a FRB hashmere” unless of course said hash mere is very nubile and wearing a pair of short-shorts. Thus following this sound advice Tallyho was already on his way on-paper up the Aleisa Road. CB, Hotnuts and various other assorted FRBs [that means Front Running Bastards – ed note] were soon way in front, noses in the air, arses in gear heading for Tanumapua. Fortunately some of the middle-running bastards were actually looking for paper and the true trail was down towards the Orator Hotel, left by the hotel gate and off the FRBs went again. Bugger-me these FRBs only go in straight lines and never see paper. It was Tallyho, a hashman with a good trail-sniffing nose, especially when his nose is leading the way into a bush, to find the trail off to the right. Under some dangerous head-high barbed wire, round a few corners and the pack was off towards Tafaigata on the back-road. Finally getting back onto the main road CB and the FRBs were off again not bothering to check any of the false trails down towards Vaitele. But some real hashmen and meres had to check them and Hotnuts, Lewinsky, Hornithologist were seen straggling back from the nether regions. For those who followed the paper, a long on home took the trail round the back of Swinger’s house and up then back from Siusega. A few misguided hashmen thought they could get in through Swinger’s back-passage but an encounter with Greenie’s pikininis, barbed wire fences, a white a stallion and a locked gate meant that these short-cutters ended up arriving back last.

In the absence of the GM and any other volunteers, Hotnuts was apparently elected as the guest GM for the evening. Much to everyone’s surprise there were no new footprints this week, but this was made-up for by a stack of retreads: Swinger had been servicing BB in Fiji; Hotrod had been somewhere; Very Busy had been very busy, as had been Nutcracker although it was not clear whether Nutcracker and Very Busy had been very busy together, and then there was CB who had been sailing somewhere.
AC/DC failed to finds any new shoes, but by general acclamation Screamer got a DD for her leather boots.

Swinger got the media award for something or other, and Orgy Georgy, Karaoke, Steakman and a few others got an SCB [short-cutting bastards, ed note] award for not following the trail round the back of Swinger’s estate.

For some reason many hash runs have recently had fancy dress themes, it’s a bit of a worry especially when some hash men seem to really like dressing-up, what’s wrong with wearing a regular hash shirt. Anyway DMT, Captain Mortein, Lewinsky, Very Busy, Hotrod and assorted others got dobbed for not dressing-up. On the other hand Screamer, Swinger, Wax, Hornithologist, and CB were all commended by the GM for looking like complete pillocks. Steakman also got a commendation but it’s so difficult to tell whether he is dressed-up or just dressed-normal, well normal for him anyway.

Being 4 July assorted Yankees were brought forth, including Orgy Georgy Senior and Junior and EverReady.
Screamer and Wax were dobbed by each other for something to do with watered down gin, that well known cause of mothers ruin, and both of these meres look pretty ruined already, watered down or not.

CB was dobbed for paddling backwards and going round in circles, AC/DC took the events in history for Samoa changing the dateline 110 years ago and now going back to the other side, captain Mortein is the only Dane to keep a slave in Pirate Princess after Denmark banned slavery on this day in 1848 and DMT was proud to take the Pamela Anderson and Gina Lolobridgida big boobs birthday award. In AHHH history Swinger stepped forward as Godfathers n-l-r to commemorate the thirteenth anniversary of AHHH 900th run on this day in 1998 held at Margeritas of blessed memory. Ring Ring thrust herself forward to commemorate setting the run exactly ten years ago when the hash was traumatized by the sight of Insecurity in a wrap-around tea-towel. It was a horrible sight then, just imagine how much worse it must be ten-years on, poor Ring Ring.

And almost finally it was farewell to Wax. With the 1600th coming up we need to practice our rendering of the hash anthem so this was a fitting occasion to start our practice. The rousing choruses of the Hash Anthem complete with actions wafted over Siusega,, but some of you bastards need to concentrate and shape-up. There’s not enough feeling being put into the actions. Anyway it’s on-on to Wax as she searches for her destiny in Kiwiland.

And so to the assorted hares; wax, Swinger and his mate Gretel with Wax. A good run, great kai and a fun evening as always.

On On

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