Bula from Nadi - your Scribe was whisked off for more work unfortunately, but below find a great accounting from last week from Tallyho
On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit
Ah, the smell of new mown grass, the moon
rising in a clear sky to the east, the sun-setting golden in the west, a balmy
breeze blowing through Weathercock’s garden, it was like our resident
weatherman had ordered this beautiful hashing weather from the great
meteorologist and hashman in the sky, what better hashing conditions could we
need. Bugger all this climate change nonsense, all we need do is get
Weathercock to sort it and we shall have endless summer days with light showers
in the early afternoon just to keep the dust down before the run.
Anyway, here we were, Hash Chariots filled
the compound, some drivers demonstrating symptoms of AIDS (Acquired Inability
to Drive Steadily), obviously learning the Samoan way of driving, if it is
in-the-way try to drive-over-it rather than around, and demolishing several of
Weathercock’s bushes in the process.
Weathercock explained that the run was set
on flour and if no flour could be found then follow the trail on used diapers
or empty twisty packets. On-on and on-flour, out the drive and up towards
Tafaigata with gossiping hashmeres Karaoke and Sassy in the lead, for about
twenty yards anyway. Then at the first junction Weathercock’s check signs had
many scratching their heads, Tallyho Ho checked on-straight, found flour and
convinced many to follow…… and others checked right and found the true trail
leaving Tallyho and the first lot to catch-up. Much to their annoyance the
trail then went left and left again, past Screamer’s place and then right, and
we were back on the Tafaigata road about twenty yards from where the on-back
had been… cunning.
Gayboy having boasted about his fitness
training was now seen puffing and panting up the slight incline, and
complaining loudly, as another falsie took him and few others off towards
Vaitele Uta. But the trail kept going
and then took a left towards Falelauniu. The FRBs were now so far in front that
it was hard to see who was there as they milled around at the next left turn
back towards Siusega. Then like a bunch of lemmings they all followed Swinger,
leaving the rest of the pack to make the check with Tallyho leading on paper
towards Falelauniu. When the paper ran out it seems Tallyho remembered
Weathercock’s advice to follow the trail of used diapers and stuff, and thus eventually
found himself as the FRB at the back of the Orator. Calling on-on the FR
lemmings finally came into view and headed on-up to the main road and then round
to the long downhill on-home. The last to appear was ex-Suva hashman Porno who
was totally stuffed and decided that on-home back the way he had come was the
better part of going further uphill. A good run with a few falsies that had the
FRBs checking hither and thither and had GayBoy complaining like a whingeing
pom.
The GM, in rather subdued fashion called
the circle to order; Hash virgins and visitors were first up with Mike, Pat
(one-time Suva hashman hashname Porno) and Tom all working in MNRE, and Andy a
Scotsman giving legal advice to SPREP, no doubt spends most of his time on
legalities of lost luggage for all SPREP staff. Failures were Clare who is
teaching Ukulele to youth in Godfather’s village, Horny Ho and Top Shelf who
mumbled some sort of excuses and Gay Boy who claimed to have been training, but
was seen puffing and panting on the trail. No doubt too much after-training
exercise.
Lewinsky tried his best to find some new
boots but failed miserably and took his punishment; and Screamer was the only celebrity
with a full frontal (cheesy grin) in the day’s paper.
Strangler, GayBoy and Topshelf were the
next to be dragged forward for some misdemeanor or other followed quite without
reason by Weathercock (unusual trail markings) and Tallyho (not heeding
on-back) at the final check. EverReady and Lewinsky were dobbed for failing to
protect the meres from a pack of puppydogs and Andy was dobbed for a good
Scottish trait of getting into a post-match fight after the Scots beat the
Manu. Mike and Tom were chatting away to themselves and were dragged forward
for failing to pay respect to the GM. TittyG was spotted hiding in the corner
and was unceremoniously shoved forward for failing to declare herself a failure
having been away for many weeks. The GM’s less than authorative performance
this evening was picked on by Sassy who dobbed him for being a wimp (or
something like that, mother/son stuff).
Horny Ho then dobbed poor Tallyho for having a hole in his hash shorts,
but since she was obviously perving a hashman’s bum and not paying attention
she was also dobbed for being fixated with Tallyho’s assets.
Strangler was the next up for
hopeless-surfer-of-the-year award, Weathercock was caught holding up the house,
Hot Flush was also doing something she shouldn’t and Karaoke was doing
something with cocks, this bit got a bit muddled when scribes pencil started to
fade.
Horny Ho, boosted by her earlier dobbing
triumph, picked on Slippery for kicking Swinger’s dog, this then brought out
some more shaggy-dog dobs, firstly on Screamer for having her dog’s leg
amputated and Swinger for being an odd-dog man in driving the three-legged dog
and Screamer to the vet.
Tallyho congratulated Karaoke and Eveready for
being a miracle at church on Sunday as they had appeared in the doorway just as
the Faifeau was declaring that miracles can happen even here in Samoa. Gayboy
dobbed TopShelf for something to do with her arse, but your Scribes writing is
not very clear exactly what this was about. Weathercock was chastised for only
having one light on the deck and for having to get the combined efforts of
Swinger and the GM to replace a light bulb. Your scribe can’t recall which of
them was holding the bulb and which was doing the screwing-in. GayBoy then
dobbed Horny Ho for the size of her sausage, and Strangler was dobbed for
failing to turn-up at Ninja’s farewell after promising to be there.
Sassy called Today, Tomorrow and Ninja for the
Bad-drivers-of-the-week award for demolishing trees in the garden and Emily and
Charlie were dobbed for being too quiet and hiding in the background. Hornithologist,
Witchdoctor, Frances and Ozzie were next to taste the coldness of the DDs for
either being Australian, South African or American; or for other reasons undecipherable
on the scribe’s back-of-an-envelope notes. Finally Weathercock as hare and host
stepped forward declaring he was taking a DD for his 3rd son’s
birthday as well.
Despite all this lot the keg was only just
beginning to float as the pack slowly started to float away into the moonlight.
On on and toodle pip
Tallyho
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