Monday, July 09, 2012

Hash Trash 1629

Bula from Nadi - your Scribe was whisked off for more work unfortunately, but below find a great accounting from last week from Tallyho
On On
Poumuli, IKA Slit

Ah, the smell of new mown grass, the moon rising in a clear sky to the east, the sun-setting golden in the west, a balmy breeze blowing through Weathercock’s garden, it was like our resident weatherman had ordered this beautiful hashing weather from the great meteorologist and hashman in the sky, what better hashing conditions could we need. Bugger all this climate change nonsense, all we need do is get Weathercock to sort it and we shall have endless summer days with light showers in the early afternoon just to keep the dust down before the run.
Anyway, here we were, Hash Chariots filled the compound, some drivers demonstrating symptoms of AIDS (Acquired Inability to Drive Steadily), obviously learning the Samoan way of driving, if it is in-the-way try to drive-over-it rather than around, and demolishing several of Weathercock’s bushes in the process.
Weathercock explained that the run was set on flour and if no flour could be found then follow the trail on used diapers or empty twisty packets. On-on and on-flour, out the drive and up towards Tafaigata with gossiping hashmeres Karaoke and Sassy in the lead, for about twenty yards anyway. Then at the first junction Weathercock’s check signs had many scratching their heads, Tallyho Ho checked on-straight, found flour and convinced many to follow…… and others checked right and found the true trail leaving Tallyho and the first lot to catch-up. Much to their annoyance the trail then went left and left again, past Screamer’s place and then right, and we were back on the Tafaigata road about twenty yards from where the on-back had been… cunning.
Gayboy having boasted about his fitness training was now seen puffing and panting up the slight incline, and complaining loudly, as another falsie took him and few others off towards Vaitele Uta.  But the trail kept going and then took a left towards Falelauniu. The FRBs were now so far in front that it was hard to see who was there as they milled around at the next left turn back towards Siusega. Then like a bunch of lemmings they all followed Swinger, leaving the rest of the pack to make the check with Tallyho leading on paper towards Falelauniu. When the paper ran out it seems Tallyho remembered Weathercock’s advice to follow the trail of used diapers and stuff, and thus eventually found himself as the FRB at the back of the Orator. Calling on-on the FR lemmings finally came into view and headed on-up to the main road and then round to the long downhill on-home. The last to appear was ex-Suva hashman Porno who was totally stuffed and decided that on-home back the way he had come was the better part of going further uphill. A good run with a few falsies that had the FRBs checking hither and thither and had GayBoy complaining like a whingeing pom.

The GM, in rather subdued fashion called the circle to order; Hash virgins and visitors were first up with Mike, Pat (one-time Suva hashman hashname Porno) and Tom all working in MNRE, and Andy a Scotsman giving legal advice to SPREP, no doubt spends most of his time on legalities of lost luggage for all SPREP staff. Failures were Clare who is teaching Ukulele to youth in Godfather’s village, Horny Ho and Top Shelf who mumbled some sort of excuses and Gay Boy who claimed to have been training, but was seen puffing and panting on the trail. No doubt too much after-training exercise.
Lewinsky tried his best to find some new boots but failed miserably and took his punishment; and Screamer was the only celebrity with a full frontal (cheesy grin) in the day’s paper.
Strangler, GayBoy and Topshelf were the next to be dragged forward for some misdemeanor or other followed quite without reason by Weathercock (unusual trail markings) and Tallyho (not heeding on-back) at the final check. EverReady and Lewinsky were dobbed for failing to protect the meres from a pack of puppydogs and Andy was dobbed for a good Scottish trait of getting into a post-match fight after the Scots beat the Manu. Mike and Tom were chatting away to themselves and were dragged forward for failing to pay respect to the GM. TittyG was spotted hiding in the corner and was unceremoniously shoved forward for failing to declare herself a failure having been away for many weeks. The GM’s less than authorative performance this evening was picked on by Sassy who dobbed him for being a wimp (or something like that, mother/son stuff).  Horny Ho then dobbed poor Tallyho for having a hole in his hash shorts, but since she was obviously perving a hashman’s bum and not paying attention she was also dobbed for being fixated with Tallyho’s assets.
Strangler was the next up for hopeless-surfer-of-the-year award, Weathercock was caught holding up the house, Hot Flush was also doing something she shouldn’t and Karaoke was doing something with cocks, this bit got a bit muddled when scribes pencil started to fade.
Horny Ho, boosted by her earlier dobbing triumph, picked on Slippery for kicking Swinger’s dog, this then brought out some more shaggy-dog dobs, firstly on Screamer for having her dog’s leg amputated and Swinger for being an odd-dog man in driving the three-legged dog and Screamer to the vet.
Tallyho congratulated Karaoke and Eveready for being a miracle at church on Sunday as they had appeared in the doorway just as the Faifeau was declaring that miracles can happen even here in Samoa. Gayboy dobbed TopShelf for something to do with her arse, but your Scribes writing is not very clear exactly what this was about. Weathercock was chastised for only having one light on the deck and for having to get the combined efforts of Swinger and the GM to replace a light bulb. Your scribe can’t recall which of them was holding the bulb and which was doing the screwing-in. GayBoy then dobbed Horny Ho for the size of her sausage, and Strangler was dobbed for failing to turn-up at Ninja’s farewell after promising to be there.
Sassy called Today, Tomorrow and Ninja for the Bad-drivers-of-the-week award for demolishing trees in the garden and Emily and Charlie were dobbed for being too quiet and hiding in the background. Hornithologist, Witchdoctor, Frances and Ozzie were next to taste the coldness of the DDs for either being Australian, South African or American; or for other reasons undecipherable on the scribe’s back-of-an-envelope notes. Finally Weathercock as hare and host stepped forward declaring he was taking a DD for his 3rd son’s birthday as well.
Despite all this lot the keg was only just beginning to float as the pack slowly started to float away into the moonlight.
On on and toodle pip

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