Friday, July 29, 2011

Hash Trash 1579

The Hash was hosted by Snake, Fang, Venom and Snakebite at the Snakepit #2 in Vaitele. The run had been set by Ring Ring which is always interesting. Out the gate, Hot Nuts and Poumuli led the way up the hill, which turned out to be the right way this time. Several checks had been placed and there was a great deal of back and forth that let the pack stick together for most of the time. While the run was strictly a road affair, there were numerous potential off-track routes that needed to be explored, for which CB was a useful tester. After much circuitous ambling about the backs of Vaitele, we came to a large cross roads, where unfortunately Ring Ring had set two false trails perilously conjoined. Hence a group spearheaded by Kamikaze simply ended up on the way home, while the rest, foolishly following CB had a much harsher end of run. But it was a nice day, not too hot and Godfather’s sweet nuts were beckoning.

SOTB was miraculously capable of standing up, so he called the Hash to order in a proper GM fashion. New to Apia Hash was Tiffany, Shelly’s daughter, who to Steakman’s distress was happily married. The Rethreads were Poumuli, Wahoo, Do Me Twice, Marc and Dave. Lewinsky immediately spotted the blaring new shoes on Wahoo, who un-reluctantly used them as a vessel. Need to stop buying her new boots!

On this day in history, in 864 King Charles the Bald of France ordered particular defensive measures against the marauding Vikings. Pirate Princes had obviously not taken such measures and took the award. It was also the day in 1579 when Sir Francis Drake landed in California and claimed the whole lot for Blighty, so a lone Yank had to be found in the shape of Fang. It was also the Feast Day of St James the Great, which Godfather obliged on behalf of Swinger.

Celebrity Awards went to Shelly (ad in paper), Ninja, Poumuli, Hot Nuts, CB, Zsa Zsa (by Chillindrina) for several photos in the Observer regarding the sustainable development meeting at Tanoa, and to Godfather for apparently being the focus of a Close to Home cartoon featuring short-short speedos.

A special celebrity award was given to Lewinsky for a) hosting a regional big-wig at On the Rocks, b) normally his guests are taken away by the cops, not brought there by the cops, and c) for the first time in history he turned the music down before the curfew!

The GM had noticed that one of the Hash Meres was acting a bit like a jolly happy bunny rabbit, and questioned Screamer as to why this was. A simple no comment sufficed. The GM had also arrived early, and finding a fellow Hasher who is normally accompanied by his wife, was informed that Eveready was here single so he could check out the women. But unfortunately Karaoke arrived after all. A special present in the form of a booby can cover was presented, which Eveready kept wearing under his shirt!

Captain Marc back from his va’a voyaging was welcomed back by the GM, and to celebrate had a down down with Captain Mortein – captains united indeed! Dumass introduced the Latecummers Tony, Diana and Mark who will be representing Samoa at the SPG in Noumea. The Keeper of the Hash Mugs was then questioned about their non-appearance, to which Lewinsky claimed to have been attacked by hooligans and robbed on the way to Hash. This was up there with my homework ate my dog.
Opening up for nominations, Princess of Darkness nominated Kamikaze for his imminent departure and for being the first Hasher to bring a suitcase to Hash. This dedication to Hash was deemed needing a large one, as Kamikaze was on his way to airport straight from Hash. Wouldn’t want to sit next to him on the plane! Hot Nuts joined him for a Sparking Confusion Award for trying to explain why the suitcase.
Sassygirl BJ nominated Steakman for the Early Bird Award for getting to Hash before everyone and then parking himself next to the keg – before the run! DMT nominated CB for his attempted airport pick-up in which he managed to break off his carkey in the petrol lock. Interrupting this flow, the GM nominated Horny Ho for the Pimping Award, for trying to set up a lady with a married man.

The Mad Hash Monk appeared out of nowhere, and called for a naughty Hash Mere, who was a bit of a hooker (in touch rugby, mind you) and an avid fisherwoman who plays with hooks and lures. From henceforth Shelly shall be known as HookerLua.(I noted that the GM has a different spelling for her - needs to be sorted)

Proboner was a latecummer again, and Captain Marc, in the French equivalent of an FBI speech, asked the Hash to send some good thoughts to the va’a crew – which the GM decided that Marc could do for us. The GM also called forth soon to be leaving Snake Family, with Snake taking a double for not checking that his offspring was capless during the award.

Poumuli presented some gifts he had picked up on his travels. Since Tiger Woody is less frequent, and Monica is blown even less frequently, he presented Lewinsky with an alternative On-On instrument, a whistle tastefully shaped like an organ. Lewinsky had POD blow it, but even she was complaining she couldn’t get her lips around it – oh dear. The GM who is known to undergo quite some stress, was given a special stress reliever squeeze to in the shape of a booby.

The Hare and the Hosts were then saluted in the traditional manner. There was also some discussion about the Father’s Day Run, which if it does turn out to be a public holiday will be organized at Tafatafa by Steakman.

On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

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